Some people find Strider hard to stomach but he and Ronnie are the premier commentating combo…
Only six, sorry seven, heats run today so just a little placeholder report to keep the daily coverage ticking over.
Round 2: dog days for surf writers normally but the first three heats did tingle the loins.
Aren’t the optics queer as hell though? Right now in pro surfing, I mean. Perfect machine waves made to look as dull as dishwater by Brazilian beachbreak and now dreamy six-foot Balinese tubes that look positively pedestrian next to the surreal vision being beamed out of the South Pacific.
The wave Kelly rode in Fiji threw shade over anything Keramas is likely to throw up over the next week so once again the King steals control of the spotlight. He even managed to insert himself in the frame as Navarro rode the best wave in history (might as well call it as it is). Tres magnifique!
There were only two pressing questions to be answered this morning. Could title contenders Filipe and Italo make it out of last place and could Mikey Wright continue through the draw.
We answer in the affirmative.
Filipe fell behind to Sumbawan wildcard Oney Anwar who drained some glassy Indonesian kegs. Filipe had two choices to respond: keep plugging tubes or bring the hi-fi. He kicked an inverted tail high air with a seamless landing then lacerated a wave into tiny pieces. Judges gave a 7.17.
Disgrace. If they want risk, progression and repertoire, then reward it.
Oney gave Filipe a wave under priority and Toledo iced it so no drama in the final shakedown.
Italo was similarly disgraced by judges refusing to pay huge backhand turns, while wildcard Barron Mamiya rode cutesy little tubes that a club round surfer could negotiate. It was pretty crook.
I know some people find Strider hard to stomach but I think he and Ronnie are now the premier commentating combo in the WSL. Strider has the truth in him and little by little it’s poking it’s head out from under the table, like a naughty penis at a swingers party
Italo under pressure at the back end of the heat backdoored a technical tube and put a clean make on it. If he goes onto win a world title it’ll be because of that wave.
I know some people find Strider hard to stomach but I think he and Ronnie are now the premier commentating combo in the WSL. Strider has the truth in him and little by little it’s poking it’s head out from under the table, like a naughty penis at a swingers party. Unwanted in the circumstances, but funny for onlookers.
They got Bourez in the booth. What a boon it’s turning out to be to have the surfers up there calling the action. No more mind-numbingly banal pressers. Lots and lots of gorgeously detailed insight. Not a dud one yet. I think, when Chas’ rebel tour gets up they should keep the surfers in the booth.
Strider spent the heat telling us what a staunch veteran warrior Kolohe was and was repaid for his loyalty by Kolohe throwing the toys out of the cot with three minutes to go and paddling in. Wanton capitulation in perfect six-foot surf against a wildcard is a bad look.
While he was there Mikey Wright slotted it deep, steep and complete from the git go. Then hammered one in again and Kolohe was left sadly and badly defeated. Strider spent the heat telling us what a staunch veteran warrior Kolohe was and was repaid for his loyalty by Kolohe throwing the toys out of the cot with three minutes to go and paddling in. Wanton capitulation in perfect six-foot surf against a wildcard is a bad look. Bad for all the home schooled kiddies out there watching on.
The wind came up, because that’s what the tradewind does in the dry season. Smarter heads would have kept the original Oakley Pro Junior slot of October when tradewinds are much flukier.
The surf turned to caca.
Asing beat Seabass: shameful judging, result should have been reversed. February (not a CT surfer) beat Carmichael. It was a crap shoot by then and KP did the right thing putting it to sleep for the day.
Better get used to this rhythm.
Corona Bali Protected Men’s Round 1 Results:
Heat 12: Adriano de Souza (BRA) 15.50, Sebastian Zietz (HAW) 8.67, Yago Dora (BRA) 2.17
Corona Bali Protected Men’s Round 2 Results:
Heat 1: Filipe Toledo (BRA) 12.77 def. Oney Anwar (IDN) 11.00
Heat 2: Italo Ferreira (BRA) 11.84 def. Barron Mamiya (HAW) 11.14
Heat 3: Mikey Wright (AUS) 14.17 def. Kolohe Andino (USA) 7.83
Heat 4: Adrian Buchan (AUS) 9.90 vs. Miguel Pupo (BRA) 8.76
Heat 5: Michael February (ZAF) 9.56 def. Wade Carmichael (AUS) 6.73
Heat 6: Keanu Asing (HAW) 8.47 def. Sebastian Zietz (HAW) 8.00
Upcoming Corona Bali Protected Men’s Round 2 Matchups:
Heat 7: Frederico Morais (PRT) vs. Ian Gouveia (BRA)
Heat 8: Matt Wilkinson (AUS) vs. Joan Duru (FRA)
Heat 9: Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) vs. Jesse Mendes (BRA)
Heat 10: Ezekiel Lau (HAW) vs. Patrick Gudauskas (USA)
Heat 11: Michael Rodrigues (BRA) vs. Yago Dora (BRA)
Heat 12: Tomas Hermes (BRA) vs. Connor O’Leary (AUS)
hey people a few posts ago longtom and derek suggested some books to get to know what the best sport writing looks like or how to do it. can anyone recall the recommendations? NO. I am not going to try. Just want to read. Negs?
In that analogy, Pottz is the stubborn herpes then?
Every. Single. Time. BG uses the word “penis” I immediately go to that article first. Is something wrong with me? Do I secretly want to see Strider’s junk? Does my wife check my cookies and know I have a problem? Does Chas know I’m sick? Penis!!!!
Kelly is the Brett Favre of surfing. Taj and Mick went out like champs. Like they gave a shit about their legacies and about giving younger competitors a chance. We’re going to deal with Kelly’s BS for the next 10 years.
Side note: Imagine if Blakey, Pottz etc. did some actual reporting before and during the event. Like talk to some of the competitors, coaches, wives about what’s changed with them between events, maybe a new shaper, side trip, side project, new anything. Get some background about all the events they surfed at the venue and how they did. Are there injuries, sponsors, anything? Any sort of insight whatsoever. Strider went so far as to look at one of the surfer’s insta pages and actually got a tiny tidbit of information. Perhaps they could dig a little deeper?
whaaaaatttt actually talk to the athletes? who does that.
Strider needs to be careful with the truth.
Or he’ll be back in the shallows with his blue board at the pool.
Your dong is long ’till your mate whips out his hog at the beach party. Kelly simply understands the contrast effect better than most. Does he flaunt or taunt? Does it matter?
French never say très magnifique, try vraiment magnifique, if you care…which you probably don’t…
it was very sloppy. thanks for the check.
I thought Pritamo was the savior. Why are they still getting the results wrong?
i am still distracted by the title and how they want me to think about plastics but all i can think about is condoms and safe sex. this is a problem.
every time i slack down on my couch to watch this thing, the wind starts and it’s over.
i am not winning over here.
I saw hoards of police on the beach carrying batons and thought maybe thats what the mean by “proteted”
oooh maybe that is it! really, the title is stupidly confusing.
That damn event name shouldn’t annoy me as much as it does.
i feel this so hard. it shouldn’t! but it so does.
With a three hour window as the new paradigm, can we bring back Mundaka?
I would imagine this question has been answered, but I need to ask. Why not run at ulus? I can’t help but thinking they took the list of Balinese surf spots and picked the most average wave on the island.
Great write up as usual. Just a small note: Isn’t a swingers party the one situation, when a penis poking out is not unwanted?
Derek sent a long message chastising me over that……I think while people are still eating a protruding penis would be considered naughty? At least a little hasty, no?
a little gauche to get ahead of things, yes!
Maybe that’s why I never get invited back? We need a swingers etiquette expert. Where’s Rory when you need him?
When Michael February’s heat was in the water, Potts was on about how surprisingly “well spoken” someone was. Anyone catch that? Please tell me he wasn’t talking about February. I assumed all the grandparents who considered it notable when a black man forms cogent sentences were safely tucked away in old age homes by now … tell me he was talking about Wade!
To be fair, when looking at Wade Carmichael I have doubts whether he speaks in more than grunts
His turns speak volumes.
hahahah I did and I am almost watching it alone to hear more of this from Pottz.
the “king” of what ?? attention seeking?
The King of surfing. Are you questioning the fact?
the fact is he didnt paddle out on the best and biggest day of waves ever at cloudbreak a few years ago? And you worship him as “king”.
kinda sheepish mentallity isnt it?
Duke Kahanamoku is and was the king of surfing
100% agree
The Duke:
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Regarding this by Ck T:
“Duke Kahanamoku is and was the king of surfing”
Why do I feel that most of ya B/Gritter’s would be talkin/writin’ sheee~it
about him if he were still alive? Hmmmm….
because you have a low IQ
Michael February – can’t figure out if I love his surfing or hate it, I veering towards the former, but is it me or do his boards look like a throwback to the momentum films of the 1990s!
He’s QS level at best. Waves his arms like a drunken MR and knocks his knees like Madonna.
If only there was actually a drunken MR on tour – wouldn’t that be fucken great!
He’d be called ‘Raaarck Mmmiichrrddz’…
…AND LEMME TELLyousumminelse… I WAS ONCE a ghjnbnmm. Mmm zzzzx zzzz zzzz…
uh… HEY YOU BASTARDS GETTHE octopus offme …zzzz zzzz. Zzzz.
Etc.
He had his own advertisement on Australian TV selling Tooheys Beer .
Forget about Kelly, MR is the greatest.
Its going to be a stop start affair with the trades kicking in like clockwork every day and destroying the line up. I’d be mighty pissed if I was a pro who watched his peers surf glassy tubes for the early and then had the ignominy of being eliminated in onshore wonky lurch burgers.
I did enjoy when strider asked Rosy if she knew who Dog the Bounty Hunter is, and Ronnie said something that was pretty funny too – can’t remember what it was. They need to keep that up.
Sounds like it made a real impression.
Navarro on the best best wave in history? Some serious Barrel dodging, yes?
The best dodged barrel in history!
Telly had a throatier one than that, and went much deeper on more primitive equipment. One day people will recognise his pioneering genius. Laird and co ain’t got nuthin on him.
How dare you! Laird got everything on everybody.. he got game.
he can barely walk and will be gone soon
Time to bring back GONAD MAN .
A shame that detective work paid much better than surfing back then. We lost our greatest ever surfer to fighting crime and licking lollipops.
That role helped pay for his Pacific adventures.
tow waves dont count. his paddle wave a few years ago was way more bad ass
I don’t really think it’s barrel dodging when it’s pure survival. No one is going to let go of the rope on something like that, fifty feet and walling all the way to Wilkes and think to themselves ‘I need to fade a little here..’
I reckon Makua’s wave looks more nuts or maybe it’s just cause he got flogged? But definitely a beast
Yeah I think Ramon’s was definitely bigger and thicker but far more bowling and perfect where Makua’s was a perhaps a couple bees-dicks smaller, but a full-on reef-gobbling monster and the more critical/challenging of the two for sure.
I bet thats exactly what Navarro is thinking about till the next swell hits…
Of course! Ultimately it’s his driver at fault for not slinging him in twenty feet deeper..
After watching the third/fourth time wishing he was riding little high and deeper. Hell of a wave!
If the spit covered him it would have been enough but doesn’t quite graze.
having a dig at navarro on that bomb. really? reallllllllyyyy? no. non no no.
I threw some shade at Kelly and his mum (real, or no?) stepped between us! Regardless, fucker should be fined by and accountable to the WSL. If they give him the wildcard next year I’m starting a riot. I know you think he makes it more exciting, but I think I’m done. Let the cunt limp off Tour with no fanfare. Damn sure we’re going to see as much of him as we can stomach until he drops dead anyway, then we’ll just see more. Why should he call every play? https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Don’t bring Judy into this you dirty Troll.
Slater is the king troll. And she brought herself in!
Surprised he hasn’t blocked you?
1. I’m too insignificant to be blocked.
2. I think he likes it.
Oh he loves a good olde back and forth…
M’like dis kinda ‘trols.
https://youtu.be/6JRr31tx_YY
King Tubby!!
hahahaha…..Kellys mom is staunch , you better be ready.
yes so good – does he mean surfing where he is at? or surfing in Bali???
Yeah, that’s classic Kelly isn’t it! Throwing shade at the WSL while he jinks off! He’s a Burger King employee chowing down on a Big Mac on a park bench in his work gear.
I honestly want to know how he can claim his foot is too shit to surf rio, bali etc but can go there and both physiologically and biomechanically subject his ankle to that stress through bottom hand turns and like – it is actually bullshit!!!
Don’t forget the Founder’s Cup…
and that yes
Without surfing, he’d literally be a Burger King employee. If he passed the psychological.
He’s not passing that.
It’s going to get worse.
You know normally I’d agree with you on this chazzy but Kelly is a special case, he’s given more of himself to this game than anybody by a country mile. To me he gets to make as much of a meal of the next year or two as he likes. He’s a lunatic but I truly do admire him for many reasons, a big one being that he is as mad a cunt as has ever been involved in surfing, just cut snake crazy, and it’s gold.
I want to agree with you, Nick, I do. But great athletes have a nasty habit of not knowing when to quit and in doing so chipping away at their legacy. And aside from that, is he a competitor or a part owner of the league? Is he subject to different rules?
yes he is!
And he’s even hijacked your comment thread! Apologies.
fucken Chia seeds mixed with Purps , with dose of bubbly Michlob ,and ya get Chiaburps!
Man, he’s like 46 years old! What is he even doing? It’s really deep wackiness, and I for one applaud it.
pefrormance enhancing drugs will do that do a guy. He is Kelly Armstrong
I just thought he was a little mad. I’m so glad he’s as crazy as you say. It makes me feel so much better about surfing. Thank you.
Nobody gives Kelly credit for being mad.
Kelly does
I’m with you Nick. Kelly’s back must be rooted from carrying the whole shit show for the best part of the last 30 years. He’s more than entitled to do whatever the fuck he wants.
I remember this pic of a young Kelly from years ago:
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Wonder if Kelly’s back is still that limber after carrying the whole sheee~it show
for the best part of the last 30 years? Hmmmm…
By the way,
were any of you B/Gritter’s that limber in your days of youth?
I know that I wasn’t, hahaha…
And these days he complains no end about his back pains and scoliosis. Maybe don’t do this in your younger days.
too bad the “game” is a charade.
Agree. Love him or hate him you cant deny what he alone has done.
I think it should be like the Masters Golf. Once you win a green jacket you got entry in every year forever if you want it. Everyone loves watching Jack Nicholaus still going round. Maybe just for Pipe winners i reckon it would be spectacular viewing.
Kelly wildcard forever, TC , Kong, Derek Ho, JOB…Buran??
If they accept it their in.
Ratings online would be massive.
but the WSL contests are meant to draw attention to the companies financing it.
ratings dont matter.
its all about selling products
he has given a lot to surfing , cleaned up the image , been a great ambassador for the sport , but lets talk about Kelly’s evolution as a person , has there been any?
Seems Kelly lives in an elitist world of his own where he now seems to be the driving force behind surfings new direction of supporting and being a member of a very upper echelon group of surfers and the rich and famous.
He seems now to live in his own bubble , and surrounded by yes people , because he is Kelly , surfer extrodinaire!
So compared to what he was , what is he now, other than being an eccentric lunatic?
Well I don’t know, he has had a weird life but much of it by his own choosing. I think we should all maybe save up the judgement of personal growth for ourselves, the most disturbing thing about KS’s life is the way so many people have externalised their neuroses on to his.
And like I suggested, I don’t mind if he is an eccentric lunatic, the description fits at least half my friends.
Just feed us the free surfs as they happen forever and I’d be happy. Never does that.