And I need your help!
As part of your regular work do you have to attend trade shows? I generally don’t but think they must be fun. Right? Lots of polo shirts. Little pressboard villages. Very bright overhead lighting. Lanyards. Evening drinks with fellow trade showers. And so I am very much looking forward to tomorrow when I head to the largest surf trade show in the entire world. Surf Expo in Orlando, Florida!
The event is described thusly:
Surf Expo is produced in January and September in Orlando, Florida and draws buyers from specialty stores across the U.S., the Caribbean, Central and South America and around the world. The show features more than 2,500 booths of apparel and hardgoods and a full line-up of special events, including fashion shows, annual awards ceremonies, and demos. Average buyer and exhibitor turnout exceeds 28,600 attendees including retailers, exhibitors and media per show. Surf Expo is a TRADE ONLY EVENT and is not open to the public.
Not open to the public but will you be there anyhow? And would you mind giving me a few tips?
-If I get lost in the cavernous convention center where should I go?
-If Rip Curl has North Korean slaves working their booth should I report it to the authorities or let it slide?
-How should I wear my lanyard?
-When a Reef Girl offers me a bottle of beer freshly popped by Mick Fanning’s patented beer popping sandal in new sea foam green should I accept?
-What if I lose my lanyard?
-Should I test a shark-killing foil if the opportunity presents itself?
-What if I get lost in the SUP section and find myself becoming strangely attracted?
-What if someone calls the police on me?
That’s mostly it, other than needing to know what you’d like me to discover there for you. And, now that I think about it, it’d be a lot easier if you were there. Do you think you could take off work for a few days? I’m really worried about my lanyard.
Commented on Disqus? Log out, tap the Disqus button, and your old name and comments come back. The box is ours.
Your comments are still here. Every one of them.
Twelve years of BeachGrit comments came across from Disqus. Connect and we will show you how many are yours. We get your username, nothing else.
Connect Disqus to reveal.
Make sure you get punched by Ashton.
I loop the lanyard around a belt loop and let it dangle like snowboarders did in the late 90s or how emo-punk roadies do it. Things are separated pretty well. You can cut off almost half the show floor if you don’t do to the beachy touristy trinket shit or the super sexy womens beachwear corner filled with suave Arminian dudes on cell phones. Just embrace it! I’d typically hang out at Volcom, Kala Ukulele or Sector 9 because they had really nice people at their booths that would offer me a seat and a cold one. Oh and wear comfortable shoes… it can be a lot of walking.
The question Chas is this… who do you hope you may run into more?… Dirk or Ashton?
Now that Coco Ho is popping bottles with her Reefs I say…”Yes, Please!
(And, uh…put in a good word for your old buddy, please!)
You better be honing your PowerPoint presentation skills for your prime lunch-time slot presentation of “Podcasting – 5 Steps from Obscurity to World Domination”.
Do you think anyone will offer anything to you for free?
Yes. Useless shit that you’ll NEVER use.
Signed,
Guy Who Has, On Occasion, Given Out Useless Shit At Trade Shows.
Cocaine and surfing : the surf expo edition
Arrive early…go in with the trade… everyone has extra badges.
If you have appts or want to meet someone do it early….as more offers will come up and you can take advantage of them.
Bring a nice selection of meals from Seaside Market….first and foremost.
Flask with whitelighting.
Plan on everything being 20% of the quality you are accustom too.
You will meet some great people, mainly old timers….a lot of surf legends are back east and harder core then west coast.
You could freeze your as off…thats where the flask fits in.
He’s in Florida…Publix fried chicken or die!
Count how many times you hear the phrase “you been getting any waves?”.
I prescribe ten mg valium. Easy on the beer.
Where your lanyard like this. https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
I’ve heard Ben Marcus has a booth selling his lastest book? Say hi from me. https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
The Ben Marcus Story or How I learned to stop worrying and fire up the glass barby and tell everyone why they are wrong.
Better yet ..stay far away from that booth.
Tell him we all love him, and we’ll chip in a nickle each to get a better cover designer for him.
David? How much graphics will 15 cents get us?
Ben Marcus has never been to Florida, nor does he want to go there.
Trade shows were kinda fun during the Roaring 90s when the surf industry wasn’t all corporate-owned and people had money and things were possible and the clever bastards who started the companies still owned and ran the companies.
My friend Steve from San Jose called them “Booge-fests” where “booge” was pronounced like “booze.”
I think he was referring to the girls in bikinis that were everywhere.
Still the ASR trade shows were sad then – kinda like going to Huntington Beach: You yearned to get the flock out of there and take a long, long, long very hot body and soul-cleansing shower after.
But now trade shows are kind of like going to the old casinos in Las Vegas – but instead of elderly women on oxygen playing slot machines, the trade shows represent a dying surf industry, the demise of print and retail and are overloaded with ghostly folks trying way way way too hard to be cool.
Lynyrd Skynyrd used to go to the trade shows in the 90s, and they were inspired to write That Smell:
Ooooh that smell
Can’t you smell that smell
Ooooh that smell
The smell of death surrounds you
Shakespeare went to exactly one ASR show and summed it all up well:
It is a tale
Told by an idiot,
full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
Have fun.
2,500 booths!! May god have mercy on your soul Chas
I’ve never been to trade show.
We had a possum break-in late last night to eat the over-ripe mangoes near an open-ish window, and had to spend an hour trying to get it out of house, then clean up after it. I’m afraid I’m too tired to offer much amazing wit. My sincere apologies. I will make up the deficit another time.
Good luck.
Well I went a few times to the one that was on the beach at Anglet with a mate who owned surf shops so we were very popular , got very drunk for free and sang dirty ditties and lit our pubic hair . If you are not trying to sell shit you can cause havoc …..
When I was writing a profile on Lisa Andersen, we lived in a house on Calafia overlooking State Park in San Clemente.
Raccoons would come up to the screen door all the time and sniff and scratch but not get in.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
So Lisa was staying at the apartment and we were sitting in the living room and we heard a noise and a skunk and a raccoon were fighting – inside the apartment, on the carpet.
We froze.
They left.
Yay.
You really only need the lanyard to get in for the day, that’s it. Best method is to stuff it in your front pocket and let people try to figure out who you are and who you are with and what they can try to sell you,. Remember more than one trip an hour down the swimsuit aisle is creepy. Make contact with Volcom if they are there as it is your best shot of scoring some happy hour refreshments. Also, find a way to snag a wristband from Vans for their sushi night. All the sushi, saki and beer you can force down your throat in two hours is a great way to get the night started. You must find Kelly Richards (Cam’s dad) and see where the night takes ya, guaranteed good time.
2nd on the KR experience. Legend
First time not going in about 10 years. One of the few places on Earth where Chas will blend in. https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Chas is totally shortboard, but SUP curious?!
I wish I could upvote this comment all over again!
Dejavu!
Practice the word “Bro!” and a “yeW!” Should fit right in..
Picture yourself back at the boardroom show. Then imagine it’s 20x’s bigger / more crowded with less surfboards (but still rad boards nonetheless), more industry bros, super weird merch booths and people and scantilly clad “models.” People seem more intoxicated too. There you have it.
Also possibly devoid of Scott bass? That would be a plus