Depression spreads after U.S. gov rejects beloved surf website font for official correspondence

“To restore decorum and professionalism to the written work products and abolish yet another wasteful DEIA program."

Jubilation broke out, days ago, across the entirety of the United States after the State Department declared it was rejecting the font used for official correspondence during the Biden years. Calibri, long seen as “woke” and “faggy,” had been adopted by then-Secretary of State Antony Blinken due to its reputation as being more “reader-friendly.”

According to Kristen Shinohara, who leads the Center for Accessibility and Inclusion Research Lab at the Rochester Institute of Technology, “Accessibility of a font really depends on legibility. So how can you tell the difference between those letters and how readable it is. So how generally it is easy to read it. It also includes things like font size, color, spacing between letters and lines. And this matters because it impacts the ability for people to be able to read and understand texts. This impact can be more severe for people with learning or reading disabilities like dyslexia or for people with low vision.

In a word, gay.

Hope sparked in certain corners that the font used on the beloved surf website BeachGrit would be harnassed as replacement. Though top-secret, experts in the field think it might be Noto Serif Medium, described as “a global font collection for writing in all modern and ancient languages. Noto Serif is a modulated (‘serif’) design for texts in the Latin, Cyrillic and Greekscripts, also suitable as the complementary font for other script-specific Noto Serif fonts in italic styles, multiple weights and widths, and 3,256 glyphs,” it seen as sexy, witty and lightly dangerous.

Meow.

The depression that spread after the announcement that the State Department would pivot to New Times Roman, then, understandable.

In an “action request,” Secretary of State Marco Rubio declared, “Switching to Calibri achieved nothing except the degradation of the department’s official correspondence,” and New Times Roman “aligns with the President’s One Voice for America’s Foreign Relations directive, underscoring the Department’s responsibility to present a unified, professional voice in all communications.”

“To restore decorum and professionalism to the Department’s written work products and abolish yet another wasteful DEIA [Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Accessibility] program, the Department is returning to Times New Roman as its standard typeface,” Rubio finished.

Times New Roman.

Dulls-ville.

Better than rainbow Calibri but what a lost opportunity.