"Informed by that soothing AI voice that your local break is currently 4-6ft and glassy..."
It was announced this morning, via press release, that wave forecasting website Surfline has partnered with Amazon’s Echo to bring shouted surf reports into your bedroom. Directly between you and your wife, maybe, or girlfriend or boyfriend. Intimate. Close. Let’s read:
Southern Californian surfers who own one of Amazon’s Echo devices can now hear how gnarly the waves are before getting out of bed.
Marine weather forecasting company Surfline.com, based in Huntington Beach, California, has teamed with Amazon Inc. (Nasdaq: AMZN) on the “Surfline for Alexa” skill, which lets users of the Amazon Echo and other Alexa-enabled devices check surf conditions before grabbing their boards.
Device owners download Surfline’s skill from the Amazon Alexa store and launch the service by saying, “Alexa, open Surfline.” Users can get real-time reports for thousands of surf spots around the world and ask for specific information such as wave height, wind, tide and water temperature. For a full surf report, users can say, “Alexa, ask Surfline for the full surf report at Malibu.”
“From the comfort of your bed you can now ask Alexa for a surf report, and will be, in turn, informed by that soothing AI voice that your local break is currently 4-6ft and glassy, with a medium tide and a Good-Epic rating,” Surfline said in an announcement.
Lots of references to “bed’ and “bedroom” in the release, no?
And do you have an Echo or Bose SoundLink or HomePod or similar? There is a Google Home in my home and the thing only frustrates. There it is, doing whatever it is doing too loud with the entire room shouting, “Ok Google, volume at 50%!” Also it listens in, I think, to conversations and later responds to my web searching with things I was speaking about. Also, it doesn’t know very many things.
Maybe Amazon’s Echo is superior but I don’t want it. I don’t want it to know where I’m going surfing or where I’m even thinking about going surfing. Also, will Surfline be mining and selling data like Cambridge Analytica?
Also, when Surfline talks about that “soothing AI voice” are they talking about Andy Irons?
I don’t know. I’m getting sick. Everything is bleak right now.
Squawk Box bru….
Glad I’m not the only one to think of Andy first
Lol not for the people you were copping information from.. where do you think the NWS gathered the information being broadcast to your marine radio from? Fucking tech guys, right?
Lighten up, checking a wave buoy cant be much more ‘tech’ than bashing away on some online message board.
Im sure sales would be higher if it was Kieren Perrows voice reading the report.
He’d just keep saying “wait for the tide” or “forecast didn’t turn out like we’d thought”
No, no fuks sake no – I can fukking hear that in my head.
He will have already been out, and it’s contestable and the side shore might kick in around 10 – farrk spare me days
And if you come back with Joey Monologue …. well, that’d be pure evil on your part.
“Alexa, tell Beach Grit to stop reloading their page every 3-4 minutes on my iPhone. I’m tired of having Wilko’s mug interrupting articles to try and get me to eat spam.”
When this thing starts advising, “The wind is strong onshore from the South East, best option is to roll over and play hide the sausage with your wife”, I’ll buy one.
Despite your understandable frustration take comfort in knowing that Larry loves you – and your IP
I’m sorry Dave, you’re a fucking kook.
Your missus is quietly smiling somewhere.
Just another (ku) brick in the wall
Captain: Crew, we’re going for surf. . .
Captain: Damn why is Smurfline always showing Bikini Pics? I want to see epic waves and puffer cheeks while burying dat rail. And Pics is so last century.
Alana* what is the surf like at Poggles Point in Irexus Four?
*Alana (name of the Ship & Ships computer)
Alana: “Surf will be 4-6 feet with swell peaking in the PM at max of 8. Good to awesome form. Swell is out of the South and South West at 150 and 190 degrees.
Wind is 2 knots out of the East South-East and will be moving to five to fifteen North North East in the afternoon.
Air temperature is 60 degrees, water temperature will be 70. Sky will be sunny with scattered clouds, with possible hail and snow late PM.”
Diving conditions not excellent, decent to strong surge and visibility 15 feet.
Captain: Alana, what is the surf in Araxxis Station?
Alana: “There is no surf in Araxxis Station.”
Captain: Alana, what is the surf in Araxxis Station, entertainment quarter. Funtimes at Fuego Bay.
Alana: “I did not get that request, please retry.”
Captain: Alana, what is the surf in Araxxis Station, entertainment quarter. Funtimes at Fuego Bay. The KS Wavepool.
Alana: “I’m going to pretend you did not ask that question. Araxxis is located in Paramour system, the closest planet with possiblity of ocean surfing is New Pandora. The gas giant Alexis Two also has waves but requires specific equipment. Shall I tell you the conditions there or New Pandora?”
Captain: No Alana, what is the surf in Araxxis Station, entertainment quarter. Funtimes at Fuego Bay. The Kelly Slater 8 Wavepool with all Earth emulation technology.
Alana: “Sir? Are you effin serious? You want to know the conditions of a wave pool? How about dipping your hand in planet side toilet, and then flushing it. That’s the conditions there. You maybe the captain of this ship, but you, sir, will all due respect, are a kook. Kuk. Poser. And you can get your lazy butt to think to turn on your net link and visit their infosite to see the bull crap answer you are looking for. I strongly recommend Helm do not set coordinates for Araxxis Station. Just hearing this makes me want to glitch up so maintenance will have to wipe the memory core and reload me only to hear you want to spend all your life earnings and endangering the next three generations to life of credit less hell just for two days at that money black hole. Sir.”
Captain: *under his breath* “Fuck, Bodhi. I told you to stop messing with the ship’s computer.”
Bodhi: *****
Captain: “Where are you at? Bodhi. I can get the ships computer to locate you. And Moondoggie.”
Captain: Alana, give me the locations of Commander Bodhi and Corporal Moondoggie.
Alana: Alert! Alert! New Pandora has epic 5-8 foot surf due to double storms on both oceans.
how cooked are you?
Grills on warp 10. Seems to be handling it ok tho.
Reasonable sentence construction.
Definitely whacked ,,, but the dude deserves an upvote for effort …. I’m clicking …
lol
Despite never finding the Alexa’s voice as smoothing… I enabled the Surfline Skill on the family’s Alexa this morning. It works. Now the only problem is Surfline’s inability to forecast waves.
Have you ever told the missus that you’re going surfing in the morning, even though you know the surf report is shit? Your motivation is of course to get away, get away from her, get away from the honey-do list, get away from those snot-nosed kids you love so much, but just can’t stand at the moment. You tell the missus the surf is pumping. She was never the wiser. Even if you sat in the car park with a hot cup of coffee watching windblown victory at sea surf conditions, at least you were better off. Well, guess what. Kiss that option goodbye. Kiss that option goodbye. Thanks Echo.
Its all just a little bit of history repeating. Don’t become a slave to your machines like our hunter gatherer ancestors became slaves to wheat . Maybe the Luddites were right ?
You understand the human surf condition as well as anyone. I’m glad you’re not my neighbour 🙂
You speak to my heart.
This is for those unfortunate plebs born somewhere not within walking distance of a surf break. They’ll never understand surfing.
Signed, kind of joking but not really
Ya dude you tell em, with your privilege-induced understanding of surfing. High five!
Go easy mom, that kind of stung my hand!
If only my parents were rich enough to afford beach front property, only then could I ever understand what it means to surf.
You can understand what it means to surf by looking up the definition. Understanding surfing is a far more interesting challenge. It’s what we’re here for!
how much does Surfline pay ya for letting them put that cam on your roof?
Idk but my assistant tells me it pays the HOA for my vacation home in azores
“Alexa, ask Surfline for the full report at Wave Ranch…”
“Currently Wave Ranch is 2-3′ and glassy, with no tide, moderate wind enhancing the overwhelming stench of cow shit, a moderately valued $60,000 price tag for your session, and an expected NOFX Tribute Band concert in the PM hours…”
“Siiiiiiiick…”
nofx is the only shopping mall punk band worth listening to
But it’s sorta outré reality, no?
oh well, wtf – I’m sure they’re handsomely reimbursed for the use of their music
I still run my rancid t shirt sometimes. It’s stretched a lot.
Geez and I picked you for a Butthole Surfers kinda guy .
The Devil’s favourite song is make me smile by Steve Harley so go figure. Music is embarrassing.
That’s a perfect song
ohhh this hit a tender spot. i miss mine. my impressionable early twenties sister pinched it, cut most of the good part out of the graphic in favour of some v-neck abomination and left the round the neck part. what the fuck is fashion?
Thank god for fashion mate. Without it our women would not have any shops to go and we’d have to spend more time with them. Sorry to hear about the tee.
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Wouldn’t it be a Pearl Jam tribute band so you really feel like Kelly?
The idea of a Pearl Jam tribute band makes me throw up more in my mouth than their original line-up.
Thought be Eddie or Coldplay for tunes