Rough-housing martial arts stud meets big-wave starlet!
Joe Rogan is a funny-guy, UFC commentator, rough-housing martial arts stud and actor from New Jersey. His podcast The Joe Rogan Experienceswings 11 million downloads every month.
Rogan sure is prolific. In two years he’s punched out 300 podcasts.
Yesterday, it was the “surfer and bow-hunter” Shane Dorian who provides entree, main and sweets for Rogan in this two-hour interview.
Wait, two hours?
Shane begins nervously, smacking his lips over and over in the same manner a lost man in the desert might with a pebble, searching for a little saliva to wet the gums.
Joe soon warms Shane his over with his own hunting anecdotes and talk of animals with “fucking spears coming out of their heads.”
I like this story Joe tells Shane.
“Did you see the video of the lady at Yellowstone that was, like (in soft woman’s voice), ‘Hello elk! Hello! Hello my friend! I’m your buddy!‘ And this elk just fucken headbutts this bitch… she went flying! She went flying!”
Watch here!
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Meet the guy who put a fin in a board. Put a camera in a housing. Wrote beautifully about the sport. Best pals with the Duke.
But, "some people believe more in Blake than they do in God," says Matt Warshaw
How precious is Tom Blake? Let’s count the ways. First guy to put a fin on a board. Invented water housings for cameras. Wrote beautifully about the sport. First guy to really live as a surfer.
In the words of the writer Drew Kampion, “Blake altered everything. He almost single-handedly transformed surfing from a primitive Polynesian curiosity into a 20th century lifestyle.”
BeachGrit: Tom Blake is a precious ruby from the jewellery box of surfing culture, and I want to talk more about that in a moment. But first . . . the man had such a great ass! Am I allowed to say that? I believe Michelangelo would’ve been hard-pressed to’ve sculpted such perfection!
Matt Warshaw: Okay.
So?
So . . .
I heard Tom Blake was our first and greatest gay surfer. True?
Gary Lynch, Blake’s biographer, says No.
Maybe Lynch swore to keep the secret.
Maybe you’re getting off in a huge way on putting “gay” in the same sentence as “Tom Blake.”
Is there any modern interest in Tom? Movie, books, that kinda thing?
Not that I’m aware of. He’s a hard guy to get a feel for. Such a horrible childhood. Born in Wisconsin, mom died when he was a baby, he got kicked around like a football from relative to relative. Something happened back there that Blake mentioned but never talked about it detail, some “fall from grace,” whatever that means. The big flu epidemic shut down his high school so he never graduated. After that he rode the rails for a couple years, landed in Los Angeles when he was I think 19, became a swimming champion, and finally ended up on the beach where he learned to surf. It’s an amazing story, just up to that point, before Blake even gets to all the stuff he’s famous for, the hollow surfboard and inventing the fin and all that—going from freezing winters on Lake Superior to sunny afternoons on the beach Santa Monica. But Blake himself is such a strange, isolated person. In a way, I don’t know if could actually carry his own story. You admire him, respect him, cheer for him, but never feel warm toward him. He’s just too shut off, too unknowable. That’s how I feel, anyway.
“Even deep water supports a rebel, if he has the will and the ability to swim.” I love Blake for that quote alone. And the other one, “Surfing puts you in the greatest church of all, the open sea and the open sky.”
He pushed the sport along on just about every level. Board design, photography — he was great with a camera — writing. Great fashion sense, great style. He was among the first, maybe the first, to go all-in on what I guess we have to call the surfing lifestyle. Surfing took him in, it was his great comfort, and he built a life around it. I wouldn’t say surfing healed Blake. He was too damaged. But surfing, the ocean, I think made him the best possible version of himself. “Even deep water supports a rebel, if he has the will and the ability to swim.” I love Blake for that quote alone. And the other one, “Surfing puts you in the greatest church of all, the open sea and the open sky.” There are people out there who believe in Blake more than they believe in God.
The best in da biz, Ian Walsh, teches u how to charge!
Soooooooooooooooo I was supposed to head down 2 an interview wit Ian Watch at a coffee e shop at 430 an I wuz all lik “$430? Thasss drinkin time!” So I tried to met him at a bar instead 4 our interview becuz there iz 1 across the street but he wiz too tired from traveling and sed “NO! BITCH! INEED COFFFFEEE!”
In m y heart I was all like, “FUCK THAT SISSY ASS MUTHERFUCKER! KOOOK! BarNEY! TeeeeeeeTOTALER!” but said “Yah cool! Coffee!” in da text
Becuz I had a secret! A big ol bottle of V O D K A in my F R E E E E E Z Z E ER!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOYA!
So I drank da drank (5ive times!) mix with stolichnaya ginger beer cans an a lil touch of limejuice then got in m bike an rode to the place (shhhhhhhhh don tell anyone…it call zumbar an its in cardifff an The Shanty is x the streeet).
And this iz what I lik to call a new feture of bitchgirt call DRUNK INNERVIW WIT DA SURFERZ!
HOW 2 RID BIG BABES! w/ IIAN WALSH
so I aks Ian…tell me the secrets of big wavez. Wat do u do to rid them? And he gave me his daily ritual. Here it iz in case u want 2 rid them 2:
Ian: Wake up at 6:00 am, drink a smoothie with a bunch of good stuff.
Me: WTF!
Ian: Surf Ho’okipa for an hour and a half or two hours if it’s good then come in and eat another breakfast.
Me: Nother brakfast? No fucken mimosa blody mary?
Ian: Go to the gym at 9:30 and do some dynamic exercises. Warm up where I feel sore.
Me: FUCK?
Ian: Eat again.
Me: Nofucken Irish Cofe? or vodka?
Ian: Surf another hour and a half to, I don’t know, five or six hours depending on how good it is.
Me: ?
Ian: And then I’ll ride my bike at the end of the day. If I’m a little tweaked or sore I’ll do some namaste…some yoga or pilates.
Me:
Ian: And then I’ll be in bed by 10:30 after some Game of Thrones, bored as hell.
Me:
Do you stilll wanna surf big wavez or
no?
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I think grom abuse is more or less a thing of the past. Which is probably for the best. Teasing and torturing young ones in good fun may build character, but there's a line you just can't cross. And I don't know that everyone knows where the line is. It starts with holding them down and drawing on hilarious permanent marker mustaches, next thing you know some lunatic is sodomizing them in a closet. “It's just a prank, bro!”
| Photo: @norwell9
Who doesn't like to see grommets, in full bloom, suffer just a little?
A while ago I got wind of a couple surfers who ran a surf camp in Liberia. It was during the height of the ebola scare, they’d fled the country and were begging for money online so they could continue to pay their staff.
Tried writing something about it titled, Surfers Welcomed by Head of Global Pedophile Network. But it was just a rant, and not a very good one. I think the title is great, but that ain’t enough to carry a piece. Fucking kids isn’t funny.
I’ve got a problem with for-profit enterprises soliciting donations, was gonna write something on a slow day. But the campaign failed to raise the dough they wanted, so I just kind of forgot about it.
More recently the same two dudes flew to Italy and gave the Pope a surfboard. Press made it seem as though it were a good thing. I, obviously, beg to differ. The Catholic church is a hateful, corrupt, monster.
Tried writing something about it titled, Surfers Welcomed by Head of Global Pedophile Network. But it was just a rant, and not a very good one. I think the title is great, but that ain’t enough to carry a piece. Fucking kids isn’t funny.
I think grom abuse is more or less a thing of the past. Which is probably for the best.
Teasing and torturing young ones in good fun may build character, but there’s a line you just can’t cross. And I don’t know that everyone knows where the line is.
It starts with holding them down and drawing on hilarious permanent marker mustaches, next thing you know some lunatic is sodomizing them in a closet. “It’s just a prank, bro!”
There’s a part of me that likes to see kids suffer a little. Especially young surfers. I watched a bit of the Volcom Totally Crustaceous eventthat just went down at Trestles. Those little bastards surf way too well. It’s unfair, and it makes me feel bad about myself. Because I’ll never be that good, and I’ve been surfing more than thrice as long as they’ve been alive.
A fun little short featuring grom tossing scratches the itch. Isn’t evil, no one gets hurt. The minor in question will remember the event fondly. Won’t be recounted to a therapist a couple decades down the road.
It also features some top-notch stand up boogieboarding, of which I’ve long been a fan.
"There's 40 guys in the lineup and everyone is upset and agro and angry and they want to get waves!"
Is there just no stopping the lust, the horny for Kelly Slater and his new wave pool? First Lemoore, then Melbourne, then San Diego and now Oahu? Birthplace of surfing? Wow! (Is Oahu the birthplace of surfing? If no, which island? The island of Peru?)
A development group is planning to build a surf resort on Oahu. That in itself isn’t earth-shattering news. The fact that it won’t feature any of Hawaii’s fabled surf breaks is.
“The whole concept is to be able to share waves. It’s tough to rely on the ocean for consistency as all surfers know–but if you can create waves, you’ve got more waves to go around and more waves to share” said Tyler Greene, Managing Partner for Surf City Hui LLC. Greene explains the thinking behind “The Endless Summer Resort”, which will be built around an artificial wave pool.
“We probably get those special days maybe 5-7 days a season. And then when you do get them there’s 40 guys in the lineup and everyone is upset and agro and angry and they want to get waves” said Greene.
Greene and his partners are currently looking at three sites on Oahu–focusing on the leeward side. They also have a site in mind on the Big Island. The resort will feature approximately 250 rooms.
The company hopes to feature Kelly Slater’s wave pool design.
“It’s a safe and friendly environment, all the way from a mush, knee high wave for a beginning long boarded to head high barrel for a more experienced surfer.”
Is it a good idea? Should they add a shark tub too? Will a group of locals rise up and smash mainland kooks? Will our Rory Parker go and take his wife? Will she like it or prefer the ocean?
So many questions!
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Jon Pyzel and Matt Biolos by @theneedforshutterspeed/Step Bros
