Kelly Slater didn't get RFK in the top job but the son of murdered former attorney general Bobby Kennedy gonna be chasing Big Pharma, a cause close to Kelly's heart.

Surf stars, including surfer of the year Nathan Florence, celebrate Trump victory and demise of “magic black girl”

By Derek Rielly

4 weeks ago

“The degradation of morality was pushed too far in one direction and it’s time to return to common sense!”

The election of Donnie Johnny Trump, a seventy-eight-year-old billionaire who holds a bachelor of economics degree from the University of Pennsylvania, defeating the “magic black girl” who ran on an obscure platform of”joy”, has thrilled to pieces some of the biggest names in surfing.

Following the landslide to the Trump/Vance/Dana/Joe/Elon and Tulsi ticket, surfers, “those silent male voters”, have revealed their joy over socials.

The celebrated filmer Zoard Janko, whose master is surfer of the year Nathan Florence, posted a lengthy screed shortly after the result had become clear.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Zoard Janko (@zoard)

Life Liberty and the Pursuit Happiness

Nice Work USA. The Leader of the Free World.

The degradation of morality was pushed too far in one direction and it’s time to return to common sense!

I voted to end wars that kill innocent people, and could lead to nuclear war

I voted against men in women’s sports

I voted against 13,099 murderers and 15,811 sex offenders being allowed to cross our border (*actual ICE statistic, as of Sept. 25, 2024)

I voted to prevent more innocent women from being raped and killed by illegal immigrants

I voted against taxpayer funded sex-change surgeries for prisoners and illegal aliens

I voted against aggressive lockdowns and forced unproven vaccines

I voted for free speech and against censorship

I voted against a mainstream media that values clicks and rage above truth and accuracy

I voted against the revolving door of food and pharma executives taking positions at what should be unbiased institutions, like the FDA and USDA

I voted against a world where your pets can be taken from you and euthanized for no reason

I voted for those who run the government to be more like Tulsi Gabbard and RFK, and less like Nancy Pelosi and Gavin Newsom

I voted to remove Fluoride from our tap water

Im not just voting for a person, or even a party

I’m voting for sanity, safety, and a better America

If you’ve read this far,

God Bless America, You all, and the future of the world

Among those who liked the post were the surf stars Shane Dorian, Nathan Florence, Mark Healey, Kai Lenny, Matt Meola, Bruce Irons and the Australian slab-slayer Ned Hart.

“Good work,” wrote Nathan Florence, with flame emoji.

“LFG!” wrote Healey, using the abbreviation for Let’s Fucking Go.

Kai Lenny posted four flame emojis.

Bruce Irons, long a considered voice on American politics, wrote “We have to defend our people, congratulations.”

No word yet from Bethany Hamilton, whose slant has long been toward the right nor Kelly Slater, whose public endorsement of Robert F Kennedy one year ago, including a surf session where they held hands on one wave, sent shivers through the Obama-Harris camp. A portent of doom, as it turned out.

In an interview with RFK, Kelly Slater warned listeners about listening to their state masters.

“Maybe we’re not always being told the truth and you need to look into things, talk to people who are there, listen to alternative theories about things, you know?”

A chilling prophecy heeded.

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Surf great Kelly Slater called out by snowboard legend for spewing climate misinformation

By Chas Smith

4 weeks ago

"It takes 15 of the world’s largest container ships to equal all the pollution created by cars on earth."

The winningest professional surfer of all-time, one Robert Kelly Slater, found himself Instagram, yesterday, as Americans flocked to the polls and decided it was time to share a bit of information about climate change. The autodidact is, of course, widely knowledgable across multiple fields. Slater is smarter than most doctors, a mathematics whiz and an expert in Sino-American relations just to name but a very few.

Regarding the climate, though, the legendary snowboarder Jeremy Jones had posted a carousel of images highlighting the differences between Trump’s policy positions and Harris’s and urged his many followers to vote with the climate in mind.

Slater, in any case, teed off, “So you think Harris winning is gonna change the planet’s climate in a noticeable way? It takes 15 of the world’s largest container ships to equal all the pollution created by cars on earth. And there are thousands of those ships. Any policy they can get her to memorize and speak on is not gonna change anything in any tangible way and surely not stopping avalanches, as old as time itself. But if we all fight about it here it might just fix it.”

Nobody at the time of his comment was fighting though the floodgates certainly opened thereafter with many Slater fans praising the 11x world champion’s intelligence and fortitude.

The only small problem, Slater was spewing misinformation like a coal fire. Jones, a climate activist for many years and founder of the non-profit Protect Our Winters thanked the 57-year-old Pipe Master for joining the conversation though pointed out that “The CO2 output from all the cars on the planet in a year is approximately 3.05 billion tons of CO2. The 15 largest cargo ships in the world collectively produce 4.13 to 4.96 million tons of CO2 annually.”

Hmmmmm.

Slater’s skepticism, and smoke blowing, might have been borne from sincere confusion even though, as mentioned, he is smarter than most doctors. It might also have been borne from the fact that he is actively trying to sell energy-hungry wave pools to Middle Eastern petro-kingdoms. Do you have any thoughts on that?

If we all fight about it here it might just fix it.

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“It wasn’t that long ago we wouldn’t lock up, the windows were open, you’d never think about locking up at night. Times have changed. If people have got dogs they poison the dogs, if people have got security lights or cameras they unscrew ‘em, or paint ‘em black,” says Shane Stedman.

Iconic surf town under siege from thieves as young as eight as Ugg boot mastermind recounts three am home invasion

By Derek Rielly

4 weeks ago

"Young children, aged between eight and 15, out late at night, entering homes with machetes and axes, stealing cars and money.”

The octogenarian mastermind behind the sheepskin boot, Shane Stedman, also a top-tier swordsman, surfboard shaper and recipient of an Order of Australia medal it has to be added, was robbed last week by a gang of teen thieves inside his Crescent Head house.

His new Landcruiser Sahara 300, $150,000 of almost-unbreakable Japanese muscle with only ten thousand k’s on the clock and which was getting set-up to take him and his gal Jenny on Australia-wide adventures was stolen, thrashed and then burned.

Read about that here.

Crescent Head, if you didn’t know, has a weak and unchallenging, but very pretty point break. It is real popular with longboarders and Great White sharks, sometimes both at the same time. There are occasionally good beachbreaks although it is verboten to speaketh the name of that Hossegor-like stretch.

The joint’s location twenty clicks off the main highway and the hellhole rural town of Kempsey, that joint gives me Wake in Fright vibes every time I fly through it, meant that, for a long time, it was spared the crime that comes from hopeless people living hopeless lives in hopeless and bleak little towns.

“Now I’ve got this place locked like Fort Knox! You’d need a jackhammer to get in here!”

Sleepy little surf town like Crescent Head and nearby South-West Rocks where Chris Davo’s life ended, has been labelled an easy mark by kiddy crooks egged on, says Shane, by “elders who are telling the kids, ‘These white buggers stole your country. Go and steal from them.’”

“Some of the stories you hear are horrendous,” Kempsey Shire Council deputy mayor Julie Coburn told the press.

“Children have always been involved in petty crimes, but we are talking about young children, aged between eight and 15, out late at night, entering homes with machetes and axes, stealing cars and money.”

Shane Stedman reckons of the two crims who busted into his joint, two were about twelve with an older man telling ’em what to take and what to leave.

All of ‘em in hoods and wearing gloves.

“They’re quite innovative,” says Shane. “If they put their minds to doing good, they’d help the world instead of hindering it. If they want to do something in Crescent they go down to South-West Rocks to cause a disturbance and then when the cops go there they know they’re free to come to Crescent and do what they want. They’re not silly. Just sad. I feel sorry for ‘em to be honest.”

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Donald J. Trump (right) and what might have been (insert). Photo: The Apprentice

Presidential candidate Donald Trump rues not becoming surfer on eve of election

By Chas Smith

4 weeks ago

"I could have been standing at the beach, my beautiful white skin getting nice and tan. Being smacked, being smacked in the face by a wave loaded up with salt..."

It is election day, in America, in case you were unaware. Happy men and women, each over the age of eighteen, giddily traipsing to polling locations in order to place a vote for their preferred candidates and issues. A wonderful sense of optimism in the air as they greet each other along the way.

“Morning, friend.”

“Howdy, neighbor.”

The headlining act is, of course, Republican Donald J. Trump and Democrat Kamala Harris who are both running to be President of these extremely United States. Now, some children grow up dreaming that someday, they might sit in the White House themselves. Trump, indeed, has squatted in the Oval Office signing bills into law etc. though at his final campaign stop it appears he rues not chasing a different sort of life.

That of a surfer.

At one of his rallies in Virginia, Trump gazed ruefully at his adoring audience and declared, “I didn’t need this. I didn’t need to be with you tonight. I could have been standing at the beach, my beautiful white skin getting nice and tan. Being smacked, being smacked in the face by a wave loaded up with salt, salt water. And I could have said, ‘The hell with everything. I could have had the greatest life in the world. Instead, I got missing a little piece of my ear.’”

The greatest life in the world, without question, though may there still be time for the 78-year-old Florida local to tan that beautiful white skin and get smacked in the face by a wave loaded up with salt? Surfing’s current greatest of all-time Kelly Slater is 58, a mere two decades younger than Trump, and also the wild influx of vulnerable adult learners, post-COVID, has highlighted that it’s never too late to start.

Very exciting.

Speaking of Slater, though, do you think his BFF Tulsi Gabbard and idol Joe Rogan have convinced him to vote for Trump thus keeping him out of the water and dealing with national problems?

Surfing shade is something he throws best.

Sneaky old GOAT.

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Shark attack survivor (x 2) Cole Taschman, hitting the skies before the bite and, inset, healing up in a chair.

Surfer who survived second shark attack vows to surf again, “Mama didn’t raise no bitch!”

By Giancarlo Guardascione

4 weeks ago

"Half way to the hospital the pain hits. I was passing out. My girlfriend was slapping me on the head, my friends were dumping water on my face."

Cole Taschman remembers the first time he was bitten by a shark surfing Bathtub beach on Florida’s Treasure coast twelve years ago.

“I was in waist deep water, walking out, then standing there, about to jump a wave. I saw him coming, a four-foot black tip, reef pup. His fin was outta the water, darting towards me. He was twenty yards away, made it to me in four seconds. Bit my hand, twelve stitches.”

Cole tells this story with the same ease and panache Quint tells the tale of the Indianapolis at midnight from the Orca.

Cole’s voice is salted, crusty, even for a young man, peppered with more experience than age. He’s a fishing boat captain, so he’s seen our boys in the open sea up close and personal and knows them well. He speaks about his most recent event at Bathtub beach, bitten for the second time, but this dental impression leaves a more resonating scar.

I ask him to describe the physical feeling of layered teeth sinking in.

Theres a pause, short breath.

“It’s indescribable. Like jumping outta a plane. You can never recreate it. The first thing I thought was, ‘I gotta get to shore.’ THEN comes ‘I’m bit.’ The pain doesn’t exist.”

The shark came from behind and bit both ankles and feet.

“A set wave came and I managed to take it to the beach. My two friends were there. They used leashes as tourniquets to stop the massive amounts of blood.”

The long ride to the hospital?

“Half way to the hospital the pain hits. I was passing out. My girlfriend was slapping me on the head, my friends were dumping water on my face.”

Three surgeries, ninety three stitches and ten ten staples later, Cole was stablised and eventually sent home where he sits, literally, in a world chair. He sure did come close to losing both feet.