What have you ever done with your life?
I spoke with one of my literary heroes on the phone last week. Daniel Duane, author of Caught Inside, How to Cook Like a Man, Lighting Out etc. is working on a piece for the New York Times, I believe, about women and big wave surfing. It was a great pleasure to chat and to once again kick big wave surfing’s tires and do it with someone as knowledgeable he.
Big wave surfing is like exotic pornography to me. Like very extreme BDSM or furry fandom or psychrophilia. I understand the most basic component, the sex act itself, but other than that am completely lost.
I have vacillated wildly over the years, thinking that big wave surfing is the only broadly consumable sector of our game. That the average Joe or Josie can instantly understand both the daring and skill of big wave surfing without the need for Joe Turpel to explain what “scores in the excellent range” mean. Thinking that big wave surfing is completely unmarketable in the same ways that dog maulings and avalanches are unmarketable. Average Joe and Average Josie look, mouths agape even, but would never pay money to look.
Part of the problem, I thought while chatting with Dan, is the new inflatable lifevests. Oh I don’t doubt that they are a technological marvel and savers of many many many lives but, to me, it feels as if the very extreme BDSM has spilled out of the dungeon and into the public square. I don’t like the way they make me feel.
Maybe that is why I appreciate Waimea, big Pipeline and Mavericks all the more. Waves that brave men and women ride nude, like normal, or in simple wetsuits.
Mavericks had its opening ceremony the other day. It has finally been freed from lawsuit and argument, I think, and is set to put on a show. Let us turn to the San Francisco Chronicle for more.
Beforehand, as surfers and photographers gathered on the beach, Mavericks legend Jeff Clark offered some words in prayer. Clark, who pioneered the break in the mid-1970s, had decided to step aside from the contest after years of financial woes and political infighting, but recently changed his mind.
“I brought this dragon to the world,” said Clark, 61, who surfed Mavericks by himself for 15 years before he could get anyone to join him. “For all the stuff that goes on, it comes down to the time in the ocean with this band of big-wave brothers and sisters. That’s what it’s really all about. What’s remembered are the waves, and the friendships.”
Doesn’t that make you jealous? I suppose we are this band of small-wave brothers and sisters though and for that I am grateful.
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Mavs was at its best when all the west siders were smoking meth and towing into insane waves, now it s shit show for the snowflakes and Patagonia crowd. Lame. If the women want equality at Mavs make em smoke meth and tow it at 25+
It’s like a radical new triathlon format.
You know, someone else would have discovered, surfed, invites friends, publicized, and. Had a contest there if Jeff hadn’t…….
Could’ve been anyone really
Oh! My non-surfing friends send me big-wave clips all the time! And they get really excited about it! So you are not wrong, is what I’m saying.
The vests are fun and I wore one for a story and giggled the whole time — though I would not be giggling if I were at Mavericks because that shit is scary.
I hate that. I like that they thought of me I guess? But I’m never sure what to say.
Yeah cool waves are big sometimes?
See Jen I need your help!
“”Sorry, Goose, but it’s time to buzz the tower.”
– Maverick
Am I doing this right?
Cruise Control ?
Shit. Ok. Uh…
Is it something to do with Ru Paul? I dunno I don’t really read the article.
Nah ya goose , Tom Cruise( maverick) buzzes Control Tower !Just punning around .
Where am I?
Who’s Ru Paul and why are we talking about him goosing someone?
Her?
I used to live in Rue Jean-Laffitte with my mate and his wife Marie-Paul and we had a goose called Eponine which they won in a raffle .
any relation to Rand?
Dragon my balls across your face Mr Clark.
For the record. Jeff Clark: “I brought this dragon into the world” (SF Chronicle 2018) “because I’d like to get more recognition as a shaper. Photos and publicity could help with that.” (SURFER 1993)
I never ceases to amaze me what some judicious editing will do to a quote, and what people get away with using this technique.
“I” vs. “It” makes all the difference.
Fat fingered cunt.
I’m gonna leave it for posterity. I ain’t proud.
I’m hiding behind a pseudonym, as every other cunt seems to like pointing out.
You can tell I’m having a good morning eh?
I thought It witty. As a fellow pudgy thumbed one, I have learned to sometimes leave a comment’s fate in the hands of auto-correct. Though caution be sound when I attempt to type ‘surfering’, as my auto-correct without pause believes I must have meant ‘murdering’.
LOOK a head on the road
Look a HEAD on the road
‘ahead’
Sorry Ben bottom
Ben Bottom girls make the rockin’ world go round.
“I saved latin.. what did you ever do?” max fisher, rushmore
Big waves and nude women have been enjoyed by literary minds for ages.
“At noon I observed a bevy of nude native young ladies bathing in the sea, and went and sat down on their clothes to keep them from being stolen. I begged them to come out, for the sea was rising and I was satisfied that they were running some risk. But they were not afraid, and presently went on with their sport. They were finished swimmers and divers, and enjoyed themselves to the last degree.” – Mark Twain (1866 )
the good old “went and sat down on their clothes to keep them from being stolen” chestnut.
Chivalry opportunely employed by a maverick.
a true gentleman. sad to think that 150 years later he would probably get arrested for it.
My teenage self would have eaten them ( the clothes that is ) .
or at least moved them up to the car park
Were you that hungry as a child?
Can’t imagine the nutritional value of processed cotton and various polyester weaves would be particularly significant.
I hope your diet has improved since then.
A hypothetical me in Polynesia in 1866 may have mistaken grass skirts for salad ? Now if I could only find some olive oil , mustard , balsamic vinegar and a few basic spices I’ll be tossing the salad in no time . Sadly on leaving the water the native girls toss me off ……….into the BBQ .
The literary birth of the cum rag
Then what was Kipling on about claiming
“Oh , East is East ,
And West is West ,
and never the Twain shall meet.” ?
The dead camel was to blame.
“And then my newspaper correspondence dropped out, and he took a chance in that–manuscript letters written for the home papers. But he was treading on dangerous ground, now. He began to come across solid wisdom in those documents that was rather weighty on his stomach; and occasionally he would take a joke that would shake him up till it loosened his teeth; it was getting to be perilous times with him, but he held his grip with good courage and hopefully, till at last he began to stumble on statements that not even a camel could swallow with impunity. He began to gag and gasp, and his eyes to stand out, and his forelegs to spread, and in about a quarter of a minute he fell over as stiff as a carpenter’s work-bench, and died a death of indescribable agony. I went and pulled the manuscript out of his mouth, and found that the sensitive creature had choked to death on one of the mildest and gentlest statements of fact that I ever laid before a trusting public.” – Mark Twain (Roughing It)