Does surf in the Olympics represent the start of something entirely new, something beautiful? Or no?
Remember God and his son Jesus, lord and savior of mankind etc? We crucified him!
But we’d never repeat our folly in crucifying a true love. Correct?
Ah, but here we go again,
It’s the Olympics, and it’s on television.
Don’t look away. The blood of surfing is on your hands.
You pushed for surfing in Shidashit, Japan. When you led the charge, you were just thinking of marketing and money and self.
Wait, what? This wasn’t you? You, the lower-middle-class youth. You, the owner of the two-board quiver. You, the 7-11 shift manager.
Sorry, I had you confused with the International Surfing Association (ISA). This is the governing body that includes representation from such wave-rich nations as Poland and Slovenia, who pushed, along with industry made-men and wiseguys, for l’entrée magnifique of surfing in the 2020 Summer Games.
They did this for you — not themselves— so you could line your pockets with boardshort sales and wavepool sales and anything-remotely-related to surfing sales.
Altruistic, isn’t it?
After the the viewing of surfing in the 2020 games, you’ll get a cut, right? You, the Saturday morning shoulder-hopper. You the consumer. You, the casual PCP user. (No offence. Just being honest.)
Yet you, Pontius, like me, are going to watch every damning second as Surf Fever 2.0 infects every living creature within flying distance of a shoreline.
But, maybe you— like the heathen you are —can consider some upsides to the big show in 2020.
Imagine the opening ceremony as Kainoa Igarashi marches into Olympic stadium donning his Hilfiger-designed red, white, and blue wetsuit, waving his oversized cowboy hat to the world.
And how wonderfully ridiculous will it be to have Miguel Pupo’s name, after he claims gold, scrolled in 96 point Helvetica Bold across a box of Wheaties.
“What are you eating, Timmy?”
“PUPO! Mom”
I would trade the day to hear this popping out of the mouths of emergent young readers everywhere.
Finally, fast forward to 2024, where Olympic surfing will truly hit its stride. Mixed doubles are a certainty as is the revealing of a new, true beauty: Rhythmic surfing. Picture Jordy elegantly dancing across the face of a freshly fallen wave with a perfectly swirling, twirling ribbon trailing in tow.
End times? Or the beginning of something entirely new?
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Sounds exciting. Right between “rhythmic gymnastics” and “tug of war”
Toledo wins gold for doing three chop hops per wave. The future of surfing. Yawn
I have an itching feeling that Igarashi will surf for Japan. Thousands of kooks, but some really good surfers in Japan. Let’s hope there is a hurricane storm, because watching the world best milk 2 foot surf would be tortuous!
Who REALLY wants surfing in the Olympics? Just people who will make money. You and me will only suffer and see more crowded breaks. Makes me sick.
Why is the torch bearer towing in to a 2′ wave?
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Well done sir! Well done!
very good
Joel/Laird will be stoked. Brought to you by Pacifico and Lairds homemade dairy creamer.
The rhythm and grace will be found in synchronized foil boarding. We’ve already gotten a preview of Team USA – Men’s Synchronized Foil Board. Kai Lenny, Ian Walsh, JJF and JOB. They will be our USA Men’s Basketball “Dream Team”. It will be the most graceful blood-bath in competitive sports history. Keep in mind athletes actually died in the OG Olympics. They didn’t have judges like the progressive WSL does these days. Some mthrfucker had to die in the ring just so they could figure out who won and got to take home the virgin, grapes and marble pillar trophies. Olympic Surfing will be raised like the newborn bastard child of gymnastics and X-Games that it is. ” Floor” exercise criteria with grind rails in the impact zone. They will of course hold foil boarding in a pool cause grace is a sight for the eyes and soul. An athletic display that can transport the viewr to heaven on earth. If Jesus really is gonna come back, it’ll be for this shit without doubt. Give man a foil and he will be fed from the holy hands of Laird’s outstretched arms for a day. Teach man to foil and he will be Laird for life. Surfing will be foilers of men.
TLDR
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.
nah
Synopsis:
OSWBRLTNBCOGAXTII
whoa. nice.
Of course that is if 2020 is not totally fucked, with no one watching and they decide to pull surfing back out of the Olympics, whereby Fernando will kill himself live over the ISA website!!
2 upvotes
2020 will be a shit show – 2024 when the event will be in a wave pool will highlight an ex chinese gymnast, blowing up switchfoot, on a wakeboard sized board (GOAT owned) in perfect A frame – GOAT/Webber/Wavegarden (cove) generated bombs!! Can I mark that as my Nostradamus call please?