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The "Donroe Doctrine" (pictured) unchill.
The "Donroe Doctrine" (pictured) unchill.

The “Donroe Doctrine” is real dumb branding

Only a surfer knows the feeling.

The general globe vibe shifted, three-ish days ago, when the United States broke with years and years of precedent and ultra-rad special ops bro’d Venezuela’s president, Nicolas Maduro, and his wife, Cilia Flores, from their Caracas compound in the midst of the night.

In the past, the “Defender of the Free World” would have cloaked such action with various plausible deniabilities. Funding and directing internal Venezuelan paramilitaries, for example, or digging Dick Cheney’s rotting bones from the ground, turning them into a marionette and having it inaudibly growl that Maduro and his wife were at home knitting weapons of mass destruction before actually invading the entire country.

Well, Trump, ever the iconoclast, 180 degreed from his “no meddling in foreign affairs” promises and BOOM.

The little hand says it’s time to rock ‘n’ roll.

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Trump’s Secretary of State, Marco Rubio, explained, “This is the Western Hemisphere. This is where we live — and we’re not going to allow the Western Hemisphere to be a base of operation for adversaries, competitors, and rivals of the United States,” while his boss threatened Colombia, Mexico and Denmark with Venezuelan fates.

Trump, being Trump, branded it the “Donroe Doctrine.” A portmanteau using his first name, Donald, affixed to the old “Monroe Doctrine” which warned Europe against Western Hemisphere colonization back in 1823.

“And the Monroe Doctrine is a big deal,” the 79-year-young told reporters gathered at Mar-a-Lago, “but we’ve superseded it by a lot, by a real lot. They now call it the Donroe Doctrine.”

Donroe Doctrine.

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Ugh.

While surfers don’t know much, we do have a real knack for branding, smelling rare bits of cool in dusky fields of lame like well-trained truffle pigs.

Volcom is a prime example. It didn’t much matter what the 90s dressmaker made, simply that it was called “Volcom,” which both read and sounded essential.

On the flip side, we have the utterly embarrassing 00s television flop John from Cincinnati. Plot, writing and acting aside, the show might have worked if it did not include “surf talent scout, manager and agent” Linc Stark (played by Luke Perry RIP) who also happened to own the surf brand Stinkweed.

The "Donroe Doctrine" Is Real Dumb Branding 2

Stinkweed reeks of failure purely in its look/feel.

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The Donroe Doctrine is the Stinkweed of foreign policy branding.

Discuss.

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118 Comments
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BograilCutback

Was talking to a real estate agent yesterday, SoCal. Older, Ralph Lauren pullover, navy blue, white hair, soft, crinkly white skin. Voted for Carter once when he was young and republican since.

“Man I didn’t sign up for this when I voted for Trump.”

Wasn’t going to vote blue. Don’t blame him, I didn’t vote this last election. But guess what? You did vote for him! The amnesia is crazy. Feels 1984.

Maternal Grandfather, who’s great-grandfather was Ignacio Luis Vallarta Ogazón ( a governor of Jalisco/president of the Supreme Court and Minister of the Interior in his lifetime), was very much a proud, Mexican nationalist. Proud of his heritage. Grew up in the shell of what was left of Mexican aristocracy post Mexican-Revolution.

Banker of all things. Would go broke. Meanwhile we were slinging tacos here à la mestizo in the good all USA, visits by the KKK included!

In his 80’s he would tell me, “Can we just get it over with and have the US annex Mexico?” After a lifetime of despising the gringos. My freshly liberal arts college-ed brain couldn’t compute the identity politics gymnastics. Now I just realize he was a man like any man that gets tired and wants the most pragmatic option.

Which makes it sound like I agree with him. But weird to see playing out in a way he somewhat foresaw

Sellme fitzgobbins

Had An old boy living over the road that used to call a certain beach elliotup trying to incorporate his last name into the spot and using up at the end as common in these parts with a lot of aboriginal place names ie yallingup .
It never stuck and I would cut my tounge out before I would ever call it that

Capt Sensible

Sounds familiar like the kook that tried to re name A frames as Huessos

Happy Camper

he didn’t even say it. said Dems should cancel the midterms because they’re so bad. Then said if he said he should cancel them, the media would say he’s a dictator. Enter CB

Otto

Dems can’t cancel the midterms, EVER, cause corrupt to the core Dems are getting too much in campaign contribution kickbacks from Somali ghost children daycare centers.
Newest one, Somalian Education Resource Center – $14,000,000.00 fucking dollars.

FL Skunk Ape

Fell for it again award. The entire budget of the main fed program for child care is $12.5B. But of course maga is not known for their intellect.

Otto

You see that little decimal point, yeah, that’s there to show you it’s $14M and zero cents.

FL Skunk Ape

Either way, it’s a false story. I’m more concerned about presidents that like to fuck kids and the disgusting people who defend it.

Brutus

yep unsubstantiated theory take off Youtube….So if it’s on youtube must be true

Firelipe Torpedo

Venezuelalabama

Barnycle

A John from Cincinnati reference

I tried to give it a chance a couple of years ago and couldn’t get past a few episodes. A rare, genuine dud from HBO.

Chas Smith

It was so so so incredibly bad.

Rightdownthegooch

John need to dump out? Seriously, who tf were the writers on that trash? Not getting involved in the politics on this thread, but what in the eff was that?

Barnycle

The first guy created nypd blue and Deadwood. The second guy , who presumably was in charge of surf authenticity is …

Kem Nunn (born 1948) is a third-generation Californian novelist, surfer, and magazine and television writer who lives in southern California.[1] He has been described as “the inventor of surf-noir” for his novels’ dark themes, political overtones, and surf settings.[2] He is the author of six novels, including his 1984 seminal debut surf novel Tapping the Source, which was a finalist for the National Book Award. Tapping The Source inspired the 1991 movie Point Break, and its 2015 remake.[3] Nunn’s novel, Tijuana Straights, received a Los Angeles Times Book Prize.

Happy Camper

wow. 5 political incendiary devices in 5 days.

the one thing you have to admit is how good President Trump is at trolling libs brains and making them lose it like their hair’s on fire….even with silly dad jokes.
It’s like a Beach Grit article.
too good!

channelbottom

That orange shitstain is now floating the idea of cancelling the mid-terms.
Of course he’s sort of ‘jesting’ but everyone knows that this will become some sort of reality as soon his goons can manufacture something to make it happen.

False-flag event inside 4 months… calling it here.

Otto
FL Skunk Ape

It’s a distraction from the fact the Epstein files show that trump likes to fuck kids. There has been no regime change in Venezuela. It’s the same dictatorship that it was a week ago. The military there runs the show.

Kama'aina

We can’t even get some real adjacency these days. I can’t care what BG has to say on surfing or what’s happening in it. Cheap tabloid being too cheap for me. I really miss the wit and humor as well as the hot takes that had some thought behind them. Seems that all that’s left is a daily deadline pumped out in a sloppy way. Aloha to you all. Maybe see you in the comments of some other site.

Strayan C

Hey mate I saw your post on the other site but refuse to comment over there. Just so I know we are on the same page the young surfer has the initials DW ay

Kama'aina

Wild to me that this story is out there but not one surf journalist will touch it. Yes DW was told to stand down so that Kalani could be put on ice till she was legal. Hope someone with the means will put this story in the light and show the “goat” for what he is.

Strayan C

Wild ay. I happen to know DW pretty well through trips to Tav and cuz he’s really tight with a few of the fellas from here. He’s a legend of a cunt who fucking rips

Did ya know that a few months after they hooked up Old Baldie took her Tav when DW was doing one of his boatman stints over there? How utterly fucked is that? What makes it soo sad is the whole ordeal hit DW fucking hard and I know he was struggling for a good while. Its one of the main reasons I hate the old bald cunt so much

Kama'aina

That whole story is unreal. For sure that wasn’t an accident to show up on DW’s shift. Sucks that DW got to cop that and not even a word of negative about R. Kelly. If someone can break the story there are a bunch of guys that were at the house when it went down that may come out to shed light on how it went down.

Montana Surfers Journal

Oh come the fuck on, someone’s gotta chase this story down. Talk about a soap opera!

Strayan C

There ain’t a chance any surf journalist is going to go up against old baldie with this story. Much easier to just drag Sarge back up after 20 years haha. There must be fellas from San Clemente who know the full story on here?

pipspuss

Boys I’m confused on this?? Shed some light??

Strayan C

Not sure if I should say anymore mate, the walls have ears and all that. But give me a chance to consume a few more cold beverages and we will see what happens haha

pipspuss

No worries, I might be on the right track

Barrelled

Why can’t you just use the same “allegedly” caveat that you are suggesting Hippy and Lins should use. You are already naming the guy by initials, why not shed some light on what seems to be a super shady story? Seems a bit chicken shit to call other people out for doing the exact same thing you are doing. Or did you sign an NDA?

c4

Had to call my friends who work in the industry. It’s out there to find. Doesn’t seem like the person who is DW would want the whole thing put out there. I wouldn’t.

Strayan C

Exactly mate, he is a legend of a bloke and I don’t want to bring up shit about someone I really like. I have already given more than enough clues up above for people to look into

c4

Would be nice if slater was held accountable but Yea just reopening old wounds.

Barrelled

Someone with supposed initials DW that is somehow intertwined with dating Kalani Miller when she was underage isn’t exactly throwing it out there like you are suggesting Hip and LINS should do. Just saying, little “pot calling the kettle black” going on there.

Strayan C

Mate one is a great human who is very private who got fucked over and is a mate of mine. ELO is a sleazy sack of shit who fucked the tour and got fired for acting a suss cunt so I don’t really see the similarity?

Italo Post Heat Interview

Derek Wriley?

Rich Marx

Is DW even his initials? 2008-2010 were hazy times for me but I swear it was someone else.

c4

Those were the right initials from what I heard.

channelbottom

Will someone please tell me WTF you are on about?
sammichjammich -at- gogglymail you know.

Strayan C

That reply to cb above is for you too mate

channelbottom

I really want to know now.
somebody email me please.
sammichjammich at teh gooooogles

Strayan C

OK CB now it’s quietened down I am going to tell you what I KNOW about this situation cuz I have spent some good times with DW getting hell pitted and drinking beers.

First time I met him through a mutual mate he was a young ripper from Cali, sponnoed by Bong and a fucking legend to hang out with. Insane tube rider, really fun and outgoing and also a real handsome fella too.

Next time I saw him maybe 3 years later back on Tav he had stuck on 20kgs, was pasty as and just a shadow of how I remembered him. Still a lovely fella but you could tell he had been through some tough times. No longer sponsored he told me he was just working in some surf brand I cant remember warehouse. Few of our mates over there told me about him and Kalani breaking up and Kelly taking her over there while he was there and just what a fucked situation it had been. DW had suffered some pretty severe mental illness and the medication and not surfing had seen him put on the pounds.

Now all that above I KNOW to be true cuz I saw it and lived it but from now on is where I have to be a little careful. It was over there then I first got told that old baldy had been a family friend of the Millers for years and had spent a fair time around Kalani since she was a young girl and how suss the whole thing was. I know nothing about that cuz Im a Strayan cunt thankfully and not from Slo Cal so can’t substantiate the story or tell you its true, its just what I was told by people pretty close to them. Make of that what you like mate

Strayan C

What I find pretty funny too is both Hippy and Bartin Lins claim to KNOW what happened with ELO but neither are willing to tell their stories down here, even with the word allegedly. Pretty sure neither were made to sign NDAs haha

Panda's sack rash

Monty Webber come on down, here’s your big chance.

Beef & Beer

Yes the REAL reason the US govt took Epsteins island and knocked him off.

https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Enthusiastic well-paid teenage prostitutes were always just a smokescreen for the fragile conservative American psyche…

channelbottom

Many a surf product on Aliexpress labelled as ‘Bilong’.
Which is fine I guess, if you like going both ways.

FL Skunk Ape

You were expecting something smart out of this admin?

Morons
Are
Governing
America

Chief Hot stuff

Isnt russia like ten miles from tha USA?

Rocks local

close enough for Sarah to see

Fergo

Ah, those innocent lost days….

Picard Madeoff

I must disagree Chas as “While surfers don’t know much” they likely understand the Venezuela incident(not to be confused with the Helsinki incident) better than most of the geopolitically oblivious Americans. Yes Chas this event seems to be quietly unfolding as more about the Brits global banking’s support of the drug trade dating back to the glory days of opium trade. And now, let us not forget the Brits established the banking system in the Caribbean that supports laundering cartel money these days. THIS is the story I’m watching!

Chief Hot stuff

Yes, we pretty much invented the first world, enjoy!!

Barrelled

So are you a Limey or an Aussie today?

Chief Hot stuff

Dual passports bro, its so handy!!

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins

So you’re bisexual, or trans?

Chief Hot stuff

Dream on it!!

Rocks local

So long as you didn’t go limey with the teeth

Chief Hot stuff

Still got em all, nice and straight too.

Picard Madeoff

THIS is exactly why I spend time on BG as few sites can match the geopolitical prowess of Derek, Chas and the faithful posters.

Doobalachy

It was the funest line though

Strayan C

And here we go again …….. haha

Barrelled

I know, you are kissing Otto’s feet again. WTF

Otto
Happy Camper

……also known as “The ParDON Doctrine.”

Strayan C

Haha not all mate, I just laughed at the comment cuz I knew it was a wind up and could see what was coming. This maybe hard for some seppos to get their heads around but I’m pretty dead centre on the political spectrum.

I reckon Donny is a dangerous, disgusting, demented cunt of a human but also recognise the only reason he got back in was the Dems and Kamala were so utterly clueless and shit at the last election.

At the end of Donnys current stint he would have spent 8 years as POTUS with the decrepit, geriatric cunt Sleepy Joe in the middle for four years. Does that not make Seppos sit there and go what the fuck is actually going on over here? Like Brutus says I just find the whole thing fascinating to watch from the outside and also funny as fuck if I’m being honest.

Noncompetitor

Is the Pacific side of Colombia holding?

Hippy

Need a boat

Com Turren

Think he’ll destroy NATO by attacking a NATO ally and invading Greenland? Not even sure NATO Article 5 even contemplates such insanity.

Picard Madeoff

The Greenland invasion might be the most bizarre of all the Trump machinations to date

RJ

only a matter of time

Doobalachy

Good distraction from Venezuela though

@surfads

I’d definitely wear anything from the Maginot Line. Would rock a Bretton Woods watch.

Donroe Doctrine I imagine would have similar branding to Jet Pilot

Chas Smith

I feel Battle of the Bulge could easily supplant Old Guys Rule in the marketplace.

Barrelled

Did you intend to post that on Grinder or BG?

Chas Smith

Now that you mention, I suppose it could supplant Rip Curl too.

Barrelled

I’m just tripping on the Old Guys Bulge thing you got going on there.

Happy Camper

HAHAHA. that’s good!!!

Otto

Happy January 6th everyone!

Barrelled

Happy Benedict Arnold Day to you cosplay.

Otto

Which Three Amigos are you?

Barrelled

I’ll take all 3 as they aren’t traitorous, stolen valor, cosplay POS’s like you.

Otto

Nah, you’re Ned Nederlander, the dainty silent film actor, who moved his hands around a lot

Barrelled

Sounds good, you can be the Rhinestone Cowboy. https://uploads.disquscdn.c… Fake cowboy hat-check
Toy BB gun-check
Fake horse-check
Wannabe military vet-check

Otto

You’re a silent movie actor Ned. No one knows if you sound good or not.

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins

Can we go beat up some cops and get away with it?!?

Otto

Which of the Three Amigos are you?

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins

Steve Martin!

Otto

I could see that

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
Happy Camper

so you’d be Lucky Day

Com Turren

Happy Treason Day!

Otto

And which Three Amigos are you?

Com Turren

Oh, I’d definitely be Porthos

Barrelled

Isn’t he a Musketeer?

Com Turren

yeah, but they were amigos too

Happy Camper

Com would be Dusty Bottoms

Noncompetitor

Pardon

Happy Camper

*parDON

FL Skunk Ape

I went out and beat police officers with an American flag to celebrate!

Otto

Didn’t you say your conscience forbids you buying an American flag.

FL Skunk Ape

No

Otto

That doesn’t seem like an answer of a man under distress.

FL Skunk Ape

Here’s a new avatar for ya https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

Happy Camper

Thank you, Otto.
the celebration is on. Pelosi drunk by noon

dogs and burgs on the BBQ, cold beers and champa-nnya……binge watching the archived footage of Cap Police opening the doors for “insurrectionists” and giving QAnon Shaman a tour of The Peoples House.

Barrelled

I assume that’s for anti-Democrat and internet kicks as you seem a much better person than to actually think that.

Happy Camper

#1 I’m not a better person
#2 yes, it was just having fun
#3 maga sucks at insurrections. they didn’t even bring any weapons. kind of stupid to try to overthrow a government when the only armed people are the police, and the over 300 FBI undercover agents in the crowd.
#4 Pelosi still drunk by noon

smiley face emoji

Jack John Johnson

Are you Jordan Goudreau?

Urchin Sepsis

I’d like to remind you that the day after that happened you came out on the site and said you were against the people that did it. Not so much anymore but that’s because you take your marching orders from a fukin fascist prick

Barrelled

Why does this show up on my phone but not my desktop?

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins

Our lives would probably be better if it didn’t show up at all, anywhere.

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins

I love you Otto. And you too, Bexy. But fuck you, Chas. And what’s next–DR, rehashing a dead horse topic from 2017?

First contest better have a fucking JJF-Medina final to make up for all this shit. And Carissa winning.

Barrelled

I’m thoroughly confused.

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins

Maybe ayahuasca will help…?

(Chas trying to bait us into another 200+ comments and more $ for BG.)

Chas Smith

If only the comments paid.

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins

So is the payment seeing our juvenile back and forths, sent back and forth across the planet?

Com Turren

some riches cannot be quantified

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins

only a surfer knows the feeling…

notsurfingtoday

No way – you get the same vodka money whether its a 5-comment dud article or a 3000+ live thread comment odyssey?
Aw shucks.

Occ Topus

Amen, brother.
This incessant potitifail clickbait redefines the term “shitposting”. Fortunately, it’s easily ignored.


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