Nick Woodman
Maybe ice that French for a lil while… 

Advice: Sell GoPro Stock, like, now!

Rumours say the future outlook is grim. Massive layoffs coming this week!

A little birdie visited me yesterday. Landed right on my outstretched finger, sang me a beautiful song.

“Dump your GoPro stock,” it chirped. “Future outlook is grim. Massive layoffs coming this week. Marketing, events, and sales teams are getting cut to the bone.”

“How can you know this?” I asked the bird. “I can’t believe they’d invite you to meetings.”

“I’m a magic talking bird,” it replied. “I’ve got connections, bitch.”

It’s hardly news that GoPro has struggled to maintain their once bright prospects. Declining sales, increased competition. Nick Woodman made out like a bandit. Everyone else… not so much.

Since October, GoPro’s share price has almost halved, down from seventeen dollars to under ten.

The company attempted to revitalize flagging numbers with the introduction of its Karma drone, only to find themselves forced to issue a massive recall due to their tendency to lose power mid-flight.

At $800, without camera or accessories, that’s a bit of a problem. In addition to issuing full refunds to the 2500 people who have purchased a Karma, the company is offering a brand new GoPro Hero5.

And, says the birdie, a new camera due to land before Christmas was pulled by the CEO because he didn’t like the font.

Yanking your newest product from the shelves, and icing another, during the holiday season ain’t good for the bottom line. I think. I mean, I’m not a businessman or anything, but it’s probably safe to assume.

I actually wish I had a way to shoot them out of the sky whenever I find one hovering over the lineup and fucking with my good vibe. But I’ve often thought it would be very fun to lurk at one of Kauai’s many gorgeous scenic points and use my cheap drone to knock the expensive ones piloted by inconsiderate tourists from the sky. Fifty bucks is the price point I’m willing to pay for that.

Flying weed whacker aficionados will no doubt hasten to attach their new Hero5 to a competitor’s models. You can grab a cheap one at Costco for only $99. Which means it’s probably a piece of shit, but it’s a relatively inexpensive piece of shit.

Almost inexpensive enough to get me to buy one. I’ve got no real interest in filming aerial footage, actually wish I had a way to shoot them out of the sky whenever I find one hovering over the lineup and fucking with my good vibe. But I’ve often thought it would be very fun to lurk at one of Kauai’s many gorgeous scenic points and use my cheap drone to knock the expensive ones piloted by inconsiderate tourists from the sky. Fifty bucks is the price point I’m willing to pay for that.

“Is there anything else you can tell me?” I asked the little bird.

“Yes! Woodman’s new forty million dollar, 180-foot yacht has a sex dungeon below decks.”

“Is that true? Do you have any evidence?”

“No. I just like it when people pay attention to me. Sorry.”

“Well, you know, that kind of calls into question everything else you’ve told me.”

“I know. I’m sorry. The layoffs stuff is true, I swear.”

“Okay, bird. I believe you. Got any other hot stock tips for me?”

“Nope. I’ve pulled all my money from the market and put it into bitcoin mining. It’s the currency of the future!”


In Defense: Of the wonderful fat years!

Do obesity and creativity flow through the same channel? Maybe yes!

Picasso had a blue period, Alexander McQueen had a celtic period, Steve Jobs had a NeXT period.

Mark “Occy” Occhilupo had/has a fat period.

In a wide (j/k) ranging interview on Surfline yesterday the surf legend discussed turning 50, his podcast and turning 50. He mentions having been hurt, getting depressed and being fat but then dusting himself off and achieving fitness once again. The title of the piece was even:

Occy on Getting Fat, Old, Depressed… And Overcoming It All

…and was supposed to include a slideshow of “Occy through the years.” Except the only pictures were of lean Occy. Lean Occy carving, lean Occy slashing, lean Occy shredding.

It was as if Surfline was embarrassed by chubby Occy except to call him such in the title. But why? For what reason?

Oh I must admit to being jealous of men who can dance into the obese. There is something compelling about an artist blowing out his seams quite literally. Let us take Elvis Aaron Presley, for example. Sure skinny Elvis was one of the dreamiest men to ever walk the earth but fat Elvis was a vision. He’s got me caught in a trap and I can’t walk out!


Let us take Val Kilmer. Sure Iceman made the heart flutter but doesn’t portly Val waiting for his pizza just make you want to take him home and pinch his cheeks?


Let us take fat Bill Clinton. Wink, wink! Hubba hubba!


And let us take fat Occy. It is ok Surfline to show pictures of Occy doin’ it right. Don’t be ashamed! Don’t be embarrassed! Let your freak flag fly!


Watch: The Story of Ricardo dos Santos!

A story that actually means something. That matters.

Ricardo dos Santos challenged our status quo from the moment he first busted onto the scene. His death, shot down by an off-duty police officer in his home country of Brazil, shook us it to our very core. Gun violence was not something typical in surf. Is not something typical.

I remember first hearing about the shooting. It all felt very surreal and even more so that a young up-and-comer could die. Actually die. And when he did die it felt awful. Unnecessary.

I so applaud director Beren Hall and Stab for telling this story, for trying to pull it back into the light. It actually feels like it matters. Like it means something.

Dane Reynolds
All of Chapter 11 felt right. Funny when it mattered, serious when it mattered, sick as fuck through and through. | Photo: Morgan Maassen

Opinion: Chapter 11 Fucked Everything!

Nails surf zeitgeist against the wall. Funny when it mattered, serious when it mattered…

You’ve grown up with Dane. You saw him become everyone’s favourite surfer, the lord of the coveted web clip. And after all these years, you kind of know Dane better then most.

Or at least you thought you did. Chapter 11 fucked all that up.

Pre-Chap 11 even the most seasoned “hip” surf fan had begun to cynically roll their eyes at a VHS handicam B-roll filled air-fest or a two-minute edit every week or directing a film about a fellow Quiksilver team rider.

Then the wave of opinions, comments, tags, articles, covers, ads, “exclusive” interviews, all of it. Endless content. Dane was, is, the man to know. Do try to keep up on his edits, see what he’s got to say on something, oh sick a new board. If you are out of the loop, you don’t know what you’re missing!

Quiksilver actually employed me for a brief time. Shop #82 in La Jolla. I sat at the bottom of the corporate trough of a publicly traded powerhouse surf brand with decades worth of experience, integrity, grit and money. I joined the team on the forefront of selling the Quiksilver “vibe” to whomever came in.

Guess who drops off the big team right when I join? Kelly. Bye dude!

Time to take off all the ads of Kelly in the store, make sure a new video advert for the flat screen TV’s has no bald glory flying out of a tube. So who’s left? OH YEAH! Dane and that kink-legged saint Craig! Oh the marketing team has it all! Two phenomenal surfers that fly the “fuck contests” flag with pride and… oh no money?

Shit, this is awkward.

I often felt that yes, while Quiksilver represented Dane fairly, funded the trips, etc, it didn’t feel right. The banner ads were apathetic. The vibe was too cool for school but cool enough for every Macy’s, Tillys and surf shops from San Diego to Maine. Such is life in the corporate surf world.

Dane’s best anything seemed so far from a marketing department. He’d drop off the radar. I’d see the same clips over and over again. Then Sampler dropped and my faith was restored.

This cycle continued until the Quiksilver corporate empire filed for bankruptcy. I wondered: what will become of my two favorite free surfers? Will Craig and Dane save them? Will they get even more creative control?

Nope. Peace. Bye. Oaktree Capital? No thanks.

Then I left too. And life went on.

Dane’s departure from the Mountain and the Wave became an afterthought. He had a kid so, of course, no clips are gonna drop. Being a father takes precedent to cranking out content for the masses. Vans sat back happily in the industry, took an effective, but admittedly easy route and put Dane and @pamlovesferrariboiz in Sk8 Hi’s and pasted it with a monster rail gouge at Rocky Point from last winter as a friendly reminder that Dane was indeed alive and well post-Quiksilver break-up. Win win for everyone. Silence resumes.

All of the craptastic fuckery of 2016 takes over the airwaves. Election this, email leak that. I want something to love! I beg for clarity in this insane world! Is it too much to ask?

Chapter 11 was the dose of clarity the whole surf industry needed. Dane set it straight. With 37 minutes of film Dane has calmed the cynical doubters, commenters, fans who thought they’d lost their black sheep. Don’t worry pant cuffing pouty surfers! Father Dane has spoken the good word.

After two weeks of amazing swell in California, capped off by rain today, a fresh edit of Dane being Dane in the best fashion is just what we needed! Those airs! Those turns! Whipping the slate, or in this case nose of a CI board, clean of corpo branding. Back to the roots of good surf films. Candid but not too much, a soundtrack that demands repeated plays and having fun on a boat trip with friends. Paired with effortless beautiful, raw, captivating film making, AND OH THAT PUNK ROCK SECTION!  FUCK YEAH I WANT MORE MORE MORE MORE! Sorry that was excessive but in the moment it feels right.

All of Chapter 11 felt right. Funny when it mattered, serious when it mattered, sick as fuck through and through. Dane, you gave us hope. Oh and throwing in the punk laden ad for your new brand that I will buy because, well I want to, that was a good move. No need for a conference room meeting to okay that brilliant idea.

So thank you forever Dane. Welcome Former. All is well.

Chapter 11 from Marine Layer on Vimeo.

Surf fashion: Shred in Lululemon!

Are you looking for some new beach gear? Welcome, honey!

Are you a man? Who totally loves when summer hits so you can go to Starbucks and get all your favorite beachy treats? Like Teavana shaken berry sangria herbal tea? Or iced dulce du leche latte? Do you need dedicated “me time” every week? Maybe a mani-pedi followed by anything Sarah-Jessica Parker? Or a long walk in the park with a little dog? Or SoulCycle n chill?

Well now there is outerwear label for your surf missions!

You may know Lululemon from your wife/girlfriend’s yoga drawer but now the Vancouver-based brand is making trunks and yoga leggings light enough for the muggiest weather Malibu can throw. For you!

Boys’ trip!

Just imagine! An open cabin tucked into the Littlest Dume. Teavana shaken berry sangria herbal tea n chill. Beach towel gossip. OMG. Toes up the nose. Thick rails. Etc.


True to Siss!

Shop here!

Or at The Inertia!