Those damn brain eating amoeba could potentially lurk here, here and here.

Broil: Nland Surf Park vs Travis County!

Lawsuits fly over Texas' first Wavegarden!

A week ago, it was reported, here, that Texas’ first Wavegarden was about to be hit with a lawsuit by local authorities for being built without attention to “county and state health and safety codes.” 

The problem was, Travis County says NLand Surf Park is a public swimming pool and, therefore, has to be filled with chlorine to keep bacteria from exceeding safe limits. NLand Surf Park says they’re a lake and can skip the chlorine etc.

BeachGrit speculated the sudden decision by Travis County to sue was in relation to brain-eating amoebas that had killed a star kayaker in a man-made river back in June. Who wants kids dying on their watch?

Happy children, yes, but for how long? asks Travis County officials.

Now, as announced today, NLand Surf Park is suing Travis County right back. Countersuit!

Let’s study NLand’s announcement.

As you might know, the Travis County Commissioners Court authorized a lawsuit against NLand, which was filed yesterday. They believe our lagoon—which is 45 times larger than an Olympic-size swimming pool—should be regulated simply as a “public swimming pool.”

To protect our Constitutional rights, we have filed a lawsuit against the County, its health department and the individuals on the Court.

Throughout its development, NLand has focused on building a state-of-the-art facilities that feature water treatment, filtration, world-class surfing and environmentally-friendly practices. Our efforts have accomplished that goal.

Unfortunately, Travis County officials and the Travis County Commissioners Court have refused to engage in conversation. They have not acknowledged our studies or asked one question to gain perspective in this matter. Instead, they have tried to inflame the conversation by suggested we could have amoebas in our lagoon. If they’re so concerned about amoebas, you’d think they would take a look at the studies or talk to us about our water treatment systems.

Rather than listen, the County filed a lawsuit against us. This is just a bad decision for the county, for its residents, and our employees, including more than 50 teenagers from Del Valle and Cedar Creek who have joined our team. The Court has the ability to change course and meet with us to find solutions that work for everyone in Travis County. In fact, the county health department has the authority to do exactly that.

Believe us, we would rather be on the water with you than in a courtroom arguing about regulations.

We still hope to open this summer and we believe a win-win solution exists for Travis County, for NLand and for you. If you’d like them to restart the dialogue, their contact information is below.
Judge Sarah Eckhardt
Phone: (512) 854-9555
Email: [email protected]
Twitter: @sarah_eckhardtRon Davis
Phone: (512) 854-9111
Email: [email protected]
FacebookBrigid Shea
Phone: (512) 854-9222
Email: [email protected]
Twitter: @VoteForBrigid
Margaret J. Gomez
Phone: (512) 854-9444
Email: [email protected]
Twitter: @margaretgomez4


Jordy Smith J Bay
Divide the points, says Rory Parker. But too late for Jordy Smith. He got strewn in the J-Bay Pro's one-heat day.

Parker: “Call off J-Bay Pro! Split Points!”

Surfline says the J-Bay Pro will run in ankle-to-waist high waves. That ain't good.

Two days left in the J-Bay waiting period and things look grim.

Surfline is calling for ankle to waist for the last two days of the waiting period. That ain’t good. I’m sure J-Bay can be fun at that size, but it ain’t exactly contestable.

The tedium of sitting through hours of wait, grovel, repeat is torture.

Assigning tour points because of a results which will largely depend on luck is unfair. Leads to mismatches, weird winners. Micro Hall taking Snapper. No displays of skill, just coin flip heat totals and endless jibber jabber as the commentators strive to fill dead air.

Which has gotta be hard. Especially when your content is so obviously restricted. Can’t second guess scores, can’t acknowledge anything resembling negativity.

I’m curious to see what the WSL does. My money’s on it running in garbage. A lackluster end to an event which showed some potential then failed to deliver.

I’m gonna make a plea, hope someone reads this and takes my advice. Call it off. Split the points, split the money. Accept that a sport that relies on nature is gonna get skunked on the regular.

Grovel days make surfing look bad. Makes the surfers look bad. It turns heat scores into a matter of luck. It gifts a huge advantage to the teensy weensy guys on tour. It’s boring.

Yeah, there’s other stuff to consider. Sponsors and local businesses and the ever present need to keep yourself in the public eye. But there are workarounds. Just ‘cuz you can’t run the contest doesn’t mean there’s nothing to broadcast.

Do a couple hours of interviews. Put that SaMo production house to use and keep some filler material in the can for moments like these. Run a no rules exhibition session.

Force the guys remaining to paddle out on logs or fishes or retro whatevers. No priority/interference rules. Award some money to whoever “wins.” Or don’t, just add a clause to the rule book that makes it mandatory should an event fail to finish.

I’d watch that. I’d enjoy it.

(Editor’s note: Magic Seaweed is calling three-to-five feet and underneath Surfline‘s ankle-to-waist call, they note: “Large mid-period swell from the west-southwest holding during the day.”)

Just in: Regular foots better than goofies!

A shocking revelation! Or wait...

Goofy foots are Occy and regular foots are Luke Stedman. Goofy foots are short and squatty and they muscle through turns and throw lots of spray. Regular foots are long and lean and surf like beautiful women. 

Goofy foots have rotund buttocks. Regular foots do not.

Goofy foots eat steak with every meal. Regular foots are vegetarian or maybe pescatarian.

Goofy foots sing drunken ballads late at night. Regular foots do not.

Goofy foots squander their incomes, when they make the World Tour, on drink. Regular foots begin savings accounts and hire tax consultants.

Goofy foots buy brand new tract homes in brand new suburban neighborhoods. They buy large, new pick-up trucks to go with their homes and add wives but usually cheat on their wives. Regular foots rent hipster apartments in the newest hip area of town. They decorate with Eames chairs and Jean-Michel Basquiat prints. They buy bikes instead of cars and don’t get married but cheat on their girlfriends.

Goofy foots like slashes off the top and sending tons of spray into the air. Regular foots like straight frontside airs.

Goofy foots love to do floaters. Regular foots do not.

Goofy foots vote for conservative political candidates. Regular foots vote for progressive ones.

Goofy foots listen to nu-metal. Regular foots listen to nu-new wave.

Goofy foots wish they were regular foots. Regular foots wish they were relevant, culturally.

It’s a real toss up who is better but, today, I’d say regular foots.

Port-a-potty? We don't need no stinkin' port-a-potty!
Port-a-potty? We don't need no stinkin' port-a-potty!

U.S. Open: “Raging rivers of urine!”

The U.S. Open of Surfing in Huntington Beach is around the corner! What could possibly go wrong?

The world has really taken a turn for the worse. Black men getting gunned down on U.S. streets by police. Police getting gunned down in Dallas by a black man. Tunisians driving over French revelers in Nice. Baghdad truck bombs. Brussels, Paris, San Berdoo etc.

It’s almost enough to make a man or woman try to avoid unruly crowds but, really, where is the fun in that? If we fail to get together, fail to listen to throbbing electronica, fail to write perverse things on our bodies then the terrorists win!

And that’s right, it’s almost time for the U.S. Open of Surfing in Huntington Beach, California!

The randy event has been marked by riots etc. in its glorious past. This year, though, it stands to reason that Huntington Beach locals and police officers are on extra edge. Police Chief Robert Handy addressed the issues in a town hall meeting. Let’s read about it in the Los Angeles Times!

“Drinking, parking, traffic and urination are our biggest problems [during the US Open],” Handy said to the crowd. “We are going to be very visible and very active in enforcing, starting on Day One.”

There will also be additional dumpsters around downtown and more street cleaners deployed in the mornings, he said.

Handy also said residents and visitors should expect a “posture change” among police officers who may be more on guard, given the recent fatal shooting of five Dallas police officers.

“It’s probably been the most difficult time in my career for officers to be police officers,” he said. “Our officers will probably be a little more on edge than they have been in the past. Anything we can do as management to mitigate some of that, we’ll do. .. Thankfully, we haven’t had an incident like that in California, but you never know.”

Handy also addressed terror threats at highly populated locations and events, but said police always plan tactics around big events in Huntington Beach, particularly on the Fourth of July and during the US Open.

If I was Police Chief Robert Handy I would wake up each day with absolute dread in my heart. Like, so much dread that it might turn into a “Well…fuck it” attitude. Doesn’t it sound like he has a “Well…fuck it” attitude?

Stop looking at me! Look at the waves!
Stop looking at me! Look at the waves! | Photo: WSL

5 Things You Need to Stop Doing (Now)!

A little personal checklist… 

1. Stop wearing Sandals 

This is mostly directed towards mainland surfers and those bourgeois folks with shaved heads and ASP trucker hats who only surf on perfect swells during the weekends while struggling to stand up their brand new HyptoKrypto. Stop wearing sandals everywhere! There is nothing cool about sandals. Whenever I see someone wearing sandals I automatically assume that they listen to Sublime or Mumford and Sons. Notice how the drunkest people at the bar, sweating and spitting on everyone they talk to are always wearing sandals? You do not want to be that guy. I do not want you to be that guy.

Diet. Training. Yoga. Herbal Teas. Juice cleanses. Stretching. These are all things that nobody gives a damn about. There’s a reason why the phrase isn’t “Yoga, Tea, and Rock n’ Roll.”

2. Stop Preaching

Diet. Training. Yoga. Herbal Teas. Juice cleanses. Stretching. These are all things that nobody gives a damn about. There’s a reason why the phrase isn’t “Yoga, Tea, and Rock n’ Roll.” Imagine a …Lost video without the booze and drugs? Fuck, what a boring world that would be. Doing yoga on a cliff while drinking some mushroom tea that you foraged from your dog’s pile of shit does nothing for me and it does nothing for humanity so stop acting like you’re saving the world one.

3. Don’t Wear Surf Attire

Nothing says “I’m a jackass” more than dressing in boxy tees created by some corporation underpaying a poor child in a South-East Asian factory. Don’t be a shill for the corporation. If the boardshorts you’re wearing have more than two different colours violently clashing with crazy patterns then you MUST burn them the next time you cook a beer can chicken.

4. Stop talking about waves  

Don’t discuss your surf break back home. If you’re abroad, or you’re out at the bar, stop talking about the waves you grew up surfing.They’re all the same. When swell is present, any wave can be great. Maybe you can go read a book and learn about something new to discuss. Or get really drunk and do something stupid that you can talk about to people in a self-deprecating manner. Everyone loves self-deprecation. Anytime you feel like discussing the wave you surf, replace that thought with masturbation, and ask yourself if that person really cares about how you masturbate. Why? Because talking about the wave you surf is just like masturbating, the only person being pleased is yourself.

5. That CI you just tore to pieces

How about those conversations when an average Joe points out the myriad flaws in a Merrick or a …Lost or a JS. Doesn’t turn properly. Spins out. Looses speed through sections in fat waves. And then you see the pilot of this craft has the stance of a threatened bug and a tail-pad that’s never been dirtied by his back foot. Don’t…be…this…guy.