"Surfers call it the washing machine."
Chonky VALs received a kick in the guts, ahead of the weekend, after United States President Donald J. Trump was pictured as one of them on the latest cover of The Economist magazine. The image, featured the 80-year-old underwater after suffering what appears to be a wipeout brutal enough to rip his red surf cap right off his head. His board, a 7S 5-foot egg, is stuck in boil though his 9-foot leash has not gone taut.
The expression on Trump’s face is one of pain and confusion, a look familiar to chonky VALs. There is no evidence the wipeout was the result of him dropping in on another surfer. It is likely that he simply went left on a right.
All very unflattering.
The feature story begins, “Surfers call it the washing machine. When a giant wave throws you off your board and plunges you underwater, you lose all sense of where you are. That is what befell Donald Trump and his party on November 3rd, as they were slammed by tens of millions of American voters. They have still to grasp just how much their country has changed…” before fading behind the paywall.
It is titled “Donald Trump’s humiliation offers America an opportunity.”
Trump could have been depicted as a portly boy building a sand ballroom too close to the water getting ambushed by a sneaker and the feature could have begun, “Sandcastlers call it the rinse cycle. When a dumping wave drops on your head and rolls you around, you lose all sense of where you are…”
He could have been shown as a hefty fella playing spike ball also too close to the water and also getting surprised by a rogue set.
He could have been etched as an overweight Clark Little mistiming some piece Waimea shore pound.
But he was cast as a chonky VAL and now that set is being forced to reevaluate life choices.
A tough reckoning.
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Just like Deeks’ post other night, I just want to say it is so funny as fuck, to wake up and read some of these posts/messages etc
BEACHGRIT
Derek and Chaz deserve our complete respect for letting us get away with some of the shit said down here. In saying that though I’m fucking over being know as Strayan C…..Crab. What a fucked name hahaha
Just wanted everyone to know JSC has posted a comment below… may as well just scroll through to this important information. Read then run outside into the sunshine and thank gods you were able to take in such an intrinsic and unique take from Him.
I never realized he was a meteorologist too
I don’t fancy myself a qualified meteorologist, but If you are entrusted to use thousands of dollars of other people’s money to go to the opposite side of the world and find, surf and document new surfing locations, you had better know something about meteorology –
I don’t know why everyone gives JSC so much grief?
He is funny as fuck
John Seaton Callahan the First is a fucking funny cunt who trolled all the Sheilas on Swellnet and now does the same over here hahaha. He gets given sooooo much grief and still just comes back and keeps giving it back. Thats a proper cunt right there who gives zero fucks and I respect that haha yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew
From what I’ve learnt off mates who’ve done time, the worst thing you can be in prison culture is a pa3do or a snitch. The worst thing you can be in surfing culture is a non -surfer who sells out uncrowded spots for z- grade celebrity and almost enough cash to buy a carton of domestic beer.
He ain’t a troll. He’s the real deal that you’d love to share a beer with in some quiet place and forcefully express how despicable you find the type. Just because he’s too arrogant too own his egregious attitude doesn’t make him an anti-hero. Quite the opposite.
The Goldie and surrounds hasn’t had a quiet / secret surf spot for decades so maybe the point is lost on you? Everyone else is still all too aware of the creeps out there wanting to blow shit up.
In a totally unrelated thread; The most arrogant people I’ve ever met were the few pa3dos I’ve known. A certain breed of character. The only way to cure it is with fire.
I dunno what Pedos have to do with JSC, but somehow you have gone there mate.
I am sorry you had to meet and deal with so many Pedos…and yes burn them with fire.
JSC is just a funny cunt, and a part of BREACHGRIT LORE!
His posts are ridiculous, and I still am not sure if it is the real dude…Hahha
DID YOU KNOW?
You can’t even buy his book, because it is SOLD OUT!
actually the worst in Prison are the pedo/rapists of young women….as most prisoners have family’s and especially daughters….and vent they do!
I’m that off it. Just went up to the Volcom store in Tweed and couldn’t find that outfit of Jacks anywhere. No idea what I’m gunna wear for me big dinner date tomorrow night now
How’s your mom?
A good question for Barnycle.
She’s doing really well thanks mate although getting antsy cuz she feels so tired a lot of the time. I keep having to tell her Mum you were about a cm from dying instantly so have a bit of patience!!
Her sister has flown back to Europe but heaps of her friends pop into see her which is great cuz she’s really sociable and loves a chat so they keep her up to date on all the local gossip and goings on. So yeh progressing well I’d say mate and she’s one tough old lady, which she said she had to be to raise two boys like me and me older brother hahaha bless her xx
Good news
Thanks heaps Gwen, much appreciated mate
Good news. Give her a hug everyday mate. What a Treasure.
She had to put up with two of you cunts haha.
Tough as nails, still dealing with two adult short board surfers.
SO Who surfs better these days?
You or your Bro?
Sibling Rivalry…
Hahahaha mate I’ve got soooo many stories I could tell. Me dear older brother faded me once at Fingal and when hes paddled back out I’ve just cracked him and we’re fully going at it and had to be separated by mates.
Then there was the time in our living room when we’ve started fully going at it and me dear old mum had to jump in the middle and keep us apart hahaha. Me brother is four years older than me and has now gone fully organic and even rides a twinny when it’s small and I’m still just a complete cunt haha.
Brotherly love ay and deep down we love each other to death just times were a bit different down here when we were growing up haha. It was that mongrel aggression that used to keep us winning world titles and now every cunt is soft as and trying to be as PC and woke as possible haha yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew
Soba Surfer I think you’ll love this clip of me best mate surfing around home. Put it up before but it came up on me you tube feed and I don’t think ya saw it and I know how much ya love a decent surf clip. Underground cunts rule hahaha yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew
I thought the chin hair might create too much drag and slow him down, but I was clearly wrong. haha. This was great!
Glad ya liked it and the ZZ Top beard went a long time ago only to be replaced by a fucking shit mullet haha. He’s a fucking legend though with a good heart and he’s always been there for me bless him. One of the only men I’ve ever met who drops more f and c bombs than me so he even makes me feel well spoken too hahaha
Same Big Dan that locked him in the ONSITE Porta-Loo for 2 hours straight in 35C heat, and nobody EVEN NOTICED, while he was too busy posting on a LIVE BeachGrit Event to even try to leave the CRAP TARDIS.
Talk about a Prank backfire…
SC was still in their tapping away when they opened it up
“SOME PRIVACY PLEASE”
Hahahahaahahahahaha
Trump is a natural footer.
Obviously this means all natural footers are psychopathic manipulators. You may not like this but that’s what the science says. Deal with it.
I heard he goes switch just to not piss off his constituents as a godforsaken screwfoot
23 days on the north shore so far with maybe 5 really fun surfs. The wind just won’t stop it’s 30 mph sideshore or stronger pretty much every day except for a 4 day stretch. Yesterday sunset was 10’ solid but horrific cross winds. Not something a guy in his 60’s with heart problems should even think about.
Thing about Oahu is the west side isn’t that much of an option unless it’s really really big.
Hoping things change soon
They SE trades there? Positive Indian Ocean dipole usually means “stronger for longer” trades through Indo. Same deal I guess? Can be a useful pattern if you put your mind to it!
Trades here are typically easy/northeast in the 10 to 20 mph range. The days start off a bit ruffled with a more northerly wind angle then cleans up and shifts east ( close to offshore) by noon.
We are on a run of full on 30 mph northeast trades with stronger gusts. And lots of rain. The water has had a semi brown hue to it the entire time which of course makes you think of tiger sharks. The locals say all the flooding from last spring along with recent rains have meant there is a lot of silt and mud on the bottom. Needs a massive swell to clean it off and get that blue ocean back.
Yuck.
I watched guys kiteboarding backyards yesterday that’s really the only option besides riding a giant brewer gun at sunset ( and drowning ). The northerly angle of swell means the west side ( basically Makaha ) is 1/3 the size of sunset. With 30 big Hawaiians on longboards there to greet you
Yikes. Yeah, it’s looked kind of gnarly on the cams, with the winds.
Surfed my local today here on BI… a few feet overhead, glassy, crowd only 10-20 people out. Super fun session.
West side?
Yes.
We are going to Maui Nov 14 to 24. Hoping for either a big enough swell for Honolua or light enough winds for hookipa
Great timing. According to Surfline, there’s supposed to be swell at Honolua. I’ve never surfed there, but have wanted to for many years. I was in Kaanapali working in March, and there was a freak late season swell. On a Sunday, I drove up to Honolua and took a look. It looked SO fun! Alas, I had no board. One of these days imma take an island-hopper to Maui and surf the bay.
Hope your luck and the winds turn !
Dropped a little this evening hoping we start getting some perfection soon. I’m ready. Thanks R.L.
Was out there right bf the big flooding this past February , also had crazy winds and rain , fingers crossed you have a happy ending
Hawaii is 20 degrees north of the equator – there is nearly always going to be wind. Great for kiteboarders and foilers, not so much for surfing.
Go to a location in Indonesia within ten degrees of the equator and there is much less wind to deal with –
Thanks Guy Hagi
Californian dumb cvnts going 3% deposit loan retard. Please don’t be giving our spastic Prime Minister any ideas….he like totally hates a housing Ponzi!
https://x.com/InTheAssembly/status/2118582285066809414?a=evs894IPJD5z6c9n3Fc&s=20
The most accurate account of America today
https://x.com/WearForbidden/status/2118807487457480974?a=nrRlEIrM2rKDFypUuD8&s=20
Just got sharked again. This one gave me a little moment of fear, Not shit-the-bed panic but definitely a frisson of anxiety and a feeling of gratefulness that nothing eventuated. It coloured an otherwise average morning of waves if I’m honest. Spectacular day but the weak windswell wasn’t fueling any great inspiration . An encounter with a white certainty added a bit of spice to proceedings.
Buzzing.
few around at the moment.
I was surfing solo when I clocked this one out of the corner of my eye as a dark shape in three metres of clear water , about 40 metres north and shoreward of me. A wave came before I fully assessed the situation but the wave was shit so I let it pass. As I watched the wave head towards the beach without me I noticed the shape was now about 15 metres to the south. It’d come in red hot and covered 50 odd metres in a few seconds. As I realised it was definitely not a dolphin, it did a hard U turn towards me. Dorsal breaking the surface, white belly obvious underneath. It was swimming toward me as the next wave in the set came and I paddled like fuck with a full adrenaline squirt. Caught the wave on my belly. A bloke on the beach said it caught the same wave and angled at me.
I see more than a few sharks in the surf. This one gave me the heebee jeebies. Fish don’t alter course like that unless they’ve got business to attend to.
Holy smokes and I thought I was having a bad run
Still got all my legs and arms. Tis not even a flesh wound. ( wood firmly touched) .
Kite surfer got bit at Davy 2 days ago.
Saw that. Happened before in the 90’s I think
Maybe 80’s. That’s my home break
How does a Kite surfer even get bit?
By dragging themselves through the water like BAIT on the end of a LINE
That sounds way too close for comfort!!
good that you had eyes open and were able to take evasive action.
Go for a surf tomorrow Blowie…
Along with a Mouth Cam, Butt cam, Head Cam, Drone Cam, Beach cam, Heli cams etc, and you will be rich (If you survive)
Do it for the fans MATE!
Clear the beaches
Nah. This shit is way too common now. Stories like this are a dime a dozen. Except it’s not mine to share, I’ve got a clip of a good sized white ramming a boat which I’m told was filmed here. Crazy, crazy shit. The shark lines up the boat from about twenty metres away and powers into this solid fishing boat. Unprovoked. No bait in the water. Boat was travelling at the time. Incredible stuff.
Guys on boards get bumped and buzzed here regularly enough that it’s not shocking at all.
“All very unflattering.”
excellent writing, chas. Gave me a genuine chuckle.
Mr Trump loves a challenge!!
Thats great because it will be challenging when he drops the soap soon!
Yall had him impeached, shot, prosecuted, and hes still president!!!
Release the epstein philes!
Lets not forget that this douchebag, Jackoff Semen Cuntyhan, who, like Trump, doesn’t surf and, also, did not discover, name, or surf the wave known as Cloud 9 on the Philippines island of Siargao.
It’s gods work you’re doing, B!
He’s mining a rich vein.
lol. Never forgive never forget hahahahar
There is only one true NEGAPET.
This is an abomination, but if Astro is cool with it, as the creator of Lore.
So shall it be
🫶🏻
I get the metaphor but something about making surfers a symbol of resilience during turbulent and uncertain times kinda falls apart if you know many of us.
Are you accusing surfers of being the addled, the true great unwashed and generally in the middle of all turmoil that is likely self-created?
Haleiwa Live Chat?
Jackson dorian holding out for those ‘minutes with priority’ points
Wow, he blew it bigtime. Highest scoring wave in the heat and no second wave…..dude….
bizarre , didn’t even paddle for a second one
Who is your favorite current mini surfer Rocks? Mine is Eli. I wonder if there girlfriends let them sit on their shoulders when they are at a concert?
ha ha , knives out ! It is a huge advantage when 2-3 ft is double overhead !!
Donny don’t surf
although now I’m wondering who on the Economist masthead does
Cultural zeitgeist is turning surfers into a symbol of resiliency during turbulence. Here’s another example:
That’s an interesting band.
Washing machine confirms no surfers were consulted
guessing the ragdolled graphic looked too sketchy
We need them on BG or maybe they are amongst us already?
I think you are the no 1 suspect !!
I’m neither smart enough or of the right pedigree to be with the Economist
Scrolling through the staff listing I’m guessing a relative of Devon Howard?
Could be anyone. Surfing has infiltrated every sphere of london society
well, of white london society
Like Island Records.
Chris Blackwell was an Anglo-Jamaican – his mother was from Jamaica and he grew up on the island. He developed a true appreciation of Jamaican culture, particularly music and founded Island Records in 1959, eventually bringing artists like Bob Marley, Peter Tosh and Bunny Wailer to the attention of the world.
Bob Marley’s mom was also from Jamaica, dad Norval was from UK.
Excellent biography from Timothy White – “Catch a Fire”
https://amzn.asia/d/052X5COC
Excellent album.
Doesn’t drink piss either the weird cunt. Like me dear old man used to tell me never trust a fella who doesn’t enjoy a cold one or ten after a day in the sun
You can spend every single minute in life doing the right things for your health.
Sure it helps.
But you are FUCKED no matter what you do…
So enjoy it…
Only here once mate so do whatever it takes to enjoy it is my theory