"I do not, nor never will, support SUPs, Wavestorms, Ben Gravy-branded soft-tops or foils around people."
Polarized times, these are, but I don’t have to tell you. It’s hard to keep up what with America-first anti-forever war United States President Donald J. Trump considering bombing Iran under pretenses that makes George W. Bush’s Iraq escapades seem downright considered, hard liberal Columbia University instantly capitulating on what it claimed to be rock solid values when barely pressed and Kraft Heinz declaring it will remove all artificial dye from ketchup and Jell-O.
Polarized, yes, but polarization jumping all over the dang place quicker than brave coward Filipe Toledo can sit out the back while scary waves pump over scarier reef.
Former Instagram surf comedian John Wayne Freeman, in any case, took to his new trad-wife vacuum in recent days to excoriate the failed shoe brand Vans for releasing a collaboration classic with Queer Surf.
The message that “nobody cares” might have been more “punk” had he delivered it in the height of those wild cancellation years when every company on earth was actively engaged in performative allyship, those with any sort of discomfort branded as dangerously retrograde and deserving of guillotine.
Something quite different, today, when the LGBTQIA+ community is back in the crosshairs, bullied, marginalized, etc.
And so I bought a pair of the Vans Queer Surf shoe in hopes of wearing it on the recently wrapped North Florida/South Carolina podcast tour to show support. Paying much extra for quick shipping.
View this post on Instagram
Vans, being failed, did not get they/them to me in time.
Package was waiting when I arrived back home, though, and I opened the box to a horror realization. They were pink, as promised and a color I love, with a fine triangle motif, but on the whitewalls two statements were scrawled.
All bodies.
All boards.
All bodies is why I bought them, any and everyone should be comfortable in the lineup and especially these ultra-bully days, but the all boards business sent me reeling.
I do not, nor never will, support SUPs, Wavestorms, Ben Gravy-branded soft-tops or foils around people. I also loathe longboards outside specifically designated longboard waves, Surftechs, rentals, gliders, eggs and… I guess all longboards anywhere.
What then to do?
I crossed out the “all boards” junk in hopes of a brave new future where only high-performance shortboards, mid-lengths on the right day, and mini-simmons are the only boards in the water.
Join me.
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Soft tops are the equivalent of a participation trophy
Will @beachgrit reimburse you since you wrote an article? Corpo horn swaggle for a fresh pair of kicks!
Extremely relieved midlengths are still making the cut for acceptance… how much longer?…
Inquiring minds want to know if you wear they/them in the lineup and how has the response been?
against fundamentalism in all its forms, although willing to bend that rule when it comes to long boarders who wear unbuttoned button up shirts as rashies
It’s looking like a fairly warm weekend to surf so I might try that new fashion statement. Are boomer beer guts allowed?
of course, just your personal repository of the good memories from a life of cold drinks and tall tales!
Money well spent!
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That’s a festive can!
for my money, weldwerks at the top of the lengthy list of fine Colorado – based breweries!
I endured a harsh reality in the late 80s while ski bumming. Breckenridge brewery opened in ’89 and I learned I’m allergic to most microbrews during my 2nd time in there. I can drink some of the Pilsners if their heavily filtered otherwise my diet is limited to tequila, Coors/Bud and old world reds(most domestic wines are problematic as well) are all I can drink.
ugh, at least you have tequila!
It is painful but tequila is a cureall
Sucks the JWF got so red-pilled. He’s now that guy at the BBQ that’s funny and then you get stuck in a corner talking to him while he unloads all his misdirected anger…
Put which side of the American politcal hellscape he’s on aside. I’ve never seen anyone just try so hard all of the time, after once being so funny and so relatable.
Sort your footlets out – uniqlo do great invisibles
Entitled, limp wristed gay writer hates anyone who doesn’t ride a pink 6′ thruster 😭😂
He should have written “so not gay” on them.
What is the context of thruster in your sentence?
https://media4.giphy.com/me… Sold more boards than any Shop in Surfing history….
Gonna get a blister on your heel from those “socks”
Cat 3 hurricane Erick hitting Puerto Escondido right now.
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I see some commenters are teasing you on your choice of ‘sockettes’, and quite rightly so.
But I commend you for taking this shot while visiting your grandparents, which is easy to tell by the style of carpet, which was popular in the 1950’s when they would’ve bought it.
Or did you get it used from a house demolition yard, to suit an ironic cyclical fashion kind of thing going on in your own home ?
P.S.
Can you please do an article about your love of midlengths, your hate of eggs, and the differences between them ?
Cheers
you missed the subtle twist and tickle tie-in, to the article wherein Chas lightly mentions the Persian empire.
the rug is a Persian Rug from 1966, during the the era of Shah Pahlavi and the year that Vans shoes were created.
It’s all cyclical….circular logic, like how Beef and Beer go together…..Laws of the Universe and all that. you really should hang out more with Griffin.
Speaking of concerns Jen, is your ‘writing avatar’ the star in The Crying Game. Asking for Otto.
I’ve rocked Vans minus socks much. They last 20 days. Saving the environment here.
Hence all the cologne…?
“And so I bought a pair of the Vans Queer Surf shoe in hopes of wearing it on the recently wrapped North Florida/South Carolina podcast tour to show support. Paying much extra for quick shipping”.
I think you need to get back to your Christian roots Chas—some day you will be held accountable for every idle word you speak and deed.
True.
PS
wonder how much business Vans is gonna lose now when these hit the streets….
(pun intended).
It’s ‘lose’ and apparently Bob is watching you
Thank you.
Correction in place.
I hear you but also deeply feel that not piling on to marginalized folk is most essentially Christian.
Agreed, and as from my above post as you can see, I never piled on anything or condemned anyone, but I don’t think that, that behavior should be encouraged, I hope you would agree?
Did not hint that you were the one piling on. Folk hurting right now. What should we do?
Did you hint?
Well, you did say it in ‘your’ post to ‘me’, so yes, I would kind of assume it was directed at me. My apologies if not.
But what of my question above?
I don’t think that, that behavior should be encouraged, I hope you would agree?
Folk are hurting right now, plain and simple. Love and let the chips fall where they may.
word fuckin, up.
“Let the chips fall where they may”.?
That seems kind of hap-hazard.
Yes, folks are hurting right now, and ‘you’ have the power to change some of that—by sharing God’s truth.
You will still have to answer before a Holy God and give an account of how ‘you’ lived your life, (as I will also have to do).
Not trying to be condemning, just want you to really think about it.
Don’t let your talents go to waste.
Use them for His kingdom.
Let your life count for eternity.
You will never regret it.
Ok, I’m done.
Do you go to hell if you don’t capitalize He, Him and God?
You forgot They
Experience with evangelicals suggests otherwise.
100%
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Jesus wouldn’t. Dude led a gay harem. Fuck off with your shit reading of made up scripture, too.
Hey Chas, not trying to put you on the spot, (well, maybe a little).
And as far as your question, “what should I (we) do?
(I know what I would do.)
Did it ever occur to you of sharing your Christian faith with them.
You have an awesome platform.
Do you remember the parable of the ‘talents’, (a piece of money), (but also about our personal talents),
Someday we, you, me, will stand before God and have to give an account of how we lived our lives.
For ourselves, or for Him.
How are you using your talents?
Should there be an article tied to Juneteenth today?
Folk? Is that you Barack?
What’s your beef with eggs?
Cruelty to hens!
I’m contemplating my guilt over eating a free range egg this morning versus my normal almonds and fruit breakfast
Not available in Australia!
Probably because you’re thankfully free of MAGA.
You’d be surprised…
Sadly not. The human condition….
That sock is the step before foiling!
🤣
pre-foil attire.
Sold – I’m buying a pair just so I too can cross out “all boards”
Odd (or one could say queer ) that what goes down in the bedroom needs to be celebrated on the streets by purchasing a pair of skate shoes to not skate in, no?
I don’t think Vans classics are considered “skate~able” anymore, tbh. Strange times.
I don’t think that’s the point he was trying to make.
Please stop side-stepping, (no-pun intended), the questions and stick to the issues.
Damn you’re tiresome.
Queer times for sure. Yes the skate pros are their skatable shoe nowdays. Maybe those ones you got there are more of a SUP shoe. After 40 years of skating in Vans I’ve walked away and landed in Last Resorts. Couldn’t be happier to skate in a skater owned shoe.