A power ranking that will leave you in envious shock!
Two years ago our Negatron posted the seminal echelon Style: The WSL Haircut Power Rankings! and changed the course of modern history. Oh, of course you don’t remember. BeachGrit was just a baby back then and not widely popular but when you click on the above link you’ll instantly recognize brilliance.
I’ve been thinking about this work lately and, coincidentally perhaps, our Mariano Landa commented about it today on an earlier already forgotten story. About the necessity of a new one because two years ago is an eternity in WSL years and because there are many new cuts on tour.
Enlivened, I went straight to the World Surf League Rankings Men’s Championship Tour subhead in order to dig right in. The fun we’d have again!
But was was struck dumb, entirely dumbstruck, three haircuts in.
What the hell happened?
Did Pert Plus pay two of the world’s top three surfers lots of money to wash, blow dry and pose in front of a WSL camera?
Did Pantene?
Let us first examine current world number III Jordy Smith.
Have you ever seen that much sheen? That much body? That much fierce appreciation of clean, luxurious hair?
Yes. You have. Two spots up.
And now let us examine world number I Matt Wilkinson.
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And that is the sound of stunned silence.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present a Power Rankings where only one man is invited because only one man has the haircut of a 37 year-old mother of two who still enjoys getting to Buffalo Wild Wings for Thursday night happy hour because #yolo.
Matt Wilkinson.
Lotsa hair getting parted in the middle on the WSL – Trustworthy, I like it.
MY EYES.
Wilko looks like Alice in the Brady Bunch. Which, was alright for Alice, but not that swell for a pro surfer, maybe.
Wilkos hair looks like its still long, And someone has made on error whilst cutting out his profile pic
Wilko, fabulous, just absolutely fabulous darling!
Round Four, 9.43. Simply stunning sweetie
Fuuuuuuuuuucccckkk lmao
You can tell a Wella woman by the way she wears her hair.
You can tell a Wella woman anywhere.
Wilko saw Andy’s hair shortly before Andy passed away due to complications with Malaria or Zika virus or Ross River Virus or whatever Billabong said he died of. Wilko exclaimed, “I must have this hair!” Fair attempt but no cigar.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Jordy looks like he needs some nugs
Wilkos been to my Mums hairdresser.
What is that shadowing around Jordy’s hair? Did someone in upper management of WSL threaten certain termination of an underling if cropping was not accomplished to illustrate some sense of control of his man mane?
That’s an “I’d like to speak to the manager” hair style for sure.