WSL PURE ambassador Kanoa Igarashi (insert) holding pure joy.
WSL PURE ambassador Kanoa Igarashi (insert) holding pure joy.

Socially progressive World Surf League to plant bush outside notorious El Salvador mega prison

"For the inmates, chiefly the ones there accidentally, the bush will represent life's simple joys..."

Exciting times in professional surfing, what with Kelly Slater being gifted one last shot at a 12th title and the World Surf League Championship Tour rolling into so-hot-right-now El Salvador. The Surf City Pro opens its waiting period, tomorrow, in La Libertad and our heroes and heroines are already there, practicing their trade on the Little Thumb’s user-friendly waves.

Less than one hour away, by car, is the now-famous Terrorism Confinement Center at the pointy end of the Trump administration’s mass deportation program. Immigrants, labeled as Venezuelan gang members, were absconded by plane in the dead of night and dumped in the sprawling complex over a judge’s express order to chill opening the door for a potential constitutional crisis.

Built in in 2022, the largest prison in Latin America has the capacity for 40,000 people. According to Foreign Policy, “El Salvador now has the highest incarceration rate in the world, with 2 percent of the population in prison. The country’s prison population has exploded from an already overcrowded 38,000 people at the beginning of (President) Bukele’s administration in 2019 to an estimated 120,000 people today. Most prisoners have not yet been convicted of any crime.”

Sin Libertad.

Conditions inside are described as extremely bleak with lack of bunks, wanton violence and bad vibes. Life not fun, at all, for those trapped behind bars and especially those trapped behind bars due administrative mistakes.

Well, the World Surf League to the rescue.

Known for being one of the most socially progressive of all sports’ leagues, the “global home of surfing” is reportedly planning on sending two or three of its stars to plant a bush outside the mega-complex, during one of the lay days, in order to brighten the overall mood.

“For the inmates, chiefly the ones there accidentally, the bush will represent life’s simple joys,” the director of the non-profit WSL PURE declared, continuing, “A small reminder that happiness comes from within.”

That last bit was seen as a subtle jab at Secretary of Homeland Security Kristi Noem, who toured the facility recently and reminded the inmates that happiness can also come from a $50,000 Rolex Cosmograph Daytona.

American dreams.

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Kelly Slater gets wildcard to WSL Finals Day.
"Getting a wildcard to Finals Day at Cloudbreak is pretty wild—I mean, it’s Fiji, it’s one of the best waves on Earth, and I didn’t expect to be back in the mix like this,” says Kelly Slater.

WSL gifts Kelly Slater wildcard for Cloudbreak Finals Day!

“I’ve had my time, you know, but if they’re giving me one more shot to surf that place with everything on the line, I’m not saying no.”

With the world surf tour hanging by a thread following the quick fire retirements of its biggest drawcards, John John Florence, Carissa Moore and Stephanie Gilmore, and the catastrophic titty injury of Gabriel Medina, the WSL has made the bold step of gifting Kelly Slater a wildcard into Finals Day at Fiji’s Cloudbreak.

Kelly Slater, who is fifty-three, will take the fifth spot with the remaining four places being drawn, as per usual, from the end of season rankings.

The wildcard puts Slater on course for an improbable twelfth world tour.

“Kelly Slater stepped away from the full-time CT grind, but we’re stoked to award him this wildcard,” the WSL announced in a press release. “We can’t wait to see what he brings to Finals Day.”

The road to Kelly Slater 12 needs a little grease, of course, and a bigger than usual swell, and it’s improbable as all hell. But, when has improbable stopped Kelly Slater?

Cue, eight-to-ten-foot Cloudbreak, and the last meaningful swell of the 2025 season.

Finals Day is scheduled to take place within a competition window from August 27 to September 4, 2025. Unlike regular Championship Tour (CT) events with extended waiting periods, the WSL Finals is a one-day, winner-take-all event.

“Getting a wildcard to Finals Day at Cloudbreak is pretty wild—I mean, it’s Fiji, it’s one of the best waves on Earth, and I didn’t expect to be back in the mix like this,” says Slater. “I’ve had my time, you know, but if they’re giving me one more shot to surf that place with everything on the line, I’m not saying no. It’s not about the title anymore; it’s about riding a few more perfect barrels and seeing what I’ve still got.”

Read more here. 

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Mayhem vs. Mayhem.
Mayhem vs. Mayhem.

Brilliant legal mind weighs in on Lost Surfboards vs. Lady Gaga Mayhem imbroglio

"Not even a moron in a hurry would confuse these brands."

The Lost v. Lady Gaga lawsuit (not the actual case name, but we’ll roll with it given the alliterative ring it has) has done something to the surf community in only a few short days that I thought I’d never see—turning surfers into armchair lawyers.

Unsurprisingly, there has been a lot of misconception about the nature of the claims (for instance, there is no copyright claim here) and Lost’s likelihood of success, coupled with a slight misinterpretation by Chas and David Lee Scales on the latest Grit Podcast of some of the below-the-line comments I’ve made on the subject. As a surfer and a man with the misfortune of practicing law in Orange County for the better part of 20 years who has handled a fair few trademark cases, it is my responsibility to help the peoples understand what is really going on here, because this is some kook behavior by Lost and Matt Biolos if you ask me.

If you’re not inclined to read further, let me spell this out for the TLDR crew: Biolos is getting bad legal advice and Lost is almost certainly going to lose this case one way or another, whether by decision or by attrition. While this lawsuit might finally bring Lost/Mayhem’s existence to the attention of the 99.9999% of Lady Gaga fans who have never heard of Lost/Mayhem and the 99% of the members of the general public of the United States who haven’t heard of Lost/Mayhem either, all this lawsuit will accomplish is to reinforce the well-deserved stereotype that surfers are generally a bunch of clueless morons.

This article is not intended to provide legal advice and is not providing legal advice, but it might just give you practical advice on how to avoid being a kook.

The Original Mayhem (A Legendary Black Metal Band)

Before we get into the legalese and the lawsuit itself, let’s start with what was perhaps the most egregious error made on the latest Grit Podcast—Mr. Scales referring to the band Mayhem as a “death metal” band. Mayhem is a Norwegian black metal band, and referring to a black metal band as death metal is the metal scene equivalent of calling a surfer a boogie boarder.

Incidentally, I cannot believe that Netflix hasn’t made a mini-series about this band given that its history includes multiple church burnings, a suicide, and a murder. Nevertheless, keep the metal band Mayhem in mind, as it will become important later in this article given that it was founded in 1984, has been selling t-shirts displaying the name “Mayhem” for decades, and Biolos has never squawked about that even once.

Wow, That Mayhem Band Is Kind Of Rad, But What Exactly Is A Trademark?

A trademark is a word, phrase, symbol, or design that identifies a business owner’s goods or services, and distinguishes those goods or services from others. There are varying levels of the strength of these marks ranging from “fanciful” (made-up words like Rolex and the strongest category of trademarks) to “generic” (if you opened a coffee shop and named it “The Coffee Shop,” which wouldn’t even be able to be registered on the federal level in the United States).

Where the use of the word “Mayhem” lies is in a middle category known as an “arbitrary” mark. This is an everyday word that has no association with the goods or services themselves. The quintessential example of this is “Apple” for computers. Because the word has no association with the goods or services, it is possible for the same word mark to be used by multiple different businesses for different kinds of goods and services without infringing. For instance, “Viking” is a word mark used by multiple different companies and is the subject of multiple different federal registrations for things such as cruise ships and book publishing.

The key here with respect to trademark infringement is whether there is a likelihood of confusion by the people who would be consuming these goods or services. That doesn’t always happen where two marks are identical. For example, someone could be on a Viking cruise ship reading a book published by Viking books, yet understand full-well that the source or sponsorship of the cruise is not the same source or sponsorship of the book.

Trademark Infringement and Trademark Dilution

Trademark infringement comes down to three things: 1) the plaintiff has to own the mark; 2) the defendant has to use the same or similar mark in commerce; and 3) the defendant’s use of the mark causes a likelihood of confusion between the defendant’s mark and the plaintiff’s mark.

What is likelihood of confusion? This is when consumers viewing the defendant’s mark would probably assume that the product or service it represents is associated with the source of the plaintiff’s mark. This is much easier to prove when the plaintiff and the defendant are direct competitors (Lost and Lady Gaga certainly are not).

When the plaintiff and defendant aren’t direct competitors, things get a little more complex, and it becomes more difficult for the plaintiff to prove trademark infringement absent some actual evidence of consumer confusion and other factors such as an intent to copy and the use of the same marketing channels.

Trademark dilution, on the other hand, is a different claim that has nothing to do with a likelihood of confusion. This when there is a famous mark (e.g., Budweiser) and there is an unauthorized use of the mark that is that is likely to weaken the distinctive quality of, or harm a famous mark (e.g., a surfboard manufacturer using Budweiser’s stylized logo and font in an Instagram post to advertise their new “Ripper” board model). Importantly, a “famous mark” must be something that is widely recognized by the general consuming public of the United States. This certainly is not Lost/Mayhem.

The Practical Realities Of A Trademark Lawsuit

You can get damages for your lost profits and other harm you experience as a result of trademark infringement. You can also get the defendant’s profits from the sale of the infringing goods or services. But the remedy that has the most teeth is injunctive relief. In short, this is a court order that prevents the defendant from selling or distributing the infringing products.

This really changes the trajectory of a trademark lawsuit when there is a “preliminary injunction” at the early stages of a lawsuit. In short, it is possible to get a court order preventing the defendant from selling or distributing the infringing goods or services straight out of the gate that lasts the entire duration of the lawsuit, even if the ultimate verdict or decision is that there was no infringement.

Though it’s a very high bar to meet that requires evidence of irreparable harm to the plaintiff and a likelihood of success in the underlying case, the consequences of a preliminary injunction can be devastating for a defendant that has already incurred overhead and operational expense for products or services that it is unable to sell. That can sometimes be the death knell of the defendant’s entire business, and at the very least, it might financially burden the defendant if the infringing products or services were a significant part of its cash flow. So, in most instances, a preliminary injunction against the defendant effectively ends the lawsuit and forces an early settlement.

All that being said, a motion for preliminary injunction can backfire against a plaintiff if it isn’t granted. This is because the court has essentially made a finding that you haven’t shown that you are likely to prevail on your underlying claims and you haven’t shown sufficient actual or threatened harm or damages. Sometimes that might cause a plaintiff to reevaluate the prudency of continuing with the lawsuit.

If a plaintiff doesn’t file a motion for preliminary injunction, that is an indication that the plaintiff knows that it does not have a particularly strong case with the information that it currently has. We’ll see what Lost decides to do in that regard given that no temporary restraining order application or motion for preliminary injunction has been filed yet.

As I’ll explain, it is highly unlikely that Lost is going to get a motion for preliminary injunction granted in this case even if it decides to file one.

The Lost v. Lady Gaga Complaint

I’ve taken a look at the Complaint (the case initiating document that the plaintiff files) in this lawsuit. Lost is suing Lady Gaga on a number of different trademark and unfair competition claims and theories, all of which arise from an argument that Lady Gaga’s use of the word “Mayhem” on her album merch infringes on Lost’s Mayhem mark. To be clear, this is the Mayhem mark that applies to clothing—Lost has a separate Mayhem mark registration that applies to surfboards that it is not suing over. Additionally, the Lost’s Mayhem mark for clothing is for the word only without regard to the design. As far as I’ve seen, Lost did not independently register the wavy Mayhem logo as a separate “design” mark that might protect the unique look of that logo apart from the word itself.

In short, Lost is arguing that 1) Lady Gaga’s use of the word Mayhem on her merchandise is likely to cause the purchasers or would be purchasers of Lady Gaga’s merchandise to think that it is coming from Lost/Mayhem; and that 2) the Mayhem mark is so famous and well known that Lady Gaga’s use of the word Mayhem weakens the distinctive quality of Lost’s mark. All of this has supposedly caused Lost $100 million dollars in damages.

It is no surprise that Lady Gaga’s lawyers did not take Lost’s demands seriously, as Biolos has complained to Stab. I wouldn’t take that kind of demand seriously either, and the fact that both Mayhem logos have wavy lettering that everyone seems to be focusing on like this is some kind of copyright infringement claim doesn’t change this either.

Lost/Mayhem and Lady Gaga are not competitors. Lost is a surf brand that sells Mayhem branded surfboards and surf apparel to promote its surf business. Lady Gaga is a musician that sells albums and merchandise to promote those albums and her overall personal brand. Lost is not a musician and does not sell music nor music-related clothing. Lady Gaga is not a surfer and does not sell any surf-related clothing. Lady Gaga fans are not core or casual surfers, and very few core or casual surfers are Lady Gaga fans. Any core or casual surfers would understand the distinction between Lost’s Mayhem clothing and Lady Gaga’s Mayhem clothing well enough to know that Lost was not the source or sponsor of the Lady Gaga’s Mayhem clothing. And I can almost guarantee you that not a single Lady Gaga fan who isn’t a surfer even knows what Lost/Mayhem even is.

“Only a moron in a hurry would confuse these two marks” is a time-honored argument made by trademark defense lawyers to argue that there is no likelihood of confusion. Here, not even a moron in a hurry would confuse Lost’s Mayhem with Lady Gaga’s Mayhem, or vice versa.

Mayhem is also not a household name like Pepsi, Ferrari, etc., and the general public in the United States at large is not aware of this brand. So, Lady Gaga’s Mayhem clothing is not undermining the distinctive quality of Lost/Mayhem’s brand—Lost’s Mayhem mark has no such famous distinction.

It is also utterly ridiculous for Lost to proclaim that it has experienced $100 million in damages (i.e., its own lost sales and other economic harm) as a result of Lady Gaga’s sale of merchandise with the word “Mayhem” on it. Even from a profits disgorgement perspective, there isn’t any basis to even argue that Lady Gaga has made $100 million in sales of Mayhem branded clothing, or anything else Mayhem-related to date. Lady Gaga’s record sales for this album to date would only net her about $3 million even assuming she kept every dollar of every album sale (which is not how album sale royalites work) and her Mayhem album tour doesn’t even start until July.

Perhaps the most absurdly, Biolos has also gone on record with Stab to say that he believes that any use of the word “Mayhem” on an article of clothing, even if it is not a stylized logo, infringes on Lost’s Mayhem trademark (Biolos’ exact words according to Stab were, “It doesn’t matter if it’s Helvetica or Comic Sans—if it’s on a T-Shirt, and that T-shirt says Mayhem, it’s infringing. The font is secondary.”). This is really a bridge too far.

It should be noted that are at least 16 different active or pending federal registrations for the single word “Mayhem” on the USPTOs website for businesses that have nothing to do with surfing. One of these registrations is for the metal band Mayhem, which begs the following question: does Biolos believe that the metal band Mayhem is infringing on Lost’s trademark through the sale of t-shirts and other merch with the word “Mayhem” on them? What about the other 15 businesses with registered or pending marks that use the word “Mayhem?” Incidentally, Amazon is currently selling shirts that display “Mayhem” in non-stylized, block letter format. I have of course, purchased one.

The only way for Lost to potentially thread the needle in terms of getting some sort of preliminary injunctive relief is to establish that Lady Gaga’s graphic designer intentionally copied the Mayhem stylized logo, but that factor alone is not determinative of likelihood of confusion even if there were evidence of it.

There have been people saying that Lady Gaga’s graphic designer follows a few surfers on Instagram, but that’s a bit of stretch to say that proves anything one way or another. To obtain concrete evidence of copying, Lost would need to forensically image the computing devices that this designer used while creating the Lady Gaga logo to see what files/websites were being accessed and what search engine terms where being used, and then take this designer’s deposition. But that would be a lengthy and expensive endeavor even assuming Lady Gaga’s attorneys cooperate with a request for a wholesale imaging of computers and/or cell phones (which they won’t, and for good reason).

Matt, I’d say that you are getting some bad legal advice, you are making surfers in general look like absolute muppets, and you are not going to be able to afford this fight for long if you are paying your lawyers on an hourly basis.

What’s Next?

To date, Lost has not filed a motion for preliminary injunction. Whether it does and what the outcome will be if it does will say a lot about how this lawsuit is going to play out.

I also don’t see Lady Gaga settling this for anything more than peanuts, if at all. This is because of the “Give A Mouse A Cookie” effect of a settlement, even where the amount is confidential—that mouse, or some other mouse, is going to ask for a glass of milk if you give it a cookie. More specifically, if Lady Gaga pays Lost anything more than $50K – $100K while retaining her right to use her Mayhem logo, then the 16 other Mayhem mark holders might start making their own demands because they know that Lady Gaga is willing to pay. This also extends beyond the trademark issue, as it would send a message to anyone else who might make a monetary demand on Lady Gaga that she will pay in response to a questionable claim.

Lady Gaga’s attorneys, Gibson Dunn (a big firm with five offices in California alone), is no stranger to this “Give A Mouse A Cookie” effect in representing large clients. And, they are going to want the opportunity to bill the hell out of their client rather than recommending that she use the money she’d be paying her attorneys to pay Lost.

Lost, on the other hand, might be a bit outgunned in the attorney department. It is represented by Bremer Whyte Brown & O’Meara, which has one office in Newport Beach. This is a firm that holds itself out as a “full service” firm, when the reality is that its bread and butter is insurance defense work defending general liability (e.g., slip and fall) cases on behalf of insureds and getting paid by the insurance carriers at lower rates. Keith Bremer, for his part, is a very capable trial attorney, but definitely has a bit of a California surfer accent (I’m not sure if he actually surfs), which might not play that well with a federal jury in Los Angeles even assuming the case gets that far.

It is also highly unlikely that Bremer Whyte is doing this on a contingency where it only gets paid if there is a settlement or judgment collected in Lost’s favor. If Bremer Whyte is on contingency for this case, then they are out of their damn minds. If Lost is paying them hourly, then Biolos is an idiot and Lost is going to run out of money. The fact of the matter is that Lost is up against a person with a net worth of nearly $1 billion in Lady Gaga who is represented by a firm well capable of “scorching the earth” (i.e., fighting every single issue to drive up litigation costs) as a defense strategy.

In military circles, they say that amateurs think about strategy and tactics (what your overall objective is and the things you’re going to do to achieve that objective), while professionals think about logistics (how you’re going to supply your forces over the duration of the conflict to be able to do that). The same is true in lawsuits. You might have a great case, your cause might be just, and you might be entitled to a huge judgment at the end of the day. But if you can’t afford (or if your attorneys can’t afford in the case of a contingency) to get the case all the way through trial to a judgment, it won’t matter—you will still lose at the end of the day because your supply lines ran out and you cannot continue to fight.

I’ll be monitoring the docket on this and providing updates if and when anything interesting happens.

In the meantime, Matt, care to comment on your team riders’ rather questionable choice of company in Andrew Tate?

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Stevie Spielberg, John Milius and George Lucas eat up the screenplay for Jaws.
Stevie Spielberg, John Milius and George Lucas eat up the screenplay for Jaws.

Read Apocalypse Now director John Milius’ epic long-form surfing essay, “The Ride”

“When you are young and have no responsibility, that’s the time to be a surfer."

This 1967 essay by John Milius is where we first meet Jack Barlow, who would go on to star in Milius’ 1978 surfing epic Big Wednesday. 

The Ride chronicles the rapid development of Southern California and the existential dilemma that all hardcore surfers face: freedom vs. responsibility.

“When you are young and have no responsibility, that’s the time to be a surfer,” John Milius said many years later. “But gradually, the world comes and calls you to other things. You have to go inland, face the whole catastrophe, get married, divorced, have a job.”

John Milius' surfing essay The Ride.
John Milius’ surfing essay The Ride.

LOOMINGS

I’m Barlow. Sometimes I need a wave. I feel out of touch with something as though I’m sick and not functioning properly. Sometimes I can go for a week, month, once for a year, but one day I’ll know that I’m not in rhythm. Parts are broken. I need an overhaul. I need a wave.

You see, you might look at the blonde surfer in the Volkswagen bus and say does he need it on a cold winter day? He doesn’t. He’s not like me. He doesn’t need a wave, he just wants one. He looks like it. He rides waves but he does this at the beach. It’s not the same for those of us who go “down to the sea on boards.” We’re insane. And so, whenever I’m in the middle of a department store and I see myself in the mirror–a grubby stump in a forest of sophistication, or whenever I can no longer give audible responses to cocktail conversation, when it requires a strong moral principle to stop me from crashing headlong into the rush hour freeway, when I find myself jealously reading the evening paper about another mass killing, when I can’t stand rock’n’roll–then it’s high time I got away. Some noisily puff the Indian weed or devour the sugar cube I go quietly to the reef.

It’s no accident that men have called the sea woman. And it’s no accident that the wave rider tries to ride inside the wave; he knows the excitement of carnal love. The gratification beyond orgasm. A rhythm you can’t duplicate in bed. Why, man, it is “the very tide beating heart of the earth”, the mating of the elements, fountain of youth, elixir of the souls. And so, you can see why, when it’s all done and I phantom over the top and paddle back out, I wonder why I was asked to participate.

When, after my twenty-second birthday I suddenly realized I was older. That one doesn’t stay the same. That cells deteriorate. That fat can replace muscle. That I was white and stale. Then I knew that if something didn’t happen, if I kept on, I would get out of rhythm, come down with dysentery and die. It wasn’t too late so I got in the car and drove to Malibu.

Want to read the rest of John Milius’ epic essay?

Petey Maguire, whom you know well on these pages, has it over on his substack Sour Milk. Dive in!

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Surfer (left) pointing and raging. Photo: Instagram
Surfer (left) pointing and raging. Photo: Instagram

Santa Cruz surfer torches ocean kayakers in fiery screed!

"Is it wrong that surfing’s incredibly toxic energy warms my heart?"

Of all the craft in the lineup, which annoys you most? The mighty SUP? A 12-foot leashless glider? Water-logged Wavestorm? Homeschooled hopeful on high-performance shortboard?

Or the chunky ocean kayak?

Well, a Santa Cruz area surfer became enraged in a now-viral video, exploding all over two ocean kayak enthusiasts. The clip, which appears on People Getting Mad, opens as the surfer in black wetsuit, approaches the kayakers, knocking on one of their boats and saying, “I don’t want to get hit with that thing. Take your shit back out of here.” He then turns even more direct, declaring, “I’m serious. Today’s not fucking Friday get the fuck out of here. I live here. People don’t do this shit right here. Go to Manresa where there’s a shitload of space. Go swimming but you don’t do that hard ass shit here. Anything that needs a helmet shouldn’t be around people with a soft-top. If you are so stupid that you need a helmet then go somewhere else.”

The accompanying comment section did not appear to include many surfers and, thus, our hero copped a licking.

It’s a public space. Shut up and deal with it.

Sometimes overzealous upholders of invisible laws need a solid no and back up or else this maybe become something you didn’t expect.

I surfed for a few years and there were so many guys like him I began to hate it. They seem chill but are always huge d bags if you are in “their” space. Turns out they are all burning outs who don’t get up before noon so it’s fine to just surf in the morning.

Oh right they own the public beach front. Got it.

I don’t care if I’m making an honest mistake, if I’m respectfully made aware of the risk or whatever, I’ll gladly move to a different spot, but if you come at me the way this guy did to these people, I’m going to tackle you and make you eat sand. “Them’s fightin’ words”.

He should put that same energy towards being mad at the big chemtrail behind his head.

What a whiny little baby. Shut up little baby.

Sponger kook.

Gooooooood please ask him what the fuck he’s going to do about it. PLEASE.

A few voices of reason though.

Is it wrong that surfing’s incredibly toxic energy warms my heart?

And.

I agree with guy! I need him here in Ventura to yell at the foilers who carve around kids.

Do you have thoughts?

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