Nick Carroll approved!
Many eons ago, in the mists of time, some man or woman rode a wave on a board for the very first time. Maybe he was Peruvian, maybe she was Tahitian, maybe we’ll never know (it was totally a Peruvian. Buy here!) but this much is certain; That cardinal man or woman appeared foolish.
Every “first” is, on some level, foolish. Flailing arms, attempting to discover balance points, just doing something odd that no other has done before. The years pass, the activity gets codified, losing its ridiculous and some activities, like surfing, even become “cool.”
I feel Coasteering is going to become “cool” soon.
And you haven’t heard of Coasteering? Don’t feel bad. I hadn’t either until the last living surf journalist Nick Carroll sent me a promotional advertisement with the message:
I just….I don’t know what to say
why didn’t everybody think of Coasteering before???
He had a great point.
The promotional advertisement for Coasteering read:
Meet coasteering, your ultimate coastal rush.
Nothing beats it. The thrill of jumping off a craggy cliff and plunging into stunning turquoise water is the greatest buzz. Coasteering is utterly addictive and, with us your side, totally safe. Get your adrenaline fix here…
Further research led me to:
If you enjoy adventures then coasteering is for you! Our North Coast Challenge in Newquay is the ultimate thrill-seeking coasteer in Cornwall. You’ll get kitted out in a wetsuit, buoyancy aid and helmet in our on-site heated changing rooms, with storage for all your belongings before negotiating a route pioneered by shipwrecked sailors and tea plundering pirates. We are #1 on TripAdvisor and offer the best coasteering experiences in Newquay!
Which professional surfer would make the best Coasteer? Maybe you? Oh I know that you’re not a professional surfer and you know that you’re not a professional surfer but… I think you have what it takes to make a fantastic Coasteer.
Coasteering appears to be sponsored by Rip Curl so maybe Mick Fanning would be the best Coasteer. I know you think Mason Ho would do very well and I don’t disagree, I just think Mick has that extra… something special.
Wow. I’m genuinely impressed. Is it a comment on Australian society that the only thing I can think of to buy, other than petrol and snacks, is sunglasses.
You can buy wetsuits at petrol stations?
Clearly surfing is at maximum mainstream and no amount of wsl tinkering will ever improve it.
Man I did some fucking drugs in that town.
see what austerity does
I thought coasters were for cocktails?… let’s keep it that way… can I get a margarita please?
Didn’t read article.
Is this something to do with those little cardboard squares they put under drinks?
How’s his head pops up at the start like he just got busted sucking his brothers dick. Wtf?
Backward fin Beth could be the CEO for a World Coasteer tour. I hear she’s looking for work
Nothing like throwing 10-15 absolute kooks off a cliff into the ocean.
Nick Carroll gonna love these guys jumping off North Av whilst he taking off on a set!!
Seriously what is going to be the call on some retard doing this and getting into trouble whereby a surfer puts himself at risk to wipe them off the rocks??
Terrible to hear about loss of life and my condolences go out to all involved but could I suggest these daredevils go back to the football pitch or take up a safe Welsh sport like rugby .
You’re close with pro surfer, but this particular experience is actually run by an ex-professional British bodyboarder, if you can believe such a thing exists…
really? that bloke reckons it is “utterly addictive” and “totally safe”. perhaps he was talking about sudoku
can’t wait till someone develops an indoor version or at least in a controlled environment. one glorious day, with the right management it will become an olympic sport.
I think the stab high acid drop was possibly trying to create a hybrid sport of coasteering and surfing ,Encouraging contestants / athletes / pissheads to jump off a synthetic cliff onto man made waves . They hired major security to make it a controlled event but forgot the micro security to keep the microbes out ?
thanks, now can you explain “the dock”?
Hallucinogens
An aging and increasingly sinister coasteering champ builds “Coast Farm” – a rock climbing wall next to a livestock pond in Kansas. A fake tidepool complete with unprecedented cliff blow hole technology is installed at great expense. Purists are incensed but corporate interests have the elite of the sport practicing there at outrageous cost. Concern that kooky inland rock climbers will invade the sport and destroy it’s roots permeates the “free coasteering” culture. One day at Coast Farm, a guy slips on a slimy crevasse that has seen more dirty hands hands than a strippers tit in Tijuana, cuts his leg and dies from a strain of flesh eating staph that cannot survive a salty marine environment but thrives at filthy Coast Farm. Nature always finds a way.
The gods ( nature ) do not take kindly to those Promethean Thieves of fire , wave and rock ?
Maybe my story should have had an eagle eating the guys liver.
Or a one foot breaking wave ?
Beach Grit, where dystopian surf fan-fiction and alternative surf narrative are thriving. I fucking love it.
We call this swimming.
Genius! You’ve gone straight through skin ,muscle and bone to the marrow with laser precision ricmatic !
Finally watched the video and if you remove the helmets and wetsuits and replace the pasty thrill seekers with a bunch of sunburnt surfing grommets, the seals with sharks ,then in any coastal zone in Oz , the activity would be defined as swimming .
Can you go like my comment? It’s some of my best work. Thanks in advance.
Done!
Can I tell you cunts, I’d be fucken good at Coasteering
You’re laughing now, but when you step on to the rocks with me, you won’t be laughing then let me assure you.
Koby Abberton has some form as a coasteer at Cape Solander. During a comp, no less!
I smell a few new award categories in a few years time… “Lamest moderately nature related activity by a man” and “Lamest moderately nature related activity by a Woman”. We found tea and scones whilst caving then enjoyed a warm shower! (I’m typing this with a Victorian styled accent)
These poms really should learn their station – colonialising swine!
If you lived in a country where it is only off-shore 10 days a year and only 5 of those is under 25 knots…you’d be throwing yourself off cliffs too! The lucky brits are all in the Maldives fighting it out with their Euro brethren for waves at Sultans!
depends on your coast, pete
Derek and Clive predicted the rise of this sport and wrote this charming ditty:
As I was walking down the street one day
I saw a house on fire
There was a man, shouting and screaming at an upper-storey window
To the crowd that was gathered there below
For he was sore afraid
Jump! You f*****, jump!
Jump into this here blanket what we are holding
And you will be all right
He jumped, hit the deck, broke his f****** neck
There was no blanket
Laugh?! We nearly shat!
We had not laughed so much since Grandma died
Or Auntie Mabel caught her left t** in the mangle
We are miserable sinners
Fi-i-ilthy f******
Thanks Parky.I won’t tell them that the cliffs are better in Devon ? Mums the word !
I sometimes sing this to myself while cycling home!
You forgot the last line:
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrssse-hoooooooollllles…”
I do wish you’d left in the swearing, properly.
Just for you , fucker, fucken ,tit , fuckers .
Sentence of the day.
I hope it becomes so popular that it diverts people from the act of surfing and it will definitely create work for orthopedic surgeons , osteopaths , chiropractors and physiotherapists and undertakers.Just imagine the joy when a bus turns up with wetsuit clad people ,and instead of surfing , they all leap like lemmings off the cliff …………………( highly recommended for those fickle trend followers amongst us SUPers , Foilers and Hipsters ? )
lets hope they start doing with inflatable vegetables strapped to their backs. I would watch that.
Dangling the carrot so to speak ?
Now I have a vision of upended people on impaled carrots drowning as the tide comes in.
Vikings meet Caligula on the Cornish Coast ?
until one lands on you…
Definitely opens up new avenues in surf betting and travel insurance and very happy not to be sponsored by Target 🎯 ?
although, when turned around, it could be a fun flat day activity to bomb SUPs and goat boats?
INCOMING !
Incomeeeering
I can’t wait to watch Mick and the technical perfection of his pencil dives (none better), his no-nonsense spelunking skill (“stalacTites on the top!”), and his precise, hunched over climbing style take home four Coasteering World Titles…