Julian Wilson comes second in his round two heat, a 25th result. | Photo: WSL

Revolt: Julian Wilson vs WSL Judges!

"It's hard not feel frustrated when not getting rewarded in key moments," says world #5.

Do you think San Clemente overflows with tears? The Hurley Pro, currently playing at Lower Trestles, near the old Nixon retreat, has been a heartbreaker for the tour’s superstars, with a handful of crucial, split-hair results.

Gabriel’s loss made him so tired and so sad he said, in an oblique way, that he might quit. 

So sad, so so so so sad! And tired!
So sad, so so so so sad! And tired!

And, Julian Wilson, who was rated fifth going into the Hurley Pro, but by virtue of his last-place here must now count at least one 25th in his final scoreline, wasn’t afraid to real talk after losing by 0.04 of a point.

Julian writes:

“When sleepless nights, countless hours of preparation and learning hard lessons from past upsets, it’s hard not feel frustrated when not getting rewarded in key moments like this. Might be time to break down what the judges see and understand as good surfing in comparison to what the best surfers in the world see and understand as good surfing, as it could be a little different?”

Of course, on Instagram you’re preaching to the choir, particularly if you’re a noted athlete. Most followers could hardly wait to jab their tongue into his anus or cup the round of his testes.

Here’s a sample.

capestrin@julian_wilson u have my deepest respect for what u r and showed back in South Africa. U deserve a world title just to have that cup on ur living room. But for most of us, u already r a true world champ. Never to be forgotten in years to come. U belong to the wall of best of the best like humans like @curfuffle @mrpottz @markocchilupo @kellyslater @mfanno the ones that deserve it more than others carried by the surf industries and fat cats with hunger for fat n easy dollars. Besides, u have a angel for a wife. 

yeahphillieI feel ya @julian_wilson seen this happen to u way to many times, i think in ur case u may just be a little to smooth and the judging may take u a little to for granted!!

yeahphillieI feel ya @julian_wilson seen this happen to u way to many times, i think in ur case u may just be a little to smooth and the judging may take u a little to for granted!!

oscarcamargonetoJulian you have my respect not only because you are easily one of the best surfers ever but because you dont hide in tough moments like today and in Jay bay last year! Great Guy!!Things will change because of people like you! @julian_wilson

A couple of surf fans weren’t so easily sold, although they were in the minority.

capestrin@julian_wilson but his style is very poor! He got the moves, but doesn’t dance like Jagger or u or @mfanno even @kellyslater has a little upsetting style but he capture ur attention and surprises u.

fabioplotWell said, @julian_wilson even if you took advantage of that, like in your first CT win in Portugal, when @gabrielmedina smashed you and they robbed him. As I think it also happened in Pipe 2014. But huge respect for your post!

itsgarbagedayTime to retire get a real job and contribute to society like the rest of us battlers
eamonsinstaUsed to love to you watch you surf, big fan. Not anymore.

And you?

Do you think there’s still plenty of meat left on the bone of how well, or poorly, waves are being scored at the Hurley Pro?

Are you, like me, enjoying every damn second of the event?

So sad, so so so so sad! And tired!

Medina: “Very sad…so tired, tired!”

Loses nail-biter. Is very upset.

Gabby lost a nail biter today. He is very upset. Took to Instagram to vent.

Hora de ir pra casa. Muito triste, eu dedico ou dediquei minha vida pra isso…to cansado, cansei!

What does that mean? I don’t speak Portuguese. Only English. And Spanish, sorta.

Yippee for Google’s translation magic!

Time to go home. Very sad, I dedicate or have dedicated my life to it … so tired, tired!

Is this the end for Gabby? Past tense reference to his competitive career!

Crazy, so crazy.

Sure, it’s probably nothing. Just letting off some steam. Upset he got handed the short end of the stick.

But it makes for such lovely clickbait. Medina hints he may quit the Tour!

Glorious internet garbage. My job’s done for the day.

Who to blame for John John losing in round three? Pottz, Barton and Turpel for constantly harping on "the pressure"? Strider for his confusing pie metaphors? John's wonky knee? Maybe Simpo laid some bad ju-ju on the world's most favoritest tow-head. Hired a black magic witch doctor, paid extra for a mean hex. You can do that shit, you know.

Hurley Pro: JJ, Medina lose to wildcards!

Brett Simpson beats John John, Tanner Gudauskas clocks Medina. Voodoo?

Damn you, Brett Simpson!

Knocking out JJ in round three!  How dare you?

Who to blame? Pottz, Barton and Turpel for constantly harping on “the pressure”? Strider for his confusing pie metaphors? John’s wonky knee?

Maybe Simpo laid some bad ju-ju on the world’s most favoritest tow-head. Hired a black magic witch doctor, paid extra for a mean hex. You can do that shit, you know. Hire curses online. But they don’t come cheap.

Which is terribly frustrating, because curses aren’t real.

You’d have to be an empty headed simpleton to believe they are. But there’s no shortage of fools and I though it’d be funny to really fuck with someone’s head. I really wanted to pay someone suitably foreign, hopefully with an exotic accent and peculiar mien, to whip up a nonsense ritual then send my target something indicating they’d been cursed. Like a cross with chicken blood on it.

Or, fuck, a certificate indicating cursed status. With gold inlay and scrollwork and shit.

It’s all bullshit, but you can really get inside someone’s head with bullshit. And I’ve a long list of humans I don’t actually want to hurt, but would love it if they thought I was responsible for life’s constant misery.

I’m surprised no one’s done it with Medina. He believes in god, right? It’s just a short hop from christian superstition to Marie Laveau style voodoo.Beat those heathen drums, sacrifice some small animal. No more title race for him.

Maybe someone already did it.  Maybe the Gudang clan hit up Fiverr and employed some black magic trickery to shut down the Brazilian everyone loves to hate. Gabby sure seems to think he got done wrong.

I think 8.3 was plenty.

Meanwhile… Kelly…

Chinese shapers work on red boards.

Free trade: “Damn those yella boards!”

Are you a purist or do you demand low cost when it comes to your craft?

You don’t come here for political talk but can we chat free trade? Globalization? Integrated economies? Just for a moment? Oh let’s!

Surfboard shapers, glassers, artisans are the lifeblood of what we do. Without them we’d be clanging gongs. Bodysurfers. With them we glide and shred and limp through multi-staged cutbacks. Upright kings of the sea!

But surfboard shapers, glassers, artisans, like all others dependent on manufacturing, are getting bled by foreign trade. Cheaper imports coming from Thailand, Vietnam, China. It is more difficult to make a living with fiberglass coated hands then ever before.

Protectionism is lame, though, isn’t it? Fear-based and outdated? Maybe not? But what are other less drastic solutions? Are American/Australian made boards tons tons better than Chinese ones? Should all surfers buy boards hewn only by American/Australian hands?

What are your surfboard buying habits?

Mine? Oh I’m such a horrible queen! I only buy Italian made suits, French made bags and Matt Biolos made surfboards. He is true artist and is looking more and more like Hedi Slimane!


PBS, anyhow, takes a wonderful longer form look at manufacturing with a focus on surfboards! Let’s watch HERE and become more educated!


Indonesian police would be thrilled if this gal swung her head in the door for a little questioning.

Surfer drugged, robbed at Ulu’s!

"Drooling, covered in sand, shaking…"

I failed DARE in sixth grade.

For our non-American readers, DARE is an acronym for Drug Abuse Resistance Education. It was an offshoot of Nancy Reagan’s bullshit Just Say No campaign, part of the war on drugs.

A total waste of my time, even at that age. The grade didn’t matter, they were clear on that. But I was required to pledge and oath to never use drugs. Which I refused to do because I was a stupid child and thought that oaths meant something, but mainly because I’ve always been a contrarian little asshole.

Now I know that oaths are just words and trusting someone solely because of the hot air they’ve spewed is something only chumps do.

A recurring concept in their attempts to brainwash us was how people would try and force us to do drugs. Peer pressure, first one’s free, all the cool kids are doing it. All the cool kids are doing it. Except for the ones who couldn’t handle their shit and had to hit a program. But they aren’t cool anymore, are they?

People’d be throwing drugs at me from every angle, they said. I needed to learn coping skills. Stay away from that evil dope.

If only. Turns out you have to pay for drugs. And a simple, “No thanks,” is plenty when you feel like abstaining. Except for coke. Everyone wants to share their blow at the beginning of the night. Not so much later on, when the stash is running low.

They had horror stories.

Degenerates would offer me candy, but it would be spiked with… some sort of something. They never fully explained why someone would want to drug a child. But this was during a period of national abstinence only sex education. Probably why they shied away from the point. Adults sometimes give children drugs to get inside their bottoms. But usually they just sell it to them for money.

Like everything, there are exceptions. Real assholes dosing the unsuspecting with shitty drugs. Don’t even have the decency to load you up on something fun.

Mara Wolford was recently dosed with rohypnol in Bali. Pretty terrifying.

And now we’ve got Kyle Barnett getting handed some tainted ice cream this past Wednesday, September 7th. Things ended up as well as possible, just some stolen shit. No one got in his butt. But it’s a sketchy story, one that’s worth telling.

Kyle says:

I went to Uluwatu to check the surf about 3:30pm. I was actually hungry, and wanted to eat, but because of Glungan holiday Single Finn was closed. Nail Bowls next to Single Finn was open, and many people were eating ice cream.

I sat at Single Finn watching the waves planning out what peak I would surf…it was kinda that in between stage, small outside corner, big peak.

This ugly lady came up talking to me. She seemed strange and lonely. Telling me she was on vacation by herself from Singapore and she asked her taxi driver where was interesting to go.
He took her there…I suggested she go to see Uluwatu Temple down the road.

She was eating ice cream saying it was too big for her, and asked me if I wanted some.
I said no about 3 or 4 times, but she was persistent, and eventually went and got another empty bowl and spoon.

So we kept chatting, and the ice cream was sitting in front of me. I wanted food from Single Finn, but since it wasn’t open I took a couple scoops of the ice cream

She had bought the ice cream right in front of Nalu Bowls, she didn’t work there. I saw her buy it. She must have slipped the drugs in when she split the ice cream into 2 bowls. I didn’t notice anything funny about the taste. It was mixed with bananas and granola…..and the extra drugs I guess!

Then I told her I was going surfing. She asked if she could come because she had never seen surfing before. I thought she was a loner tourists and sort of felt sorry for her.
I walked her down the stairs to The Edge where I usually leave my bags, but because of Galungan (the holiday) it was closed.

Made Lana’s sister, Lani, told me her shop was open, and said I could leave my bag with her.
I left my bag behind her desk and me and the lady walked down through the cave.
I told her she could go to the beach around the corner or go upstairs to the restaurants above.

It was about 3-5ft and a lot of water moving around. It took me a bit longer than usual to get out the back.

I paddled out the back waited for a wave… and then I don’t remember anything. It didn’t come on slowly……it was just BANG oblivious.

Next thing I know its 9pm and I’m struggling to get to the beach.

I don’t remember paddling in or walking up the stairs.

Lani, the woman I left my bag with, said the other lady came back to get a towel 30 minutes after I paddled out and took a towel (along with my phone and wallet). She had no idea.

Lani said I was drooling, covered in sand and shaking.

I went up to Single Finn and some friends saw me looking very disorientated. They thought I was drunk.

I don’t remember any of this.

My good friend Andy Shags drove me home on the back of his bike and put me to bed.
That’s all I can remember. Being on the back of his bike and him yelling to me to hang on so I wouldn’t fall off the back

I woke up at 4pm on Thursday wondering what the fuck had happened.

I went to BIMC to get a blood test done. Called my banks and canceled my credit cards. They said $1500 had been spent at Bali Barong Cellular and $4000 had been spent at Polo Ralph Lauren.

BIMC took the blood, then told me they can’t do the test there and that I need to go to Sanglah.

I was in no state to drive around, so I called them the next day to see if they can send the sample to Sanglah.

I’m waiting on an answer now.

Yesterday I went to the police station

Today I’m going to the shops where the purchases were made and see if they will give me any CCTV footage. Feeling a bit dazed generally. Like a bad hangover without the party.

My Canadian bank says Im not responsible, but the Indonesian HSCB is saying I’m liable for 48,000,000 IDR, which is a fucking joke. I thought a PIN code is required.

Anyways, that’s Indo…no logic exists here.

HSBC will definitely be losing my business, if I catch the bitch or not.

Police have been notified.

There has been a lot of sharing of the post, and one person has recognized her, so hopefully I can find her.

I’m off to visit all the Polo Ralph Lauren shops and Bali Barong Cellular to see what I can find.