Is a new kid program in Hawaii a backdoor to rewriting event regulations?

Strange rumblings from the WSL Hawaii office as community outreach seeks to lure innocent children into their lair.

This past Wednesday the WSL announced the launch of its Junior Development Program, a PR maneuver intended to “focus on career readiness, mentorship, tour preparation, and a path to global surf industry opportunities.”

Slightly less nefarious than my own, already existing Junior Development Program, which consists of observing adorable little girls blossom into buxom young ladies over a span of gorgeous summer days, the WSL plans to hold a number of workshops dedicated to fostering the development of contest robots in the Hawaiian archipelago.

Slightly less nefarious than my own, already existing Junior Development Program, which consists of observing adorable little girls blossom into buxom young ladies over a span of gorgeous summer days, the WSL plans to hold a number of workshops dedicated to fostering the development of contest robots in the Hawaiian archipelago.

Today marks the first, and “will include tour scheduling and planning with Pancho Sullivan, mentorship and goal setting with Freddy Patacchia, priority rules and judging, social media procedure and etiquette, injury prevention and more.”

“Social media procedure and etiquette!” What does that mean? Don’t post a rant about niggers, keep your naughty bits to yourself? Good advice, right there.

But why now?

“The Junior Development Program, coupled with a concerted effort to increase Junior and entry level Qualifying Series events in the Hawaii/Tahiti Nui region, is the first step toward Hawaii’s hopes of reigning in Australia and Brazil…[sic]”

Yeah, right.

Seriously, why has an organization that runs roughshod over local ordinances, provides an ever shrinking number of wildcard slots for local competitors and gleefully attempts to misrepresent laws to their advantage decided to play the “think of the children!” card?

Because the residents of Hawaii are “complacent” (read: lazy), and because “Hawaii’s pride and place in surfing slipped.”

Ouch. No pride, no place. Pretty brutal, especially when taken out of context.

But, really, why? The press release clearly spells out real challenges faced by Hawaii groms that aspire to a dream of surf stardom, remote geography, lack of sponsorship opportunities, a tiny number of contests that provide ‘QS points, without doing anything to address them.

A conspiracy minded fellow might look toward the tail end of the text.

“Policy –  a limited number of beaches available to competition, with a limited number of permits and competition days therein.”

Is this merely a half-assed maneuver to build good will before yet another attempt at rewriting the North Shore’s restrictive shorewater event regulations?

Yes, the Department of Parks and Recreation already gifts the comps variances, and yes, I do have copies of emails in which the Pipe Master permit holder instructs the DPR exactly how he wants the variances worded, but we all know that too much is never enough.

If the WSL really cared about the next gen of Hawaii surfers they’d work toward setting up contests in Town, on the West Side or on one of the Outer Islands.

It’d be pretty easy, do the same thing they did in Brazil. Ignore the rule book, let ’em run without paying up front.