Surfers accuse Republicans of barrel dodging after house speaker announces early summer break

When the Epstein Files break here, don't be there.

The United States Congress will take its yearly summer recess one day early in an effort to avoid taking any votes on the Epstein matter or discussing it at all. The saga of the disgraced pedophile, and the influential men he once called friends, has blasted back into the public square after president Donald Trump reneged on a campaign promise to release Epstein’s “client list,” strangely declaring no such document exists and that his former pal had, indeed, committed suicide in prison despite minutes of missing on the doctored “raw” security camera footage.

Many in Trump’s base became outraged at the audacity of the busted pledge. His vociferous dismissal of anyone who questioned the findings raising many red flags even for the majority who didn’t previously pay the matter much mind, mostly including surfers.

Those who find pleasure riding waves are generally not the most politically literate and do not care about what goes on in the halls of power but Trump’s lie echoed the classic surf trip phenomenon wherein a surfer goes to Bali, canoodles with a pretty man, is photographed so doing, writes the pretty man a note reading “may every day be another wonderful secret” then denies any of it ever happening.

House Speaker Mike Johnson added to surfer interest when he sent congress home early instead of further investigating the Epstein matter as it mirrored the classic surf trip phenomenon wherein a surfer goes to Bali, paddles out at Uluwatu, takes off on a wave that makes him uncomfortable and races to the shoulder instead of pulling in.

Barrel dodging.

“There’s no purpose for the Congress to push an administration to do something they’re already doing,” Johnson stated, trying to explain.

Surfers only hearing “No, that wave had a weird warble on the face and it was also going to close out and I think it did so the only move was to shoot for the corner.”

Classic.