Mayhem vs. Mayhem.
Mayhem vs. Mayhem.

Brilliant legal mind weighs in on Lost Surfboards vs. Lady Gaga Mayhem imbroglio

"Not even a moron in a hurry would confuse these brands."

The Lost v. Lady Gaga lawsuit (not the actual case name, but we’ll roll with it given the alliterative ring it has) has done something to the surf community in only a few short days that I thought I’d never see—turning surfers into armchair lawyers.

Unsurprisingly, there has been a lot of misconception about the nature of the claims (for instance, there is no copyright claim here) and Lost’s likelihood of success, coupled with a slight misinterpretation by Chas and David Lee Scales on the latest Grit Podcast of some of the below-the-line comments I’ve made on the subject. As a surfer and a man with the misfortune of practicing law in Orange County for the better part of 20 years who has handled a fair few trademark cases, it is my responsibility to help the peoples understand what is really going on here, because this is some kook behavior by Lost and Matt Biolos if you ask me.

If you’re not inclined to read further, let me spell this out for the TLDR crew: Biolos is getting bad legal advice and Lost is almost certainly going to lose this case one way or another, whether by decision or by attrition. While this lawsuit might finally bring Lost/Mayhem’s existence to the attention of the 99.9999% of Lady Gaga fans who have never heard of Lost/Mayhem and the 99% of the members of the general public of the United States who haven’t heard of Lost/Mayhem either, all this lawsuit will accomplish is to reinforce the well-deserved stereotype that surfers are generally a bunch of clueless morons.

This article is not intended to provide legal advice and is not providing legal advice, but it might just give you practical advice on how to avoid being a kook.

The Original Mayhem (A Legendary Black Metal Band)

Before we get into the legalese and the lawsuit itself, let’s start with what was perhaps the most egregious error made on the latest Grit Podcast—Mr. Scales referring to the band Mayhem as a “death metal” band. Mayhem is a Norwegian black metal band, and referring to a black metal band as death metal is the metal scene equivalent of calling a surfer a boogie boarder.

Incidentally, I cannot believe that Netflix hasn’t made a mini-series about this band given that its history includes multiple church burnings, a suicide, and a murder. Nevertheless, keep the metal band Mayhem in mind, as it will become important later in this article given that it was founded in 1984, has been selling t-shirts displaying the name “Mayhem” for decades, and Biolos has never squawked about that even once.

Wow, That Mayhem Band Is Kind Of Rad, But What Exactly Is A Trademark?

A trademark is a word, phrase, symbol, or design that identifies a business owner’s goods or services, and distinguishes those goods or services from others. There are varying levels of the strength of these marks ranging from “fanciful” (made-up words like Rolex and the strongest category of trademarks) to “generic” (if you opened a coffee shop and named it “The Coffee Shop,” which wouldn’t even be able to be registered on the federal level in the United States).

Where the use of the word “Mayhem” lies is in a middle category known as an “arbitrary” mark. This is an everyday word that has no association with the goods or services themselves. The quintessential example of this is “Apple” for computers. Because the word has no association with the goods or services, it is possible for the same word mark to be used by multiple different businesses for different kinds of goods and services without infringing. For instance, “Viking” is a word mark used by multiple different companies and is the subject of multiple different federal registrations for things such as cruise ships and book publishing.

The key here with respect to trademark infringement is whether there is a likelihood of confusion by the people who would be consuming these goods or services. That doesn’t always happen where two marks are identical. For example, someone could be on a Viking cruise ship reading a book published by Viking books, yet understand full-well that the source or sponsorship of the cruise is not the same source or sponsorship of the book.

Trademark Infringement and Trademark Dilution

Trademark infringement comes down to three things: 1) the plaintiff has to own the mark; 2) the defendant has to use the same or similar mark in commerce; and 3) the defendant’s use of the mark causes a likelihood of confusion between the defendant’s mark and the plaintiff’s mark.

What is likelihood of confusion? This is when consumers viewing the defendant’s mark would probably assume that the product or service it represents is associated with the source of the plaintiff’s mark. This is much easier to prove when the plaintiff and the defendant are direct competitors (Lost and Lady Gaga certainly are not).

When the plaintiff and defendant aren’t direct competitors, things get a little more complex, and it becomes more difficult for the plaintiff to prove trademark infringement absent some actual evidence of consumer confusion and other factors such as an intent to copy and the use of the same marketing channels.

Trademark dilution, on the other hand, is a different claim that has nothing to do with a likelihood of confusion. This when there is a famous mark (e.g., Budweiser) and there is an unauthorized use of the mark that is that is likely to weaken the distinctive quality of, or harm a famous mark (e.g., a surfboard manufacturer using Budweiser’s stylized logo and font in an Instagram post to advertise their new “Ripper” board model). Importantly, a “famous mark” must be something that is widely recognized by the general consuming public of the United States. This certainly is not Lost/Mayhem.

The Practical Realities Of A Trademark Lawsuit

You can get damages for your lost profits and other harm you experience as a result of trademark infringement. You can also get the defendant’s profits from the sale of the infringing goods or services. But the remedy that has the most teeth is injunctive relief. In short, this is a court order that prevents the defendant from selling or distributing the infringing products.

This really changes the trajectory of a trademark lawsuit when there is a “preliminary injunction” at the early stages of a lawsuit. In short, it is possible to get a court order preventing the defendant from selling or distributing the infringing goods or services straight out of the gate that lasts the entire duration of the lawsuit, even if the ultimate verdict or decision is that there was no infringement.

Though it’s a very high bar to meet that requires evidence of irreparable harm to the plaintiff and a likelihood of success in the underlying case, the consequences of a preliminary injunction can be devastating for a defendant that has already incurred overhead and operational expense for products or services that it is unable to sell. That can sometimes be the death knell of the defendant’s entire business, and at the very least, it might financially burden the defendant if the infringing products or services were a significant part of its cash flow. So, in most instances, a preliminary injunction against the defendant effectively ends the lawsuit and forces an early settlement.

All that being said, a motion for preliminary injunction can backfire against a plaintiff if it isn’t granted. This is because the court has essentially made a finding that you haven’t shown that you are likely to prevail on your underlying claims and you haven’t shown sufficient actual or threatened harm or damages. Sometimes that might cause a plaintiff to reevaluate the prudency of continuing with the lawsuit.

If a plaintiff doesn’t file a motion for preliminary injunction, that is an indication that the plaintiff knows that it does not have a particularly strong case with the information that it currently has. We’ll see what Lost decides to do in that regard given that no temporary restraining order application or motion for preliminary injunction has been filed yet.

As I’ll explain, it is highly unlikely that Lost is going to get a motion for preliminary injunction granted in this case even if it decides to file one.

The Lost v. Lady Gaga Complaint

I’ve taken a look at the Complaint (the case initiating document that the plaintiff files) in this lawsuit. Lost is suing Lady Gaga on a number of different trademark and unfair competition claims and theories, all of which arise from an argument that Lady Gaga’s use of the word “Mayhem” on her album merch infringes on Lost’s Mayhem mark. To be clear, this is the Mayhem mark that applies to clothing—Lost has a separate Mayhem mark registration that applies to surfboards that it is not suing over. Additionally, the Lost’s Mayhem mark for clothing is for the word only without regard to the design. As far as I’ve seen, Lost did not independently register the wavy Mayhem logo as a separate “design” mark that might protect the unique look of that logo apart from the word itself.

In short, Lost is arguing that 1) Lady Gaga’s use of the word Mayhem on her merchandise is likely to cause the purchasers or would be purchasers of Lady Gaga’s merchandise to think that it is coming from Lost/Mayhem; and that 2) the Mayhem mark is so famous and well known that Lady Gaga’s use of the word Mayhem weakens the distinctive quality of Lost’s mark. All of this has supposedly caused Lost $100 million dollars in damages.

It is no surprise that Lady Gaga’s lawyers did not take Lost’s demands seriously, as Biolos has complained to Stab. I wouldn’t take that kind of demand seriously either, and the fact that both Mayhem logos have wavy lettering that everyone seems to be focusing on like this is some kind of copyright infringement claim doesn’t change this either.

Lost/Mayhem and Lady Gaga are not competitors. Lost is a surf brand that sells Mayhem branded surfboards and surf apparel to promote its surf business. Lady Gaga is a musician that sells albums and merchandise to promote those albums and her overall personal brand. Lost is not a musician and does not sell music nor music-related clothing. Lady Gaga is not a surfer and does not sell any surf-related clothing. Lady Gaga fans are not core or casual surfers, and very few core or casual surfers are Lady Gaga fans. Any core or casual surfers would understand the distinction between Lost’s Mayhem clothing and Lady Gaga’s Mayhem clothing well enough to know that Lost was not the source or sponsor of the Lady Gaga’s Mayhem clothing. And I can almost guarantee you that not a single Lady Gaga fan who isn’t a surfer even knows what Lost/Mayhem even is.

“Only a moron in a hurry would confuse these two marks” is a time-honored argument made by trademark defense lawyers to argue that there is no likelihood of confusion. Here, not even a moron in a hurry would confuse Lost’s Mayhem with Lady Gaga’s Mayhem, or vice versa.

Mayhem is also not a household name like Pepsi, Ferrari, etc., and the general public in the United States at large is not aware of this brand. So, Lady Gaga’s Mayhem clothing is not undermining the distinctive quality of Lost/Mayhem’s brand—Lost’s Mayhem mark has no such famous distinction.

It is also utterly ridiculous for Lost to proclaim that it has experienced $100 million in damages (i.e., its own lost sales and other economic harm) as a result of Lady Gaga’s sale of merchandise with the word “Mayhem” on it. Even from a profits disgorgement perspective, there isn’t any basis to even argue that Lady Gaga has made $100 million in sales of Mayhem branded clothing, or anything else Mayhem-related to date. Lady Gaga’s record sales for this album to date would only net her about $3 million even assuming she kept every dollar of every album sale (which is not how album sale royalites work) and her Mayhem album tour doesn’t even start until July.

Perhaps the most absurdly, Biolos has also gone on record with Stab to say that he believes that any use of the word “Mayhem” on an article of clothing, even if it is not a stylized logo, infringes on Lost’s Mayhem trademark (Biolos’ exact words according to Stab were, “It doesn’t matter if it’s Helvetica or Comic Sans—if it’s on a T-Shirt, and that T-shirt says Mayhem, it’s infringing. The font is secondary.”). This is really a bridge too far.

It should be noted that are at least 16 different active or pending federal registrations for the single word “Mayhem” on the USPTOs website for businesses that have nothing to do with surfing. One of these registrations is for the metal band Mayhem, which begs the following question: does Biolos believe that the metal band Mayhem is infringing on Lost’s trademark through the sale of t-shirts and other merch with the word “Mayhem” on them? What about the other 15 businesses with registered or pending marks that use the word “Mayhem?” Incidentally, Amazon is currently selling shirts that display “Mayhem” in non-stylized, block letter format. I have of course, purchased one.

The only way for Lost to potentially thread the needle in terms of getting some sort of preliminary injunctive relief is to establish that Lady Gaga’s graphic designer intentionally copied the Mayhem stylized logo, but that factor alone is not determinative of likelihood of confusion even if there were evidence of it.

There have been people saying that Lady Gaga’s graphic designer follows a few surfers on Instagram, but that’s a bit of stretch to say that proves anything one way or another. To obtain concrete evidence of copying, Lost would need to forensically image the computing devices that this designer used while creating the Lady Gaga logo to see what files/websites were being accessed and what search engine terms where being used, and then take this designer’s deposition. But that would be a lengthy and expensive endeavor even assuming Lady Gaga’s attorneys cooperate with a request for a wholesale imaging of computers and/or cell phones (which they won’t, and for good reason).

Matt, I’d say that you are getting some bad legal advice, you are making surfers in general look like absolute muppets, and you are not going to be able to afford this fight for long if you are paying your lawyers on an hourly basis.

What’s Next?

To date, Lost has not filed a motion for preliminary injunction. Whether it does and what the outcome will be if it does will say a lot about how this lawsuit is going to play out.

I also don’t see Lady Gaga settling this for anything more than peanuts, if at all. This is because of the “Give A Mouse A Cookie” effect of a settlement, even where the amount is confidential—that mouse, or some other mouse, is going to ask for a glass of milk if you give it a cookie. More specifically, if Lady Gaga pays Lost anything more than $50K – $100K while retaining her right to use her Mayhem logo, then the 16 other Mayhem mark holders might start making their own demands because they know that Lady Gaga is willing to pay. This also extends beyond the trademark issue, as it would send a message to anyone else who might make a monetary demand on Lady Gaga that she will pay in response to a questionable claim.

Lady Gaga’s attorneys, Gibson Dunn (a big firm with five offices in California alone), is no stranger to this “Give A Mouse A Cookie” effect in representing large clients. And, they are going to want the opportunity to bill the hell out of their client rather than recommending that she use the money she’d be paying her attorneys to pay Lost.

Lost, on the other hand, might be a bit outgunned in the attorney department. It is represented by Bremer Whyte Brown & O’Meara, which has one office in Newport Beach. This is a firm that holds itself out as a “full service” firm, when the reality is that its bread and butter is insurance defense work defending general liability (e.g., slip and fall) cases on behalf of insureds and getting paid by the insurance carriers at lower rates. Keith Bremer, for his part, is a very capable trial attorney, but definitely has a bit of a California surfer accent (I’m not sure if he actually surfs), which might not play that well with a federal jury in Los Angeles even assuming the case gets that far.

It is also highly unlikely that Bremer Whyte is doing this on a contingency where it only gets paid if there is a settlement or judgment collected in Lost’s favor. If Bremer Whyte is on contingency for this case, then they are out of their damn minds. If Lost is paying them hourly, then Biolos is an idiot and Lost is going to run out of money. The fact of the matter is that Lost is up against a person with a net worth of nearly $1 billion in Lady Gaga who is represented by a firm well capable of “scorching the earth” (i.e., fighting every single issue to drive up litigation costs) as a defense strategy.

In military circles, they say that amateurs think about strategy and tactics (what your overall objective is and the things you’re going to do to achieve that objective), while professionals think about logistics (how you’re going to supply your forces over the duration of the conflict to be able to do that). The same is true in lawsuits. You might have a great case, your cause might be just, and you might be entitled to a huge judgment at the end of the day. But if you can’t afford (or if your attorneys can’t afford in the case of a contingency) to get the case all the way through trial to a judgment, it won’t matter—you will still lose at the end of the day because your supply lines ran out and you cannot continue to fight.

I’ll be monitoring the docket on this and providing updates if and when anything interesting happens.

In the meantime, Matt, care to comment on your team riders’ rather questionable choice of company in Andrew Tate?

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Stevie Spielberg, John Milius and George Lucas eat up the screenplay for Jaws.
Stevie Spielberg, John Milius and George Lucas eat up the screenplay for Jaws.

Read Apocalypse Now director John Milius’ epic long-form surfing essay, “The Ride”

“When you are young and have no responsibility, that’s the time to be a surfer."

This 1967 essay by John Milius is where we first meet Jack Barlow, who would go on to star in Milius’ 1978 surfing epic Big Wednesday. 

The Ride chronicles the rapid development of Southern California and the existential dilemma that all hardcore surfers face: freedom vs. responsibility.

“When you are young and have no responsibility, that’s the time to be a surfer,” John Milius said many years later. “But gradually, the world comes and calls you to other things. You have to go inland, face the whole catastrophe, get married, divorced, have a job.”

John Milius' surfing essay The Ride.
John Milius’ surfing essay The Ride.

LOOMINGS

I’m Barlow. Sometimes I need a wave. I feel out of touch with something as though I’m sick and not functioning properly. Sometimes I can go for a week, month, once for a year, but one day I’ll know that I’m not in rhythm. Parts are broken. I need an overhaul. I need a wave.

You see, you might look at the blonde surfer in the Volkswagen bus and say does he need it on a cold winter day? He doesn’t. He’s not like me. He doesn’t need a wave, he just wants one. He looks like it. He rides waves but he does this at the beach. It’s not the same for those of us who go “down to the sea on boards.” We’re insane. And so, whenever I’m in the middle of a department store and I see myself in the mirror–a grubby stump in a forest of sophistication, or whenever I can no longer give audible responses to cocktail conversation, when it requires a strong moral principle to stop me from crashing headlong into the rush hour freeway, when I find myself jealously reading the evening paper about another mass killing, when I can’t stand rock’n’roll–then it’s high time I got away. Some noisily puff the Indian weed or devour the sugar cube I go quietly to the reef.

It’s no accident that men have called the sea woman. And it’s no accident that the wave rider tries to ride inside the wave; he knows the excitement of carnal love. The gratification beyond orgasm. A rhythm you can’t duplicate in bed. Why, man, it is “the very tide beating heart of the earth”, the mating of the elements, fountain of youth, elixir of the souls. And so, you can see why, when it’s all done and I phantom over the top and paddle back out, I wonder why I was asked to participate.

When, after my twenty-second birthday I suddenly realized I was older. That one doesn’t stay the same. That cells deteriorate. That fat can replace muscle. That I was white and stale. Then I knew that if something didn’t happen, if I kept on, I would get out of rhythm, come down with dysentery and die. It wasn’t too late so I got in the car and drove to Malibu.

Want to read the rest of John Milius’ epic essay?

Petey Maguire, whom you know well on these pages, has it over on his substack Sour Milk. Dive in!

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Surfer (left) pointing and raging. Photo: Instagram
Surfer (left) pointing and raging. Photo: Instagram

Santa Cruz surfer torches ocean kayakers in fiery screed!

"Is it wrong that surfing’s incredibly toxic energy warms my heart?"

Of all the craft in the lineup, which annoys you most? The mighty SUP? A 12-foot leashless glider? Water-logged Wavestorm? Homeschooled hopeful on high-performance shortboard?

Or the chunky ocean kayak?

Well, a Santa Cruz area surfer became enraged in a now-viral video, exploding all over two ocean kayak enthusiasts. The clip, which appears on People Getting Mad, opens as the surfer in black wetsuit, approaches the kayakers, knocking on one of their boats and saying, “I don’t want to get hit with that thing. Take your shit back out of here.” He then turns even more direct, declaring, “I’m serious. Today’s not fucking Friday get the fuck out of here. I live here. People don’t do this shit right here. Go to Manresa where there’s a shitload of space. Go swimming but you don’t do that hard ass shit here. Anything that needs a helmet shouldn’t be around people with a soft-top. If you are so stupid that you need a helmet then go somewhere else.”

The accompanying comment section did not appear to include many surfers and, thus, our hero copped a licking.

It’s a public space. Shut up and deal with it.

Sometimes overzealous upholders of invisible laws need a solid no and back up or else this maybe become something you didn’t expect.

I surfed for a few years and there were so many guys like him I began to hate it. They seem chill but are always huge d bags if you are in “their” space. Turns out they are all burning outs who don’t get up before noon so it’s fine to just surf in the morning.

Oh right they own the public beach front. Got it.

I don’t care if I’m making an honest mistake, if I’m respectfully made aware of the risk or whatever, I’ll gladly move to a different spot, but if you come at me the way this guy did to these people, I’m going to tackle you and make you eat sand. “Them’s fightin’ words”.

He should put that same energy towards being mad at the big chemtrail behind his head.

What a whiny little baby. Shut up little baby.

Sponger kook.

Gooooooood please ask him what the fuck he’s going to do about it. PLEASE.

A few voices of reason though.

Is it wrong that surfing’s incredibly toxic energy warms my heart?

And.

I agree with guy! I need him here in Ventura to yell at the foilers who carve around kids.

Do you have thoughts?

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Donald Trump described as orange Caligula.
Orange Caligula’s theatrical bluster cannot hide the reality that not since the 1860s has America been more divided or looked weaker on the international stage.

Politics: Has President Trump morphed from Orange Caesar into Orange Caligula?

The Trump administration has replaced the midwit progressive Wokesters with midwit conservative Wokesters

I was an outspoken critic of the Biden administration’s intentionally anarchic, open border policy and supported President Trump’s decision to deport illegal criminal migrants.

However, as a result of the Trump administration’s sloppy strategic legalist reading of the two-hundred-twenty-seven-year-old Alien Enemies Act to justify their decision to fly 238 unidentified “bad people” to El Salvador’s modern day Devil’s Island (CECOT), I rescind my support until these operations are conducted in a manner that is consistent with the U.S. Constitution. The 5th Amendment protects even immigrants from “Deprivation of liberty without due process of law.”

It does not include a “Trust me bro, they’re really bad people” clause.

We have heard a lot in recent years about “lawfare,” the use of law “to achieve an operational objective.” We have heard much less about “strategic legalism,” the use of laws, legal arguments, or legal tools to advance larger policy objectives, irrespective of—and often at the expense of—facts and law.

“Lawfare” is rightly understood as the favored legal tactic of subalterns—the use of the law by the weak to force the strong to observe universal standards in their exercise of power. “Strategic legalism” has deeper, less celebrated, and even more consequential roots in American history. U.S. leaders used strategic legalism to release Nazis convicted at Nuremberg, free Mai Lai Massacre convict William Calley, prop up the genocidal Khmer Rouge regime in exile, evade the International Court of Justice for mining Nicaragua’s harbors, justify inaction during the Rwandan genocide, and kidnap and torture suspected terrorists.

After less than two months in office, has President Trump morphed from Orange Caesar into Orange Caligula? Today his administration relies less on “strategic legalism” and more on the well-worn legal strategy of criminal defense attorneys with guilty clients: When the law is against you, argue the facts, when facts are against you, argue the law, when both are against you, attack the other side.

On March 15, Chief U.S. District Judge James Boasberg ordered the Trump administration to stop the deportation of the supposed Venezuelan gang members to El Salvador. Not only did the White House ignore the order, President Trump attacked the judge in an ALL CAPS Truth Social screed: “This Radical Left Lunatic of a Judge, a troublemaker and agitator who was sadly appointed by Barack Hussein Obama, was not elected President – He didn’t WIN the popular VOTE (by a lot!), he didn’t WIN ALL SEVEN SWING STATES, he didn’t WIN 2,750 to 525 Counties, HE DIDN’T WIN ANYTHING!”

More importantly, President Trump threatened to impeach the judge who dared rule against him: “This judge, like many of the Crooked Judges’ I am forced to appear before, should be IMPEACHED!!! WE DON’T WANT VICIOUS, VIOLENT, AND DEMENTED CRIMINALS, MANY OF THEM DERANGED MURDERERS, IN OUR COUNTRY. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!!!”

Most Americans do not want criminal illegal migrants in our country, but Trump doth protest too much. After all, Boasberg is the judge who released the Hillary Clinton emails. Although President Obama appointed him to the U.S. district court for the District of Columbia, President GW Bush first appointed Boasberg to Superior Court for the District of Columbia, and Supreme Court Justice John Roberts appointed him to the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court. He is hardly comparable to Judge Arthur Engoron, the magistrate who presided over New York Attorney General Letitia James’s farcically flawed civil fraud case.

Trump’s threatening rant prompted a rare rebuke and warning from conservative Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts who wrote, “For more than two centuries, it has been established that impeachment is not an appropriate response to disagreement concerning a judicial decision. The normal appellate review process exists for that purpose.”

Unphased by the Supreme Court justice’s slap down, Fox News host now starring as Attorney General, Pam Bondi chastised Judge Boasberg for daring to question Orange Caligula. She accused him of “meddling in our government” and attempted to reframe the question at issue. “Why,” she asked from her Fox News bully pulpit, “is the judge trying to protect terrorists who invaded our country over American citizens?”

Finally, Bondi resorted to an ad hominem attack:“Today, a DC trial judge supported Tren de Aragua terrorists over the safety of Americans. TdA is represented by the ACLU.”

Although Tren de Aragua is a dangerous gang whose members should be deported, they are a strawman, not even a JV version of the Mexican cartels who until recently operated with impunity on our southern border. Wouldn’t the Trump administration’s charge of “perpetrating, attempting, and threatening an invasion or predatory incursion against the territory of the United States” apply more accurately to the Cartels and China? Even though their asymmetric Opiate War kills more Americans each year than the Vietnam War, the Korean War, and the War on Terror combined, for decades, our leaders have turned a blind eye to it in the name of profit.

After the 1994 NAFTA agreement opened the southern border, the U.S. government, businesses, and financial institutions trumpeted “globalism” as the flattener of worlds and leveler of playing fields. As a result, they explained, anti-trust laws, banking regulations, unions, workers safety laws, environmental protection were now outdated and unnecessary hindrances to “the free market.”

Of course, the politicians they owned and their mandarins in the press agreed because multinational corporations needed cheap, exploitable labor to keep their production costs down. Under the messianic battle cry of “globalization,” millions of Latin Americans took their chances and traveled north. Worse, the U.S. government, businesses, and banks turned a blind eye to our most immediate national security threat—the Mexican Cartels.

In the old days, Mexican Dons paid their bills in cash, face-to-face. After NAFTA, the old Dons lost control. Under the new cartel system, politicians and police had only one choice—plata o plomo (silver or lead)—money or death. Unlike our government and many multi-national corporations, the cartels had liquidity, balanced books, production, distribution, transportation, protection, and insolvent American and international banks to launder their money. How can you hide the daily workings of multinational corporations that ships five tons of cocaine at a time into a nation whose military can read a wrist watch from outer space? You can’t. But as long as the rich got their cocaine, Cialis, Concerta, and Codones and the poor got their Crack, Smack, and Crystal, nobody seemed to mind, much less notice the greatest consolidation of wealth in human history.

The collateral damage of this laissez faire anarchy was not limited to just the American working class. After the U.S. began deporting immigrants convicted of felonies in the 1990s, hardened criminals with American gang affiliations returned to countries they no longer knew and established satellite branches of these gangs. By 2015, El Salvador had an estimated 55,000 gang members, 400,000 collaborators, and the highest murder rate in the world.

In 2022, El Salvador’s Supreme Court declared the two main gangs, MS-13 and Barrio 18, “terrorist organizations.” Police arrested 55,000 gang members in seven months. Next, President Nayib Bukele announced the construction of the Terrorism Confinement Center, the Devil’s Panopticon, better known as CECOT. El Salvador has realized the model of punitive incarceration that Michel Foucault described in Discipline and Punishment. CECOT’s 14,000 inmates are not allowed personal items, visitors, or phone calls and spend only 30 minutes a day outside of their cells. The rest of the time they live in crowded cells, under the twenty-four-hour-a-day glare of neon lights and unblinking gaze of CCV cameras.

On March 22, after President Trump threatened to sentence the American “domestic terrorists” who are damaging Teslas, to twenty-year prison sentences, he added, “Perhaps they should serve them in the prisons of El Salvador, which have become so recently famous for such lovely conditions.”

Over the weekend, after Department of Homeland Security head Tom Homan mocked an ABC reporter for raising a question about the due process protections that are part of U.S. immigration law, I reached out to the lawyer and scholar whose legal knowledge and intellect I respect most. I asked William A. Preston for his opinion on the implications of the illegal migrants’ denial of due process.

He responded with the following five aphoristic text messages: “The absence of due process for people deported by the Republican administration to this supermax slave-labor prison means no one knows for sure what their [these prisoners’] status is—they could be U.S. citizens for all we (and the court before whom this is being litigated by the ACLU) know—or why they really are being deported and whether any of this could even properly be upheld as lawful.”

“These are 5th Amendment basics: Deprivation of liberty without due process of law.”

“If no due process exists, nothing stops the Republican administration from deporting U.S. citizens who criticize Israel or would oppose a U.S. war with Iran to this supermax slave-labor prison in El Salvador.”

“The excuses put forward in court by DoJ [Department of Justice] would justify this.”

“The 5th Amendment says no person shall be deprived of due process. It doesn’t only apply to citizens or green card holders.

DoJ’s response is, ‘Trust me bro, they’re illegal.’”

In other words, Tren de Aragua today and perhaps garden-variety cranks and critics like me tomorrow. Unlike the Neocon apostates and fallen Neoliberals who rolled like jailhouse snitches when it mattered (9/11, torture, Iraq invasion, tech censorship, COVID, BLM riots, illegal immigration, fealty to China, Mexico and China’s Opiate War, criminal catch and release programs, men playing women’s sports, Israel’s war crimes, the doomed Ukrainians, etc.) during both Republican and Democratic administrations, I have spoken out about what I believe is wrong and never made an ideological 180.

For writing critically about Bush’s Global War on Terror, I was called “naïve” and placed on a “watch list.” When I criticized Hillary Clinton, Susan Rice and Samantha Power for expanding Bush’s War on Terror, I was called “sexist” and a “nascent MAGA supporter.” For questioning BLM’s shadowy leadership and dubious funding, you guessed it, “racist.” For questioning the discredited Steele Dossier, Russiagate, and the political objectives of the Ukraine War, I was labelled a “Putinista,” then hacked and deplatformed.

Last year, when I pointed out the obvious—President Biden would not make it to election day and Kamala was unelectable—I was called a Trump supporter again. The only problem with these indictments of me was that not one of them was true.

The Trump administration has replaced the midwit progressive Wokesters with midwit conservative Wokesters. They are opposite sides of the same idiotic binary coin that has crippled America. The Trump administration’s amateur hour, Signal pratfall has left me with as little faith in Trump, Vance, Rubio, Hegseth, Bondi, Homan, and Miller as I have in Obama, Clinton, Panetta, Holder, Power, Biden, Blinken, Austin, Garland, Mayorkas, Sunstein, Cheney, Powell, Rumsfeld, Ashcroft, and Chertoff.

I had fun for about a week watching Trump’s Crony Capitalist Cadres rout the Corporate Cultural Revolutionaries. In such a short time, the emotional blackmail strategies that worked so well during the Biden administration were fully revealed to be blank ammunition. The shrill cries of “fascist,” “racist,” “transphobe,” “Nazi,” “oligarch,” and “white supremacist,” now fall on deaf ears. Their overuse has turned these words into stale, meaningless clichés. However, after the initial wave of schadenfreude passed, I wondered where this leaves America as a nation.

Will we ever be able to transcend the dead end “better than Biden/better than Trump” binary?

Orange Caligula’s theatrical bluster cannot hide the reality that not since the 1860s has America been more divided or looked weaker on the international stage. Under Bush, Obama, Trump, and Biden, the U.S. military lost wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and proxy wars in Libya, Syria, Yemen and, most recently, Ukraine. More importantly, at least to the Trump administration, Israel, the tiny nation that we have built our foreign policy around for the past quarter century, has never been more despised, isolated, and insecure. As President Volodymyr Zelensky can attest, with friends like Trump, you don’t need enemies.

“We are falling into the trap of imitating the ‘evildoing’ which we accuse our enemies of initiating,” wrote Rich Arant who was a contract interrogator who worked at Abu Ghraib and Afghanistan’s Bagram Air Force base in 2003–4. He had a revelation one night after questioning a former Afghan Mujahid who had fought against the Soviets and was now in jail because a paid U.S. government informant and well-known Soviet collaborator had fingered him. The man broke down in tears and after he composed himself, he said, “I fought Russians, our common enemy, and now you Americans have imprisoned me on the word of a son of the Russians. This is my reward.”

Arant quit shortly thereafter and offered this observation: “‘Precautionary murder’ is the term once used by T. E. Lawrence, Lawrence of Arabia. Former conventions regarding the treatment of prisoners are now considered quaint, obsolete. But a prisoner is as defenseless as a passenger held hostage on an aircraft. There is little honor found in exploiting his fears, no matter how pressing the requirement.” Former Navy General Counsel Alberto Mora, one of the few brave enough to push back against the Bush administration, put it best, “When you put together the pieces, it’s all so sad. To preserve flexibility, they were willing to throw away our values.”

The Trump administration would be wise to consider the words of American Nuremberg prosecutor Robert Jackson’s now famous opening address at those trials: “We must never forget that the record on which we judge these defendants today is the record on which history will judge us tomorrow. To pass these defendants the poison chalice is to put it to our own lips as well.”

Like the Bush administration’s decision to deem War on Terror prisoners “illegal enemy combatants,” then torture and warehouse them in offshore dungeons, the Trump administration’s performative deportations are already blowing back, and costing political capital. Deport all the illegal criminal migrants you want, but respect the Constitution.

Justice Roberts put it best: “Every Administration suffers defeats in the court system — sometimes in cases with major ramifications for executive or legislative power or other consequential topics…. Within the past few years, however, elected officials from across the political spectrum have raised the specter of open disregard for federal court rulings. These dangerous suggestions, however sporadic, must be soundly rejected.”

Now, it is up to America’s other two branches of government to rein in Orange Caligua.

If they can’t, our democratic experiment and our “shining hill on the city” and “American exceptionalism” conceits will be exposed as just that.

More overpriced, “6th generation” fighter planes can’t save us and the United States will be the latest overstretched empire to fall.

(Editor’s note: Peter Maguire is a surfer, war crimes investigator and author ofThai Stick: Surfers, Scammers, and the Untold Story of the Marijuana Trade (movie rights optioned by Kelly Slater), Law and War, Facing Death in Cambodia, Breathe, the  bio on jiujitsu icon Rickson Gracie and its follow up Comfort in Darkness. Ain’t much ol Petey can’t do. This story first appeared on Pete’s substack Sour Milk, subscribe, it’s free etc.)

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Surf journalist caught up in wild ChatGPT viral video storm!

Burn baby burn.

You have certainly seen, by now, the viral AI video currently literally melting the internet. Hours ago, ChatGPT unleashed a clip featuring the most iconic moments of the 20th century done up in the iconic Studio Ghilbi style. The Japanese animation arthouse, best known for its critically-acclaimed films Princess Mononoke and Spirited Away, has long been adored by serious cartoon folk. As such, it was ripe ground for the Terminator-esque future to exploit.

Rolling out a new feature, ChatGPT included a collection of the last 100 years’ most compelling images in Studio Ghilbi vernacular. There were no surf snaps, not even Gabriel Medina walking on clouds, save a blink-and-miss-it photograph from a 2002 surf trip to Yemen featuring yours truly.

The picture has been doing the rounds on Reddit for years, I regularly get it sent to me, though the context is often lightly obscured. If you have read the best-selling-adjacent Reports from Hell, you would know that my two very best friends and I absconded to Yemen in the wake of 9/11 because I had learned Osama bin Laden was from there and its mainland coastline appeared potentially surf rich.

This was before the Google Maps days, but looking at physical maps, best friends and I figured it would have to catch waves. Plus, we all had deep interest in radical fundamentalism.

No surfer had ever explored before due difficulty and danger.

A three month run from tip to tail revealed truly epic nuggets. Also much Al-Qaeda and while we, best friends plus I, were always happy to run-and-gun, occasionally full police details would see us through particularly hot zones.

Thus this photo. We were in the Shabwah district, notoriously volatile, and had an escort through part of it. Before they peeled off, we sat on technical to celebrate moment with our Yemeni bros, wonderful photographer captured and off we went.

Now it is helping boil ChatGPT’s computers.

You’re welcome.

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