"We’ve had bulls that have gored cars and have attacked humans..."
Cannon Beach, Oregon is a bucolic coastal town, some hour and a half west of Portland and five hours north of Coos Bay. It is a typical Oregon coastal, green, grey, untamed Pacific lashing long sandy beaches, picturesque rocks, just off shore, bulging to the sky. The locals, there, don’t experience much hot action, which is why an invasion of berserk elk has rattled.
The population of the cloven-hooved beast has skyrocketed, over the past few years, mobs of the horned creatures milling about, aggressively. One city official sharing, “We’ve had bulls that have gored cars and have attacked humans, pushed them to the ground, pinned them in the ground with their antlers. At that point where there’s like this kind of broad understanding of like that there’s like a public safety issue that individual has been euthanized.”
The city council is trying desperately to fix the problem, but the only solutions proffered, thus far, are maybe fencing off some areas or “creating guidance for homeowners about how they landscape their property.”
Fairly mild.
Surfers are suggesting something more robust. Namely, that the famous big wave surfer Shane Dorian be called in to action.
Dorian, has been an active bow hunter for years, declaring, “It’s very similar to surfing. I like to go bow hunting for the very same reason I like go surfing, just to get away from the other things in life and relax and spend a day in the mountains rather than spend a day in the ocean.”
He has bagged what were described as “monster elk” in the past and Cannon Beach’s out-of-control berserkers would pose no threat.
A city saved.