Solid negotiations afoot!
A couple of years ago I interviewed the investment banker Andrew Ross, a nice man who planned to sprinkle Wavegardens across Australia.
Andrew had a giddy list of achievements, including some sort of interaction with the billionaire Richard Branson, but those pools, Melbourne promised to be working by late 2017 etc, sure are slow in coming.
Now, if I was planning on opening a Wavegarden, sweet little burgers but nothing life changing, I’d be looking over my shoulder hoping to hell the Slater-Finchim pool wasn’t coming anytime soon.
Well.
Yesterday afternoon, my telephone lit up with details of “solid negotiations” between KS Wave Pool Co and “a landholder outside Wollongong and western Sydney.
The sender included more details, enough to prove the rumour had legs, the owner of the dirt and so on, but which I had to agree to keep off the record.
I was so thrilled I undid all the buttons on my jacket just to give my fluttering diaphragm room to spasm.
A message to the WSL was returned with the somewhat cryptic, “As one would imagine, the interest in the tech is widespread so it wouldn’t surprise me if there has been some level of conversation.”
The biz model of the Slater-Finchim pool is different to Wavegarden, Webber and Surf Lake. Instead of relying on thousands of punters paying sixty bucks a session, KS Wave Co plans on building resorts around their pool, the theory being monied surfers would happily sling five hundred bucks or more a night in return for private pool sessions.
Gonna happen? You know the KS Wave Co don’t fuck around.
Money. Muscle. Influence. Celebrity.
Sweeeeeeeeet mate!!!! Keep more of those Aussies at home!
$500 per night. Well… here’s to expanding the Exec Surfer gang. Surf Dive and Ski better make sure they have enough Hurley stock.
I think the KS wave pool is already boring, a millionaires folly. Surfing is an original ocean experience every time and thats why we love it.
mountaineering has become irrelevant now that there are climbing gyms
not really. Still more people climbing everest year after year?
yeah, i was joking. fishing barrels are trending though.
Really?
We found a great boatman who was happy for us to spend pretty much all day out there, back in time for happy hour at the bar.
Cheap trip to spend all day getting barelled at CB and I still can’t believe you can surf Restuarants.
Heaps more relaxed than Indo.
It was all good, the place had just opened and was a bit disorganized and the waves were ok/goodish on that trip by my somewhat jaded standards.
I wasn’t really very fit having been out of the water – my first surf in nearly three months due to a fractured ankle was on that trip in pretty good cloud break, six feet or so and I was a little gun shy on it so was frustrated with myself more than anything.
I’ve been up there a few times before that too, Fiji is pretty epic if the bengiwalu or whatever they call those two-week long howling SSE trade episodes isn’t happening.
I am more interested in the north coast this time of year in a big N.Hemi N/NNW swell than going back to CB etc. I’ve heard tales of a right point in the NW islands that is apparently like Honolua and a bunch of other good set-ups all around.
Definitely a little more involved than a trip to the Funky Fish though and it’s BYO trannies.
I thought that you were into the swell less traveled?
I looked at hit and run prices to Samoa for a N swell in early Dec and they were ridiculous. Fiji was a touch cheaper but it doesn’t look like the easiest coast to master or get around and one could end up chasing plumes of White water and not riding much.
Not sure about the less traveled meaning? I’ve done plenty if that’s what you’re getting at.
North Fiji coast is boat charter exploration territory unless you’re friends with Roseman or Funk and get GPS’d in.
Tonga is where you want to go for easy north swell. Did a strike there one December chasing a triple pulse NNW swell and scored. Airfares were only $300 return from AKL, $70 a night including food at Steve’s and perfect barrels all day.
You said a few months ago that you couldn’t be arsed chasing a Tasman swell cos it had traveled too far or something along those lines…
I live in Sydney so it’s a little more pricey than that!
I was referring to chasing a Tasman swell here on Kaua’i. Tasman swells are so diffused by the Pacific islands they need to be really special to be even semi-worthy here so I cbf 99% of the time…
I still can’t believe I had to kiss the bishop’s / cardinal’s ring 💍.You could have made a good rugby forward for the Brothers while sporting that fine young catholic body .Shades of a young Elkerton whose nickname was Fat boy before he became Kong then Gary then Kong again .
book a week at Funky Fish, boat rides included.
http://www.funkyfishresort….
Bar staff are all trannies but great fun.
Doubt you’d go without quality surf surfing CB in a week between Apr-Nov.
I’d go Negatron. Any Ranch in Sydney is already a bit back in the queue of the KSWC’s priorities. You can’t just buy the parts at some home wares store, they have to be custom made then transported to the location and assembled by Team WSL. And they are v keen to start with one in Japan, soon, for reals. They want to convince the IOC to have the 2020 Olympics in their pool. Oh shit have I let a scoop out on Beachgrit?
Thats no secret.
Well it’s been gossip, guesswork etc. In fact that is their intention, it’s been confirmed to me by a direct source. I am beginning to see the Olympics thing as a sort of half silent Death Match between the WSL and the ISA.
They have made the intention clear right from the start. Renato Hinckel said so in a public video released by WSL and publicly backed by Surfing Aus.
The impediment is a small japanese man ……well, now I’m not gunna drop that one here.
Really, where did Renato speak of this?? He said the KSWC was planning to build a pool in Japan in the hope that the IOC and the ISA would be convinced to change the location of the surfing Olympics?
Not exactly, but close enough. Don’t you open your WSL emails.
I have a near Smithsonian collection of WSL emails. Possibly only Randy Rarick would have more. I open them, read them, and put them away. One day archaeologists will come upon this collection and puzzle over what sort of people were responsible for it.
Meanwhile, it’s fucking bombing down here just quietly.
Has it ever been friendly ? EVER ? Seems like two very different visions for the sport of surfing since the early 90‘s. Could we end up like boxing with more governing bodies than boxers . It’s all academic and won’t stop you from enjoying the bloody big SE SWELL .
Maybe never friendly, but the ISA was always the small child in the corner and the ASP/WSL was the Boss. Not so much now.
Fiji
do the Ments every other year then
Nothing, mate. Waves are free, there’s no need to pay someone to make ’em for you. I’ll happily pay to travel, but honestly, that is a different deal.
Then again if they come up with an eight foot top to bottom barrel over a slightly uneven “reef”, I’m happy to pay with my own skin etc.
These wave pools are going to be a even more elitist version of the ski hill, at least the ocean will be mostly free?
got to be a major factor.
Putting Maggie Thatcher in there.
When is fuckerberg or omidyar going to pony up the cash for a kauai wave garden? Just surfed with 100 fucking people. We need that shit here now!!!!!!
sounds like your government is doing a good job at trying to scare people away.
photoshop
Is your hair still the same?
What sort of plan did you get sold up the river on? Resting beside me is a glittering iPhone 8 that came with a $59 dollar plan. Twenty GB data, unlimited calls, a couple of hundred minutes a month free international calls. Ask me how!
Do you have before and after images? To show the class?
Waves every two minutes. Less soon.
You heard any more about Webber’s progress ?
Got our new sales boy Jazzy P to fly a Karma drone over it last week. Still a few weeks away from turning on the foil. https://uploads.disquscdn.c… https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
What do you recon the chances are of this location being a red herring and its actually in a completely different location ?
It’s the address of the DA but who knows! I do like the headline: Webber Throws Herring! https://uploads.disquscdn.c… https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
I think Herring threw Herring. Under the 324 bus in all probability.
get fucked, that’s a bonito
“Fish,” he said softly, aloud, “I’ll stay with you until I am dead.”
Johnny S?
They will be lucky if $10 Mill covers earthworks and foundations, I think those involved are in for a rude awakening on this project, engineers and architects rarely have a grasp on or respect for clients budgets, the builder will price on what is drawn not on the hundreds of items overlooked, under designed or completely impractical and works will grind to a halt while the contract administrators wait for approval of variation after variation then when/if they get the thing going it has to cover the huge capital outlay, Laird know how much to run with Australian electricity and labour rates as high as anywhere in the world and then surely some other worldly maintenance costs to boot. A lot more risk than pumping out plastic skateboards with a population that has access to more world class natural wave set ups than probably any other metropolitan population in the world.
Doesn’t matter where it is. 1 hour drive from Aust’s most populous city guarantees a market. I’d fly up from Melbourne, make a weekend of it, go to NRL and whatever else. 2×2 hour sessions with 10 waves per. I’d pay $500.
would ya? I wouldn’t, and I’ve ridden it.
You have? Tell me more! https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
The suspense is killing me.
I now pray someone will break early and drop a deuce on the NDA.
Sixteen days to go! I just ordered commemorative t-shirts for everyone!
Tell me you at least wake in the middle of the night dreaming about going early.
I’m a Medium.
I break the damn NDA for you! (And, of course, t-shirt is already ordered. But did you lose weight? I remember you as a barrel of a man.) https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
ha! That has reversed my stance on the tub.
Always been a classic middleweight Dell. 75klicks, 12% bodyfat. Long paddles keep a man lean.
Speaking of which, time to take that Ghost on a lap of the Point.
Twelve percent? You must have a lovely stomach. https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
god, those bitch tits!
Must be a relative of Strider Wasilewski.
You remembered that beautiful day when Strider’s steroidal tits overwhelmed the FIji Pro! https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
I’m still flustered…
Strider hit the line-up at Pipe and the Hawaii Emergency Management Agency sent out a text alert of inbound ballistic tits missiles.
I’m L to XL which I’ll leave to your discretion depending on the cut. Thanks, Derek!
Fuck the NDA! WavePoolGate!
Loose the hounds! Here!
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Carroll has shrunk.
Those throw rug sized Costco towels subtract like 15-20 pounds. Even the camera walks from that fued.
If he combs his hair(s) right he is nudging 5’2″. Quite the feisty manlet.
well to be fair
a) Doherty is standing on a box
b) Vaughan is about eight feet tall
I didn’t know you hated Goggan as well. I’m sorry for my past mistreatment of you. That Goggan is such a dumb cunt.
I don’t really want to ask, but who kooked it the most out of you three? Or those two if you’re too coy?
Are you fucken kidding, that pool is un-kook-able. What with Raimana yelling at you from the ski and the foil thing roaring along in front of you, it’s like being in a scene out of Point Break Three.
Un-Kook-able? Are you fucking kidding? It made Gerry Lopez look positively ordinary. Hate to see what horror it would unleash when someone of my moderate skills hooks in.
Gerry paddled out and the
line-up cleared. Gerry couldn’t believe his fortune. He had it all to himself. Caught a wave. Back outside during a lull, Gerry turned to look at the nature not invited Kelly designed beach. Gerry saw Beach, smelt cows and heard a train. Then he saw Da Hui-ish Short Short Buckaroos. Standing shoulder to shoulder at the water line, arms not so much crossed but more hands resting on hips, just like Kelly instructed them. Group of about 6 moseyed on out. It was so out of the ordinary that Gerry went full guru and balanced the flat universe with uncanny ordinary.
It’s magical Nik. It’s where ordinary becomes extraordinary. Where Nick and Nik are indistinguishable.
I heard that Jerry was actually simultaneously still in Oregon snowboarding. He’d only sent his partial spirit to the pool during a pretty heavy yoga session, and that part of his spirt couldn’t really be arsed with it and just wanted Kelly to stop bending his ear with utter shite conspiracy theories.
Seinfeld or Lewis?
No, no. The mouse.
Garcia?
Gabriel Garcia Marquez or Sunny ?
Moderate skills will not be tolerated , and obviously fossils of more than 50 years of age would have to pass a yogi test to see if they can bend low enough for long enough , as we don’t want or need any negativeness from customers!
Shit I think I just ruled out 90% of surfers!
Do you think it will be easier or more difficult to judge a contest in the KookPond? My guess is way more difficult. Unless you’re counting turns, watching back video or surfers nominating a 20 second barrel into a BarneyTwist with a Dieing Cockroach to wind things up before being towed in.
Way easier , as all the waves are the same and Judges only have to judge the surfers moves , and not have to worry about a freak perfect wave coming thru which ruins their scale. The good news is there are only a handful of surfers who will be able to do man turns combined with multiple big airs per wave.
from the photos so far, there sure was a lot of man love going down.
I do note , that the photo was taken inside , as the glare off the 3 x chrome domes could be considered an outdoor weapon!
Up the Fkn Swellians!
Can you guys get Jed Smith to pen a few stories for you?
2 B 3 (to write about and ride) latest album ,VIVA LAS FRESNO or Ultrablokes
Seminal Artificial New Wave Surf Writers Collective .3 RING CIRCUS .
I find it all a bit weird, if I’m honest. What are they trying to protect? Why the embargo? What changes in 16 days?
I’m a medium thanks!
It really is killing me…
We all know most of the scribes have ridden it and have banked a story.
It’s going to be a heavyweight showdown of epic proportions to deliver the best take.
Ding ding.
And then the secondary profits to be reaped from reviewing the authors.
Yes.
Edit: I’ve just done it.
Shall we start a book?
I think the timeframe might have broken some of them. Too long to think, too much pressure.
But if I had to predict…
Nick Carroll – Straight missionary. Bish, bosh, bang, thanks very much, love.
Doherty – a bit of mutual masturbation, followed by a confusing feeling of guilt, satisfaction and resentment.
Rielly – a good, even pace, flowy and satisfactory. Always with the lingering potential of a finger in the arse to finish.
Micro Ciaramelladose – two pumps and a squirt.
Chas Smith – Sitting on the concrete surrounds with an undisclosed injury.
I’m writing an extensive piece for the Surfer’s Journal. That’s how much I care about you people.
And I look forward to reading it, Mr Carroll, sir! Sometimes it’s just nice to have a bit of missionary.
Anyway, you certainly spend a lot of time skulking around in the ether with us people for someone who doesn’t care…
Yeah if I’m in here a lot you know I’m worried about YOU, Chazz Michael Michaels.
I’m an excellent plate spinner. Pithy internet commentary isn’t taxing.
Unless, I mean, do you need to spend the first 10 minutes of every day remembering how to turn on the computer thingymybob?
“Thingmybob”? OK let’s just stop this right here
dammmnnnn now shit’s gettin’ real
Sounds like Nick just did.
Do you think they can scale it up?
Here’s the thing: Slater bought the lake in 2013 for 575k from a wakeboarder who’d built two lakes, and who wanted to sell one, keep the other. If Slater had both lakes when he built the proto, Surf Ranch would’ve had twice the girth. Longer. Bigger. So, yes.
At a significant price. The foil moves the water. The more water, the more foil, the more energy cost, the more pressure on every element of the set-up. The whole thing would have to be built a bit different to contain the energy I suspect.
What did you discuss with Ashton Goggans between waves? Or was the silence deafening as you all scowled out to sea? I mean, into the corn fields.
Goggans wasn’t there. We were first. And you don’t sit next to other people in that pool. You sit away from them and hope they fall off.
Just like in real life? I’m getting into the idea of KookPonds!
Did you know they were going to use the footage of you riding it in their prospectus to demonstrate the pools appeal to the cashed up shit stance can only go right old fart demographic?
Why no, Wiggolly’s Paddling Style, I did not. What will they be using the footage of you for? Oh that’s right there isn’t any.
Yeah righto you got me. Sly old cunt you.
SHOTS MOTHERFUCKING FIRED
NRL and the tub does sound like an enticing proposition.
$500? That’s getting up there… The Sydney strippers are going to love you.
i wouldn’t pay $500 for a new board, Adam Allinclusive is going to love it though
10 day boat trip. 12 punters on board. 1 perfect morning surf where you get maybe 10 waves. If another boatload of Brazil’s finest don’t show up. 2 lay days. 2 good days, 5 ok fun but it’d be better if it was a foot bigger days. $7000.
Or spend $500 to dial up your perfect wave and you get the golden ticket.
You’d be mad not to go once a year.
Sold!
would you pay $2000?
You would pay 500$? You sir, are a dickhead!!!!