Surf icon vows pro-Trump rage!

By Chas Smith

8 years ago

Ian Cairns offers to form "welcome party" of pro-Trumpers at HB!

Do you remember the wonderful riot that happened yesterday in Huntington Beach’s Bolsa Chica between pro-Trump and anti-Trump forces? Oh of course it wasn’t a real riot, just a mild disturbance where one person got peppered sprayed and another got punched in the face, but I feel that is the general tone of most Huntington Beach riots, aside from the classic in 1986.

Almost fun! Playful!

And I wondered out loud if we should throw a BeachGrit sponsored riot for this upcoming U.S. Open of Surfing? “Only gently disruptive of course.” I wrote. “Maybe we have someone go down on all fours behind an unsuspecting passerby and have someone else push the unsuspecting passerby over? Maybe we throw whipped cream pies? I’m open for suggestions.”

The great Ian Cairns, part of the Bustin’ Down the Door crew, part of the Bronzed Aussies, founding member of the Association of Surfing Professionals and 1976’s number 2 in the world maybe agreed and offered on my Facebook to gather a welcoming committee for us!

Proposing a riot at HB at the US Open contest is stupid and lower than your normal gutter writing (I deleted journalism). Maybe we could get a little welcome panel together especially for Beach Grit.

And then Mr. Cairns offered some names of people who were there at Bolsa Chica and love to party.

I asked if BeachGrit could bring some cake to the welcome panel party or maybe some Pepsi though have yet to hear back but will keep you advised as the planning develops.

And of course you too are invited! See you in Huntington!

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The Condor takes his last drop as Commissioner. We weep!

Just in: WSL Begins Downsizing!

By Michael Ciaramella

8 years ago

Buh-bye Chile, Peru, Spain, Linden etc.

You heard it here third! The WSL is cutting it’s BWWT schedule, bigly!

Of course we knew the WSL was in financial peril, so their general downsizing should come as no surprise. It should also come as no surprise that according to the WSL, their downsizing isn’t actually a downsizing, but rather a more focused and streamlined contest strategy.

Let someone, whose name might rhyme with Wave BroMan, explain: As part of the WSL BWT’s dedication to running world-class big wave events on a regular basis, the 2017 BWT schedule will focus on three prestigious events: the Puerto Escondido Challenge in Mexico, the Pea’hi Challenge in Maui, Hawaii and the Nazaré Challenge in Portugal.

So who’s getting the snip? How about Punta De Lobos in Chile, Pico Alto in Peru, Punta Galea in Spain, Nelscott Reef in the US, and Todos Santos in Mexico. Five contests cut, three remain. For the sake of their season the BWWT organizers better pray they can run at least two of ’em. It takes a tour to make a title, right?

Oh, and speaking of contest organizers, Pete Mel is out! The Condor has flown his coop and can no longer don the name ‘Commissioner’. Something about running his family’s surf shop. To replace Mel, longtime Kolohe coach Mike ‘Snips” Parsons has taken the reigns.

Snips had this to say: I am really humbled and honored to be the next Big Wave Commissioner. Peter Mel and Gary Linden have been instrumental in creating the foundation for the Big Wave Tour. Thanks to the hard work of Peter, Gary and the entire big wave team, we have seen the remarkable growth and progression of the Big Wave Tour.

…Did you catch that?

“Peter Mel and Gary Linden“?

Does this mean the affluent appendage, Robbie Maddison, finally got his comeuppance? Did he threaten enough lawsuits to get 67-year-old Linden canned? I actually don’t know, as Parson’s text is a tad ambiguous, but does it not hint at Linden’s departure?

He’s an old RM quote on the topic, just to jog your memory: I hope this affects Gary’s relationship with the WSL. He’s been a prick about this.

Yowza!

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Report: American Dream Alive and Well!

By Michael Ciaramella

8 years ago

Chad Kroeger reveals America's ultimate virtue

“To be in a city where you can have a surf session and then go to a city council meeting within the span of an hour, I just think that just shows the American Dream is very much alive.” That’s how Chad Kroeger, a so-called “freelance journalist” (loser), started his proposal in front of the San Clemente city council.

Chad’s goal was simple: to convince local officials to erect a 12-foot steel statue of the deceased Fast and Furious star, Paul Walker, on the San Clemente pier.

“Detroit has the Robocop,” Kroeger argued. “Philly has Rocky. We. Need. Paul. Walker. He represents everything this town stands for.”

“Does Paul Walker have any connection to San Clemente?” the clerk asked Kroeger.

“He… went to high school here,” snapped Kroeger.

“…His cousin went to high school here,” a formerly-closeted-Paul-Walker-fan in the committee clarified.

You can watch the video below for the rest of Chad and partner Bodhi’s hilariously impassioned plea. Even the council members were fairly receptive and amused by the proposal.

But outside of entertainment value, why should we care?

Because Chad’s opening statement, when paired with Chas’s blatant riot proposal, drove me to recall vital truth: No matter how shitty everything is or how much everyone hates one another we, as free Americans, still retain the power to pursue whatever bullshit ideas cross our corroded minds.

Trump’s inauguration proved that. Chad’s plea proved that. BeachGrit proves that on a thrice daily basis.

So.

Long live America! And …Australia? Can you guys do stupid shit too?

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Stern disapproval from the peanut gallery.

Huntington Beach: Riot City, USA!

By Chas Smith

8 years ago

Surf City trades in its trademarked moniker for something with more pizzazz!

A riot broke out in Huntington Beach, California today during a pro-Trump rally on the sands of Bolsa Chica, or “little girl’s handbag” in its English translation. Fox news reported:

A scuffle broke out on a Southern California beach where supporters of President Donald Trump were marching when counter-protesters doused organizers with pepper spray, authorities said Saturday.

The violence erupted when the march of about 2,000 people at Bolsa Chica State Beach reached a group of about 30 counter-protesters, some of whom began spraying the irritant, said Capt. Kevin Pearsall of the California State Parks Police. Three people were arrested on suspicion of illegal use of pepper spray, he said.

There were several other arrests and two people suffered minor injuries, but Pearsall said he did not immediately have further details.

The Fox News broadcaster said:

It got ugly. Fights broke out. Fists flying between Trump supporters and anti-Trump protestors. It gets pretty ugly. One person, reportedly, pepper sprayed. Another person punched in the face.

And nobody does gently disruptive like Huntington Beach! Who could forget the 2014 riot where some windows were smashed and some porta-potties turned on their sides. Or the 1986 riot that was actually a riot?

The best!

I wonder if we should throw a BeachGrit sponsored riot for this upcoming U.S. Open of Surfing? Only gently disruptive of course. Maybe we have someone go down on all fours behind an unsuspecting passerby and have someone else push the unsuspecting passerby over? Maybe we throw whipped cream pies? I’m open for suggestions.

This riot has been brought to you by BeachGrit! It has a certain ring, no?

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Oh you good looking son of a bitch!

Just in: Kelly Slater to start surf school!

By Chas Smith

8 years ago

And to bring WSL to Palm Beach, Florida!

If you could get your degree from Harvard or from Kelly Slater which would you choose? Oh sure, Harvard may be more prestigious and you could be all chummy with your natty bros then go get a respected internship, marry a blue blood, get a job in her father’s company, play tennis on the weekends, have kids, cheat with the nanny, get divorced, get hooked on pain pills, etc.

OR you could get your degree in BACKSIDE TOOB NO RAIL GRAB and be the envy of your beach.

The decision is more difficult than it seems no?

Kelly Slater’s backside toob no rail grab program will apparently be on offer at his new proposed Wave Ranch in Palm Beach, Florida. And let us read from Palm Beach’s local Sun-Sentinal:

More details are emerging on Surf Ranch Florida, a man-made surfing lake in Palm Beach County endorsed by surfing champion Kelly Slater.

County commissioners on Thursday unanimously approved plans for the county to evaluate the proposed surf school and make recommendations for approval later this summer.

During a presentation to the county, representatives of Surf Ranch Florida revealed the project would:

-offer an athletic training center for competitive surfers, a community surfing school, programs for underprivileged youth and a learning center.

-bring in an estimated 83,000 guests annually, and create hundreds of jobs.

-lure thousands of spectators for surfing competitions presented by the World Surf League, a governing body for professional surfers.

And there you have it. A surf school, a training center for underprivileged youth and bleachers to seat a mob starving for professional surfing. Rick Kane is fast becoming a reality. So is the idea of another Bud Tour.

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Eat beach grit spam!