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WSL throws Brazilian down the well!

Chas Smith

by Chas Smith

Filipe Toledo banned! Is the WSL racist?

Both Derek Rielly and Michael Ciaramella have already written beautifully about the wonderful Filipe Toledo being suspended by the World Surf League for being smaller than Zeke Lau and I have nothing really to add but felt left out.

But is Filipe Toledo your favorite professional surfer now? He is mine and by far! Like Bobby Martinez in a more sophisticated, more talented package with better eyes and better everything. What perfection. What absolute perfection. He is the synthesis between Australia’s Gold Coast, Brasil and San Clemente. He is the future of surfing.

Yet the World Surf League felt compelled to kick him out before Fiji because he is not intimidating like Hawaii and this miscarriage of justice must be addressed (for the third time) (and in poorer form).

You’ve read World Surf League head judge Renato Hickel’s statement twice already:

Filipe is a really good kid and an incredible surfer. The WSL is very fortunate to have someone of his caliber on Tour and he is constantly progressing the level of surfing in the live arena. It’s disappointing when we have to pass disciplinary action for any of our surfers, but that behavior is not acceptable for the sport. Filipe knows this and we look forward to seeing his talent back on Tour very soon.

And isn’t this the most mealy-mouthed garbage response of all time? Shall we go sentence by sentence?

“Filipe is a really good kid and an incredible surfer.”

Paternalistic pants on. Belt tightened. Check.

“It’s disappointing when we have to pass disciplinary action for any of our surfers…” 

Ummmmmm nobody gives a shit. Don’t “pass disciplinary action” at all if you are so disappointed with it. Are you worried that Roger Goodell and the National Football League won’t approve? How is that drug testing going by the way? And the Owen Wright Helmet Rule?

“…but that behavior is not acceptable for the sport.”

Sport? Sport? SPORT?

“Filipe knows this…”

Paternalistic pants double checked. Belt double tightened.

“…and we look forward to seeing his talent back on Tour very soon.”

Sons of bitches. Let’s sing the World Surf League’s official theme song in protest!

In my sport there is problem And that problem is the Brazilian. They sometimes storm the judge tower. But they smaller than Hawaiian.

[Chorus 2:] Throw the Brazilian down the well (repeat line) So my sport can be free (repeat line) You must grab him by his De Souza (repeat line) Then we have a big party (repeat line)

[Verse 3:] If you see the Brazilian coming You must be careful of his De Souza. You must grab him by his Red Bull. And I tell you what to do

[Chorus x2]