All bodies. A handful of boards.
All bodies. A handful of boards.

Surf journalist buys Vans x Queer Surf collab shoes in solidarity but is horrified when they/them arrive

"I do not, nor never will, support SUPs, Wavestorms, Ben Gravy-branded soft-tops or foils around people."

Polarized times, these are, but I don’t have to tell you. It’s hard to keep up what with America-first anti-forever war United States President Donald J. Trump considering bombing Iran under pretenses that makes George W. Bush’s Iraq escapades seem downright considered, hard liberal Columbia University instantly capitulating on what it claimed to be rock solid values when barely pressed and Kraft Heinz declaring it will remove all artificial dye from ketchup and Jell-O.

Polarized, yes, but polarization jumping all over the dang place quicker than brave coward Filipe Toledo can sit out the back while scary waves pump over scarier reef.

Former Instagram surf comedian John Wayne Freeman, in any case, took to his new trad-wife vacuum in recent days to excoriate the failed shoe brand Vans for releasing a collaboration classic with Queer Surf.

The message that “nobody cares” might have been more “punk” had he delivered it in the height of those wild cancellation years when every company on earth was actively engaged in performative allyship, those with any sort of discomfort branded as dangerously retrograde and deserving of guillotine.

Something quite different, today, when the LGBTQIA+ community is back in the crosshairs, bullied, marginalized, etc.

And so I bought a pair of the Vans Queer Surf shoe in hopes of wearing it on the recently wrapped North Florida/South Carolina podcast tour to show support. Paying much extra for quick shipping.

Vans, being failed, did not get they/them to me in time.

Package was waiting when I arrived back home, though, and I opened the box to a horror realization. They were pink, as promised and a color I love, with a fine triangle motif, but on the whitewalls two statements were scrawled.

All bodies.

All boards.

All bodies is why I bought them, any and everyone should be comfortable in the lineup and especially these ultra-bully days, but the all boards business sent me reeling.

I do not, nor never will, support SUPs, Wavestorms, Ben Gravy-branded soft-tops or foils around people. I also loathe longboards outside specifically designated longboard waves, Surftechs, rentals, gliders, eggs and… I guess all longboards anywhere.

What then to do?

I crossed out the “all boards” junk in hopes of a brave new future where only high-performance shortboards, mid-lengths on the right day, and mini-simmons are the only boards in the water.

Join me.

Buy here.

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Kelly Slater (pictured) wearing a 0 Apple Watch.

Surf star Kelly Slater designs luxury watch to celebrate Hawaiian home

"This watch reflects everything I love—the ocean, nature, and the easygoing style I’ve always connected with.”

Kelly Slater has been a multi-hyphenate since almost the beginning. The young surf prodigy, blessed with knee-buckling good looks, quickly added model to surf. Next came acting followed by boy toy followed by singer, songwriter, inventor, astrophysicist and designer.

Wild to imagine that a boy from Cocoa Beach could become so much. Most specifically, and as it relates to design, that he could develop such a refined eye. I was just in Daytona Beach, a few clicks north of Cocoa, and can report that it is an architectural/sartorial disaster zone where bad taste is celebrated and worse taste elevated.

Slater, now 53, somehow, in some way, bucked his birthright. First came the very cool K surf accessory series followed by Outerknown, Slater Designs, the infamous turtle moon sandals based on the most unlikely relationship between chelonian and celestial body and now a luxury watched based on his Hawaiian home.

The Breitling Superocean Heritage B31 Automatic 40 Kelly Slater edition, which just dropped, features 200 meters of water resistance, a unidirectional stainless steel bezel, hands coated with glowing SuperLuminova and a date window at 6 o’clock. It is powered by the freshly invented B31 three hand caliber system which guarantees an accuracy of -4/+6 seconds a day and 78-hour power reserve.

More importantly, though, is the dial pattern, dreamed up by Slater himself to represent the filtered light and shadow that one finds underneath the Hawaiian trees. The 53-year-old new father told Men’s Journal, “This watch reflects everything I love—the ocean, nature, and the easygoing style I’ve always connected with.”

Retailing at $6750 (with metal band. $6450 with rubber), only 500 hundred are in existence. “One of 500” is engraved on the back along with “Kelly Slater Slater Limited Edition.”

Most importantly, though, is the note that comes with purchase written by Slater himself and reading, “From as early as I can remember, I dreamt of travelling to and living in Hawaii. It was this far-off land of amazing waves, perfect weather, and the ultimate surfing lifestyle. After living here, I realized it’s much bigger than that. The people, the community, the nature, all so intertwined. The respect Hawaiians have for their land, people, and culture runs deep. It makes Hawaii even more special than what I dreamt of when I was a kid. And now I call it home.”

I always pegged Slater for a “dreamed” man not a “dreamt” one.

Something new learned everyday.

Buy here.

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Florence Brothers with investor Richard Woolcott and his kid Wolfgang.
The Florence bro's pose with new investor Richard Woolcott and his kid Wolfgang. | Photo: Cari Woolcott

Volcom founder Richard “Wooly” Woolcott pours cash into surf start-up Florence

“I was really struggling with all the turmoil surrounding Volcom. I was in a dark place. Florence is a positive light in a sea of chaos."

If any proof was needed that the start-up surf brand Florence, formerly Florence Marine X has become the hottest brand in surf, the appearance of Richard Woolcott, founder and former CEO of Volcom, as an investor is probably it.

Florence Marine X was launched with $12 million in seed cash in 2020. John John Florence quit Hurley and got into biz with Hurley founder Bob Hurley, appointing honey blond star of Endless Summer II, Pat O’Connell, as prez.

Surf fans are aware of the collapse of the surf industry, Billabong, Quiksilver, RVCA, Hurley, all swallowed by hedge funds.

Last year, the hottest thing in surfing, John John’s brother Nathan, quit Vans to ride for big bro’s biz writing,

The day has come to join forces! So fired up to announce that i will be Surfing under my own Name and will be moving forward under the FLORENCE flag, beyond excited to bet on myself, my brother you may have heard of him (@john_john_florence ) who pioneered this epic endeavor and the incredible team at @florence_marine_x, the future is very exciting, we have the power to reshape the surf industry for future generations

A few months later, the baby bro Ivan Florence also joined the team.

The brand is, to coin an old phrase, hotter than Africa.

And, now, Richard Woolcott, Volcom maestro, a company he sold to the owners of Gucci and Saint Laurent for $607 million, pocketing sixty-one mill personally, has poured some of this cash into Florence telling Shop-Eat-Surf.

I have always liked the Florence brand and what it stands for. They are focused on building innovative, performance driven products for surfing and other ocean and water-based sports and activities. It’s a modern, utilitarian outdoor brand that fits my lifestyle and product needs.

“The first product I bought from them was their hooded rash guard a few years ago and I’ve been hooked ever since. I also like the fact that the company was started by two well-respected surfing families, the Florence family and Hurley family. With everything going on in the industry, they have been a breath of fresh air, a positive light in a sea of chaos.

When Florence approached me at the end of February about getting involved, I was really struggling with the Liberated bankruptcy and all the turmoil surrounding Volcom. It was extremely hard for me emotionally to see the brand that I had dedicated most of my life to being torn apart. I was in a dark place.  With the support and encouragement from my dad, I decided to take the meeting with Florence and see where things would go.”

Wooly also said, “The days of billion dollar brands are over for now. There will always be the exception, but overall, it’s better to live within your means and do what’s best for the brand, the customer, and industry long-term.”

Do you miss the old days when money flowed like honey and when surfers were known for their Baudelairean flair for extravagant personal dress and an atmosphere of decadence hung over it all?

Or is this new Amish-esque conservatism more your flavour?

I prefer the latter.

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Hamas commando on October 7
Proud Palestinian after emptying his mag into an unarmed Jewish fam. "Your son just killed Jews, dad!"

Surf contest loses WSL sanction after ban on Israeli surfers

"These Israeli athletes are caught in the crossfire of a reality that no one desires, except Hamas."

A World Surf League contest was canceled in Spain — not called off due to lack of surf or lack of interest. In fact, the contenders had already shown up and were preparing for competition. So what caused this sudden reversal?

Israeli participation.

A few days before the competition was meant to begin, an email was sent to the Israeli surfers, demanding they surf under a “world” flag as opposed to their own national symbol. The demand was untenable to the Israelis and they refused to abide by the request.

When the World Surf League caught wind of what was happening, they canceled the event at great financial loss — and to much consternation on the part of all the hopeful participants.

In a statement given to scandal-prone surf blog The Inertia the World Surf League wrote,

“The WSL has withdrawn its sanction of the upcoming Donostia Junior Pro, originally scheduled to begin on June 6, 2025, following a new determination by the San Sebastián City Sports Councilor on June 4, 2025 that alters the eligibility status of registered competitors. This change is in breach of multiple provisions in the WSL Rule Book. Section 5 outlines the requirements for athlete entry and seeding, which must be free from arbitrary or discriminatory exclusion. The change also violates the WSL’s established policy, as set out in the Rule Book, of zero tolerance for any form of discrimination, harassment, or abuse.

“Additionally, the WSL was no longer assured of a reasonable level of safety for all participants, as required for all events. As a result, the event can no longer be conducted in accordance with the WSL’s basic requirements for all Pro Junior competitions. Due to these circumstances, the WSL has terminated the Event License Agreement and the Donostia Junior Pro event will no longer be a WSL-sanctioned event. The WSL acknowledges the inconvenience this causes to competitors, partners, and fans.”

Although this story may come as a shock to some, this is not the first time Israeli participants have had to change their flag.

At a Qualifying Series event in Morocco in March, Anat Lelior made history as the first Israeli to qualify for the Challenger Series. This milestone was slightly hampered because her national symbol was hidden. At the time, much of the surf media reported that the WSL demanded the Israeli contingent hide their flag.

But Lelior confirmed that she and the other competitors decided to hide their flag for security reasons in the Muslim country. The WSL was in full support of their decision.

After writing an Op-Ed piece on the issue, I spent subsequent weeks attempting to publish it in different surf media channels. Most ignored my request or turned it down.

But one outlet showed interest and courage in tackling the issue. At the time, Israel and Gaza were in the midst of a ceasefire.

As final touches were made on the article, the ceasefire broke down and the Israeli offensive resumed. When I asked the editor when he thought the piece would be published, it emerged that we were on opposite sides of the political divide.

Phrases such as “heavy handed” “tens of thousands of civilian deaths” and “untold suffering” became regular descriptions of the Israel/Gaza conflict.

Despite our differences, I cherished the back and forths this editor and I had. It’s not often that those who passionately disagree take the time to consider the opposing view, and we both did just that. My fear is that his outlook is emblematic of the larger surf community. But, unlike my conversations with the editor, there is a general lack of dialogue in today’s climate — and that is exacerbating tensions.

Things in Israel are not so simple. Nothing in the Middle East ever is. Even the Israeli public is divided on what’s the best course of action. Many want nothing but a hostage deal — while still others place primacy on defeating our enemy.

But there are some things the majority agree upon, and those issues were flashpoints in the competition controversy in Spain.

From an outsider’s perspective, with little knowledge of the history and facts on the ground, it’s not surprising that many see Israel as the aggressor. That’s exactly the language the Spanish surf club used in describing the conflict. In their eyes, Israel is akin to Russia and invaded an innocent neighboring country and therefore, the Israelis should have been barred from competing.

But in order for that to be true, the timeline of events would need to begin on Oct 8. Even ignoring all the background between the two groups, which is long and complex, there’s no avoiding the fact that Hamas, along with many Gazan civilians, invaded Israel and committed one of the worst terrorist attacks in history.

Most people, when making their moral calculations about the war, strictly look at the numbers. They’ve heard of the 1,200 murdered on Oct 7 and compare it to the thousands dead on the Palestinian side and come to the conclusion that Israel is in the wrong. And solely on a numbers basis, who could blame them?

One thing we can all agree on is that war is tragic for everyone involved. If Israel was able to achieve the goals of dismantling Hamas and returning the hostages without firing a shot, not a single bullet would have been used. But since Hamas is unwilling to surrender or even agree to a hostage deal, it leaves Israel with no option but to act.

What few point out is that the majority of the civilian deaths reported don’t take into account the number of combatants within that figure. The civilian to combatant ratio is close to 1:1, a feat never before achieved in urban warfare. Of course this is not to minimize the inevitable collateral damage of war. Each innocent life lost is a tragedy in and of itself. But due to the existential threat posed by the terrorist entity at her borders, Israel is doing everything possible to neutralize that reality as precisely as possible.

All this ignores the fact that none of the Israeli surfers came to Spain with this in mind. They, just like any other person in the lineup, wanted nothing more than to surf and maybe make a few friends.

These athletes are caught in the crossfire of a reality that no one desires, except Hamas.

We should do all in our power not to give the terrorists what they want, which is more anger and hatred. The cancellation of this competition has given us the opportunity to dialogue about this complex issue without drawing lines in the sand.

Let’s not squander that chance.

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Sassy surfers sashay as Palm Springs Surf Club announces Splash & Slay Drag Brunch!

Gentlemen, start your engines!

Palm Springs, California is generally very hot in the summer. According to Weather Spark, the average daytime June through August temperature is 106 degrees Fahrenheit. At time of writing (7:34 PST) it is 91 with mercury climbing to 113 by Thursday. That will feel downright chilly compared to next week, though, with a predicted temperature of 1 billion degrees sassy for Saturday, the 29th, when the Palm Springs Surf Club swings its gilded gates wide for “Splash & Slay Drag Brunch.”

The fabulousness kicks off at 12:30 in the afternoon, which seems a little late for brunch (but what does this cis white man know?), and will be hosted by Ethylina Canne, who, according to website, has previously won the Desert Drag Race, Best in Drag and Queen of the Desert.

Sue Casa, Cee Cee Russel and Kalista Stage will also perform.

“Join us for a fierce and fabulous drag brunch,” the flyer invites, “where the queens serve looks, mimosas & Bloody Marys flow freely, and the vibes stay splashy.”

Bottomless mimosa or mary, plus brunch, runs $120. Boring ol’ brunch alone $95.

The only remaining questions, I suppose, are which board you will bring and which wave setting you will sign up for (revisit Com Turren’s exhaustive guide here), if you will surf before or after brunch and what drag name you will choose.

If having trouble, MasterClass suggests:

1. Experiment with wordplay. Punny names like “Eileen Dover” or “Mimi Imfurst” rely on wordplay for their effect—and these names are as funny and memorable as the personas who inhabit them. “Courtney Act” is the name of an Australian drag queen whose name is a play on “caught in the act.”

2. Dig deep. Sometimes a name can be borne from trauma or the commandeering of a previously painful word. For instance, Trixie Mattel’s drag name came from a hurtful term her step-father would call her when she “acted feminine” (Trixie); when it happened to also be the name of the character she would play in Rocky Horror Picture Show, it became a perfect fit.

3. Find a defining feature. Some queens are named for their own memorable qualities. For instance, drag queen Milk’s name came from a reference to her pale skin. If you have a particularly defining feature, try brainstorming names that can use that to your advantage.

4. Turn to pop culture. Some queens were inspired by figures from pop culture, like Victoria Beckham (Jiggly Caliente’s original stage name “Victoria”) or X-Men comics (PhiPhi O’Hara’s original stage name, “Phoenix Mathews”). See what famous names throughout pop culture you can use to find a name of your own—or at least to spark an idea for the perfect name.

5. Look up other names. Take a look at the most clever and funniest drag queen names to help yourself come up with new names of your own. Kim Chi, Farrah Moan, and Sharon Needles are some funny names of RuPaul’s Drag Race queens that can inspire your own creative take.

As reminder, Bitchy Crab already spoken for.

See you there.

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