"Sundar, I’m thinking of the Atlantic Ocean. Can you handle it?"
It is just under two weeks until the United States of America conducts its famed mid-term elections and coverage of the festivities has been wall-to-wall. Left leaning surfers are very much hoping that record-poor poll numbers for Donald J. Trump will trigger a “Blue Wave” wherein Democrats snag both the House of Representatives and the Senate thereby handcuffing the president during his final two years in office. Right leaning surfers are very much hoping the polls are “fake news” and that vigorous enthusiasm for America being made great again and/or a fear of boys running track against girls will allow Republicans to hold their slim majority in both chambers thereby allowing Trump to cook during his final eight years in office.
Trump is currently on the campaign trail, holding his signature rallies and floating that he’d like to rename the Atlantic Ocean “Trump Ocean.”
“I’m not going to put either Trump or America on any other ocean but these two,” the 80-year-old told an adoring South Carolina crowd, referring to the Pacific or the Atlantic before landing on the Atlantic.
“I spoke to a brilliant guy, Sundar. He heads all of Google,” Trump continued, referencing Google CEO Sundar Pichai. “Sundar, I’m thinking of the Atlantic Ocean. Can you handle it?”
According to Trump, Pichai responded, “No, no, no. This time I’m not doing it. Oceans are different, sir. They cover really a lot of countries. Please don’t ask us to do that.”
And it is true. The Atlantic laps the east coast of the United States, of course, but also eastern Central and South America, western Europe and western Africa. Central and South American surfers may not mind plying their pastime in Trump waters, what with Milei, Bolsonaro and Bukele running the show down there. Western Africa surfers may be indifferent. European surfers, though, would be made very sad as their long-held liberalism is directly affronted by Trump’s brand of fascist-lite.
Tough to spending the morning protesting for educational reform in Hossegor, say, then washing it off with a little paddle in the Trump.
But are you an Atlantic surfer? Would you welcome the rebranding or would it, too, make you very sad?
Commented on Disqus? Log out, tap the Disqus button, and your old name and comments come back. The box is ours.
Your comments are still here. Every one of them.
Twelve years of BeachGrit comments came across from Disqus. Connect and we will show you how many are yours. We get your username, nothing else.
Connect Disqus to reveal.
Got Yago and Caity for the W
Anyone but Spazzalo and I’m good mate. Have all 3 others in me fantasy team and as long as he doesn’t win I’m pretty sure I move from 2nd into 1st spot with just two events to go
Looks like the woz have jagged a good day for the massive finals day of 4 heats they’ve decided to run with. Any of you seppos gunna be watching tonight or yous just gunna leave it up to the crew of rag tag Strayans on here to keep the once mighty live chat ticking over on life support?
I know it’s a bad time zone for yous and yous have all been out there all day polishing your monster trucks or cleaning your guns or whatever else it is you weird cunts get up to over. What yous should do is take a pleasant little nana nap and get yourselves ready to step up and keep the last core surf spot on the net alive and kicking ya pack of softcocks xx
Midnight my time here in seppo land SC.
I’m gonna give it my best shot to stay awake.
Good man, keep the alcohol consumption constant and she’ll be right. Least theres some cracking looking heats to look forward to and some decent waves yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew
SC your post has me about to piss myself laughing. Fucking monster trucks and guns. No monster truck in my garage.
Drank too much wine with my anniversary dinner and accidentally took a nap, so maybe I’ll be awake. Start is 4am my time though.
Happy anniversary !!
TY!
That lucky husband of yours better have taken you to a place that such an amazing lady as yourself deserves? And I hope he was up to the task of ahem shall we say performing well in the activities associated with an anniversary dinner and evening?
I used to usually always get to pissed and forget to put the Dirty Bird wrappers in the bin which always seemed to kill the mood a touch!!
You’re becoming legendary at “killing the moood”
Hahaha Fuck up cunt, I’m a joy to be around as long as we aren’t in sexual relations with each other
Haha moo killer
I’m here giving the seppos a gee up but Mini is at a mates for a sleepover so unless it starts early I’ll probably get to pissed, fall asleep on the couch and miss the whole thing hahaha
Yep, we went to a nice place and had a great meal.
Beautiful and stoked ya had a lovely evening. What time is it there now cuz I think they’re on about starting in two hours
It’s 2 am.
Jeepers thats is a tough call on deciding what to do for four heats ay
I dont wonder why you single
Like life itself its a true mystery dear Mindy
Here’s a picture of my mansion.
Hahahahaha Na ya can’t fool me, I know thats Otto’s joint
You forgot the meth head digging a hole in the drive
The world has gone completely insane. The super criticized right wing Trump Supreme Court, ain’t no right wing Supreme Court.
Explain this shit…? Why should I have to pay for your trans psychopathy? Explain why I and yourselves should flip the bill for convicted criminals🤷♂️… change my mind!🤯
The Supreme Court on Wednesday kept in place a block on the Trump administration enforcing new restrictions that prevented the use of taxpayer funds on medical treatments and “social accommodations” for trans-identified prisoners. The Court stated that the federal government, funded by US taxpayers, must continue to pay for sex changes for allegedly trans-identified inmates in federal prisons.
Sit down. Dial 911. Take a deep breath. Someone will be there (Martin) shortly.
Whiskey
Oh wait “No Kings” give me a break you nieve Strayan Cunts and Lib Tard kooks!
* … it’s ‘naïve’.
“I love the poorly educated”indeed.
Hassling for misspelling on a tiny phone. Yes poorly educated. Go fuck yourself, I can barely read what im writing.
Obvious !! You might marry one down the track.
Think of it as an investment towards your retirement.
One of them tranny’s?😋
Come on! You’re happy paying for convict sex changes? Spit it out!
I’ll chain just about anything up and poke and prod. Think
Wolfe Creek
You know those little plastic baggies of dog crap people leave on the ground when they “forget” to throw em’ away? Time to give them a name… Obviously those are bags of TRUMP CHOCOLATE. Think how magical he is, bags of TRUMP CHOCOLATE will make MAGA’S rich like TRUMP when they eat them. MAGA’S no longer need to fantasize about being in his close circle of RUMP tonguing sycophants. MAGA’S can devour all the TRUMP CHOCOLATE their red hat hearts desire. Really it will make all their dreams come true. I heard he’s hiding a $5000 dollar check in each baggy. So get the word out, and keep an eye out about for TRUMP CHOCOLATE on or next to a sidewalks near you. Eat your TRUMP CHOCOLATE and vote red in this election!
As a maga I just let my dog leave his little jack Russell shits on the sand.
Seppo cunt just wants to remind what real leaders look like. USA!!!USA!!!USA!!!!!!
Oh yes, you hit the snooze button
Don’tcha know you up and fell asleep again
You did not even fight
Well, it’s just another song
Talkin’ ’bout how you let them take your rights
Another redundant verse about how you refused to fight and lost
What cost? Your cause has got no champion
How could you hope to win by just complaining?
Now it’s raining on your parade
Decisions made could cost you dearly
Not just your money but your freedom
Are you wealthy? Improper choices could be deadly
They took your so-called rights
You did not even fight
[
Well, here’s your motherfucking wake-up call
And there just ain’t way around it
Caught you asleep once again, we ain’t havin’ it
Got freedom for them to do just what they tell ya
You missed the train of thought
You refuse to be taught a lesson
Now this is what I’m guessing
You’ll be held accountable
Things you didn’t wanna know, you’re stressing
Now with your head that they keep messing
They took your so-called rights
You did not even fight
You had bad dreams, but you fell asleep again
While you were busy fuckin’ sleeping
You know your government was creeping
Someone left the door unlocked
You see, your life was bought and sold
Yes, to the highest bidder
Left you in sitcom hell
So convinced you’re doing well
You sit back, synapses are attacked
American Gladiators are the only thing they’re giving back
You’re dying and in your mind while they keep lying
They took your so-called rights, you better fucking
(Wake up!) Now yes, you hit the snooze button
Don’tcha know you up and fell asleep again
(Fight!) They took your so-called rights
And again, and again, you fell asleep again
(Wake up!) Now yes, you hit the snooze button
Don’tcha know you up and fell asleep again
(Fight!) They took your so-called rights
You did not even fight
No, that’s no true, wait
I said, yeah, you’re doing what they say
Don’t you fall asleep today, no way
Watch out
(Awake, awake) No, that’s no true way
(Awake, awake) I said, yeah, you’re doing what they say
(Awake, awake) Don’t you fall asleep today
No way (awake), No way, they’ve got to pay
(Awake, awake) No, that’s no true way
(Awake, awake) I said, yeah, you’re doing what they say
(Awake, awake) Don’t you fall asleep today
(Awake) No way (awake)
Now that I’ve given you a message
You’ve got a mess but you can salvage
Continue to grow and you’ll know
That little things in life can make a difference
You gotta beat that politician
Take back those given rights you better fuckin’
(Wake up!) Now yes, you hit the snooze button
Don’tcha know you up and fe 6ll asleep again
(Fight!) They took your so-called rights
And again, and again you fell asleep again
(Wake up!) Now yes, you hit the snooze button
Don’tcha know you up and fell asleep again
(Fight!) They took your so-called rights
You did not even…
No, no, no, no, no!
You did not even fight, fight, fight
They took your so-called rights
You did not even fight.
This sounds like unc’s Rage Against the Machine cover band trying some Limp Bizkit influenced originals. Bonus lack of points for the shithouse band name. 0.5/5 stars
I like the dog . woof !
Try this dog
I give that 3 ! Woofs !
Ah millenials…🤣
Troll is that you?
where?
If your average beach grit commenter was a band, this would be it
Your average Beach Grit commenter….
The Bitch Boys.
Peaches Clit
^ ‘surf / psych / garage’ band from Slovenia (I think?)
SNOT!
This is a great idea Mr President and when exactly is Canada becoming another American state again Sir? Also cunt I’d be fucking frothing if ya wanted to change the name of my own small beach town to Trumpscliff yeeeeeeeeeeeeeew
G day ya Seppo Cunt
RIP Tom Skerritt
He was the tits in Top Gun. Perfectly played role.
93 is a good run.
Stuck with the stash the entire time. #committment
cleared to surf again, though imma have to wear a kooky helmet for the next 3-6 months minimum while I’m on blood thinners. limited to 2 drinks per day, so only NA beers for Com during contest live threads after I’ve consumed my daily allotment. all in all though, not a bad predicament for a guy who nearly died a little over a week ago.
Glad to hear you’re on the mend.
could have been that dinner???
I blame Chas!
How long would you have lasted if you’d just sat on the couch saying ‘it’ll pass’?
What happened? Been tuned out a bit.
Com almost died with some blood clot thing.
he lives, thanks to modern medicine.
renounces wave pools.
Maybe this could’ve been brought on by swallowing too much chlorinated water after he foolishly attempted the fucking heaps hectic 2ft “slab” setting the last time he was at the pool?
Genuine lol at that last line.
Witty!
as it happens, I was supposed to go to the new wave pool in Palm Desert last Saturday. And if I’d been an idiot and tried to power through instead of going to urgent care, that probably would have been the end of me. perhaps the universe might be telling me something about wave pools.
would have been probably a week or two away from heart failure
Yikes. Imagine if it happened when typing a comment. A full life, well lived. Glad yer ok mate
Imagine if it happened to Gwen or Jack while they were having a meltdown over some minor slight. Would be tragic.
meltdowns definitely a health hazard for some on here
That sounds hectic, glad you’re not dead. You can call them nonnies or NABs FYI
โลก Trump.
Khap
Fuck, it’s impossible to muster any enthusiasm for this whole “two heats per day ” deal the Wozzle is serving up like leftover shit sandwiches.
It’s the sporting equivalent of your girlfriend agreeing to just the tip and sticking to her guns. Aint no one got time for that
At best it’s a disjointed and dispiriting spectacle, at worst it portrays the WSL as being utterly contemptuous of its audience. Always the nagging cynicism that they’re unnecessarily dragging it out over hours and days to maximise visitors to their onsite shops and global viewers. Can’t even imagine how frustrating it’d be to attend live and be told “ Just another fifteen minutes till kick off “ for interminable periods as your arse freezes in that cold, brown sand and you nurse your $10 coffee.
Sort your self out, cunts. Shit or get off the pot.
Seperate the ladys, for safety.
Made this exact point in the live chat and was told by Brutus that this is just natures doing and to stop shouting at the clouds for some reason
😢
Ah an emoji guy, can’t say I’m surprised. Are those neoprene clown shoes protecting your poor little tootsies over all that sharp coral little Neggy Poos? I’m assuming ya also wear one of those gay surf hats along with one of those hooded vests that are all the rage with all the kook cunts these days?
Dude we’re all friends here except for that pinchy guy.
.
What’s up with Twillsy?
Abandoned us all. Twillsy was/is funny.
A few years ago when Chas was experimenting with bringing new traffic to the site he started to write a huge series of articles about Giselle, Tom Brady and Slater. The result was there was a huge number of Brady-loving, Giselle-hating blowins all commenting for the first time, all calling Chas a huge asshole. Serious abuse. It was funny.
Well one day, on a particularly active thread (the Google algorithm must have been kind to that particular article) Twillsy decided to personally troll every single one of the blowin commenters. It was funny as hell.
I called it Twillsy’s Revenge. I thought I had bookmarked it but, alas, I did not and it’s lost to the inability to properly scroll back through the archives.
Don’t forget the sam George posts. They were pretty good
Seppo Cunt watches when it’s two heats a day.
Seppo Cunt watches when it’s ten heats a day.
Seppo Cunt doesn’t whine and cry.
USA!!! USA!!!USA!!!
PR strategy to keep peoples minds off the Tahiti allegations and all the bad press.
Just landed at Melbourne airport after a month in West Africa. Coffee cost me $8.70 for a medium! Fucken hell.
A month? Brother !
Please write an article about that trip. Could even be a two-parter. With a photo or two.
Riveting stuff. If this is the best version of American Strayan Cunt we have to offer then we deserve all the flogging they throw at us.
Time will tell
Fuck it let them.
I’m over dealing with account settings.
You want Seppo Cunt?
YOU CAN’T HANDLE SEPPO CUNT!!!
Not looking good at present Mr Bond
Anyway, no protests here, just the most beautiful people on earth, flanier sur la estacade
Xox
I’m with you. Many French women are so beautiful in their own unique way. Mix that in with other cultures such as North African and you can get some gorgeous looking ladies.
I dream about Juliette Binoche and Lea Seydoux. Sophie Marceau as well, to a lesser extent.
All I dream about ( or recollect dreaming about) are airports…being late to the airport. Being on the wrong side of the airport. Looking at my x whose laughing at me for getting busted with what…I don’t know. Fucken sick of it.
Jordy getting barreled off of his tits, accompanied by some light rock n’ roll.
the guitar solo begins at 2:54
Peter King?
Nah fuck that.
And you believed it.
who’s watching? just got a notice in the mail from The City alerting “that you haven’t voted!”
yeah, so I wouldn’t show up on either party’s donations lists!
What a riot~
He Otto be ashamed.
Xox
Oui!!!!
Imagine if that pile of trash surfed… Trumpline, Trumps’ Bay(T-Bay), Lowers Trumps, Trump’s Right, SuperTrumpos, Outer Trumps, etc… excuse me I need to go wash my hands, pray, and burn some Sage.
SuperTrumpos haha
Ivanka’s?
“Little Marco’s”
Trumpipop
Ivanka’s Lowers comes to mind
Ohh what a pandora’s s box of shitty puns! But here we go
Puerto Estrumpido / Trump Escondido
Trumpibu
Trump’ skeleton Coast
Durantrumpah
Trumpo Estupido?
Trumpsterns
Oranges
Trump Beach and surfing reserve. Victoria. Plant a tree for Trump