"Hey KELLY... glad you called ME..." etc. etc.
Few things in this life embarrass me more than the connected surf groupie. The industry bro, surf journalist, beach announcer, hanger-on who has confused his proximity to professional surfing with actual friendships of professional surfers and also has confused professional surfers with actual famous people. Not that professional surfers make bad friends and not that they aren’t “famous” in their own small way but the industry bro, surf journalist, beach announcer, hanger-on should know, better than anyone how small that way is.
Oh, it’s a wonderful life and forgive my crankiness but I have had occasion to reminisce these past few days about the connected surf groupie. About his crowing on and on and on and on about all his famous professional surfer friends and how close he is with them and how they’re going on a surf trip together and… pause… wait for backslaps and affirmation and exclamations of “Oh what a wonderful life!”
I’ll always remember, as prime example and connected surf groupie par excellence, the onetime voice of extreme sport/pre-Kardashian E! television, Sal Masekela, at Surf Ranch. He was there participating in Surf Journalist Day even though he is not a surf journalist, enjoying both the left and the right and the hot tub filled exclusively with male surf journalists. At some point he announced, quite loudly, that he had been texting with Kelly Slater. Shortly thereafter he took a loud call from Kelly Slater in the hot tub filled with men, shouting, “Hey KELLY… glad you called ME…” etc. etc.
Now, this would very cute for a eleven-year-old boy with a social anxiety problem but was it appropriate in front of Vaughn Blakey and Sean Doherty and Surfline’s Marcus Sanders?
Maybe.
But probably not.
Or am I just cranky? Should I abandon this odd pet-peeve? Help me be a better man!
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great post. call em all out. was Khalil Rafati in tavarua LOL
We’re talking about surf stars here, pal.
Chas my mom mom saw me reading Cocaine & Surfing and asked me about it. I told her we were friends and that I’d never tried ka-kane and then I took a fake call from you and told you I really loved the book. I think she bought it and we left it at that….
But…….. buying both his books and listening to the podcast makes me friends with Chas right??
love this. an article focused solely on clowning sal masekela for not acting cool enough at surf ranch while simultaneously asserting that sal is “not a surf journalist” — as if that’s an actual profession!
Well, actually, Sal is a really nice guy.
Fun fact about Sal. First job in the “industry” was front receptionist at Transworld. Walked in off the street cold and was answering phones by the afternoon. True story.
Surf’s ok too.
Is this kinda like Conner Coffin pretending he’s a musician while the surfing fraternity awkwardly clap him on, quietly hoping he’ll choke on one too many dumb californian’s pubes after singing Knocking On Heaven’s Door?
Just received your book today, I’ll text you once I’m a few chapters deep.
It does help, feeling a sense of appreciation and acknowledgement in the comments section is a crucial step on ones journey to self actualization.
I don’t want to split hairs here…but does it hold more weight if the thumbs up is coming from the Southern Hemisphere as opposed to the rest of the world?
Beggars can’t be choosers. Any appreciation is welcome!
Yes – surely we’re micro groupies, swimming around (metaphorically speaking) in the hot tub like comments section trying to earn some love and acknowledgement from Derek / Chas / Longtom et al
I dunno, reckon it must have been more embarrassing to not make a wave and to dislocate your shoulder…
Than to be a surf groupie? Not even close!
you’re stronger person than me… that shit would be consuming me until i made good on it 🙂
I love to hear this. Sal Masekela is a loathsome name dropper. I’ve always found the way he says “Kelly” to be particularly distasteful. And I harbour a grudge after he blatantly plagiarised a series of my tweets during the Pipe Masters one year.
Two other things:
1. Ask your bum chum Dave about him. The pair of them were tumescent during his interview.
2. Can we throw Cote into Room 101 for the same reasons?
I want to hear more about these tweets
Can you write anything longer about that plagiarism incident? I’d love to hear you light it up in more detail.
Not much of a story. I was tweeting during that epic Pipe Masters battle between Kelly and JJF (can’t remember the year) and big Sal the plagiarist was re-tweeting what I had written almost verbatim but passing it off as his own. He’s a knob.
Sounds fucking excruciating.
“huh, I’ve never heard of this little Scottish man so therefore no one else has either. I’ll repurpose his wisdom as mine. Kinda like ghostwriting but without a payment or contract. He should be grateful. I mean, I know Kelly!”
Trump would be proud of him.
You should pull him up about it if you have any evidence. Sal, I mean. Not Trump.
But, saying that, if you could effectively publicly embarrass Trump, then I think a lot of people might be quite supportive of you.
Maybe Chas and Des could help you out. With Sal I mean.
In fact, you know, Dezza once directly replied to one of my comments, so we’re pretty much like best mates. Y’know?
The annual BIRGy Awards™️ presented by BG.
Basking in reflected glory
Sal wrote an article about a surf trip he did several years ago with a bunch of pros. It was and still is the worst piece of surf journalism I’ve ever read the guy even got pics of himself surfing and the article was all about him.
Post a link!
How does that feel, Chas’ never acknowledged me [unhappy face]?
Uh..that was a royal we. I’m not that funny or witty.
With me being the chief BeachGrit groupie any up-vote from myself is almost like one from the man himself.
better than..
none bigger than kala alexander.
YES! LOL
Let loose. Give us stories.
This story made me feel dirtier than hypothetically bathing in a warm soup of other men
is Turps the top of the connected surf groupie pyramid?
You’ve given me tomorrow’s story!
Steer clear of the west coast board riders events, sofky, if possible. Talk about a bro-down!
no way he’s tops.
kaipo, peter king, sam george all gotta be ahead of him
Surf industry bro. Just another type of bro. Was the word bro started by surfers? What’s the origin of bro? SoCal?
This article reminds me of Chas Smith rebuke mixed with Lewis Samuels’ aggression. More please!