The lights are about to get very bright.
Our World Surf League will appear on normal television this Saturday, May 5th for the Founders’ Cup live at Surf Ranch and I have a feeling that one of the World Surf League’s stars is going to breakout and become a household name. Oh not a professional surfer, don’t be silly. They are too busy complaining about sharks and wearing thick sunglasses/baseball hat combinations to get properly famous. No no I’m talking about the WSL’s true value. It’s announcers.
And here we have Ronald Blakey, ’89 World Champ Martin Potter, Pete “Condor” Mel, Strider Wasilewski, Rose Hodge, Jehoshaphat Turpel and someone I’m forgetting. One of them is set for bigger things. One of them is waiting to be discovered.
But who?
Ronald Blakey has all the good looks but 1/18 the charisma of his brother Vaughn. What’s an American supposed to do with a dull Australian? Not a lot and I don’t see Mr. B transcending the dais.
’89 World Champ Martin Potter has got a shot at a cooking show, I think. Like a redone Guy Fieri or that one man who yells “Bam!” after making sauces. Mr. P won’t yell “bam” that’s for sure but he might stutter, “The judges like those finishing moves at the Little Marley section…” Got a ring. No?
Peter Mel could very easily be a sturdy-jaw’d newsman, breaking stories. I see him sharing a desk with Rachel Maddow.
Strider W. is for sure the sleeper hit. Lemoore’s own Country Club Surf Club has already imagined him hosting a daytime television show (above) and I can’t disagree.
Rose Hodge could be big in South Africa and she could be big here too but she needs a little more Charlize and a little less ’89 World Champ in her dance.
J. Turpel would make a nice Scientologist.
So who? If you seriously had to put money on one of Da Crew leaving professional surfing behind to chase a real television career which would you choose?
Don’t you wish Barton Lynch was still here?
“Ahhhhhh loooooook…..”
Can they just have a chain smoking Christian Fletcher in the commentator booth? he would be great darkhorse opposite for the square ass’s that preside over the microphones.
I think Turpel could hold his own with the Mario Lopez’s of the world… You’ll only ever run into him when you turn on the TV in a Courtyard Marriott. EXTRA! EXTRA!
More to the point, who the fuck are these Dresslily people. I mean really.
“Hey Potz, wanna hear a joke about my dick”?
“Of course I do, Joe. You know this,” answers Potz
“Nevermind, it’s too long….”
The star of show will be none other than that charismatic mother fucken ’92 ’94 ’95 “96 ’97 ’98 ’05 ’06 ’08 ’10 ’11 world champ Kelly Slater.
Wont be Strider. The #MeToo movement would catch up to his …lost video cameo in Cabo.
Why don’t we ever hear that BL is the ’88 world champ? Life is so confusing.
BL needs a Dooma. and a Turpel
Because Barton is confident enough to NOT have that placed in his contract as a must have, unlike the “89 World Champ”.
Mr Strider Rasberry Wasilewski will start going formerly by his second name and start hosting a show about Drag Queens and trans gender acceptance
Surely Peter Drouyn (formerly Westerly Windina and before that Peter Drouyn) will make a guest appearance?
does he have a falsetto voice now , and has morphed into Drouyn Westerly?
We need to know don’t we. Also, can he have children now? All will be revealed by Raspberry no doubt.
No doubt Raimana will do the job to steal the show the second he starts screaming on the ski. #DAREALMVP
That graphic is next level cut and paste. Amazing.
Whoever goes, as long as Deadly replaces. that’ll work.
Up tha fucken swellians!
It’ll be Strider for sure… but just weeks before his new gig a competing network will get their pathetic little slimy hands on a VHS of What’s Really Going On!…
And from there it’s all over for the mainstream love affair – one would hope.
what happens?
Strider does a bong rip?
I have it on VHS but will have to find a VCR player and a TV that takes AV cords… Fuck that’s too much effort I don’t care.
Chris Cote.
You take that back!
Never!…He’s the next Marv Albert.
With or without the fishnets?
With of course. Biting without fishnets on is just plain wrong.
How about instead we get Chas on Survivor or some such shit? I reckon he’d play a mean mental disintegration game. Can’t wait to see him have someone by the throat. We could bet on whether he was the first voted off, or if he needed a medivac before the first commitment ceremony.
Too bad Seabass isn’t in the event, I just want them to cut to the clip of Pete Mel’s on air orgasm from North Point last year.
Can we just put a well opiated turd Ferguson in the booth? “I don’t know what that maneuver was called pottz,I was too busy trying to find some blow and a beer, in other news how’s this fart! You gonna eat that turpell!”
Barton Lynch will sneak over the fence and steal the spotlight by photobombing everyone else’s shot and breaking in on the commentary thereby ending the future of surfing on tv.
I would love to see turdpail get a full time gig somewhere else, preferably somewhere that would limit my chances of having to hear him ever again, perhaps on next seasons cooking show “whats in the Pottz”
“Adding zest with pizzazz, tucking it in under the hood !”
he is going to lost for words unless kelly sets his train to a “easy pace” and installs an “inside corner”.
I can imagine Barton Lynch on a midday fishing show pulling up something crap like a 20cm long flathead while gushing praise and calling it the most beautiful creature he’s ever seen. He’s bloody hopeless.
he would be pretty good doin a “Russel Coight, all Aussie adventure” type gig.
he would be so excited at the pool!
he would be perfect for this.
I’m really looking forward to seeing Mick’s mum setting up a card table selling glass dolphins and resin dogs and letting Barton fill in while she takes a ciggie break. She will probably smash a pie every 15 to 20 mins as well I reckon.
Or maybe even little bottles with imitation nuggets inside.
Like the one you lovingly set afloat all those years ago.
Little white card out front of them.
“Memories of Medina”
Barton is to positive what Marvin “The paranoid android” from Hitchhiker’s Guide is to negative.
I just saw a popup ad for Spanx for men on Beachgrit. My life is complete now. Also, I need Kanoa Igarashi to be famous.
Sorry for this as you are one of my favorites on this board, but the ads are served based on previous search history and likes……so…… Spanx for Men it is for you. But why am I getting ads for Cialis and Disney characters? – strange.
Fuck that was funny. I almost swallowed my dip spit. Well played indeed. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t buy a pair in XXL to cover my front butt and perpetual 3/4 chub…