Comedy: The WSL’s subtitle game at WQS in Brazil, “Auntie Vida is fast planning Yankee no hickey is saying finito!”

Translating Portuguese into English yields surprising results…

If you’re good at time zones, and you like to soak in world qualifying series events, you might’ve examined the Oi Hang Loose contest in Brazil these past few days, nights.

Big names in there: Gabriel Medina, Italo Ferreira, Mason Ho and so on, with an able supporting cast, and all of ’em putting it on in the wedges of Fernando de Noronha.

Here’s a taste.

Throw on the English sub-titles over the Portuguese commentary, howevs, and that’s where the laughs start.

BeachGrit reader and super surf coach, Ben Silk, was one step ahead of your old pal DR the other night when he screen grabbed the better comedic moments.

Does anyone speak Portuguese?

If so, do you think these translations are accurate? Are they wonderful Brazilian idioms, perhaps?

Or has artificial intelligence still got a little way to go?

Vulnerable Adult Learners hit again: Child born without brain learns to surf!

It ain't that hard (if you start before 12)!

I was in Jackson, Wyoming recently enjoying this crazy west coast winter. There was snow on the houses, snow on the roads and, most importantly, snow on those Grand Tetons. My daughter, six-years-old, loves skiing more than just about anything and it is pure pleasure trying to keep up with her. So there we were, anyhow, riding the chair up after another thrilling run, sharing the ride with one of Jackson Hole’s famous ski patrol. He asked where we were from, I told him Cardiff-by-the-Sea, and he told me that he had learned to surf ten years ago and it was the most difficult thing he’d ever done.

Oh it’s the classic adult learner story and you’ve heard it before too. Surfing is difficult to begin, impossible to master. Hours upon hours spent flopping around in the water etc.

I nodded and agreed with his assessment. “Yes it is very difficult. Impossible etc. and I was very fortunate to pick it up as a kid etc.”

Well, as it turns out, learning to surf as a child must be the entire key, even more important than we all imagined, for a British boy who was born without a brain just learned how and let’s learn his story together.

If doctors told you to terminate your pregnancy not once but five times, you might take them at their word.

But when Shelley and Rob Wall were advised to have an abortion after finding out that their baby had “no brain”, they stuck to their guns.

And six years on, their son Noah has defied the odds — by “growing” a brain.

The Sun reports that the plucky youngster appeared on Good Morning Britain with his parents to share his extraordinary story, which Richard Madley called “a miracle”.

Despite his parents being told that there was no chance of his survival, Noah has totally exceeded all expectations.

Before Noah was born, doctors doubted he’d survive.

Mr and Mrs Wall have dedicated their time to his brain development and have taken him to Australia to a radical brain training centre.

Here, he has learned how to sit up unaided and even managed to go surfing.

Noah now wants to learn to walk and wants to continue learning how to surf and even start skiing.

The treatment that Noah’s been having in Australia is called “neurophysics” — a mixture of physiotherapy and cognitive exercises.

Mr Wall explained that the experts don’t usually do give the therapy to kids because of the cognitive side of things but they were lucky enough to be able to persuade them to see and assess Noah and prepare them for when he’s old enough to have that cognitive treatment.

“It’s all to do with the brain’s ability to heal or correct the body’s nervous system”.


And there we have it. It is easier for a child born without a brain to learn our Pastime of Kings than it is for a VAL.

sam edwardes
Sam Edwardes, hit by juvie White four days ago; pal killed by Great White in 1999.

From the cosmic-cruelty dept: Surfer attacked by Juvenile White in Byron lost pal to Great White twenty years earlier!

"You can't imagine the feeling, it's a really intense hit…"

Four days ago, a surfer was hit by a juvie Great White in Byron Bay, what you might call a hot spot of shark action for the past half-doz years. 

Twenty years earlier, the same guy lost a pal to a Great White while surfing in South Oz.

Lightning do strike the same tree twice. Get hit once and it don’t mean it can’t happen again.

Sam Edwardes, who is forty-one and lives in Suffolk Park just south of Byron, was surfing at the sandspit called Belongil when the shark took a piece “the size of a football” out of his leg.

‘I just felt this thump into my leg. You can’t imagine the feeling, it’s a really intense hit… I looked down at my leg and there was an almighty hunk taken out of it and that’s when I freaked out,” he told The Today Show. “I started paddling into the beach, I was a bit frantic. I was going as fast as I could, I was racing to get to shore and it took ages. It felt like an eternity to get there.’

A helicopter ride to the Gold Coast, an induced coma and a couple of surgeries later and he’s in a stable condition.

Leg ain’t gonna be pretty and neither will the the head noise.

In 1999, Edwardes was windsurfing at Hardwicke Bay on South Australia’s Yorke Peninsula with three other friends. One of ’em, Tony Donoghue, who was twenty-two, decided to stay out.

His body was never found but his recovered wetsuit revealed a fatal attack by a Great White.

Breaking: 11x World Champ Kelly Slater to surf the Vissla Sydney Pro!

It's miracle time!

Lady and gentlemen… we have a miracle! Kelly Slater and one extremely hurt, shattered beyond comprehension, foot will kick off his injury wildcard 2019 campaign in Manly, Australia. Home of the Vissla Sydney Pro and I think Nick Carroll.


Do you live in Manly?

Per the World Surf League Press release:

“I’ve always loved the northern beaches having lived part-time in Avalon for 15 years,” said Slater. “I miss it and I’m looking forward to getting back to some old familiar territory. I’m also getting a nice warm-up prior to jumping back on Tour full-time after close to a year and a half hiatus from competition”.

Oh maybe that’s where Nick lives. Avalon. Nick, do you live in Avalon?

Less importantly, how do you think the 11x world champion will fare?

Also, hasn’t Kelly basically lived everywhere on earth, part-time, for the past 15-years?

Blah blah blah.

Professional surfing!

Do you like how Kelly teases his “jumping back on Tour full-time…” bit? I did though also wonder if it may have been added after the fact by one very savvy President of Content, Media and Studios who knows a thing or two about hype.

You win a car! You win a car! You win a car! You win a car! You win a car!


Nick, where the hell do you live? I won’t be able to do anything else until I know.

From the Iron-clad-science Dept: Wave strength increasing by .5% a year for past 70 years!

Johnny get your gun!

If the last time you surfed was 1992 and you decided to dust off the ol’ potato chip this morning and paddle out at your local you might have noticed something. Namely that you were flying down the line 15% faster and your poundings were 15% more severe. Oh it would be easy to attribute these sensations to a Swiss cheese memory but there is actual scientific truth to bolster your impressions. Namely that wave strength has been increasing by half a percent for past 70 years!

Now let us turn to the august scientific journal Forbes for more.

“For the first time, we have identified a global signal of the effect of global warming in wave climate. In fact, wave power has increased globally by 0.4 percent per year since 1948, and this increase is correlated with the increasing sea-surface temperatures, both globally and by ocean regions,” said Borja G. Reguero, a researcher at the University of California, Santa Cruz and co-author of a new report published just published in Nature Communications.

The new study looked at how warmer upper oceans are influencing wind patterns, which then make ocean waves stronger, particularly in some interesting spots. The data shows that the most overall wave power by far can be found in the Southern Ocean, which is also seeing the most rapid increase in wave strength.

“The Southern Ocean (defined by the 40ºS latitudinal limit) is the most energetic basin and dominates the other oceans in terms of (wave power),” the report reads.

The study goes on to investigate how increasing sea surface temperatures, along with natural patterns like El Nino, have contributed to a trend that has seen a significant increase in wave power along the coasts of central America, South America and west Africa. During the same period, from 1985 – 2008, wave power in much of the Northern Hemisphere actually saw a slight decrease, although not enough to balance out the increase in other parts of the oceans.

Well shit. Never mind about you dusting off your potato chip and feeling the power unless you happen to be dusting it off in west Africa and… let’s be honest. Not a lot of BeachGrit‘s readership lives in west Africa.

As you were, I suppose.

But real quick before you go, should we all be climate change deniers just for fun? It seems like we could have a lot of fun and get into Forbes ourselves.

“Popular surf tabloid denies climate change is real!”

I like the look of that headline.