Mark Wahlberg (pictured) during an oil spill.
Mark Wahlberg (pictured) during an oil spill.

Trump orders Santa Barbara oil pipeline responsible for devastating spill re-opened

"Donald Trump started a war, admitted it would spike gas prices nationwide and told Americans it was a small price to pay."

With oil prices spiking, due the Israel-U.S. war against Iran, President Donald J. Trump has ordered Sable Offshore’s pipeline, off Santa Barbara, to pump, baby, pump. The whole business was shuttered, just over a decade ago, after a rupture caused one of the worst spills in California history. Some 100,000 gallons of crude painting birds, beaches and britches an unfortunate shade of black.

Sable Offshore has been trying to re-open the pipeline for many years, though has run into hurdles relating to permits etc. California officials, for their part, have publicly stated that the Texas-based company has not repaired the damage that led to the 2015 spill.

All for naught now, anyhow, as Trump signed an executive order under the Defense Production Act that supersedes state law and, thus, Texas Tea is flowing once again.

The move might, optimistically, push California’s in-state oil production up by 15%.

Governor Gavin Newsom is not pleased, declaring, “Donald Trump started a war, admitted it would spike gas prices nationwide and told Americans it was a small price to pay. Now he’s using this crisis of his own making to attempt what he’s wanted to do for years: open California’s coast for his oil industry friends.”

Trump, for his part, likely doesn’t care what Newsom thinks since he is lowly dyslexic. In a White House appearance yesterday, the president shared that he is “all for people with learning disabilities, but not for my president — a president should not have learning disabilities.”

Continuing, he added, “Everything about him is dumb.”

Santa Barbara surfers, anyhow, dusting off hazmat suits and readying for crude barrels.

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