I'll never pull another punch again.
Now I know how… whatever The New York Times writers covering Nixon’s names were… feel. There they were, wringing their hands, hemming and hawing while Woodward and Bernstein went out and made history.
Son of a bitch.
Your new Woodward and Bernstein is a man named Billy Wilson and he is also your hero for he had the fortitude, the temerity, to carry through when I pulled my punch.
Last night, you see, I was sent the image from the brave man with the camera phone. There stood the World Surf League’s number four in command, Chief Commercial Officer Beth Greves, on a Balinese beach with a wonderful forrest green/floral bathing suit ensemble, a longer board and fins that pointed mysteriously toward her.
I gazed upon it for a good ten minutes and then went to sleep giggling about “Day 4: Explosive new kook-gate angle!” all night long. But in the morning I woke up and thought, “Am I being mean? Is this mean?” and decided to chew on a wad of morality.
Meanwhile, Surf Europe’s Billy Wilson (your new Woodward and Bernstein) had no such lily in his liver and posted the epic “Kook-gate exclusive: Handsome man with phone found.” Let’s read just a smidge:
Pepe Jose Ceballos — his surname just one letter away from “caballos”, Spanish for “horses” — is from the Basque town of Irun, to which he recently returned following a fortnight in Bali. I first met Pepe two summers ago, and have met him several times since; besides being handsome, tall, and dark-haired, he is very likeable and always struck me as the sort of person who can be relied upon, when he sees something funny at the beach, to take a photo of it and put it on the group. I don’t know him very well, I’m not on any of his groups, but I know him well enough to recognise him in a viral video, and well enough to trust him when he says he isn’t part of a of an international conspiracy or some bizarre, counterintuitive marketing ploy.
He had been at Keramas watching the comp, when his friend spotted two girls walking down the beach carrying surfboards, one of them with its fins back to front. Pepe showed admirable presence of mind. “I grabbed my mobile from my bag and went rushing down to her,” he told Surf Europe on the phone this morning, amid much laughter. “I tried to be inconspicuous so she wouldn’t notice, but when I turned around to take the photo she looked at me like, ‘what are you doing?’ So I asked if I could take a photo and she just stared at me in confusion, like, ‘but what for?’ I was just trying to stop laughing.”
Epic. Just damned epic. You must read the entire thing here and I just realized that Woodward and Bernstein are two names! Mr. Wilson? Would you permit me to be your second?
Please?
I’ll never pull a punch again.
her bullshit is on par with todd richards and his “moving ramp.” throw them both away
I appreciate you, Pepe.
Lol happens all tge time haha
Let’s just assume your computer/phone/tablet simply is auto correcting (incorrectly) the letters TGE for the word THE. Off the hook now, you are welcome.
In what universe would she be installing her own fins? In what universe would a board like that spend any of its pathetic life without the very first set ever installed in it. Old photo mate may not have been in on, it but she was clever enough to know she didnt need a planted stooge to get the shot. This is such a stitch up and she is to be congratulated heartily for not overstimating the intelligence of the “core” surfing public, and at this stage I hope she rinses us all and the whole things burns. Pulled worse than her in Bali too.
I swear to dog that beachgrit is like a rock painter club where one person paints their rock with a shiny paint (oh the horror) and the others go into meltdown because a) she aint using matte paint and/or b) she wont tell em where to buy that paint.
Fantastic.
That does not explain the tag on the legrope.
And I thought Pepe was a diminutive for Jose, so the guy’s name is Jose Jose? JJC?
Something fishy.
Anyway, Wilson – Smith sounds great.
What tge fuck is wrong with that. You fuckers cant see the bs in the lineup cause your tge fuckin problem
Calm down, love.
Oh bs. You cant see your privilege cause ure fuckin bezo
Next stop Lennox.
She’s been waiting though
Getting run the fuck over when you drop in on someone is also real.
Oh THAT’S why sharks eat women. Someone tell Laird he was half right.
I’m sick of this anti kook Bigotry. Fuck you guys! https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
#IllridewithBeth
WHO’S WITH ME?
Ah, the old empathy play.
Fuck that’s a sad attempt to score a root.
#desperateoldfucker
Hilarious.
Video footage of rides at Newport required.
I’ll personally send you a batch of home-made choccy-chip cookies if you submit said footage and wordy technical analysis for our intellectual delectation.
#homemadechocolatechipcookiesforNickCarrollifheridesandwritesaboutridingbavkwardsfinsinatechnicallyanalyticalmanner.
Am I doing this right?
Christ, Nick, there are so many sharp edges on that board you’re basically piloting a lethal weapon.
oh you are giving the foiler’s a little something to worry about themselves! Like when a dog shows its teeth to a bear!
Remember, just hop back on the sled and reset.
Cynical Fin Control System
If you can post a clip of you riding your board like that, I will paypal you $10. Considered this a binding contract.
Stay tuned you bastards. I’ll show you! I’ll show you all!!
I believe his offer was for Beth.
“Tara Ruttenberg
Writer, surfer, teacher, yogini, consultant and PhD candidate in development studies. Tara’s passions include decolonizing sustainable surf tourism, exploring development alternatives for post-capitalist realities, strengthening infrastructures for peace, and promoting wellbeing economics for good living in harmony with nature.”
….she’s funny!
She can add to it, “getting super angry in the Maldives!”
Mal – bad
dives – (Proto-Indo-European) talented
The Maldives, where angry drops the mic and picks up a keyboard.
That’s quite a skill.
Some might say, kooky.
Hell would be being stuck on a lifeboat with her and her passions. Too small to eat, as well.
Shades of “The Life of Pi “
Who is the real tiger ?
A little bait can go a long way.
Yeah but packing it with a bunch of white dudes 8s your dreamy scenario
Look on the bright side, she takes a stand when good sense says wait. Push her right out on that moment. When she protests, say “I didn’t drop in on you, you dropped out on me!”
As she drifts away from the raft cup your hand in your armpit and mimic a fart sound. She’s a PhD candidate so it shouldn’t be lost on her you’re communicating that she’s gone like a fart in the wind.
Nice work if you can get it.
She’s completely off her head.
I agree it’s a real thing.
Good thing I’m a toaster and not a man.
Cue Red Dwarf
https://youtu.be/LRq_SAuQDec
She dropped in on a heap of middle aged kooks in the Maldives, I salute her.
can someone ring chas’s dealer to drop him over an eight ball so he can snap out of it and remember surfing needs cocaine
Sydney Morning Herald sez cocaine use has skyrocketed in the CBD and eastern suburbs.
Must be the publication of this book.
I just tried to read some of and gave up. TLDR.
My privileges are fully checked and assessed, but I still don’t agree with her.
Could be she is just dropping in tail first.. guys and Jen See!
I’m just wondering how that would affect how the board handles… Any chance we would all think it’s genius if Curren tried it?
I asked this very question to the assembled commentariat, and the venerable Nick Carroll pontificated, indicating that I might undergo psychological paralysis due to the effect experienced.
This concept was not otherwise explained, enlarged or expounded upon.
There’s a guy in my neighborhood who swore by backwards fins for a year or so, then he moved on to the next kooky theory.
Heh heh.
I think he pulled a Beth but covered his mistake with the old: “Of course I meant to do that! It’s a thing!”
Edit: see NC above.