I'll never pull another punch again.
Now I know how… whatever The New York Times writers covering Nixon’s names were… feel. There they were, wringing their hands, hemming and hawing while Woodward and Bernstein went out and made history.
Son of a bitch.
Your new Woodward and Bernstein is a man named Billy Wilson and he is also your hero for he had the fortitude, the temerity, to carry through when I pulled my punch.
Last night, you see, I was sent the image from the brave man with the camera phone. There stood the World Surf League’s number four in command, Chief Commercial Officer Beth Greves, on a Balinese beach with a wonderful forrest green/floral bathing suit ensemble, a longer board and fins that pointed mysteriously toward her.
I gazed upon it for a good ten minutes and then went to sleep giggling about “Day 4: Explosive new kook-gate angle!” all night long. But in the morning I woke up and thought, “Am I being mean? Is this mean?” and decided to chew on a wad of morality.
Meanwhile, Surf Europe’s Billy Wilson (your new Woodward and Bernstein) had no such lily in his liver and posted the epic “Kook-gate exclusive: Handsome man with phone found.” Let’s read just a smidge:
Pepe Jose Ceballos — his surname just one letter away from “caballos”, Spanish for “horses” — is from the Basque town of Irun, to which he recently returned following a fortnight in Bali. I first met Pepe two summers ago, and have met him several times since; besides being handsome, tall, and dark-haired, he is very likeable and always struck me as the sort of person who can be relied upon, when he sees something funny at the beach, to take a photo of it and put it on the group. I don’t know him very well, I’m not on any of his groups, but I know him well enough to recognise him in a viral video, and well enough to trust him when he says he isn’t part of a of an international conspiracy or some bizarre, counterintuitive marketing ploy.
He had been at Keramas watching the comp, when his friend spotted two girls walking down the beach carrying surfboards, one of them with its fins back to front. Pepe showed admirable presence of mind. “I grabbed my mobile from my bag and went rushing down to her,” he told Surf Europe on the phone this morning, amid much laughter. “I tried to be inconspicuous so she wouldn’t notice, but when I turned around to take the photo she looked at me like, ‘what are you doing?’ So I asked if I could take a photo and she just stared at me in confusion, like, ‘but what for?’ I was just trying to stop laughing.”
Epic. Just damned epic. You must read the entire thing here and I just realized that Woodward and Bernstein are two names! Mr. Wilson? Would you permit me to be your second?
I’ll never pull a punch again.