Surf media’s deceptive spin on New Jersey’s hurricane swells: mostly underwhelming, yet novelty waves offer fleeting brilliance

"If you want the ultimate disappointment, you've got to be willing to defer payment of the ultimate price."

Sometime around Friday, or thereabouts, pictures and videos will trickle, then flood, surf media outlets of waves generated by hurricane Erin from the east coast of USA. There will be portraits of double overhead caves and snapshots of eight foot A-frames spitting in both directions. A

ll will be presented in a perfectly angled light.

Now, they say Jerz has the juice, but for hurricane swells it’s definitely a lil pasteurized when it comes to what were shown on Instagram.

We know a camera can pause a hummingbirds wings in flight to make it seem suspended in mid air. Garden Sate surf photographers are the Claude Monet’s of still life with reeling rights. It ain’t quite a Hugh Hefner airbrush, but definitely a magician pullin’ the curtain away. Each frame is clicked at the right interval, paused in a second of perfection before it folds into a thumping closeout. Curated for consumption.

Ya see, most of the Jersey coast line has a straighter edge than Fugazi and Minor Threat combined. No headlands, no outcrops, no filters and very little bend. Think the opposite of a Thomas’ English muffin: no nooks, no crannies, bare and bland as Wonder bread.

Yeah, there are jetties and piers, but having that as your sifter for hurricane swell is like trying to catch a bowling ball with a baseball mitt. New Jersey has no reefs. Its near shore bathymetry of sand is horizontal. There is nothing to groom these swells. Most hurricane waves have a long period, anywhere from 12-17 seconds. When they hit the Jersey sand bottoms its the antithesis of J-bay.

But, most of New Jersey (and portions of NY) are sectioned into barrier islands. That means bays. That translates to wrap around swell. Running north to south, lets take a look of how to score hurricane swell for the average centurion surfer and take a peek at the spots ya might see posted on The Gram: (of course with a lil guess work and not revealing exactly where)

The northern tip of NJ’s coastline has a nude beach tucked into a national park. It has a perfect view of the Manhattan skyline. Follow the exposed phallus’ to a wrap around right into a bay. Its worth navigating the forest of unmanscaped pubic manes on a big swell.

Even more north, and a lil west, is the tucked away Island of The Wu. Only one Ghost Face occupies this Isle. Swells with pop have surreptitiously weaved their way in.

Still in Northern Jerz, an inlet exists with two surf breaks splitting it. The native Lenape word for the northern break translates to “mouth of the river.” The break on the other side is named for fourth generation Italians who lift weights for chicks. Follow the “no wake” zone to the dog walkers and 12 foot closeouts refract into waist high peelers.

Ben Gravy once trimmed the fat of a 15ft @15 second hurricane swell into a neat, digestible, 6 foot morsel. Go south, where the ports are long.

 

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The southern most tip of New Jersey has a bunch of Victorian homes with wrap around porches. Swell also swings wide past these century abodes.