World number 1 Wilko performs badly on day 1! Whose fault is it?
The world’s best surfers have returned to the world’s best waves with the world’s best announcer back in his rightful place next to the world’s best color man. That’s right! Turpel n Pottz! Joe Turpel n Martin “Pottz” Potter! How much did you miss their dance? Their conversation? Their florid call of the watery ballet?
If I was the World Surf League, I would use my Santa Monica studio to make the world’s best buddy movie titled Turpel n Pottz Go to the G20! Synopsis. Turpel n Pottz are on their way to South Africa to call the 2017 Corona beer J-Bay Open when their plane is accidentally diverted to Hamburg, Germany. A series of hilarious mishaps ensue and the duo eventually end up with the world’s most powerful leaders, solving problems with simple but effective solutions.
It would be a hit and it is exactly what the World Surf League should do but what they are doing is making promotional videos that curse their number ones.
The latest victim? Matt Wilko Wilkinson!
The current number one’s bit is title Crack! Now He’s #1 and goes, “No one saw Wilko coming until we heard the crack of a new world number 1 now he’s marching to JBay with everyone’s undivided attention.”
Well, he proceeded to lose and lose big time in his heat vs J-Flo and Patrick Ewing.
Jeremy Flores looked very good on his waves, even claiming in the middle of one, and Patrick looked ok but Wilko looked bad, netting two low scores in gorgeous surf.
And don’t you think it is the Curse of the Promo? It has taken both John John and Jordy down and I think there is some scientific truth here.
What else happened at J-Bay? Oh I don’t want to spoil Steve Shearer’s magic but hint:
Kelly has something to prove, John John didn’t fail, Parko, Gabs gonna win it all, Jordy did fail.
And we’re back!
12 hours since the end of Round One, and still no scathing, cynical, WSL bashing write up? Why the fuck do we even pay you guys???
Does it make it worse that we don’t pay and yet we stay?
That’s a very deep question. I’m here for the homo erotic prose, Chas’ Ahabesque obsession with The Inertia and watching on as Michael negotiates the toughest school of hard knocks known to Huey.
Yeah, I just think we should be equal in our racisms, Lets hate on Brazilians AND half-filipinos
Oh WSL…PLEASE BITCH..
Their website story on Kellys heat strategy would be cringeworthy even for Kelly to read.
WSL now taking quotes from the “crowd”.
And their “angry” cause Kelly didnt tell them his heat strategy!
Reading it made me think it was a press release from “The Capital” in Hunger Games!
Are they bugging the contest area?
News of the World would of been proud of that Fake News tripe.
Is Renato Hickel and President Snow one and the same?
Is Joe Turpel actually Caeser Flickerman? https://uploads.disquscdn.c… https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
If the Pottz/Turpel feature film wasnt enough you just killed me with Patrick Ewing. Sides are split.
Round 1- I was impressed with the following:
First off, there were clear examples of good board choice. Specifically, Jeremy Flores, Ethan Ewing, Connor Coffin and John with his Ghost Wave Face Killah. The right boards with the right attitudes were shining. Ewing will do some special things at J Bay in the future when the man muscles in his legs show the fuck up. Connor is locked in a groove in this contest. Maybe his attitude was the secret turn Brad was referencing and we all fell stuck on stupid buy into it being an actual act of surfing rather than a turn IN Connor’s surfing. May be his day of days.
Then there’s the impressive “he rattled Kelly” possibility that Sean was the impetus for Kelly getting all claimy and shit. Sure Kelly said PT talked him into it. Me thinks more subtle directed claim over the broadcast for his IG posse than a claim to get judges thinking. Good on you Sean.
I was impressed with the jet ski guy furthest up on the Boneyard during the Kelly, Julian and Kanoa heat. He was seriously having to dissuade Kanoa from posting up way the fuck away from where his competitors were sitting. Like he wanted to be far out at sea. Made me feel bad for him. But, also made me impressed with the jet ski driver and his rodeo team penning skills.
And finally, Strider with his brick tits standing on the bricks was great television.
mendina is trash, in and out of the water.
Felipe looked very fast in his heat…almost too fast because he couldn’t do anything with his waves.
I’ve never had use for a claim, I don’t mind watching them..
Fuuuuuuuuuck I wish Patrick Ewing was in this contest.
He couldn’t get the Knicks a championship so what makes you think he’d win J-Bay?
Is that an apartheid joke?
9 u’s. 9 letters in apartheid. Apart the id Patrick Ewing and this is most likely a 9 joke which makes no sense.
The only apartheid joke I’d ever go near is Paul Simon.
dont get it
compare JJs 9 point rides to Medinas.
medinas should have been an 8
The swell faded during the day, right? If so, I think Gabby’s waves were probably comparable given the conditions. But if not then he was definitely overscored…but I don’t think it really mattered.
Holy shit, either that or John’s should have been a 14. And Slater’s a 12, for that matter. Fuckin wild.
Gabby claiming Round 1 waves is kinda obnoxious.
But hearing Thompson give him backhanded compliments about being a wave hog was pretty funny.
I didn’t see the early heats but Freestone looked pretty good, also. Maybe he’s realizing that surfing is his only way to feed the baby.
Freestone surfed the way Jbay should be surfed: by carving. Average to good performance. He won his heat but got lucky with weak opposition. I don’t see him past round 3.
Guess it depends on his matchups but he could be a spoiler.
I’m the last one to defend Gaby… Buuuut, Slater claimed his barrel pretty hard…
Agree but it seemed like Gabby claimed everything in that heat.