The sneaky slider from Coolum is poised to make history!
There has been so much brouhaha surrounding this year’s World Surf League Champion’s Tour that traditional storylines are becoming lost in the weeds. Early on we had a major realignment, dropping Fiji, Trestles, Pipeline (I think) and introducing Lemoore. Mick Fanning retired in an emotionally touching Bells’ final. Sharks interrupting Margaret River. The ultimate disappointment of professional competitive wave pool surfing. Uluwatu becoming Western Australia’s Tourism Board’s new property, etc.
So many head twisting turns that it has been impossible to focus on the simple. Like, is this finally the year Julian Wilson takes home the number one trophy?
I have predicted his ascent to the very top since BeachGrit first launched some four years ago and have been stymied each. But is this his time?
It seems so. There he sits atop the Jeep Leaderboard wearing the yellow jersey. He has performed well in Brazil, still in the quarterfinals. His nearest competition, Italo Ferreira has been bumped out. Mick Fanning is now retired (emotionally touching) and the rest of the Brazilians are rabidly hungry, surfing incredibly but… I just don’t know. This feels like Julian Wilson’s year. He is a father now, as you know, and this father knows the powerful wings a child lends.
So what do you think? Sport’s gambling is basically legal now in the United States of America. Hopefully at this time next year I can wander down to my local bar and plop down $100 on Julian Wilson but this year at this time I’m stuck with mere theoreticals.
But theoretically let’s say Julian makes it to the semis in Brazil before being clubbed by Filipe. Then off they all go to Keramas and tell me there ain’t a better wave in the world suited to Julian’s game than Bali’s favorite playground. Let’s say semis and then J-Bay where Julian has been a regular finalist plus has bonus shark power™ from that incident a few years back. Chopes, France, Portugal are all quarters or above for the boy. Right? Then Pipe* and it is difficult to imagine another hoisting that number one trophy.
Tell me I’m wrong. I bet you can’t. I bet you $100 you can’t.*
*a theoretical $100 until next year.
One of THE LADS got his girlnotfriend preggs recently. Surfs every wave rabidly, like it’s his last.
Another of THE LADS got his girlactualfriend preggs too. Whimpers constantly, especially when he’s going over the falls (often)
Who knows?
Great story aye
“He is a father now, as you know, and this father knows the powerful wings a child lends.”
Oh boy, did you read this back out loud? Just. Wow. lol
He is rocking a lovely cardigan/skivvy combo
It’s all very ‘Mahogany’.
Nice working jinxing Jules Chas. Playing straight into Jadsons plan! And also, what the fuck does this mean ‘have been stymied each’? ,
That chick a ounce of coke and 20 blue pills you would never see me alive again
Julian Wilson would be the blandest world champ ever. Plain vanilla.
I’m with you, I know he must be amazing because everyone who knows better is all about him, but there’s something so conventional about his surfing, like there’s not a speck of AI’s DNA in any of it. Followed by standard disclaimer that the dude totally fucking rips of course.
For the good of surfing, Dane Reynolds needs to donate his body to medical science. GOAT
*boyfriend…
Dude! Ur right
Great point! Julian may just be the one. 🙏🏼
I’m off work and feeling ill because I’m so worried about it.
I think I’ve torn my goddamn hair out in angst.
… oh wait.
I don’t have any hair anyway.
YAY!
Power skimming the comments I somehow read yours as “so worried I tore the hair off my vagina.”
And I thought, oh my, someone’s off his meds
I love your work.
He’s worried sick about the unfolding drama surrounding the Waikiki beach boys. John John has a strong social conscience that goes well beyond the tour.
Was that the one vs. Kanoa?
Have you picked a winner this early in the piece yet Charles?
Might I make a suggestion….Beach Grit hires a lip-reader. If there’s video footage of that Sophie/John John conversation at Lemoore, put them superhero lip-reader eyes to work. Could probably pick up Spy Optic Eyewear as a sponsor on Beach Grit. You should also deploy a BG lip-reader at every contest. Transparency for The People™!
Do it
Do it
Fess up Otto, you’re covert ops aren’t you..
Think about it. Lip-readers are employed by every NFL and MLB team. It’s the reason why coaches in the NFL and MLB players (pitchers and catchers) purposefully cover their mouth with their play-call cards and mitts when they’re talking. It’s not far-fetched and if there was one way to gain a competitive advantage in surfing that is not PED’s, it would be knowing what coaches are telling their athletes before heats. Not to mention if they are slick enough to glass Ahrendt in the Judges’ booth to gain a read on what the hell they’re thinking.
I had no idea they went to such lengths! Get on board WSL!
Here’s an old article from 2001 discussing the matter. When billions of $ are at stake, extraordinary measures are taken to gain competitive advantage.
https://mobile.nytimes.com/…
Then there’s the funny shit that inevitably gets produced (right in BG’s wheelhouse)
https://youtu.be/3tUCuMSPQwE
crying.
I think BG could hire someone to dub their voices…
PS: in certain point, Myson Ho is called… 03:39
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Well there is no chance he going to win now the pressure of the beach grit curse is upon him
Meh
I’ve been attempting to hate Jules for a while now and whilst I detest his reserved, careful as fuck post heat interviews, he’s difficult to hate. Unlike say, Jordy. Wiggs please help me hate him.
Emotionally touching! Haa.
He is finally winning the grinder heats and seems more active in the line up hunting backup scores rather than sitting out the back waiting for 2 8s to come his way.
Yes! Hunting waves down instead of pussy is a more productive heat strategy.
I dunno about that?
No.