(dramatization)
(dramatization)

Breaking: Rip Curl sued for negligence!

Who wants to sail the high seas and have the adventure of a lifetime?

Do you recall two years ago when the Rip Curl surf charter vessel Quest 1 (formerly the Indies Trader II) sank whilst touring the Mentawi islands? Surfline reported:

At around 2:30am, somewhere between Lance’s Left and The Lighthouse, American passenger Pete Nevins went below deck to find a flooded engine room. “There was bubbling coming up from behind the starboard diesel, the twin screw,” he said. “We thought we had the water under control, but we didn’t. And about an hour-and-a-half later, we decided we should probably get off the vessel. Because once we lost the engines and all the power — there was no back-up power — we had lost all electronics, and at that point we didn’t even know our position. We had to abandon ship. It was a frenzy at first — people were just jumping off, going under the ski, all that stuff… But in the end we regained composure and got everyone into the life rafts.”

Once safely in the rafts, the stranded passengers and crew made a single phone call, to an agent in Padang, then all communication was lost. And after watching the last pieces of the Quest 1 disappear beneath the Indian Ocean, they floated into the sunrise, unsure if help was on the way.

Six hours later the legendary Martin Daly happened upon them and all were saved.

Two days ago Pete Nevins and other passengers filed a lawsuit against Rip Curl Inc. and others alleging negligence. Shall we read the suit? It would be negligent not to!

Negligence. Plaintiffs are an active group of surfing enthusiasts who were passengers aboard defendants’ legendary surfing excursion vessel, the Quest 1, when it sank in the middle of the night on the high seas off the coast of the Mentawai Islands. The vessel was devoid of any emergency damage control and lacked operable emergency position indicating radio beacon. As the vessel filled with water, the captain panicked and abandoned the ship on a Jet Ski, leaving plaintiff’s behind. Plaintiffs floated in a life raft in complete darkness for several hours until dawn realizing defendants had taken no action to notify the Indonesian coast guard or other rescue resources.

Oh of course, and again, these are mere allegations and I am certain Rip Curl is looking forward to answering them in a court of law. In the meanwhile, though, don’t you think Rip Curl should use the professed adventure in a wonderful new promotional brochure? In my mind it reads…

Come Search with Rip Curl!

Bored of the same old same old? Barrel, air, yawn? Well Come Search with Rip Curl! Our boats allegedly have no emergency damage control! When they begin to sink the captain is certain to allegedly panic and flee, allegedly leaving you and your best pals behind in the dark with one life raft. While no one is allegedly coming to get you, you’ll all have time to bond like you’ve never bonded before. And at the next office Christmas party you’ll have the story that beats all others. Don’t delay! Space is limited!

That’s good right? Have I been in the wrong career all along? Should I become a travel brochure writer?

Maybe.

I’ll call Rip Curl when offices open Monday for an official response and also to see if they are hiring.

Wish me luck!

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Just in: Chas Smith to enter surf contest!

Get ready for the Dignity Health Pismo Beach Pro feat. the second best feel good surf story of the year!

It was just announced that Pismo Beach, located on California’s central coast, has secured the funding to host a World Surf League 1000 off the famed pier this November and congratulations to all!

What began as a dream for Andy McKay, local donut shop owner, is now a reality as the doctors from Dignity Health emptied their collective piggy bank and became the title sponsor alongside Sylvester’s Burgers and Central Coast Surfboards.

Maybe I will enter? Pismo Beach is where my family would flee each summer for fun in the California sun. It was almost always foggy and the water was only slightly warmer than hometown Coos Bay, Oregon but it perfect in my young eyes. I would sit on the pier and watch rippers tear apart the jumbled windswell then go attack it myself.

I would paddle out the back on my rainbow Hawaiian Shapes twin fin, take off on the best waves (the ones that broke all at the same time guaranteeing maximum speed straight toward the beach), throw my hands up in the air and hoot. Almost all the waves in Pismo Beach are the best (ones that break all at the same time guaranteeing maximum speed straight toward the beach.)

I think I could do well in the contest. I think I have experience that Jesse Mendes, Yago Dora and Soli Bailey do not.

I think I will enter. What are the rules regarding that again? Do I just pay or do I have to send in video of myself ripping or how does it work? I feel we’ve discussed this before but my memory is in disrepair.

In any case, wish me luck and see you in November. My charge through the Dignity Pro Health field will be the second best feel good surf story of the year!

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Let's protect our pros!
Let's protect our pros!

Safety: Time for the Owen Rule!

Let's force our beloved pros to wear pillow ballon helmets!

In October of 2009 the National Football League commissioner Roger Goodell was called before the United States congress to answer questions about the League being potentially negligent in its protecting its players from concussion and chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE).

A lawsuit by ex-NFL players was filed in 2011 that was settled in 2013 for $765 million but a federal judge overturned the deal on the grounds that it would not be nearly enough to provide for the players covered under the suit. In 2015 the cap was expanded to at least $1 billion.

The Will Smith film Concussion also opened in 2015 and dramatized the true story of Dr. Bennett Omalu who fought the National Football League’s alleged suppression of his CTE research.

The scandal is ongoing and may someday cost the NFL multiple billions.

Which brings us to the World Surf League (WSL).

Owen Wright’s brain bleed from what he says was a duckdive out at plus-sized Pipe, coincidentally in 2015, puts the WSL in massive potential danger. Owen said in a recent interview, “If you try and duckdive a 15-foot second reef Pipe wave, you’re only going to be a foot under water with 15 feet of wave coming down on you. Something is going to give… and I gave.”

Pipeline is not the only heavy reef wave on tour breaking in shallow water or featuring shallow sections. The Box, Cloudbreak, Teahupo’o are all very dangerous and Kelly Slater claimed he nearly drowned at the last Bells event due the exposed rock shelf on the inside.

Are the professional surfers on today’s tour, plus all the tours since professional surfing has been a thing, due billions of dollars for potential brain bleeds?

Should the professional surfers on today’s tour probably wear helmets?

Owen Wright never claimed to hit his head on either board or reef. It is a truly unprecedented injury. The sort of injury that a helmet is not known to prevent. But wouldn’t a helmet help dissipate the shock of the duckdive? Or couldn’t a helmet be developed, maybe larger like an oversized pillow or ballon, that encapsulates the professional’s head?

I think our surfer’s head health is worth the unfortunate aesthetics! But maybe it’s cool to wear a pillow ballon on the head while surfing! The Inertia published 5 reasons why surfers should wear a helmet in 2013. When the original NFL concussion lawsuit was settled.

Does the WSL have multiple billions to give potential brain bled surfers?

Helmets!

I will be following up with the World Surf League when offices open Monday.

I am the new Ralph Nader.

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Don't call him a tweaker!

Kai Hing Jumps to the Dark Side!

Julian Wilson weeps...

If there’s one historic quote Metal Neck can get behind, it’s Fuck the WSL.

Their core crew of Andrew “Droid” Doheny, Ford “My dad is Matt” Archbold, and Colin “The Goose” Moran, haven’t touched a sanctioned jersey in years. When you add their friends Christian Fletcher, Ozzie Wright, Creed McTaggart, Lee Wilson, and the king himself — Noa “Fuck the WSL Deane — to the list, it’s clear that Metal Neck’s priorities veer slightly from those of Kolohe Andino.

That’s why I was surprised to see Kai Hing, Sunny Coast superstar and J-dub protégé, hanging out with Metal Neck in a recent clip. Like many of the guys listed above, Kai’s career developed with one goal in mind — making the world tour. But after an impressive junior career, Kai has failed to capitalize on the QS. Last year, in nine events, Kai never placed better than 17th. Those are the kind of results that turn competitors into… freesurfers.

Because let’s face it, 99% of your favorite freesurfers are nothing more than failed jersey-jockeys. Aside from Dane, none of the Ozzies, Creeds, Craigs, and Noas of the world retained the necessary skill set to make it on the QS, let alone the CT. Go ahead and ask them — if they’re being honest, they’ll tell you the same thing.

With all of this in mind, it’s hard to ignore the significance of a Metal Neck tattoo on Kai Hing’s adolescent bicep.

Could Kai, who is not yet 20-years-old, have already sold his (or his parents’) childhood dream of bunking in the big leagues? If yes, I hope it’s because a lifestyle of indifference and debauchery makes him happy, as opposed to being discouraged by poor results and settling for Plan C.

On a brighter note, watch the kid surf! Ees good!

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Contest: Show us your tits!

And win something out of your wildest dreams!

I stared at the ceiling, awake, most of last night burning inside. How did it happen? How did Surf Europe, affectionately called The Old Man in the Sea by long-serving surf journalists, get busted by a British tabloid for being too racy? How did they beat BeachGrit to that punch?

We pride ourselves on having the worst values in the space. We wake up each morning with one, and only one, driving principle, asking ourselves the question. “Is this anti-depressive?” And then, “Is there further down we can go, like, morally n shit?”

And feel we let you down by allowing Surf Europe to reach a “whole new level of gross” before us. Their contest, having women send in pictures of their bottoms in order to win a trip to a Russian owned Sri Lankan surf camp. That’s pretty gross but want to know what’s grosser?

Having men send in pictures of their tits to win a pair of Billabong x Metallica boardshorts (size 32) in white.

Post a picture of yours in the comments and also on Facebook so a tabloid can see and get angry. Must be 18 or over to enter. And a man to cause appropriate sexist stir.

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