"It takes 15 of the world’s largest container ships to equal all the pollution created by cars on earth."

The winningest professional surfer of all-time, one Robert Kelly Slater, found himself Instagram, yesterday, as Americans flocked to the polls and decided it was time to share a bit of information about climate change. The autodidact is, of course, widely knowledgable across multiple fields. Slater is smarter than most doctors, a mathematics whiz and an expert in Sino-American relations just to name but a very few.

Regarding the climate, though, the legendary snowboarder Jeremy Jones had posted a carousel of images highlighting the differences between Trump’s policy positions and Harris’s and urged his many followers to vote with the climate in mind.

Slater, in any case, teed off, “So you think Harris winning is gonna change the planet’s climate in a noticeable way? It takes 15 of the world’s largest container ships to equal all the pollution created by cars on earth. And there are thousands of those ships. Any policy they can get her to memorize and speak on is not gonna change anything in any tangible way and surely not stopping avalanches, as old as time itself. But if we all fight about it here it might just fix it.”

Nobody at the time of his comment was fighting though the floodgates certainly opened thereafter with many Slater fans praising the 11x world champion’s intelligence and fortitude.

The only small problem, Slater was spewing misinformation like a coal fire. Jones, a climate activist for many years and founder of the non-profit Protect Our Winters thanked the 57-year-old Pipe Master for joining the conversation though pointed out that “The CO2 output from all the cars on the planet in a year is approximately 3.05 billion tons of CO2. The 15 largest cargo ships in the world collectively produce 4.13 to 4.96 million tons of CO2 annually.”

Hmmmmm.

Slater’s skepticism, and smoke blowing, might have been borne from sincere confusion even though, as mentioned, he is smarter than most doctors. It might also have been borne from the fact that he is actively trying to sell energy-hungry wave pools to Middle Eastern petro-kingdoms. Do you have any thoughts on that?

If we all fight about it here it might just fix it.

"I could have been standing at the beach, my beautiful white skin getting nice and tan. Being smacked, being smacked in the face by a wave loaded up with salt..."

It is election day, in America, in case you were unaware. Happy men and women, each over the age of eighteen, giddily traipsing to polling locations in order to place a vote for their preferred candidates and issues. A wonderful sense of optimism in the air as they greet each other along the way.

“Morning, friend.”

“Howdy, neighbor.”

The headlining act is, of course, Republican Donald J. Trump and Democrat Kamala Harris who are both running to be President of these extremely United States. Now, some children grow up dreaming that someday, they might sit in the White House themselves. Trump, indeed, has squatted in the Oval Office signing bills into law etc. though at his final campaign stop it appears he rues not chasing a different sort of life.

That of a surfer.

At one of his rallies in Virginia, Trump gazed ruefully at his adoring audience and declared, “I didn’t need this. I didn’t need to be with you tonight. I could have been standing at the beach, my beautiful white skin getting nice and tan. Being smacked, being smacked in the face by a wave loaded up with salt, salt water. And I could have said, ‘The hell with everything. I could have had the greatest life in the world. Instead, I got missing a little piece of my ear.’”

The greatest life in the world, without question, though may there still be time for the 78-year-old Florida local to tan that beautiful white skin and get smacked in the face by a wave loaded up with salt? Surfing’s current greatest of all-time Kelly Slater is 58, a mere two decades younger than Trump, and also the wild influx of vulnerable adult learners, post-COVID, has highlighted that it’s never too late to start.

Very exciting.

Speaking of Slater, though, do you think his BFF Tulsi Gabbard and idol Joe Rogan have convinced him to vote for Trump thus keeping him out of the water and dealing with national problems?

Surfing shade is something he throws best.

Sneaky old GOAT.

"This session is for EXPERTS ONLY; it requires advanced paddle techniques, strong wave selection, and the ability to navigate heavy conditions."

The Oxford dictionary defines “persistence” as “firm or obstinate continuance in a course of action in spite of difficulty or opposition.”

Albert Einstein is attributed to have once said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results” (except he never actually said that or anything remotely close thereto).

If both of these definitions are true though, a man resolutely determined to accomplish something by doing the same thing over and over might never know whether he is persistent or insane. Like Sisyphus himself, he just keeps pushing that rock back up that hill only have it fall back down each time, self-assured that one day, that stupid damn rock is going to stay in place atop the hill. And to the rest of the world, he is considered insane once he is seen to fail again and again but keeps trying again and again anyway. Ultimately though, the true distinction between persistence and insanity is not what is in a man’s mind—it is the ultimate result of his efforts.

This is because the moment that rock stays at the top of the hill, the man is no longer insane according to the rest of the world. Instead, he is a “hard worker,” he is “entitled to the fruits of his labor,” and/or he is “the model American.” Now, he is “persistent,” even though the only thing that has actually changed is that the rock finally didn’t roll back down the hill after he pushed it all the way up there. To this point, perhaps persistence is merely just one more curious facet of insanity.

BeachGrit commentariat, despite writing the place off, I have yet again returned to the Palm Springs Surf Club (“PSSC”), I have surfed the barreling A-Frame, and this will be my final article thereon.

So, am I insane? Are you insane? Is the whole damn world insane? Are we going to just argue about the election in the comments section instead?

Less than two weeks following my most recent article on this subject, I receive a PSSC email indicating that November sessions are available, and a new public session wave is on offer for the low low price of $265 per hour called the “Pro A-Frame.” This wave is described as follows on the PSSC website:

“The 5 wave Pro A-Frame session features a slab like takeoff and an 8 second interval between waves. The Pro A-Frame breaks both left and right, creating a dynamic playground for expert surfers. Surfers can expect rapid drop-ins, challenging barrel sections, and the opportunity to execute performance turns mid wave and airs on the end section. The wave ranges from a head high takeoff to a shoulder high end section.

This session is for EXPERTS ONLY; it requires advanced paddle techniques, strong wave selection, and the ability to navigate heavy conditions. Only those with extensive experience should attempt to harness the power of these A-frames, as safety and skill are paramount in this exhilarating environment.”

Could this be the slabby wave I was originally promised back in January? I have never been accused of being an “expert” in the surfing ability context, though I’ve certainly had plenty of expertise in getting my sorry ass pounded in hollow surf worse than a roofied Diddy Freak Off party invitee. “Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more,” I say aloud to no one in particular as I smash that purchase button.

7:15 a.m.: I arrive and start unpacking. The session is at 8:00 a.m., which means I am up before dawn to drive out there having consumed enough caffeine to kill a small horse or large capybara. There are only three other guys who have signed up for this session. I already know that one of them is no slouch having shared a session with him at PSSC a couple weeks back, the other guy is from Hawaii and therefore has a rebuttable presumption of competence, and the final guy has at least surfed this place before. This is very good news, since it means we all get our own waves and can go any direction we like, try to backdoor a section, etc. We’re told that these waves come in roughly half the intervals of the other A-Frame settings—every 8 seconds instead of every 15 seconds.

8:00 a.m.: The first session gets started. The Hawaiian gets clamped. The second guy gets pitched. The third guy gets pitched. I paddle for my wave thinking I’m going to make the drop. The lip explodes behind me as I get to my feet and I’m sent straight to the bottom. This is when I realize that the peak of the Pro A-Frame is roughly thrice as powerful as the Advanced A-Frame and the takeoff is about five times more difficult. Getting either pitched or clipped is something that will happen to me for the majority of the rest of the hour.

8:05 a.m.: One of the guys working the pool jumps in, bringing our total number up to five. I recognize him as a local pro who has probably been the most barreled surfer at the Northside of the HB Pier over the last 10+ years when that place turns on. As expected, he has an exponentially better go at it than any of the rest of us, but as a measure of how tricky this wave is, even this pro doesn’t make every drop.

8:35 a.m.: No one gets barreled as far as I’ve seen. Perhaps the pro has, but I’ve spent a good portion of my time at the bottom of the pool, so I haven’t always had a fantastic vantage point. I try going left to see if I’ll fare any better grabbing rail. That doesn’t really work much better, I eventually get properly flogged, and my leash string breaks. According to the employees, finding yourself on the business side of one of these lips has been proven to be a board breaker, so a leash string is a rather paltry sacrifice to the pool gods, all things considered.

8:40 a.m.: After grabbing a backup board with an intact leash string and a bit more rocker, I abandon trying to take off deep and see about doing some turns. It is a decidedly easier takeoff a handful of feet wide of the of the peak. There’s also more power and more size than the Advanced A-Frame out in the turn section of this wave. The pocket, while still narrower than an ocean wave, is a little more forgiving and gives you a bit more runway before reaching dead water, and the end section has the most push out of any of the other A-Frames.

9:00 a.m.: The session ends and I don’t think I’ve ever felt this exhausted after a single hour of surfing. This is a one-and-done day for me, so I head back down south to go put in a half day of soul sucking work.

4:00 p.m.: After a half-day’s work of soul sucking, it is beer o’clock, and I ruminate over these three trips to PSSC I’ve taken over the past year over a few suds. Though I was previously a bit disappointed with the Intermediate A-Frame and the Advanced A-Frame, I have to say that PSSC has adequately delivered with the Pro A-Frame in spite of its heftier price. I wanted a wave that both barreled and was capable of delivering a good pounding, that’s exactly what I finally got, and I’d rather get pitched and clipped for the better part of an hour trying to get shacked (even if it’s a fake pool barrel) than trying to milk a couple weak turns out of the more gutless A-Frame settings.

So, with the benefit of experiencing all of these waves, has my opinion changed on the overall peasant PSSC experience? As to the Intermediate or Advanced A-Frames, I still could take them or leave them. As much as I hate to say it though, the Pro A-Frame is mostly legit.

Is this place a worthy venue for the ‘28 Olympics presuming PSSC can run the contest in waves of the same power as the Pro A-Frame? The answer is still no. Surfing is in the ocean.

Finally, am I persistent or am I just insane? I suppose that depends on how you view the result of all of this. On the one hand, I have finally gotten to experience what I thought I had signed up for back in January, which means that I’ve successfully pushed one rock up a hill and that rock is staying put.

On the other hand, I haven’t even come close to making an artificial PSSC barrel yet, though I question why I should even really care about something that isn’t even a real wave. In that sense, I can see in the distance that there’s another hill over yonder with another rock at the bottom of it.

And indeed, we all inexorably move on to something else the moment we tick a box, the moment we achieve something, the moment that fleeting sense of contentment begins to fade. This is just as true for the rest of our lives as it is with surfing, though our pointless ocean endeavor certainly tends to take center stage in the “nothing is ever enough” department.

There’s always one more hill in the world. There’s always one more rock in the world. And there always will be, unless and until we become incapable of pushing that rock up the hill and/or we are crushed underneath its weight.

At the end of the day, the difference between persistence and insanity is a temporary one, for given enough time, the world makes all of us insane.