Hawaii’s queen of shlock surf Mason Ho is
nothing short of remarkable in unmissable new film, “Multiple
Maniacs!”
By Derek Rielly
“Look at me! I’m the most famous person you’ve ever
met!”
When Mason Ho, the mid-thirties surfer from Sunset
Beach, Hawaii, hits his stride it’s with the force of a terrifying
gale that strikes in the middle of an otherwise placid
summer.
“With a baby pulse of swell showing and some sunlight left,
Mason Ho and Adam “Dome” Crawford decide to take a stroll down to
the Pile,” says Rory Pringle, who directs and shoots this beautiful
almost-seven minute short.
A riveting homage to an extraordinary force as dynamic as he is
unique.
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Eerything is photographed with insight and
splendour. Pictured, commercial lure Joel Parkinson.
Fallen surf giant Billabong releases
full-length film on the same day #1 rider Griffin Colapinto defects
to arch-rival Quiksilver!
By Derek Rielly
Joel Parkinson may be the commercial lure, but
although he infuses the narrative with a certain glamor, he is only
one cog in a perfect wheel.
The surfing company Billabong has loosed a meticulously
directed and gorgeously photographed full-length surf film on the
very same day their number one team rider announced he’d
signed with one-time arch rival Quiksilver.
“When you evolve your personality, you evolve your reality and
Quiksilver is now a part of my personality,” said the bewitching
natural-footer from San Clemente.
Readers will know, of course, that both companies fell on their
swords years ago after flying too close to the sun, and are now the
playthings of Oaktree Capital, an American global asset management
firm or were until their rumoured recent sale to Authentic Brands
Group.
The movie, which you can watch below, stars the remnants of the
Billabong surf team, Joel Parkinson, Creed McTaggart, Eithan
Osborne, Jai Glindeman, Dakoda Walters and Kian Martin.
Joel Parkinson may be the commercial lure, but although he
infuses the narrative with a certain glamor, he is only one cog in
a perfect wheel.
Essential.
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“Very, very sketchy… (Because of) foam
couldn’t sense direction or see if sets were approaching and just
hearing five surfers died in Netherlands last year getting stuck in
foam! What a spookfest!”
Grave fears held for brother of US Surf
Olympian Nathan Florence and teenage boy after attempted paddle-out
in conditions that killed five Dutch surfers! “Rescue would have
been near impossible!”
By Derek Rielly
"Stuck in down-drafts of boils in the water felt
like it wanted to pull you down below!"
Four months ago, Nathan Florence, a man previously
described as “extremely intelligent and extremely capable”, scored
the wave of the year at a remote Sumatran reef, making the
point there’s more than one star in the Florence family.
In the latest instalment of his excellent YouTube series,
however, Florence had spectators fearing the worst after he and his
seventeen-year-old Scottish pal paddled out a wave Florence himself
describes as “very, very sketchy… (Because of) foam couldn’t
sense direction or see if sets were approaching and just hearing
five surfers died in Netherlands last year getting stuck in foam!
What a spookfest! Stuck in down-drafts of boils in the water felt
like it wanted to pull you down below while you paddled, meanwhile
large sets approaching. All in all not a safe session …rescue would
have been near impossible if injury was sustained.”
Harrowing!
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“Stick your cock up her ass, you motherfucking
worthless cocksucker.”
Hawaii’s outrageous Queen of Crazy Mason Ho
divides internet with schlock horror edit, “Your mother sucks c**ks
in Hell, you faithless slime!”
By Derek Rielly
A blazing labyrinth from which there is no
escape!
Mason Ho is a pert, trim man in his thirties with
oriental cheekbones sweeping down to a rosebud mouth. He
is handsome as are 99.9 percent of Americans born in Hawaii to
mixed heritage.
(A little background: Mason’s daddy Mike Ho is of
Chinese-Hawaiian-American heritage, daddy pure Chinese, grand mammy
pure Hawaiian. Mason’s mama Brian is a Caucasian American.)
In this latest episode of Mason’s adventures at the Waco tank,
delivered to celebrate All Hallow’s Day, happy Mason is presented
with a diabolical snarl.
A time of excitement and pleasure.
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"He warned me it was the one place he’d ever
been knocked unconscious underwater by the reef.”
Hawaiian surf great John John Florence
almost dies alone at notorious European big-wave spot following
blow to the head, “He woke up underwater!”
By Derek Rielly
"Fascinating, compulsive, horrifying!"
The middle brother of the storied Florence triumvirate,
the Only Fans superstar Nathan, has revealed the near-death of his
older brother Johnny at a Portuguese wave called Sete
Bafos aka the Cave.
Like most slabs, the joint, which is accessed via a little dirt
road north of the soft right Ribeira d’Ilhas, was pioneered by
bodyboarders before a few surfers threw on helmets and figured it
out.
“Heads of rocks stick out of the water right in the line you’ve
gotta take to to make it. You never know what to expect out there —
the ride of your life or a ticket to hell,” says German-Portuguese
surfer Nic Von Rupp. “Many surfers have broken backs out
there.”
In this new video from Nathan Florence’s YouTube channel, an
otherwise gorgeous travelogue of Nathan’s trip to Portugal with his
girl and filmed in such high definition you can almost make out his
heady gristle, Nathan reveals how his brother warned him of the
wave’s myriad dangers.
“The Cave is the most notorious wave in Portugal, mainly due to
the amount of accidents here,” says Nathan. “Really bad
injuries…broken backs… (people) knocked unconscious. My
brother John said he was knocked unconscious here surfing alone…he
definitely warned me the wave is gnarly and it was the one place
he’d ever been knocked unconscious underwater by the reef.”
Not your usual cocktail and orgasm short! All rock and cock!
