Michael Ciaramella has left for a new gig at Stab!
Cry it out!
Ladies and gentlemen it is my sad duty to
inform you that Michael Ciaramella has just left us for SurfStitch
property in association with FCS and House Beer Stab
magazine. Oh there there. Dry your tears. Come, put your head on my
shoulder and let us remember the good times we all had together.
The laughs. The fun.
And while we’re at it let’s rate all of BeachGrit‘s
ex-writers!
Ali Klinkenberg: At the very dawn of
BeachGrit a handsome, tall Australian (I think) came to us
and wrote almost a dozen pieces before he too was poached by
Stab. (That Stab sure does like to sift through
BeachGrit‘s underwear drawer!) In any case, Ali’s best
piece might have been Candid: All my friends are
racist! which included the line, “I’ve never been
to Brazil, but I’ve experienced its fruits. I once dated a
Brazilian garota linda (beautiful gal) who looked like Penelope
Cruz (no shit), and my good amigo Gui used to be addicted to
condensed milk (four cans a day!).”
Fate: Unknown.
Ashton Goggans: Ashton was a treasure and I was
actually sad to see him go. Not pretend sad like with Michael. A
handsome, well-dressed man who could hold his drink and cuff his
pants. He came from San Francisco, I believe, and brightened our
sky with many pieces (here) and was the actual one to
write about Mick Fanning getting loved up by a curious White in
J-Bay those two years ago.
Fate: Became an editor at Surfer and might still be
there.
Rory Parker: The man from Kauai stole your
heart with tales of freediving, killing chickens and the legalities
behind airbnb rentals on the islands. His high water mark may have
been a trip to Nicaragua with his wife in order to have a
threesome. The hilarious details spilled forth, including versions
from wife and mark!
Fate: Stuck in an endless cycle interviewing Cori Schumacher.
Like Groundhog Day!
Michael Kocher: Michael grabbed your attention
and money. The poor ex-Marine out of Colorado developed brain
cancer and needed you to GoFund his healing. You responded, out of
the goodness of your heart, and he bought drugs and prostitutes
because, just kidding, he didn’t have brain cancer! The ruse
infuriated many but the Man from Manassa wielded a wicked pen. He
also established the bar for how all BeachGrit ex-writers
should go out.
Fate: Killed by
police after taking people hostage.
Michael Ciaramella: And the latest. Michael
came to us via Surfing and boy could he surf! Airs etc.
His best work was when he got very specifically technical
about surfing but I don’t think he really liked this
sort of thing. He also took Christian
Fletcher head on in a wonderful series that might even
better Rory’s threesome. Michael was handsome too and he could
handle your slings and arrows well, which is a rare trait.
Fate: Moving to Stab where he and Morgan Williamson
will recite poetry to each other under the pale moonlight.
So which was your favorite? Let them know in the comment section
(or say a prayer if ol’ Kocher was your #1)!
