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Progressive: Today in Stab-vertorial!

Venice-adjacent's other online surf magazine is brushing history!

Ok ok ok ok ok ok ok . I know that Mar Vista (which happens to also be Venice-adjacent just exactly like  The Inertia) is a bastion for cheap tech money and old men wearing short shorts but did you also know it is ground zero for the most bald-faced advertorial play on the planet?

True!

Recently re-purchased from Surfstitch, Stab magazine, has decided that the Internet’s future lies in doing the sort of barely concealed advertising editorial that was popular a short ten years ago. The powers may be on to something. Everything old, of course, becomes new again but Stab is pushing its advertorial so hard that the United States patent office gave it the mark for “badvertorial” and today is rebranding the whole enterprise as “Stabvertorial.”

A victory!

And I very much wouldn’t want you to not click on today’s offering, because Stabvertorial has become an artform, so here it is… pushing a Billabong trunk. But I will let the masters take it from here.

The Art of Indigenous Patters and Wearable Shorts

All people, not boardshorts were created equal. Boardshorts, must be pleasing to the eye, comfortable and functional. A bad pair of boardies is like a guitar missing its E, D and B strings – not quite strumming it.

On October 6th at China Heights Gallery Sydney, Otis Hope Carey showcased his newest and “most important work to date” featuring the art of the Gumbaynggirr people. It was called ‘GAAGAL’ meaning “ocean.” It then moved from canvas to cloth forming Billabong’s new line. We dig it.
Though there are only a few waves in this clip, if you like surfing, art, trunks and people, go ahead and give it a watch.

The art of indigenous patterns and wearable shorts.

The art of indigenous patterns and wearable shorts.

The art of indigenous patterns and wearable shorts.

The art of indigenous patterns and wearable shorts.

The art of indigenous patterns and wearable shorts.

The art of indigenous patterns and wearable shorts.

The art of indigenous patterns and wearable shorts.

The art of indigenous patterns and wearable shorts.

The art of indigenous patterns and wearable shorts.

The art of indigenous patterns and wearable shorts.

The art of indigenous patterns and wearable shorts.

The art of indigenous patterns and wearable shorts.

Seriously, I think this is the high water mark. I don’t even know where an artist can go from here other than maybe writing about all the bros he has who are totally for reals gay but how awesome that is.

Stabvertorial has reached rarified air and we must savor each new offering.

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17 Comments
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Eddie Haiku

I thought the term post modern described the act of disappearing up one’s own arse, but I may be wrong…

Chazz Michael Michaels

Not in the brave new beautiful gay world of Stab magazine!

NEGATRON

You’ll have to do a lot better than that…

Eddie Haiku

Good to have the old Sherriff back in town!

Chazz Michael Michaels

They’re really getting behind gays over there since Gubbins took over.

If I were a middling QS grinder on the men’s tour I’d think long and hard about going fake gay in exchange for some column inches.

Come on boys, you know it makes sense…

That would be the ultimate cockhold.

Strider's Gobble Neck

Where’s wiggolly, he should have something to say on this

Jocks

Lovin’ my 9 inch inseam White Devil Grit trunks

Not so much my fellow surfers and beachgoers

Eddie Haiku

We all know the media doesn’t exist without the lies and money of advertisers. It’s almost post modern fantastical that SCHTAB are looking their readers in the eye and saying, “We know that you know that we’re full of shit, but we know you’ll keep on reading this shit nonetheless.” So, who are the bigger fools?

bitter guy

the stench of advertorial is the half-hearted attempt to couch it as editorial. long gone are the magazine days when you turned the page, looked at the picture of a guy in a Zuma closeout and it either had a brand name emblazoned somewhere or it didn’t. much the way these nice SuperBrand ads are suitably marginalized to, you know, the margins, where my eyes are not asked to do the heavy lifting that consuming advertorial content requires.

ricmatic

for the sweet Santa Monica straighthanders out front

Nick Carroll

“if you like surfing, art, trunks, and people”. Sounds like an Ambassador of Stoke and Leisure to me!

LongRichard

Can you believe they even take advertising dollars!!?? Even more bad, it sounds like they use these dollars to PAY writers!!

channelbottom

Bastards eh?

Sonny Joyce

Dave, l was banned. Vorns hyprocrasy & queendom.. Nice to see Otis flying .

david fffff

Paying writers seems to have “paid off” (lol) afterall, BG’s writers are all at STAB. Kinda gotta agree with Chas though, hawking indigenous art on trunks for Billabong is fucking awkward. I mean, in North America people would scream cultural appropriation from the roof tops. But again, I always under estimate the Aussie’s apathy with racism

Jocks

Ok. Example. We all invade Afghanistan. Historically not a good call, but ok sure. Aussies join in bombing shit. It’s a mess, always has been, but we actually make Afghanistan worse. That takes quite an effort and a lot of money. Final straw, some Average Joe Afghans have to leave or die. They choose to live, many decide to bring their families along too so they won’t die. Can’t go tribal lands et al Where to?

So some of them make it to Australia (or near enough). Majority are war refugees. All of them have darker complexions.

So Australia ‘processes’ them, then ships them off to offshore detention centres ie islands with tents. Majority haven’t comitted any crime. Some of those have been locked up for 4 years. No end in sight. This costs a fortune too, but Customs get some freakin bitchin new ocean vessels to play with, so …

Majority of Aussies don’t give a shit, or like it

We don’t do half-assed rascism in Australia. Feel free to build your $20 billion wall if you want, but if you need expertise on dealing with your minorities or the Mexicans feel free to give us a call

J H

Let me guess…they’re pushing the 32-piece set?


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