Crime: Surf shop in Maui robbed!

Does this mean our dear surf industry is back?

Ain’t life grand? One minute you think your entire business is contracting, vultures circling, being pronounced dead because Amazon killed the surf shop star. The next you are so valuable that thieves are willing to smash their SUV straight through your doors in order to steal GoPros and Billabong bikinis.

You’re back on top!

And how thrilled would you be to be BACK! Let’s read The Maui News!

Carpet stained with tire tracks from a burglary had been replaced before Hi-Tech Surf Sports in Kahului was hit again early Thursday when a sport utility vehicle smashed through glass and knocked a door off its hinges.

GoPro cameras, accessories and drones were taken from cases and 30 women’s swimsuits were stolen in the break-in at 4:42 a.m. at the store at 425 Koloa St., said Kim Ball, president of Hi-Tech Surf Sports.

He said employees were still calculating the loss, which included more than $10,000 in merchandise as well as the damage to the store.

“We have to rebuild the store front,” Ball said. “It’s just pretty discouraging. It’s really disappointing. But in the whole scope of things, nobody died or anything.

“It seems like the burglars target the local businesses.”

Police officers responded to the 5:03 a.m. alarm call to find the door to the store had been rammed in by a vehicle that had fled, said Capt. Ricky Uedoi, commander of the Wailuku Patrol District.

He said police were still investigating. He encouraged anyone who saw something suspicious in the area or who has information about the burglary or suspects to call police at 244-6400.

Ball said store surveillance video shows a sport utility vehicle backing into the store through the rental side entrance, breaking glass and knocking the door off its hinges. Two men with their faces covered entered the store, while someone else is seen driving the vehicle, Ball said.

He said the burglars used a crowbar to break into cases, stealing GoPro cameras and accessories from one case and two GoPro drones from another case.

Ball said he believes Hi-Tech is the only store on Maui selling GoPro drones. If anyone is offered the drones for sale, “they might want to think before purchasing stolen items,” Ball said.

He said video also shows the burglars stealing 30 women’s swimsuits.

“They were in and out in two minutes,” he said.

The burglars had taken a surfboard but left it outside the store, Ball said.

Etc. Etc.

The same surf shop had been hit some nine years earlier too which tells me one thing.

Go GoPro! Go Billabong! Go surf shops! Our stock is on the rise!

Also, which surfboard do you think was stolen but left outside the store? Do you think it might have been a Slater Designs Sci Fi?

Marcus Hutchins (pictured) is always wearing Hurley. Now that is marketing Bitcoin can't buy!
Marcus Hutchins (pictured) is always wearing Hurley. Now that is marketing Bitcoin can't buy!

Breaking: British surf hero jailed!

He saved the world but now the FBI has him locked up in Vegas!

Do you remember the story of that wonderful British surfer who, three months ago, saved the entire world from computer disaster? Catch up here! Well, he was just in Las Vegas for a computer hacker conference and allegedly pulled off his plane by FBI agents. Let’s read The Daily Mail!

The British computer expert who stopped the WannaCry ransomware attack that wreaked havoc around the world and hit NHS computers has been detained by the FBI in Las Vegas, according to reports.

Marcus Hutchins discovered a ‘kill switch’ for the virus after it paralysed thousands of NHS computers and claimed hundreds of thousands of victims around the world – including US courier service FedEx and German rail company Deutsche Bahn – in May.

But now the internet hero, also known as MalwareTech, has been arrested in Nevada, according to Motherboard.

It is unclear what charges – if any – the 23-year-old from Ilfracombe, Devon, now faces.

He was being held at the Henderson Detention Center after being arrested at arrested at Las Vagas’s McCarran International Airport but has since been moved to another facility, a friend has said.

The friend, who also works in the cyber security industry, was attending the Def Con event in the Nevada city with Hutchins.

He said: ‘He checked into his flight and I think he was sitting in the Virgin upper class lounge.

‘He was escorted out of the airport and never made his flight.’

Hutchins was in Las Vegas for the Black Hat and Def Con hacking conferences.

And now Time magazine!

A computer law expert on Friday described the evidence behind the U.S. arrest of a notorious British cybersecurity researcher as being problematic — an indictment so flimsy that it could create a climate of distrust between the U.S. government and the community of software experts.

News of Marcus Hutchins’ arrest in the United States for allegedly creating and selling malicious software able to collect bank account passwords has shocked the cybersecurity community. Many had rallied behind the British hacker, whose quick thinking helped control the spread of the WannaCry ransomware attack that crippled thousands of computers in May.

Attorney Tor Ekeland told The Associated Press that the facts in the indictment fail to show intent.

“This is a very, very problematic prosecution to my mind, and I think it’s bizarre that the United States government has chosen to prosecute somebody who’s arguably their hero in the WannaCry malware attack and potentially saved lives and thousands, hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of dollars over the sale of alleged malware,” Ekeland said. “This is just bizarre, it creates a disincentive for anybody in the information security industry to cooperate with the government.”

Hutchins was detained in Las Vegas as he was returning to his home in southwest Britain from an annual gathering of hackers and information security gurus. A grand jury indictment charged Hutchins with creating and distributing malware known as the Kronos banking Trojan.

“The only money mentioned in this indictment is … for the sale of the software,” he said. “Which again is problematic because in my opinion of this, if the legal theory behind this indictment is correct, well then half of the United States software industry is potentially a bunch of felons.”

Well that doesn’t sound very good. That doesn’t sound very good at all.

But real quick, have you ever been to a computer hacker convention in Las Vegas? Would you like to go with me next year or would we get all our Bitcoin stolen in a digital alley?

Bullfighting don't have to be so serious!

Bullfight: Joel Tudor vs Shawn Stüssy!

The two noted surfers on the ethics of killing bulls for kicks!

As surfers, we consider ourselves as God’s anointed. Therefore, it’s important that the bigger issues of life, more than just the volume of a man’s board, are discussed, examined and analysed.

Today, two surfers, the nineties retro-stud Joel Tudor, whom you’ve read about recently, here (“Crying is for baby girls!), here (“I’d kick you in the fucking knees!”) and here (Hypocrisy: Joel Tudor flouts no-booze rule!), goes at it with eighties shaper-turned-logo Shawn Stüssy.

The topic?


Earlier today, Stüssy posted a photo of a torero, the curve of the bullfighter’s muscled hams splendid in his suit of lights, poised with his descabelloready for the kill.

Tudor jumped on with,

“So sad to watch in person. I had no idea that the bull would get stabbed fifty times before these dudes show and get praised for being macho – the party and running was cool to participate in… seeing this after… not so much :(”

“(And) that thing below his horn is one of many swords still stuck in him by the sideshow clowns.”

Stüssy reeled in Tudor.


“Very aware of the downsides of many of these archaic human practices, horse racing, circuses, boxing etc… I was drawing the parallels of body stance in relation to surfing… but as much as I am against the cruelty stuff for sure, this old school shit is when the world was different and I dig the romance of it all… I guess the world needs its safe room now from anything they do not agree with, you feel me?”


“(The) flip side just for fun, go to a slaughter house and tell me how we should feel about that big ol’ steak after surfing or that hamburger our kids are chowing?… for me this insta thing is about imagery and vibe, not my place to stand on a soap box or try to sell you something… so remember that if your eyes come my way on this format I am not here to draw a line in the sand, make a puffed up stand on anything, just eye candy my brother.”


“Go see it in person – you will never respect these dudes afterwards.”

Among the commentariat, opinion was roughly divided.

Fashionsphinx: “I am from where they breed fighting bulls…south of Spain…in a proper bull fight the bull has as much a following as the fighter….those bulls are bred for fighting, it’s an ancient rare breed. If bullfighting goes so do those bulls…over…the breed will be finished. If you were a fighting bull how would you rather go? Fighting till the (maybe) end. Or sent to a slaughterhouse with the cows. Because the brave ones are so rare, the good ones are indicted and not killed.”

Nick Lopez: “I’ve been to one in Tijuana I think you guys are kinda wussy for saying this is sad yeah it’s sad but they do a lot with the meat after they don’t just leave it to rot and not only that the guy has a huge chance of getting his own ass jerked by the bull so don’t be a bitch.”

houseofbanafsheh: on this 💯- I think there is no beauty in any barbaric act! Although yes the clothing is lovely! The steps are lovely too but without a doubt, bottom line the act is cruel and barbaric! Although I do understand your reasons why your posted the shot but to many this image without a header is perceived as ” well I’m okay with this “! Therefore u will get backlashes! I curate shows and once I refused someone who wanted to show an image similar to this in a group show!”

Stüssy: “Right on @fashionsphinx, this is what I am trying to say, shit is real, world is fucked up, pick who or what you wanna hate on… but remember two sides to any discussion… just because we live in this modern world, does not mean we cast aside culture that came before without compassion for their point of view… anyway, way too heavy of a discussion when I just dug the stance of the man, simple…”

My favourite is the so-not-serious susannemelanieberry, the mixed-media artist: “hate the activity, love the outfits… and any nice ass shot.”

Got an opinion on bullfighting?

I tried to be tough when I went but couldn’t buy it. Oh I wept!

You’ve always wanted to jump on the back of one. But admit it, you’ve sort of always wanted to punch one, too. Now's your chance. Let’s make this video game for everyone who gets the crap scared out of them when those little pretenders pop up next to us. (And, yeah, we know it's a pilot whale.) | Photo: EIA

Kickstarter: Dolphin Slayer Video Game!

And other Kickstarter campaigns we'd love to see!

The following investment opportunities are not real and intended only for entertainment purposes (unless you think otherwise, you know what I mean?).

Hello, boys and girls. Thanks for visiting my Kickstarter page.

I’ve got a few new products just for us surfers and I want YOU to be a part. I want to spread the wealth to all my tri-finned friends. Why? Because I care. Because we’re bound together by the tides.  And nothing is stronger than that.

Except cash. We just need a little green to get us going, pals.

Getting in on this action is gonna cost a measly couple of bucks, but well worth it on the back end. Whaddya gonna do with those bills in your pocket, anyway?

Buy wax? Scrape that off of your neighbor’s boards at night?

You gotta jump on one of these. Big cash guaranteed, friends.


Dolphin Slayer: 

You’ve always wanted to jump on the back of one. But admit it, you’ve sort of always wanted to punch one, too. Now’s your chance. Let’s make this video game for everyone who gets the crap scared out of them when those little pretenders, one of these wannabe threshers pops up next to us. “Oh, look at me, everyone. My trachea is anterior of my brain.” Big deal. Gimme some money to put this game into production. Digital payback.

Climate Assassins:

Grand theft what? Famed diver Jacques Mayol said, “We are inseparable from mother earth.  We are one.” But he never made it to level three. This one’ll be on shelves within a couple months. You can waste your time with junk like memorizing right-angle postulates, considering a reverse mortgage, and learning how to read. Or you can lay some cash down and make a killing.


Remember when you and your friends used to put pieces of pumpernickel bread on your shoes and wait for a seagull to come by so you could kick it? It’s like that kind of fun, only better. In our new online concept, players can compete against the best virtual polluters in the world. Give what you can. Take the rest.


Supposedly, one in three hundred people in the U.S. have a peanut allergy. Well, guess what? Boo-hoo. The other 299 of us have bigger problems than a little throat swelling – like what to do with old, dry-rotting wetsuits.

So, here’s the gig: These wetsuits have a brick-sized pouch on the inside. When you’re done with the suit, just quietly slip a few rocks in the pouch and let it peacefully sink down on top of your favorite break. Just Pop and Drop, baby! Instant reef and your wetsuit is never seen again. No mess and it’s gone for good. Just like in Landfill-Seafill!  Here’s your opportunity to be a part of the solution. And it’s just good science.


You want disruptive technology? How ‘bout a little built-in breakaway crap bag fo ya? How’s that for disruptive? How many times have you borrowed your friend’s seal -lined wetsuit only to return in with your leftovers still in it? Awkward, right? But not anymore. This little neoprene add-on can rip right off after you take care of business. Just tear the velcro seal and toss it away. No mess, no explanations. Just watch as the bag floats away peacefully down the line. Biodiversity at its finest.


Ok, forget about the wetsuit thing for a second. You want a real investment, don’t you? That bridge in San Fran is just one big hassle – and – you – know – it. Oh, sure. You say, “Shouldn’t we be transforming our world into something greater? Shouldn’t we be evolving as a species?” Evolving? Darwin married his cousin. What we really want is easy access to waves, am I right? Bang. Toll-bridge cash, every day, baby. Help me get this done.


My uncle Bert told me stories about his trips to South America in the sixties. Unfortunately, Uncle Bert ended up getting arrested for seeing too many colors. Now you can go on a great surf trip like Bert, too, but without the jail time or melting face. Paraguay awaits!

Yes, South America, friend. Land of endless lefts. Of course, you can waste your money draggin’ your board on the rocks all the way back up the point at Chicama, eat a fried guinea pig on the way while you’re at it. Or… visit me in Paraguay! No crowded waves, no long paddles, no nothing. That’s right. No sardine-packed line ups, no problems.



I need five bucks for some pumpernickel. Meet me at O-side Pier. Saturday.

*Not guaranteed.

For music and fun!
For music and fun!

Kelly Slater Surf Ranch Opens to Public!

Six am to 11 pm every day! Fifty jobs!

Bored with normal vacations? Tired of the same old same old? Sick of going along with the crowd? Well has Kelly Slater ever got an idea for you! His Lemoore, California Surf Ranch is set to open to the public and, trust me, it won’t disappoint. I know because my ex-wife lived near Lemoore, a hot, middle-of-California cow town some 120 miles from the beach.

But don’t take my word for it. Let’s read the local paper!

With some major upgrades and tweeks to the wave generation options, Slater and his investors now plan to expand the operation year-round and open 6 a.m. to 11 p.m. according to a new conditional use permit application filed with the county this summer.

The application says the ranch will be staffed with 50 employees, who will continue to do development of prototype wave generation systems.

It also says the facility will have a recreational use as well, offering competitive surfing events with outdoor music and camping for visitors. They are asking for a permit to hold large events – attracting as many as 8,000 visitors, six times a year.

Called Surf Ranch, the application says:

“Operations under this SRCUP will permit up to six events per calendar year, including recreational and competitive surfing events, and ancillary music performances during a two-to-four day period (i.e. Thursday through Sunday evening). Event operation time will be from 6 a.m. to 11 p.m. Attendance is estimated to be up to 8,000 guests per day, over a two-to-four day period. Temporary bleachers, sound equipment, and lighting equipment may be setup for events and live music performances. Parking will be provided on site during the events. Contracted services will include traffic control, security, temporary lighting, potable water, portable toilets, wash stations, and trash services for each event. “

The project would also use the abandoned golf course to the east of the ranch located north of Jackson Avenue and west of 18th Avenue.

8000 guests per day over a two-to-four day period? It sounds like Kelly Slater is going to create a new Coachella/Splendor in the Grass/Guantanamo Bay Super All-Star Jam!

Of course I basically reported this one month ago but then it was just whispers on a warm wind. Now it is fact!

Will you go to his music festival? Who do you think will headline?

Also, it probably won’t be called “Kelly Slater Music Fest” but what do you think it should be called?