Artist rendering of a British surfer.
Artist rendering of a British surfer.

Olympics: Great Britain throws in towel!

"!t is currently unlikely that currently any British surfer will win a medal in Tokyo 2020!"

Just days ago, and with little fanfare, the International Olympic Committee released how you, me and Kolohe Andino make it to Tokyo for the 202o Olympiad. Surfing is featured for the very first time and which nation do you think will win gold?

Australia, coached by Bede Durbidge, has fielded the world’s best team from five years ago.

Japan has snagged current world number nine Kanoa Igarashi. Very much a threat in 1 ft waves/Surf Ranch.

Germany may go with Marlon Lipke.

The United States is yet to make any announcements but rest assured that Brett Simpson will be involved.

Great Britain, which includes Wales, Scotland, England and Northern Ireland, has already completely given up.

Let’s read a snippet from their official press release!

…all surfers will be required to make themselves available to be part of Surfing Team GB for the 2019 and 2020 World Surfing Games, and if selected will be required to participate. Failure to meet this requirement will render the surfer ineligible for the Olympic Games. Information on the selection process for Team GB will be released in
due course.

We have made submissions of funding requests and submission of all relevant data to UK Sport. On extensive analysis, UK Sport believe it is currently unlikely that currently any British surfer will win a medal in Tokyo 2020. UK Sport investment is wholly focused on medal winning performances to inspire our nation.

It is also yet to be confirmed if surfing will be in the 2024 and 2028 Olympics which also makes attracting investment into surfing a challenge. We will continue to collectively work to source performance funding.

Does the phrase “UK Sport believe it is currently unlikely that currently any British surfer will win a medal in Tokyo 2020” inspire lots of confidence? Do you think it is maybe a ruse?

Chazz Michael Michaels? Are you there? What do you think?

Rip Current Rory? You in?

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Weslley’s Secret Life - Wozzle
Weslley’s Secret Life - Wozzle
8 years ago

Lives in one of the only World Surfing Reserves in the world. Spain it is not!

World Surf Gay
World Surf Gay
8 years ago

Weird… this was the exact statement I released to my 50 instagram followers, explaining why I’m not competing in the Tokyo 2020 Olympics…..

janeausten
janeausten
8 years ago

Half the Australian Parliament seems to have dual UK etc Citizenship on some level, why not half our CT surfers?

E-Wing Fighter Pilot
E-Wing Fighter Pilot
8 years ago

GB wouldn’t of had any qualifiers anyway.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
8 years ago

Surfing Australia made a tabulating mistake and the team that finished 7th ( before the error was detected a week later by the club ) had actually finished 4th,a place ahead of the team that went on to win .They apologized to said club and compensation was made.They published a post on their official web site concerning this issue .

Chazz Michael Michaels
Chazz Michael Michaels
8 years ago

They’re nothing if not realistic, and that’s to be commended!

surfmom
surfmom
8 years ago

Micro and macro econ. The UK’s experiencing a micro dose of the WSL’s macro problem.. a lack of interest (investment potential).

turts
turts
8 years ago

Serious question, but wasn’t Martin Potter born in the UK?

Choc
Choc
8 years ago
Reply to  turts

Yes

turts
turts
8 years ago
Reply to  Choc

So why aren’t they capitalising on this?

comment
comment
8 years ago
Reply to  turts

Don’t think potts would stand much of a chance against the new crop in 2 ft onshore japanese beachies but thanks for your suggestion

turts
turts
8 years ago
Reply to  comment

Not as a competitor, as a coach

Si Short
Si Short
8 years ago

Why would we waste money on developing our surfers? I have it on good authority that Darts is gonna be an Olympic sport soon and that’s where we’ll shine!

german_surfer_007
german_surfer_007
8 years ago
Reply to  Si Short

That or glassing people in a bar.

Si Short
Si Short
8 years ago

That works too. We are also concentrating our resources towards our hooligans throwing plastic tables and chairs at this year’s world cup.

Low wide stinkbug stance
Low wide stinkbug stance
8 years ago

Chaz could do a Kanoa and change allegiances. I wonder if Mick will get a guernsey for the Aussies to set up the ultimate grudge match.

Dumb Florida Redneck
Dumb Florida Redneck
8 years ago

Well they are preparing for war with russia so,ya know,priorities and shit.

david fffff
david fffff
8 years ago

I feel like Ireland would have several more talented surfers than Germany has produced, ever.

german_surfer_007
german_surfer_007
8 years ago
Reply to  david fffff

I beg to differ

Jimmy the Saint
Jimmy the Saint
8 years ago
Reply to  david fffff

Irrelevant point!

comment
comment
8 years ago
Reply to  david fffff

It depends if you count Nic Von Rupp, Marlon Lipke and Leon Glazier. All sort of german, all flew the nest early and moved to more wave rich climes. Ireland’s got some mental chargers, but Gearoid Mcdaid would be their only hope in 2ft beachies

Eddie Haiku
Eddie Haiku
8 years ago

Australia is also unlikely to medal in this event unless the judging criteria states, “A repetition of bottom turns and cutbacks down the pool should be rewarded with scores in the excellent range”.

german_surfer_007
german_surfer_007
8 years ago
Reply to  Eddie Haiku

Yeah Julian wilson is only good at cutbacks.

channelbottom
channelbottom
8 years ago

Pity because the UK has had long tradition of surfing. Here’s the Glasgow surfclub in about 1885 ( I think). https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

Karl Von Fanningstadt
Karl Von Fanningstadt
8 years ago

Definitely a ruse. Inspired by their country’s motto “We can fill the gaps!” for the 2020 Olympics in Tokyo, these two legends will lead Britain to glory…
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

Wiggolly's Paddling Style
Wiggolly's Paddling Style
8 years ago

They should nickname their team the Goblin Sharks. Fucken horrendous heads on them. Wouldn’t feel comfortable in a conversation.

Chazz Michael Michaels
Chazz Michael Michaels
8 years ago

To be fair, Russell is a bloody legend. First European to qualify for the CT. One of his last comps was a victory in the 6 star QS in Thurso in some meaty barrels. The trophy for that comp was a big fuckoff Claymore sword. Russell later used that sword to threaten some cunts who were making a noise outside his house and was subsequently arrested. The last time I saw him he was literally running around a nightclub, wide eyed and shirtless, shouting “who’s the fucking daddy” in folk’s faces.

Badger
Badger
8 years ago

I would strongly dispute the use of the term legend.

Chazz Michael Michaels
Chazz Michael Michaels
8 years ago
Reply to  Badger

Nah, he surfed real good too.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
8 years ago

Only met him once surfing in France and he was very polite and we ended up having a nice chat between sets . Talented surfer .

Badger
Badger
8 years ago

Hmmmmmm….

Chazz Michael Michaels
Chazz Michael Michaels
8 years ago
Reply to  Badger

You don’t agree? I’ve wanted to do a story about him for a while. You wouldn’t dig that?

Badger
Badger
8 years ago

I wouldn’t dispute his surfing ability more his integrity. I think that many people in life have demons. Some just have them more on show than others.

Chazz Michael Michaels
Chazz Michael Michaels
8 years ago
Reply to  Badger

Precisely my point, my friend. He’s a story waiting to be written. “Legend” might be used pejoratively!

Blunted Sultan
Blunted Sultan
8 years ago
Reply to  Badger

Coming from the UK’s shit waves, qualifying for the CT, beating Kelly at Sunset. Pretty fucking legendary in my book.

Weslley’s Secret Life - Wozzle
Weslley’s Secret Life - Wozzle
8 years ago

You could do a chapter on Grishka, another on Spencer, and one on each one of the Winter brothers. Cornish inbred legendary stuff.

Weslley’s Secret Life - Wozzle
Weslley’s Secret Life - Wozzle
8 years ago

Not unless Glen ‘’squeaky micro’’ Hall has a say on it!

Brutus
Brutus
8 years ago

ha Australia got $6m for the mens and womens which means we are guaranteed Gold , as our Olympic Winter team only got $9.6 .
But then again thats what Surfing Australia conned out of the Government here , and with SA’s abysmal track record lets hope we beat at least Germany!

Nick Carroll
Nick Carroll
8 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

Surfing Australia just announced they will be taking the whole Olympic Squad to Lemoore for five days of Olympic surfing practice in June! And then again in August!!

Practicing for what, 2′ Chiba?

I hope the Ranch isn’t charging Surfing Australia the $57,500 a day they’re charging those poor galoots in Chas’s piece a coupla days ago. Because that would be Two Hundred and Eighty Seven Thousand US Dollars. Plus airfares.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
8 years ago
Reply to  Nick Carroll

Good news for Connor and Wade who haven’t had a swing at The Swamp yet.On the Subject of Surfing Australia,The media is very
quiet 🤫 about The board riders battle tabulation error though maybe it’s better to let sleeping dogs lie?

Nick Carroll
Nick Carroll
8 years ago

what the fuck??

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
8 years ago
Reply to  Nick Carroll

Go to the Surfing Australia web site and tap news.https://http://www.surfingaustralia.com/ne...

Nick Carroll
Nick Carroll
8 years ago

Fucken hell, I look away for 10 minutes and see what happens

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
8 years ago
Reply to  Nick Carroll

Was just sad for the surfers from my old club ,who would have loved the exposure of being in the final,in this era where exposure is more important than results .

channelbottom
channelbottom
8 years ago

They could just wander out into the street and drop their shorts. Plenty of exposure there.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
8 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

Where all going to NUDE SCHOOL and we can’t wait to see your ( channel ) bottom . Ha ha

E-Wing Fighter Pilot
E-Wing Fighter Pilot
8 years ago
Reply to  Nick Carroll

Whose idea is that? What a waste of money. Just send them to any of the East Coast beachies that are 2ft, gutless and onshore.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
8 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

They might not beat us at surfing but Germany still have factories and farms unlike Australia who started started selling itself off piece by piece since the 80’s .ps nice photo with the goat at the WSL

Wiggolly's Paddling Style
Wiggolly's Paddling Style
8 years ago

When are we going to cut ties with these shit toothed bent cunts?

Dumb Florida Redneck
Dumb Florida Redneck
8 years ago

putin is working on it.

Wiggolly's Paddling Style
Wiggolly's Paddling Style
8 years ago

Yeah let’s team up with the Russians now for something new. Hotter chicks and much more subservient than these uppity Western women.

turts
turts
8 years ago

Also, Vodka

channelbottom
channelbottom
8 years ago

THIS KIND OF DEFEATIST ATTITUDE WOULD’VE DISGUSTED CHURCHILL.
THAT’S IT THEN IS IT? THE NAZIS HAVE WON. OK FINE. CREAM TEA ANYONE?

WHY AM I SHOUTING?

Wiggolly's Paddling Style
Wiggolly's Paddling Style
8 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

I reckon Churchill would’ve surrendered for a Big Mac if the moons had aligned. 1955, the year Churchill left office and Maccas began pounding wombat meat.

channelbottom
channelbottom
8 years ago

Has Churchill, and a Big Mac ever been seen in the same room together?
How do we know that they are not in fact the same thing?

(creepy music)

channelbottom
channelbottom
8 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom
Weslley’s Secret Life - Wozzle
Weslley’s Secret Life - Wozzle
8 years ago

He nearly sided with Hitler and wanted Franco to fight and take over Portugal. Starved millions of Indians to death exporting all the food and said it was the ‘’fucking Indians fault for breeding like rabbits’’.

channelbottom
channelbottom
8 years ago

Sent thousands of Scots off the front line in WW1 because he got heckled a few times up there. He wasn’t a very nice man, really.

turts
turts
8 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom
James Bickerton
James Bickerton
8 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

Ok, so we won’t fight them on the beaches , or in the air ………and we will surrender from Europe .


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