Zeke laid down the biggest hammer of the event, a huge layback gouge that is the one thing worth your time searching for in the Heat Analyzer and it was all over. The rest of the heat was like watching a python strangle a rat. A very clear power imbalance.

Day 3, Keramas: “Like watching a python strangle a rat!”

By Longtom

6 years ago

Zeke Lau lays down hammer of the event…

How y’like the drip feed of Keramas? Me? Chinese water torture.

I’m on a fee not a day rate, probably like Strider, so more days = less money/day.

Note to intern surf writers: get the day rate and a per diem.

Things move fast in the surf world but remember back to the heady days of the Founders’ Cup and BeachGrit’s exhaustive coverage? Sure you do. D. Rielly, BeachGrit principal laid down the closing statement declaring the beachbreak contest was dead. Then Brazil jumped out of the grave declaring rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated etc etc.

Six heats a day before the wind kills it, four good ones and two duds, is hardly going to excite the Michelob and oxy-quaffers in Baton Rouge, let alone get Sophie’s juices flowing after the huge success of the CBS broadcast deal.

What if it’s the Indonesian reefbreak contest, a unicorn almost as magical as the non-surfing pro surfing fan, that is stillborn?

Six heats a day before the wind kills it, four good ones and two duds, is hardly going to excite the Michelob and oxy-quaffers in Baton Rouge, let alone get Sophie’s juices flowing after the huge success of the CBS broadcast deal.

Can you recall even further back to the days of the Oakley Pro Junior in Bali which morphed into the Oakley Classic, the 2013 CT event last held in Bali? The Pro Junior was held in October and featured two comp sites: Keramas and Canggu.

Did you know that Oakley were ready to ink a three-year deal to continue the Oakley Bali Pro but the new WSL played such hardball on the deal they walked? That is straight from the horse’s mouth, from a high-level Oakley source.

The south-east trade blows straight into the right at Canggu and assuming the Euro hipsters are amenable to clearing the water it is one of the most conducive waves to huge aerials in the whole entire surfing world. Does it not make sense to follow that tried and true formula: run a half-dozen heats at Keramas in the morning and then spend an hour or two relocating to Canggu for another half-dozen at least heats in the arvo?

Did you also know, while we’re riffing on the subject, that Oakley were ready to ink a three-year deal to continue the Oakley Bali Pro but the new WSL played such hardball on the deal they walked? That is straight from the horse’s mouth, from a high-level Oakley source.

That leaves us with another truncated wrap of a short day. To wit:

Strider’s people reached out to me and told me how pumped he was on the props yesterday. Emboldened even. He came out like a Brahmin bull from the territory scrub, pawing the floor of the booth and snorting, disgusted that Fred and Ian Gouveia were sitting too deep on the reef to start the day. He heaped faint praise on Fred’s very meat and potatoes surfing and was very disgruntled that the rodeo flip he’d predicted Gouevia would pull did not come to pass in light onshore but rippable bowls.

Wilko looked like a mate of mine, Bali veteran, who every afternoon would visit a salon where he would partake of enhanced oxygen therapy (it is a thing), a massage with happy ending and then come bounding into the bar like a kangaroo with a fire cracker up its Jap’s eye.

Wilko went ballistic. Combo-ed Duru and Strider was so on fire with the call he sent Duru into the deep freeze with half a heat to go, like a euthanizsed lobster. Wilko looked like a mate of mine, Bali veteran, who every afternoon would visit a salon where he would partake of enhanced oxygen therapy (it is a thing), a massage with happy ending and then come bounding into the bar like a kangaroo with a fire cracker up its Jap’s eye. I do not condone that mode of being. Merely note its effects.

Mendes and Kanoa surfed a good heat. Fun to watch, tight. With Mendes surfing faster and more explosively than Igarashi to take the win.

A light offshore magically appeared in the next heat between Zeke and Patty Gudang. The waves went dreamy and buttery, sun out. The more I see of Pat the more I hear AM Radio: too much static, too much treble. Not enough bass.

Zeke laid down the biggest hammer of the event, a huge layback gouge that is the one thing worth your time searching for in the Heat Analyzer and it was all over. The rest of the heat was like watching a python strangle a rat. A very clear power imbalance.

M-Rod and Dora both took to the skies with low make rates, though Dora did stick one nice air which the judges correctly deemed not enough.

Hermes beat Connor O’Leary with QS surfing. Praise be to God.

I guess we will rinse and repeat tomorrow.

Corona Bali Protected Remaining Men’s Round 2 Results:
Heat 7: Frederico Morais (PRT) 12.07 def. Ian Gouveia (BRA) 8.43
Heat 8: Matt Wilkinson (AUS) 14.94 def. Joan Duru (FRA) 7.00
Heat 9: Jesse Mendes (BRA) 12.33 def. Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) 10.56
Heat 10: Ezekiel Lau (HAW) 15.57 def. Patrick Gudauskas (USA) 8.67
Heat 11: Michael Rodrigues (BRA) 11.40 def. Yago Dora (BRA) 11.27
Heat 12: Tomas Hermes (BRA) 12.66 def. Connor O’Leary (AUS) 11.34

Corona Bali Protected Men’s Round 3 Matchups:
Heat 1: John John Florence (HAW) vs. Jesse Mendes (BRA)
Heat 2: Michel Bourez (PYF) vs. Ezekiel Lau (HAW)
Heat 3: Owen Wright (AUS) vs. Willian Cardoso (BRA)
Heat 4: Adrian Buchan (AUS) vs. Michael Rodrigues (BRA)
Heat 5: Matt Wilkinson (AUS) vs. Griffin Colapinto (USA)
Heat 6: Julian Wilson (AUS) vs. Mikey Wright (AUS)
Heat 7: Gabriel Medina (BRA) vs. Michael February (ZAF)
Heat 8: Frederico Morais (PRT) vs. Jeremy Flores (FRA)
Heat 9: Jordy Smith (ZAF) vs. Conner Coffin (USA)
Heat 10: Italo Ferreira (BRA) vs. Tomas Hermes (BRA)
Heat 11: Adriano de Souza (BRA) vs. Joel Parkinson (AUS)

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Surfing makes me fly like a kite.

5 (More) Signs You’re a Filthy Kook!

By Derek Rielly

6 years ago

Do you have a chicken wing or aussie sprinter pop-up?

Surfing ain’t easy. Worse than not-easy. It’s impossible. Until those pretty pools come online across the world, only way you’re gonna get to a level that ain’t shameful is thousands of hours in the ocean.

And who’s got the time? And the access?

Mal Gladwell’s 10,000 rule? You can quadruple it for surf, at least. Two hours in a skate park will yield ten times the practise.

And, therefore, we’re kooks. All of us.

Hesitant unbent knees. Straight backs. Tepid horizontal lines.

But are you a filthy kook? A state of being where your awkwardness marries to a grand delusion? You might remember the story, 10 Signs You’re a Filthy Kook.

Here are five more.

You talk about your “Pop”. I didn’t know “Pop” existed until beginner surfers started offering advice to other beginners. Stories like, “5 Exercises to Improve Pop Up Mobility and Strength“, “Learn the Two Basic Ways to Master your Pop Up” and “Chicken Wing or Aussie Sprinter Pop Up” reveal a world of mega-kookdom, of surfers with lips pushed out in concentration doing push-ups and dumbbell training at home, thigh-gates spread, fists clenched.
You pull back on a set and believe, truly believe, you can paddle for the one behind it. Have you seen this in real life? It’s a sight to behold, like a stained window in a medieval church. So bold and yet so out of place within its surroundings.
Wave heights are described in metres. This might be a little cruel towards our European brothers who don’t know any better but just as surfboards remain imperial, so does wave height. No wave is two-metres. Heights allowed include, one, two, three, four, five, six, eight, ten, twelve, fifteen, eighteen, twenty, twenty-five, thirty, thirty-five, forty, fifty, eighty and one hundred.
You ride a longboard without a leash. Ain’t nobody alive who don’t lose a board occasionally. You want someone’s kid to wear an eye patch?
You call slow mid-face direction changes a “wrap”. Do you refer to those things you do where you steer your surfboard back toward the direction you came from a… wrap? If it occurs more than once on wave do you call ’em “multiple wraps”? I remember, once, the head judge of the WSL telling me there were only a few people in the world who could actually complete a genuine frontside “wrap.” Jordy Smith was one. Mick Fanning another. Where do you fit in the pantheon of wraps?

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Revealed: Damo Hobgood the surfer “wet dream!”

By Chas Smith

6 years ago

The answer was right in front of our faces all along!

I have spent the better part of my adult life pondering who the ideal surfing male is. Like, not just who rips but who rips and is handsome and a gentleman with above average personal grooming and style. Which surfing male is the complete package? The “wet dream” so to speak? The conservative choice is Kelly Slater, obviously, with his 11 x world titles and bronze skin but Kelly seems… I don’t know… a little bit preoccupied with Kelly don’t you think? The ideal surfing male cares about you. Wants to hear your problems. Wants to make you a better person.

And so it was with a forehead slapping “duh” that I received today’s revelation that Damien Hobgood is the one, the “wet dream.” Of course he is. Damo has everything. He’s a fearless surfer with some of the best clips in some of the best surf films of the decade. His style is definably his and he’s got a smile that will warm up the coldest room. He also wants to make you a better surfer and let us read the newest offering from Leucadia, California’s extremely cute Surfhouse on the Adventure Sports Network.

What can surfers expect to get out of a three-day surf coaching experience with Damo?

It’s every surfer’s wet dream … Hands-on professional coaching with a surfing legend. The Damo Experience is for surfers who are looking to advance their skills with a pro.

These semi-private guiding sessions – followed up with live video analysis of technique and style – are meant to really elevate a surfer’s ability quickly. Surfers can expect three nights accommodations plus food, three guided surf sessions, video analysis, custom surf video edit and airport transfers.

Can surfers of any level enroll in the Damo Experience? Or should their surfing ability be at a moderate level?

The Damo Experience is intended for surfers who have a decent foundation of surfing ability, however Surfhouse does offer a five-day intensive surf program for those who are beginners and looking to start from the ground up.

Book here!

But before I let you go, “experiences” are clearly trending for today’s savvy traveler. Besides this one here, do you see yourself buying “experiences” on your next vacation? Airbnb and the WSL have partnered this year to bring over 75 surfing related “experiences” to the people. Is this trend here to stay or will “experiences” go the way of GoogleGlass?

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Italo under pressure at the back end of the heat backdoored a technical tube and put a clean make on it. If he goes onto win a world title it'll be because of that wave. | Photo: WSL/Ed Sloane

Day 2, Keramas: “Strider like naughty penis at swingers’ party!”

By Longtom

6 years ago

Some people find Strider hard to stomach but he and Ronnie are the premier commentating combo…

Only six, sorry seven, heats run today so just a little placeholder report to keep the daily coverage ticking over.

Round 2: dog days for surf writers normally but the first three heats did tingle the loins.

Aren’t the optics queer as hell though? Right now in pro surfing, I mean. Perfect machine waves made to look as dull as dishwater by Brazilian beachbreak and now dreamy six-foot Balinese tubes that look positively pedestrian next to the surreal vision being beamed out of the South Pacific.

The wave Kelly rode in Fiji threw shade over anything Keramas is likely to throw up over the next week so once again the King steals control of the spotlight. He even managed to insert himself in the frame as Navarro rode the best wave in history (might as well call it as it is). Tres magnifique!

There were only two pressing questions to be answered this morning. Could title contenders Filipe and Italo make it out of last place and could Mikey Wright continue through the draw.

We answer in the affirmative.

Filipe fell behind to Sumbawan wildcard Oney Anwar who drained some glassy Indonesian kegs. Filipe had two choices to respond: keep plugging tubes or bring the hi-fi. He kicked an inverted tail high air with a seamless landing then lacerated a wave into tiny pieces. Judges gave a 7.17.

Disgrace. If they want risk, progression and repertoire, then reward it.

Oney gave Filipe a wave under priority and Toledo iced it so no drama in the final shakedown.

Italo was similarly disgraced by judges refusing to pay huge backhand turns, while wildcard Barron Mamiya rode cutesy little tubes that a club round surfer could negotiate. It was pretty crook.

I know some people find Strider hard to stomach but I think he and Ronnie are now the premier commentating combo in the WSL. Strider has the truth in him and little by little it’s poking it’s head out from under the table, like a naughty penis at a swingers party

Italo under pressure at the back end of the heat backdoored a technical tube and put a clean make on it. If he goes onto win a world title it’ll be because of that wave.

I know some people find Strider hard to stomach but I think he and Ronnie are now the premier commentating combo in the WSL. Strider has the truth in him and little by little it’s poking it’s head out from under the table, like a naughty penis at a swingers party. Unwanted in the circumstances, but funny for onlookers.

They got Bourez in the booth. What a boon it’s turning out to be to have the surfers up there calling the action. No more mind-numbingly banal pressers. Lots and lots of gorgeously detailed insight. Not a dud one yet. I think, when Chas’ rebel tour gets up they should keep the surfers in the booth.

Strider spent the heat telling us what a staunch veteran warrior Kolohe was and was repaid for his loyalty by Kolohe throwing the toys out of the cot with three minutes to go and paddling in. Wanton capitulation in perfect six-foot surf against a wildcard is a bad look.

While he was there Mikey Wright slotted it deep, steep and complete from the git go. Then hammered one in again and Kolohe was left sadly and badly defeated. Strider spent the heat telling us what a staunch veteran warrior Kolohe was and was repaid for his loyalty by Kolohe throwing the toys out of the cot with three minutes to go and paddling in. Wanton capitulation in perfect six-foot surf against a wildcard is a bad look. Bad for all the home schooled kiddies out there watching on.

The wind came up, because that’s what the tradewind does in the dry season. Smarter heads would have kept the original Oakley Pro Junior slot of October when tradewinds are much flukier.

The surf turned to caca.

Asing beat Seabass: shameful judging, result should have been reversed. February (not a CT surfer) beat Carmichael. It was a crap shoot by then and KP did the right thing putting it to sleep for the day.

Better get used to this rhythm.

Corona Bali Protected Men’s Round 1 Results:
Heat 12: Adriano de Souza (BRA) 15.50, Sebastian Zietz (HAW) 8.67, Yago Dora (BRA) 2.17

Corona Bali Protected Men’s Round 2 Results:
Heat 1: Filipe Toledo (BRA) 12.77 def. Oney Anwar (IDN) 11.00
Heat 2: Italo Ferreira (BRA) 11.84 def. Barron Mamiya (HAW) 11.14
Heat 3: Mikey Wright (AUS) 14.17 def. Kolohe Andino (USA) 7.83
Heat 4: Adrian Buchan (AUS) 9.90 vs. Miguel Pupo (BRA) 8.76
Heat 5: Michael February (ZAF) 9.56 def. Wade Carmichael (AUS) 6.73
Heat 6: Keanu Asing (HAW) 8.47 def. Sebastian Zietz (HAW) 8.00

Upcoming Corona Bali Protected Men’s Round 2 Matchups:
Heat 7: Frederico Morais (PRT) vs. Ian Gouveia (BRA)
Heat 8: Matt Wilkinson (AUS) vs. Joan Duru (FRA)
Heat 9: Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) vs. Jesse Mendes (BRA)
Heat 10: Ezekiel Lau (HAW) vs. Patrick Gudauskas (USA)
Heat 11: Michael Rodrigues (BRA) vs. Yago Dora (BRA)
Heat 12: Tomas Hermes (BRA) vs. Connor O’Leary (AUS)

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"Upside down, fifteen, sixteen feet across, four or five feet above the lip, fully inverted, 540 with a perfect landing. That was as snowboard as it gets when you’re surfing," says the commentator Chris Cote.

Definitive: The “Full-rotation” air is dead!

By Derek Rielly

6 years ago

Are you a flat-earther? A climate change denier?

Boy is my face red. For a very long time, and to the eternal flattening of my dignity, I’ve been calling 540s “full-roters”.

For years.

Last February, I engineered a video shoot where the current world number two, Filipe Toledo, would coach the women’s world number two, Lakey Peterson, into a “full-rotation” air.

In part two of that four-part series, A Brief History of the Full-Rotation Air, and which you can watch here, Chris Cote discusses the “FDLFCTFRA” or “Friends Don’t Let Friends Call Them Full Roters Association.”

Cote added, “A full-roter sounds like something a plumber does to your mom…they’re call 540s.”

Now despite all that, I persisted with the line that since a surfer doesn’t exit the wave at, and let me use the imaginary clock here, twelve, but does so at around nine, an air that finishes with the surfer facing the beach is closer to a 360 than a 540.

If you had to give any kind of number the thinking person would call it a 450.

Just as Kelly Slater called his huck in Portugal that went Ebola-viral a few years back an 810.

A few days ago, the snowboarder Todd Richards appeared on The Grit with Chas Smith and David Lee Scales. I listened to the podcast, as I do, over the course of a few commutes hither and yon, and finally got it.

I got it.

I’m not sure if it was when Todd used his irritated white guy voice to dismantle the host’s mathematics posit, when he said it was like arguing with flat-earthers or when he explained that it was the… feeling… of the move that defined it, I was sold.

How could I have had it wrong for so long? So dumb. So dumb.

(The debate starts around the twenty-minute mark.)

Anyway, once and for all.

A straight air is a 180.

An air reverse is a 360.

A…ahem… full-roter is a 540.

Still confused.

Watch here.

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