Rough-housing martial arts stud meets big-wave
starlet!
Joe Rogan is a funny-guy, UFC commentator,
rough-housing martial arts stud and actor from New Jersey. His
podcast The Joe Rogan
Experienceswings 11 million downloads every
month.
Rogan sure is prolific. In two years he’s punched out 300
podcasts.
Yesterday, it was the “surfer and bow-hunter” Shane Dorian who
provides entree, main and sweets for Rogan in this two-hour
interview.
Wait, two hours?
Shane begins nervously, smacking his lips over and over in the
same manner a lost man in the desert might with a pebble,
searching for a little saliva to wet the gums.
Joe soon warms Shane his over with his own hunting anecdotes and
talk of animals with “fucking spears coming out of their
heads.”
I like this story Joe tells Shane.
“Did you see the video of the lady at Yellowstone that was, like
(in soft woman’s voice), ‘Hello elk! Hello! Hello my friend!
I’m your buddy!‘ And this elk just fucken headbutts this
bitch… she went flying! She went flying!”
Watch here!
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Culture: Meet Tom Blake!
By Derek Rielly
But, "some people believe more in Blake than they
do in God," says Matt Warshaw
How precious is Tom Blake? Let’s count the
ways. First guy to put a fin on a board. Invented water housings
for cameras. Wrote beautifully about the sport. First guy to
really live as a surfer.
In the words of the writer Drew Kampion, “Blake altered
everything. He almost single-handedly transformed surfing from
a primitive Polynesian curiosity into a 20th century
lifestyle.”
BeachGrit: Tom Blake is a precious ruby from the
jewellery box of surfing culture, and I want to talk more about
that in a moment. But first . . . the man had such a great
ass! Am I allowed to say that? I believe Michelangelo would’ve
been hard-pressed to’ve sculpted such
perfection!
Matt Warshaw: Okay.
So?
So . . .
I heard Tom Blake was our first and greatest gay surfer.
True?
Gary Lynch, Blake’s biographer, says No.
Maybe Lynch swore to keep the secret.
Maybe you’re getting off in a huge way on putting “gay” in the
same sentence as “Tom Blake.”
Is there any modern interest in Tom? Movie, books, that
kinda thing?
Not that I’m aware of. He’s a hard guy to get a feel for. Such a
horrible childhood. Born in Wisconsin, mom died when he was a baby,
he got kicked around like a football from relative to relative.
Something happened back there that Blake mentioned but never talked
about it detail, some “fall from grace,” whatever that means. The
big flu epidemic shut down his high school so he never graduated.
After that he rode the rails for a couple years, landed in Los
Angeles when he was I think 19, became a swimming champion, and
finally ended up on the beach where he learned to surf. It’s an
amazing story, just up to that point, before Blake even gets to all
the stuff he’s famous for, the hollow surfboard and inventing the
fin and all that—going from freezing winters on Lake Superior to
sunny afternoons on the beach Santa Monica. But Blake himself is
such a strange, isolated person. In a way, I don’t know if could
actually carry his own story. You admire him, respect him, cheer
for him, but never feel warm toward him. He’s just too shut off,
too unknowable. That’s how I feel, anyway.
“Even deep water supports a rebel, if he has the will and the
ability to swim.” I love Blake for that quote alone. And the other
one, “Surfing puts you in the greatest church of all, the open sea
and the open sky.”
He pushed the sport along on just about every level. Board
design, photography — he was great with a camera — writing. Great
fashion sense, great style. He was among the first,
maybe the first, to go all-in on what I guess we
have to call the surfing lifestyle. Surfing took him in, it was his
great comfort, and he built a life around it. I wouldn’t say
surfing healed Blake. He was too damaged. But surfing, the ocean, I
think made him the best possible version of himself. “Even deep
water supports a rebel, if he has the will and the ability to
swim.” I love Blake for that quote alone. And the other one,
“Surfing puts you in the greatest church of all, the open sea and
the open sky.” There are people out there who believe in Blake more
than they believe in God.
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How 2 rid big wavez wit Antonthy
Walsh!
By Chas Smith
The best in da biz, Ian Walsh, teches u how to
charge!
Soooooooooooooooo I was supposed to head down 2
an interview wit Ian Watch at a coffee e shop at 430 an I wuz all
lik “$430? Thasss drinkin time!” So I tried to met him at a bar
instead 4 our interview becuz there iz 1 across the street but he
wiz too tired from traveling and sed “NO! BITCH! INEED
COFFFFEEE!”
In m y heart I was all like, “FUCK THAT SISSY ASS
MUTHERFUCKER! KOOOK! BarNEY! TeeeeeeeTOTALER!” but said “Yah
cool! Coffee!” in da text
Becuz I had a secret! A big ol bottle of V O D K A in my F R E E
E E E Z Z E ER!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOYA!
So I drank da drank (5ive times!) mix with stolichnaya ginger
beer cans an a lil touch of limejuice then got in m bike an rode to
the place (shhhhhhhhh don tell anyone…it call zumbar an its in
cardifff an The Shanty is x the streeet).
And this iz what I lik to call a new feture of bitchgirt call
DRUNK INNERVIW WIT DA SURFERZ!
HOW 2 RID BIG BABES! w/ IIAN WALSH
so I aks Ian…tell me the secrets of big wavez. Wat do u do to
rid them? And he gave me his daily ritual. Here it iz in case u
want 2 rid them 2:
Ian: Wake up at 6:00 am, drink a smoothie
with a bunch of good stuff.
Me: WTF!
Ian: Surf Ho’okipa for an hour and a half
or two hours if it’s good then come in and eat another
breakfast.
Me: Nother brakfast? No fucken
mimosa blody mary?
Ian: Go to the gym at 9:30 and do some dynamic
exercises. Warm up where I feel sore.
Me: FUCK?
Ian: Eat again.
Me: Nofucken Irish Cofe?
or vodka?
Ian: Surf another hour and a half to, I don’t
know, five or six hours depending on how good it is.
Me: ?
Ian: And then I’ll ride my bike at the end of
the day. If I’m a little tweaked or sore I’ll do some namaste…some
yoga or pilates.
Me:
Ian: And then I’ll be in bed by 10:30 after
some Game of Thrones, bored as hell.
Me:
Do you stilll wanna surf big wavez or
no?
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Parker: “I like to see kids suffer!”
By Rory Parker
Who doesn't like to see grommets, in full bloom,
suffer just a little?
A while ago I got wind of a couple surfers who
ran a surf camp in Liberia. It was during the height of the ebola
scare, they’d fled the country and were begging for money online so
they could continue to pay their staff.
Tried writing something about it titled, Surfers
Welcomed by Head of Global Pedophile Network. But it was just
a rant, and not a very good one. I think the title is great, but
that ain’t enough to carry a piece. Fucking kids isn’t funny.
I’ve got a problem with for-profit enterprises soliciting
donations, was gonna write something on a slow day. But the
campaign failed to raise the dough they wanted, so I just kind of
forgot about it.
More recently the same two dudes flew to Italy and gave the Pope
a surfboard. Press made it seem as though it were a good thing. I,
obviously, beg to differ. The Catholic church is a hateful,
corrupt, monster.
Tried writing something about it titled, Surfers Welcomed by
Head of Global Pedophile Network. But it was just a rant, and
not a very good one. I think the title is great, but that ain’t
enough to carry a piece. Fucking kids isn’t funny.
I think grom abuse is more or less a thing of the past. Which is
probably for the best.
Teasing and torturing young ones in good fun may build
character, but there’s a line you just can’t cross. And I don’t
know that everyone knows where the line is.
It starts with holding them down and drawing on hilarious
permanent marker mustaches, next thing you know some lunatic is
sodomizing them in a closet. “It’s just a prank, bro!”
There’s a part of me that likes to see kids suffer a little.
Especially young surfers. I watched a bit of the Volcom Totally Crustaceous event that
just went down at Trestles. Those little bastards surf way too
well. It’s unfair, and it makes me feel bad about myself. Because
I’ll never be that good, and I’ve been surfing more than thrice as
long as they’ve been alive.
A fun little short featuring grom tossing scratches the itch.
Isn’t evil, no one gets hurt. The minor in question will remember
the event fondly. Won’t be recounted to a therapist a couple
decades down the road.
It also features some top-notch stand up boogieboarding, of
which I’ve long been a fan.
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Just in: Kelly Slater pool to Oahu!
By Chas Smith
"There's 40 guys in the lineup and everyone is
upset and agro and angry and they want to get waves!"
Is there just no stopping the lust, the horny
for Kelly Slater and his new wave pool? First Lemoore, then
Melbourne, then San Diego and now Oahu? Birthplace of surfing? Wow!
(Is Oahu the birthplace of surfing? If no, which island? The island
of Peru?)
A development group is planning to build a surf resort on
Oahu. That in itself isn’t earth-shattering news. The
fact that it won’t feature any of Hawaii’s fabled surf breaks
is.
“The whole concept is to be able to share waves. It’s
tough to rely on the ocean for consistency as all surfers know–but
if you can create waves, you’ve got more waves to go around and
more waves to share” said Tyler Greene, Managing Partner for Surf
City Hui LLC. Greene explains the thinking behind “The
Endless Summer Resort”, which will be built around an artificial
wave pool.
“We probably get those special days maybe 5-7 days a
season. And then when you do get them there’s 40 guys in the
lineup and everyone is upset and agro and angry and they want to
get waves” said Greene.
Greene and his partners are currently looking at three sites
on Oahu–focusing on the leeward side. They also have a site
in mind on the Big Island. The resort will feature
approximately 250 rooms.
The company hopes to feature Kelly Slater’s wave pool
design.
“It’s a safe and friendly environment, all the way from a
mush, knee high wave for a beginning long boarded to head high
barrel for a more experienced surfer.”
Is it a good idea? Should they add a shark tub too? Will a group of locals rise up
and smash mainland kooks? Will our Rory Parker go and take his
wife? Will she like it or prefer the ocean?