Crème: The Rebirth of Parkinson?

The Parkinsons derive from an extraordinary gene pool!

Ain’t family genes a funny thing? Some of them are great, while others produce a lineage of obese, unintelligent curmudgeons, whose only purpose on Earth is to maintain the stock indices of Mountain Dew and Cheetos. The Parkinson family leans slightly towards the “great” side.

Of course we know about Joel — world champ, silky railwork, world’s most handsome surfer. But did you know of his cousin, lil Mitchy Parko?

Mitch is in his early twenties and like Joel resides on Queensland’s Gold Coast. He’s taken up the family traditions of getting exceptionally tubed and snagging any wave he desires along the Superbank. Through this snakery he’s garnered a bit of a reputation in the lineup, but to his credit he surfs the wave better than most.

But is Mitch the next Joel? Not even close. While Mitch demonstrates a comparable affinity for the tube and an afternoon tinnie, the complete dearth of carves in this video tells me that he failed to inherit Joel’s most profitable trait. Instead of searing railwork, Mitch learned to toss a few decent airs. Certainly not an equal trade-off, but a typical millenial response to an ever-changing surfosphere.

I miss the old Parko though. According to Occy, this will be his last year on Tour. With any luck that means Billabong will send him to roping right-handers for promo material after his retirement. Then again, we haven’t seen much from Taj recently, so… shit.