Back To Top
Beach Grit

Podcast: “I’m having an existential crisis!”

Chas Smith

by Chas Smith

What does this all mean?

Can I confide something in you, earnestly and honestly? Oh you can mock me, of course, and maybe that’s exactly what I need. A good swift kick back to quintessential gen-x indifference but until then can I admit to you that I’m having an existential crisis?

I am!

And can’t quite put my finger on it. On what I’m feeling, though I know where the crisis came from. I was also recently injured, arm taken from socket, which will keep me landlocked for a few weeks and I finally have to get the surgery wherein doctors tie my arm in with rope. It used to come out all the time but hasn’t for about four years and now surgery. But that is not the reason for my existential crisis. I don’t quite know what, in fact, my crisis even is but feel it is definitely about surfing.

Like, the physical act of surfing and how it infects my entire life and what that all come to mean.

I am so consumed by the watery ballet that I can no longer type the words “during” or “surgery” without typing “durfing” or “surfgery.” Completely honestly. My fingers automatically put an “f” after the letters “ur.” Every time.

There is really, at this point, nothing else. Surfing. Durfing. Surfgery. Yet even after all these years, all this attention, I am still only ok at the physical act of surfing and not getting better. Growing up and doing it completely alone on a god-forsaken stretch of Oregon coast has infected badly. I didn’t have the privilege of watching ripping peers and emulating them. There was only me. And freezing cold closeouts. And a blooming poor style. And sharks.

What does this mean? Does it mean I took a wrong turn years ago and doubled and tripled down and now am so lost that there is no getting out? Was there something in this world that I was actually good at? Something I could have pursued and excelled in?

David Lee Scales, the consummate host, and I speak of these things here and also how shit The Inertia is, writing, Oregonian localism, whining in the face of danger, wetsuit caps, Damien Hobgood’s stickers and so much more. See the illustrated version here!

Listen here!