WSL throws Brazilian down the well!

Filipe Toledo banned! Is the WSL racist?

Both Derek Rielly and Michael Ciaramella have already written beautifully about the wonderful Filipe Toledo being suspended by the World Surf League for being smaller than Zeke Lau and I have nothing really to add but felt left out.

But is Filipe Toledo your favorite professional surfer now? He is mine and by far! Like Bobby Martinez in a more sophisticated, more talented package with better eyes and better everything. What perfection. What absolute perfection. He is the synthesis between Australia’s Gold Coast, Brasil and San Clemente. He is the future of surfing.

Yet the World Surf League felt compelled to kick him out before Fiji because he is not intimidating like Hawaii and this miscarriage of justice must be addressed (for the third time) (and in poorer form).

You’ve read World Surf League head judge Renato Hickel’s statement twice already:

Filipe is a really good kid and an incredible surfer. The WSL is very fortunate to have someone of his caliber on Tour and he is constantly progressing the level of surfing in the live arena. It’s disappointing when we have to pass disciplinary action for any of our surfers, but that behavior is not acceptable for the sport. Filipe knows this and we look forward to seeing his talent back on Tour very soon.

And isn’t this the most mealy-mouthed garbage response of all time? Shall we go sentence by sentence?

“Filipe is a really good kid and an incredible surfer.”

Paternalistic pants on. Belt tightened. Check.

“It’s disappointing when we have to pass disciplinary action for any of our surfers…” 

Ummmmmm nobody gives a shit. Don’t “pass disciplinary action” at all if you are so disappointed with it. Are you worried that Roger Goodell and the National Football League won’t approve? How is that drug testing going by the way? And the Owen Wright Helmet Rule?

“…but that behavior is not acceptable for the sport.”

Sport? Sport? SPORT?

“Filipe knows this…”

Paternalistic pants double checked. Belt double tightened.

“…and we look forward to seeing his talent back on Tour very soon.”

Sons of bitches. Let’s sing the World Surf League’s official theme song in protest!

In my sport there is problem And that problem is the Brazilian. They sometimes storm the judge tower. But they smaller than Hawaiian.

[Chorus 2:] Throw the Brazilian down the well (repeat line) So my sport can be free (repeat line) You must grab him by his De Souza (repeat line) Then we have a big party (repeat line)

[Verse 3:] If you see the Brazilian coming You must be careful of his De Souza. You must grab him by his Red Bull. And I tell you what to do

[Chorus x2]

Borat - Throw the Jew Down the Well!!
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Adamastor
Adamastor
9 years ago

You do know that Renato Hickel is Brazilian wright? And by the way he’s the tour manager not the head judge. Just a throwback in time, remember the Paulo Moura/Makua episode at Pipe and the Sunny/Neco incident? The WSL is not racist, they just don’t like to upset the Hawaiians because everybody (judges and staff) wants to freesurf with privileges in the north shore in December! It’s that simple!!! Wouldn’t you?

Doobalachy
Doobalachy
9 years ago

Does anyone have any clips of Filipe melting down, let’s see some grit

Johnny Utah
Johnny Utah
9 years ago

So is there a 4th article coming about the same topic from another beach grit writer?

Ricoimmo
Ricoimmo
9 years ago

not sure what felipe was mad about, that shit was obvs. but demerits all around for not showing us the clip of him going after the judges. give the people what they want!
ps. “brazilian” is not a race. (hawaiian probably isn’t either, because that would exclude eddie rothman)

D.J. Tanner
D.J. Tanner
9 years ago

Kanoa Igarashi is my new hero. Before this I admittedly pre-judged him as a lady boy, but he straight up man-handled that paddle battle in front of a thousand roaring Brazilians. The left was obviously better, but that wasn’t glaringly obvious during the clash. Konoa won the fight not because he was in a better position. He won because he alpha maled Filipe.

Ami Lost
Ami Lost
9 years ago

Poor little Filipe’s alto-esque voice sounds whiny even when he’s not. If me and my girl are in an argument and she starts getting that high pitched whiny bitchy voice with me, it usually goes one of two ways: I’ll tell her anything to get her to be quiet or tell her to STFU. It seems Renato opted for the latter.

https://youtu.be/4EJSkJlh_fg

offthegrid
offthegrid
9 years ago

third time lucky for the Grit, nice work Chas! the headline anyway. for true post-millenial surf poetry try Stab’s Cactus trip report

Big, bold floral colour, surrounding Noa Deane. A while back, we took
Noz to a deserted beach and created a vibrant world where surfing and
floral arrangements meet. Less Beyonce-baby-announcement, more
reinvigorated-90s-surf-ad (Stab likes homage, not recreation!).
Dragging the bleached human volcano down the South Australian coastline
with a handful of photographers, filmers, and a couple tons of flowers,
the results were an extravagant gesture of colour, yielding a cover and
the cinematic display exhibited above. Unsurprisingly, Noa showed up
and blew our vision out of the water, in the best possible way. He
always does.

Neal Kearney
Neal Kearney
9 years ago
Reply to  offthegrid

No offense but Aussie nicknames aren’t original enough. Noz? Dazza? Dez? What happened to giving people nicknames they can’t stand and holding firm in your resolve the duty to reminding them that as much as possible?

blumpkin mung
blumpkin mung
9 years ago
Reply to  Neal Kearney

what is up with the ‘z’ thing? It angers me.

Michael Flatlately
Michael Flatlately
9 years ago

At the Bells comp?

Chazz Michael Michaels
Chazz Michael Michaels
9 years ago

I do enjoy you at your best, Chas.

Chazz Michael Michaels
Chazz Michael Michaels
9 years ago

P.S. When do we get to read your new brand of cocaine prose?

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
9 years ago

The wsl didn’t know that storming judging towers was going to be a thing so didn’t have rules on hand is my guess. Once again, wsl comes to the party after the free food and beer has run out…

Billy
Billy
9 years ago

Hey Derek, can you give us the details of Toledo’s actions in regard to the tower and how they differed from Ezekiel’s ? Discounting the fact that the Bells incident was only the 2nd time that rule has been enforced and Toldeo’s was the definition of an interference ?

Michael Ciaramella
Michael Ciaramella
9 years ago

Easily the best of the bunch (sorry Derek, me)

?uzzled
?uzzled
9 years ago

Ass kisser.

J H
J H
9 years ago

I love Filipe’s surfing and in interviews he seems like a good guy with an even tempered personality. I know that he was upset in the water but it was an obvious interference and it’s hard to believe he went after the judges.

I’m starting to suspect that Richie is running a daycare operation for whiny children who don’t like to be criticized.

huma's tears
huma's tears
9 years ago

My initial thought was that this article was pure trolling, but then I remembered that Freddy P. rocked his board, and of course Zeke’s piss fest, without much consequence. Hardly racism, but more pragmatism. Thanks to Eddie R., Hawaiians get a lot more slack, lest the wave tap is turned off. What’s Brazil gonna do? Stop everyone surfing in Rio?

The crowd could always riot, I suppose.

Vai Medina!

Dirk Diggler
Dirk Diggler
9 years ago
Reply to  huma's tears

And the absolute irony tr Eddie R. is that he’s from bloody Pennsylvania, moved to ‘da Islands’ as a teenager….. https://www.tracksmag.com.a…

SoCalGary
SoCalGary
9 years ago
Reply to  huma's tears

Zeke’s rant was very minor at best (worst). He did not even get partially up the stairs before he (or others) realized this was a bad idea. Watch the next heat reply unless the WSL has edited it out. Wish we could get a better understanding of what Felipe actually did. Don’t know that has ever been fully told. Don’t any journalists work at this site? Sorry, what was I thinking.

If you want to start a list of dumbest moves in a ASP/WSL heat, this one by Felipe ranks right near the top.

Huckleberry
Huckleberry
9 years ago

Thing is, Felipe deserved the interference. Ezekiel didn’t. Judges even reversed their call on Zeke… Felipe must have blown a gasket, I’d be curious to see what when down when he went off the hinge

ricmatic
ricmatic
9 years ago

Brazilian Storm ing the judges tower

Spicoli
Spicoli
9 years ago

I’ve got a headline. ‘Brazilian gets fired up for dropping in AND having to deal with repercussions. “Too many pressures” claims Toledo’

Mr. Zeppers
Mr. Zeppers
9 years ago
Reply to  Spicoli

—

shootsthen
shootsthen
9 years ago
Reply to  Mr. Zeppers

Fucking ding bats those two; maybe start wearing a shark knife, haha.

dickie toledo
dickie toledo
9 years ago

His Dad strength game is strong

Shampoo Poo
Shampoo Poo
9 years ago
Reply to  dickie toledo

With his new wife and child, the ancestral side of Felipe’s human brain chemistry is fully firing on “provide for my family” mode. Those judges are lucky. He’ll be world champ in 2020 and not invited to the Olymipics (of course).

Italo Post Heat Interview
Italo Post Heat Interview
9 years ago
Reply to  Shampoo Poo

Pretty sure he’s supporting his entire ‘entourage’. It’s pretty fucking weird.


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