Wanna be forever beautiful? Stay excited.

Kelly Slater: “How to stay forever young!”

Click to snatch Kelly's anti-ageing secrets!

Never, not even in my kinkiest night thoughts, would I have imagined that one day Kelly Slater, forty-six next birthday, would be a spruiker for Volcom, young folks against the establishment etc.

But, here we are, a brave new world where anything seems possible, probable even.

And, below, is a short piece with Kelly Slater made by Volcom, where Kelly, with his usual transparency, treats the interview as if it’s a therapy session, bringing up the trouble father-son relationship, how he felt compelled to show his mother he wouldn’t bring his own world down with drink, gals that might not have been the right choice and, there, right at the end, his secret to eternal youth.

“You learn to the day you die,” says Kelly. “People ask me about longevity and keeping up with these young guys now and, ultimately, if your mind is not switched on and excited about things you grow old real fast. That’s when you age. Your body starts to go. You stop being excited about some goal to use that ability you have. I think life is over at that point.”

It ain’t bad advice.

Ax Irons
Little Ax Irons, almost seven, lights up the Wavegarden in Austin, Texas. | Photo: @lyndieirons

Watch: Axel Irons at Texas Wave Pool!

The son Andy Irons never got to meet is almost seven! Watch him surf!

Little Ax Irons, the kid his daddy never got to meet, is almost seven can y’believe.

And, if you’ve been following Lyndie Irons’ Instagram since the kid was born you would’ve seen the little man grow into a fabulous facsimile of his Dad. Same golden hair, same wide smile, same dazzling electro-vibration, adored by a hundred uncles and aunties.

Shakes the hell out of me everytime I see the kid.

Andy is really gone?

Anyway, Axel is in Texas and just lit up the NLand Surf Park in Austin and, ooowee, watch the kid nail a wave from out back and into the shore break.

And, yeah, early days, but you like the way he threatens the little tube on the takeoff and then hangs in the pocket for the whole ride?

Does the dynasty continue beyond Uncle Bruce?


Crime: Surf shop in Maui robbed!

Does this mean our dear surf industry is back?

Ain’t life grand? One minute you think your entire business is contracting, vultures circling, being pronounced dead because Amazon killed the surf shop star. The next you are so valuable that thieves are willing to smash their SUV straight through your doors in order to steal GoPros and Billabong bikinis.

You’re back on top!

And how thrilled would you be to be BACK! Let’s read The Maui News!

Carpet stained with tire tracks from a burglary had been replaced before Hi-Tech Surf Sports in Kahului was hit again early Thursday when a sport utility vehicle smashed through glass and knocked a door off its hinges.

GoPro cameras, accessories and drones were taken from cases and 30 women’s swimsuits were stolen in the break-in at 4:42 a.m. at the store at 425 Koloa St., said Kim Ball, president of Hi-Tech Surf Sports.

He said employees were still calculating the loss, which included more than $10,000 in merchandise as well as the damage to the store.

“We have to rebuild the store front,” Ball said. “It’s just pretty discouraging. It’s really disappointing. But in the whole scope of things, nobody died or anything.

“It seems like the burglars target the local businesses.”

Police officers responded to the 5:03 a.m. alarm call to find the door to the store had been rammed in by a vehicle that had fled, said Capt. Ricky Uedoi, commander of the Wailuku Patrol District.

He said police were still investigating. He encouraged anyone who saw something suspicious in the area or who has information about the burglary or suspects to call police at 244-6400.

Ball said store surveillance video shows a sport utility vehicle backing into the store through the rental side entrance, breaking glass and knocking the door off its hinges. Two men with their faces covered entered the store, while someone else is seen driving the vehicle, Ball said.

He said the burglars used a crowbar to break into cases, stealing GoPro cameras and accessories from one case and two GoPro drones from another case.

Ball said he believes Hi-Tech is the only store on Maui selling GoPro drones. If anyone is offered the drones for sale, “they might want to think before purchasing stolen items,” Ball said.

He said video also shows the burglars stealing 30 women’s swimsuits.

“They were in and out in two minutes,” he said.

The burglars had taken a surfboard but left it outside the store, Ball said.

Etc. Etc.

The same surf shop had been hit some nine years earlier too which tells me one thing.

Go GoPro! Go Billabong! Go surf shops! Our stock is on the rise!

Also, which surfboard do you think was stolen but left outside the store? Do you think it might have been a Slater Designs Sci Fi?

Marcus Hutchins (pictured) is always wearing Hurley. Now that is marketing Bitcoin can't buy!
Marcus Hutchins (pictured) is always wearing Hurley. Now that is marketing Bitcoin can't buy!

Breaking: British surf hero jailed!

He saved the world but now the FBI has him locked up in Vegas!

Do you remember the story of that wonderful British surfer who, three months ago, saved the entire world from computer disaster? Catch up here! Well, he was just in Las Vegas for a computer hacker conference and allegedly pulled off his plane by FBI agents. Let’s read The Daily Mail!

The British computer expert who stopped the WannaCry ransomware attack that wreaked havoc around the world and hit NHS computers has been detained by the FBI in Las Vegas, according to reports.

Marcus Hutchins discovered a ‘kill switch’ for the virus after it paralysed thousands of NHS computers and claimed hundreds of thousands of victims around the world – including US courier service FedEx and German rail company Deutsche Bahn – in May.

But now the internet hero, also known as MalwareTech, has been arrested in Nevada, according to Motherboard.

It is unclear what charges – if any – the 23-year-old from Ilfracombe, Devon, now faces.

He was being held at the Henderson Detention Center after being arrested at arrested at Las Vagas’s McCarran International Airport but has since been moved to another facility, a friend has said.

The friend, who also works in the cyber security industry, was attending the Def Con event in the Nevada city with Hutchins.

He said: ‘He checked into his flight and I think he was sitting in the Virgin upper class lounge.

‘He was escorted out of the airport and never made his flight.’

Hutchins was in Las Vegas for the Black Hat and Def Con hacking conferences.

And now Time magazine!

A computer law expert on Friday described the evidence behind the U.S. arrest of a notorious British cybersecurity researcher as being problematic — an indictment so flimsy that it could create a climate of distrust between the U.S. government and the community of software experts.

News of Marcus Hutchins’ arrest in the United States for allegedly creating and selling malicious software able to collect bank account passwords has shocked the cybersecurity community. Many had rallied behind the British hacker, whose quick thinking helped control the spread of the WannaCry ransomware attack that crippled thousands of computers in May.

Attorney Tor Ekeland told The Associated Press that the facts in the indictment fail to show intent.

“This is a very, very problematic prosecution to my mind, and I think it’s bizarre that the United States government has chosen to prosecute somebody who’s arguably their hero in the WannaCry malware attack and potentially saved lives and thousands, hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of dollars over the sale of alleged malware,” Ekeland said. “This is just bizarre, it creates a disincentive for anybody in the information security industry to cooperate with the government.”

Hutchins was detained in Las Vegas as he was returning to his home in southwest Britain from an annual gathering of hackers and information security gurus. A grand jury indictment charged Hutchins with creating and distributing malware known as the Kronos banking Trojan.

“The only money mentioned in this indictment is … for the sale of the software,” he said. “Which again is problematic because in my opinion of this, if the legal theory behind this indictment is correct, well then half of the United States software industry is potentially a bunch of felons.”

Well that doesn’t sound very good. That doesn’t sound very good at all.

But real quick, have you ever been to a computer hacker convention in Las Vegas? Would you like to go with me next year or would we get all our Bitcoin stolen in a digital alley?

Bullfighting don't have to be so serious!

Bullfight: Joel Tudor vs Shawn Stüssy!

The two noted surfers on the ethics of killing bulls for kicks!

As surfers, we consider ourselves as God’s anointed. Therefore, it’s important that the bigger issues of life, more than just the volume of a man’s board, are discussed, examined and analysed.

Today, two surfers, the nineties retro-stud Joel Tudor, whom you’ve read about recently, here (“Crying is for baby girls!), here (“I’d kick you in the fucking knees!”) and here (Hypocrisy: Joel Tudor flouts no-booze rule!), goes at it with eighties shaper-turned-logo Shawn Stüssy.

The topic?


Earlier today, Stüssy posted a photo of a torero, the curve of the bullfighter’s muscled hams splendid in his suit of lights, poised with his descabelloready for the kill.


Tudor jumped on with,

“So sad to watch in person. I had no idea that the bull would get stabbed fifty times before these dudes show and get praised for being macho – the party and running was cool to participate in… seeing this after… not so much :(”

“(And) that thing below his horn is one of many swords still stuck in him by the sideshow clowns.”

Stüssy reeled in Tudor.


“Very aware of the downsides of many of these archaic human practices, horse racing, circuses, boxing etc… I was drawing the parallels of body stance in relation to surfing… but as much as I am against the cruelty stuff for sure, this old school shit is when the world was different and I dig the romance of it all… I guess the world needs its safe room now from anything they do not agree with, you feel me?”


“(The) flip side just for fun, go to a slaughter house and tell me how we should feel about that big ol’ steak after surfing or that hamburger our kids are chowing?… for me this insta thing is about imagery and vibe, not my place to stand on a soap box or try to sell you something… so remember that if your eyes come my way on this format I am not here to draw a line in the sand, make a puffed up stand on anything, just eye candy my brother.”


“Go see it in person – you will never respect these dudes afterwards.”

Among the commentariat, opinion was roughly divided.

Fashionsphinx: “I am from where they breed fighting bulls…south of Spain…in a proper bull fight the bull has as much a following as the fighter….those bulls are bred for fighting, it’s an ancient rare breed. If bullfighting goes so do those bulls…over…the breed will be finished. If you were a fighting bull how would you rather go? Fighting till the (maybe) end. Or sent to a slaughterhouse with the cows. Because the brave ones are so rare, the good ones are indicted and not killed.”

Nick Lopez: “I’ve been to one in Tijuana I think you guys are kinda wussy for saying this is sad yeah it’s sad but they do a lot with the meat after they don’t just leave it to rot and not only that the guy has a huge chance of getting his own ass jerked by the bull so don’t be a bitch.”

houseofbanafsheh: on this 💯- I think there is no beauty in any barbaric act! Although yes the clothing is lovely! The steps are lovely too but without a doubt, bottom line the act is cruel and barbaric! Although I do understand your reasons why your posted the shot but to many this image without a header is perceived as ” well I’m okay with this “! Therefore u will get backlashes! I curate shows and once I refused someone who wanted to show an image similar to this in a group show!”

Stüssy: “Right on @fashionsphinx, this is what I am trying to say, shit is real, world is fucked up, pick who or what you wanna hate on… but remember two sides to any discussion… just because we live in this modern world, does not mean we cast aside culture that came before without compassion for their point of view… anyway, way too heavy of a discussion when I just dug the stance of the man, simple…”

My favourite is the so-not-serious susannemelanieberry, the mixed-media artist: “hate the activity, love the outfits… and any nice ass shot.”

Got an opinion on bullfighting?

I tried to be tough when I went but couldn’t buy it. Oh I wept!