"Zuma Jay" Wagner (pictured) angry.

Dastardly thieves use raging Malibu fire as cover to rob iconic Zuma Jay’s Surf Shop

The lowest of the low.

There’s low, like jaywalking slowly or texting girlfriends that you would like to cannibalize them, and then there is low low, like staying to the very end of a Sean Combs party or robbing an iconic Malibu surf shop whilst wildfires rage all around.

But Malibu’s iconic Zuma Jay’s is where we set our stage this morning. You were certainly aware of the Santa Ana wind-whipped blaze that threatened to reduce the “city of tomorrow” to ashes. The Franklin Fire, as it was called, was a hungry out of control beast and local authorities shut off power so not to add any more accidental sparks.

Well, enterprising thieves aware that the outages would mean alarms would not ring nor cameras record took advantage of the situation and robbed the aforementioned Zuma Jay’s of nearly $1400 USD.

Shop owner Jefferson Wagner described the mangled cash register to the local ABC affiliate, explaining, “They just totally trashed this thing. I can hardly even close it.” He also shared the door wherein the naughty sneakers made their entrance, opining, “This is where they actually jimmied it through with the crow bars.”

The worst loss, though? Wagner, sad, declared, “The hardest part for me to retrieve is going to be all the receipts from the cash paid outs that I’ve done for the entire year. That’s postage, other things, toilet paper, everything you need to run a business.”

No word if any boards went missing but keep an eye out for this if you happen to call Malibu home.

Deal some local justice.

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Vans Pipe Masters live broadcast
The Vans Pipe Masters, a lesson in guerrilla marketing!

Was decision not to live-stream Vans Pipe Masters clever guerrilla marketing?

The black-out of coverage is refreshing. Results drip-fed through written updates. Secondhand reports of the conditions and the vibe on the sand. Pirate streams giving us shaky footage.

An old booze buddy of mine used to talk about a documentary he wanted to film. Sort of an artistic project, I guess. One of many such ideas that would come up during a session of solid day drinking, the type that only the young and unencumbered can regularly enjoy.

Shit talking and banter flying about like a drunken firefight. Some ideas would hit, but most would miss.

The basic premise of his doco idea was about him pushing a piano off a cliff. The documentary would follow him as he prepared for the task. Selecting the piano. Transporting it to the cliff top. Long, deep, philosophical interviews about the ontological meaning of the entire event.

Probably shot in black and white. Maybe a bit of Super-8 spliced in.

But the rub was that he wouldn’t actually film the act of the piano being toppled itself. When it came to the moment the entire project had been building towards, the coup de grace, the camera would turn away and film the static horizon instead. Or maybe just cut to a black void, Sopranos-style.

It would be an artistic statement. What the statement was, I’m not sure. I was pretty canned at the time.

But I can’t help thinking of it in relation to the 2024 Vans Pipe Masters.

Say what you will. Despite recent downgrades, the comp is still one of the most prestigious – and viewer attracting – events in our sphere. High-profile surfers from around the globe have been flown in to tackle the jewel in surfing’s crown. Various advertising and sponsorship partners brought on board to plug and promote.

Surely tens, if not hundreds of thousands of dollars sunk into the whole venture by the flailing shoe company. The Pipe Masters is still a big deal.

Yet the Vans Pipe Masters is not being live-streamed.

In the digital age it’s one of the most basic and expected deliverings for any high profile competition. Fuck, it’s the entire reason you’d do it. YouTube advertising. Eyeballs = revenue

On face value the decision is inexplicable. I don’t think it’s an artistic statement, like my mate and his piano had intended. Likely it’s more to do with simply running out of the money to do it.

But there is something vaguely refreshing about the semi black-out in Vans Pipe Masters coverage. Results being drip fed through written updates. Secondhand reports of the conditions and the vibe on the sand. Various pirate streams giving us some grainy, shaky footage.

Remember the days of getting comp news three months later in your print publication of choice? Or waiting another six months to watch only the curated highlights in VHS form?

Things have changed. We come to expect everything instantaneously – and for free. Anything less is an abject slap in the face to us. The audience. Have we become too demanding?

Not to excuse Vans for the obvious own goal.

How easy is it to set up a camera and a mic? Da Hui been doing it on the cheap for 20 years. Blak Bear Social Club and Nate Florence are filling the void for us just now, at what you would think would be either zero or at most minimal cost.

But it is a conversation, starter, to say the least. A guerilla marketing tactic

And here I sit, in the small window of time I have before the rest of my house awakes, ruminating on the meaning of it all and typing up this bullshit instead of being planted on the lounge, coffee in one hand and live chat phone in the other, my eyes glued to multiple screens like the hopeless social media junkie I am.

They’re giving our time back to us. There is that.

Still, it would be sick to be watching it, but.

C’mon Vans, ya hopeless cunts.

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Erik Logan (pictured).
Erik Logan (pictured).

Disgraced former World Surf League CEO Erik Logan’s legacy receives fresh scrutiny!

Could ELo be surfing's Johnny Appleseed?

Erik Logan burst onto our surfing scene like a bomb. Shot directly from Oprah Winfrey’s canon, the diminutive stand-up paddle enthusiast was announced as president of the newly formed WSL Studios and quickly pulled all focus. He was everything, everywhere, all at once, sharing how he had grown up Oklahoman and afraid of the ocean until his wife gave him a “magic wetsuit of armor” that allowed him to conquer his dread.

WSL Studios quickly failed, without producing a single bit of content, though Logan was promoted to Chief Executive where he continued to rise and shine. He shared breath with Jack Robinson, skin with Filipe Toledo and effervescence with the world. Logan was not shy about being the “face of the brand,” as it were, and leant hard into “selfie mode” while traveling around the world with the Championship Tour.

Alas, it all came to a blazing stop in 2023 in Brazil. Three years after ELo had climbed to the top of competitive professional surfing, he was undone with the most brusque press release in corporate history.

One line simply reading, “Erik Logan is not longer with the company.”

Surf fans speculated wildly as to what led to his ouster as stories of a severe temper and off-putting vibe percolated. Logan, for his part, remained silent until popping up selling short stories on Substack and off-brand John Varvatos clothes.

His clown-ish legacy settled.

But might it deserve a fresh look?

David Lee Scales and I get together weekly, as you know, to discuss various surf world hithers and thithers. Today, a call came in from a surfer who happened to stumble on a mystical non-surfing surf fan whilst at the dog park. The woman proclaimed to have never once surfed but fallen in love with it as sport and watched all the broadcasts, knew all the names etc. I had, two years ago, embarked on a mythical quest to find such a specimen, though never did.

But was I not giving enough time for ELo’s seed to find purchase?

Though who could forget the story of Johnny Appleseed, a man who wanted to cure hunger and so wandered these great United States planting apple trees. Well, of course these trees didn’t grow overnight. They needed time, water, sun and might the non-surfing surf fan had needed the same minus water or sun?

Is it possible that non-surfing surf fans are crowding Arkansas Applebees, asking harried barmen to find the Pro Pipeline feed?

Hmmmm.

David Lee and I also, anyhow, discussed the degradation of the Pipe Masters and our upcoming live show.

I think you will enjoy.

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Watch Live: Day Three of Pipe Masters presented by Nathan Florence!

Come for the laughs. Stay for them too.

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In most audacious spotlight grab yet, Kelly Slater seeks to eclipse Cocoa Beach’s beloved Surfing Santas!

"Global phenomenon" be damned!

If there is one thing that the world’s most decorated professional surfer loves more than world titles, it is attention. Yes, Kelly Slater was born for it. Model good looks through decades, a snappy mind filled to overflowing by a menagerie of unconventional thinkers, an appetite to spar with plebians on social media and a rarely seen knack for manhandling the spotlight when it begins to stray even slightly.

Who among us could forget when the much-loved Adriano de Souza won his first world title only to have Slater unveil his eponymous wave tank hours later? Or the time Joel Parkinson shared retirement news with Slater quickly sharing his own retirement news that never, in fact, materialized?

Well, in his most audacious attention grab yet, the 11x World Champion is attempting to steal the limelight from a beloved Florida institution. Yes, Slater will be appearing in Cocoa Beach in order to sign copies of his gorgeous new tome hours before the Surfing Santas hit the water for their whimsical tradition.

The annual event draws hundreds upon hundreds of surfers dressed as Santa Claus to Florida’s Space Coast wherein organizers declare, “What started out as a small, family day in Cocoa Beach has turned into a global phenomenon. People from all over congregate on Christmas Eve in Cocoa Beach to celebrate the holidays with Santa, friends and family. Whether you surf or you’re looking to join in the holiday spirit, there’s no other beach having this much fun on Christmas Eve!”

Slater, on the other hand, “will be in Cocoa Beach signing copies of his new book, A Life of Waves. The event will take place at Café Surfinista, 86 N. Orlando Ave., on Thursday, Dec. 19 from 5 p.m. – 8 p.m.”

Oh.

I suppose the two don’t really conflict at all and might provide synergies one to the other.

The question, now. If you live in Florida will you attend either the Surfing Santas event and/or Kelly Slater’s book signing?

Care to report back?

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