"Some say love, it is a vulnerable adult learner."

Official: Surf classes more popular than Roman Gladiator School and Venice Carnival Mask-Making!

There is a vulnerable adult learner explosion!

Do you remember when one-time World Surf League CEO Herr Paul Speaker looked the world in the eye and proclaimed that the potential market for live professional surfing dwarfed basically everything? That there were billions upon billions of people just waiting to watch the pipelines. That, “We are going to turn the stop signs into welcome mats.”

Oh how we laughed, or least I laughed. Surfing isn’t a sport, for starters, and when shoehorned into a sporting paradigm with judges, priority, Gabriel Medina etc. will only ever be enjoyed and/or tolerated by the 428 people worldwide who surf at least once a week. Also, participation in surfing had been declining due its difficulty and byzantine social structure.

Very much mocking but wait… what’s this story that I see on Maui Now? Shall we read together?

The Maui Surf School ranked second on TripAdvisorʻs list of the Top 10 Most-Booked Classes and Workshops in the World in their 2019 Experiences Trends Report. The list includes a wide range of classes around the world, including the Roman Gladiator School and the Venice Carnival Mask-Making Class in Italy. Catamaranʻs Turtle Canyon Snorkel Cruise on Oʻahu earned the second spot on the reportʻs Top 10 Most-Booked Water Sports list.

A surf school ranked second in the entire world for bookings? It’s a vulnerable adult learner explosion!

Of course ex-CEO Herr Speaker saw it coming. Of course he knew the VALs are here, there, everywhere hiding in plain view. Of course he knew once those stop signs got hammered into welcome mats, the scary and very grumpy local removed from the equation, that the tender masses would embrace the “Pastime of Kings.”

Who’s eating crow now?

Us.

Or at least me.


Revealed: Surf tanks will erase surf rage and usher in an era of gorgeous benevolence!

You’ll find yourself cheering for complete strangers!

Do you have surf tank fatigue yet? Wavegarden, Surf Ranch, American Waves Machines, Waco, Lemoore, Spain, Palm Beach, Kelly Slater, Palm Springs, Tokyo, WSL, Barton Lynch, Mark Occhilupo, perpetual motion machine, Mad Max, pump house, Yo-Yo Ma?

Are you completely exhausted?

Well you shouldn’t be because these phenomenal monuments to Kelly Slater will soon usher in an era of peace and prosperity such as the world has never experienced before and in this age of wild, out of control surf rage.

How?

Oh. Let’s turn to German action sport something ISPO who interviewed John Luff, the founder and president of surfparkcentral.com who said:

Surf parks are a driving force for social interaction and community building. Perhaps one of the biggest differences between artificial waves and surfing in the ocean is the mentality in the water. It is a big difference to know that you are going to surf a wave for sure while paddling out. When people are no longer competing, positioning, and in some cases fighting for waves, the entire dynamic in the lineup changes for the better. You’ll find yourself cheering for complete strangers – a rare phenomenon in most crowded natural surfspots around the world today.

And now we sing.

Can you feel the love tonight? The peace the evening brings. The world for once in perfect harmony with all its living things.

Etc.


Let me tell you this. Eighteen feet. Very big. My finger, not my trigger finger, not my tequila boom boom finger, but a finger nevertheless, it snaps. Very big waves. Eighteen feet.

Tech billionaire breaks finger surfing “18-foot waves with Laird Hamilton!”

Is Adam Neumann the most important man in surf? He's got wavepools, Laird Superfood and big-wave skills…

You might’ve heard the name Adam Neumann thrown around if you follow the travails of new money and the inexorable rise of various tech billionaires.

Yesterday it was revealed Neumann, who is an “avid surfer with a house in the Hamptons” busted a digit while surfing “eighteen-foot waves with Laird Hamilton.”

(Briefly mentioned here.)

Neumann, thirty-nine, is an Israeli-American who was raised on the collective farming miracle called kibbutz and who served three years with a M4 machine gun protecting Israel from its vicious enemies.

His company WeWork, which is valued at twenty billion dollars, is based on similar collective principals, various workers share office space, enjoying the cross-pollination of ideas as well as the reduced cost of renting an office.

Two years ago, Neumann bought a “large stake” in the Spanish-German wave pool enterprise, Wavegarden and, earlier this year, he bought a stake in Laird Superfood, which promises ordinary people terrific benefits if you swallow the various potions, including performance mushrooms and Peruvian coffees.

Of course, the best part about Neumann, apart from his gun skills, is the story about the female employee of WeWork who said he “plied her with tequila shots during her interview with the company.”

The company used to have a free beer policy, with no limit stipulated.

Shortly after the suit, this was revised down to four beers a day.


Watch: Kelly Slater, Tony Hawk and Shaun White in “One chromosome too many!”

Thirteen minutes of your favourite hits from the eighties and nineties!

Rare are these sorts of pleasures. Awkward yet charming.

In this offshoot of James Corden’s Carpool Karaoke, skateboarder Tony Hawk, snowboarder Shaun White and Kelly Slater (surfer), all of whom occupy a similar plane in their respective sports (Shaun says he was called the “Tony Hawke” of snowboarding and all have been referred to as the “Michael Jordan” of their games) banter back and forth, some stories fly, some zig-zag like a fire lantern before crashing and fizzing out.

Songs include The Knack’s My Sharona, the The Ramones’ I Wanna Be Sedated, In Love with a Girl by the White Stripes (Kelly says he has to play air guitar to that song and explains that he’s been a guitar man for thirty years) and Shaun White does a very good parody of Kelly’s best pal Eddie Vedder with a theatrical version of Pearl Jam’s Alive.

The set closes out with Devo’s Whip It, although would you have preferred, say, Mongoloid? 

To get the full show, you gotta get the Apple TV app on your phone. Proprietary sons of bitches etc. 


WSL President of Content, Media and Studios wines and dines young surfers!

Smiles as wide as shakas!

The World Surf League President of Content, Media and WSL Studios, Mr. Erik Logan, is officially in the building and ooooee! Santa Monica’s high castle has never seen such hot surfer action.

Oh look, in that spacious office feat. floor to ceiling windows and appropriately reclaimed shelving. Who’s lounging upon the supple brown leather couches? Only professional surfing’s sweetheart Coco Ho, America’s only hope Griffin Colapinto and the boy who could turn Connor Coffin.

Now look courtside at the Los Angeles Clippers basketball game (top). Squint those eyes and take in Connor and Griff again but this time joined by Kanoa Igarashi in brand-new Gucci sneakers (such a power move considering the current Gucci ban), the Mother of Dragons and Courtney Conologue. Each wearing smiles as wide and tight as Mr. President’s shaka.

“Pffft…” You dismissively exhale. “The Clippers. Such a WSL move. If the League really wanted to show the world and surfers it has arrived it would have plopped them down courtside at a Lakers game.”

And while you’re right, that’s also just us being grumpy locals.

I am beyond excited to meet Mr. President in person though don’t expect the same treatment. Maybe we’ll get to chat in the High Castle’s basement conference room. The one with authoritarian slogans painted on the walls.

Or maybe across the street at Dogtown coffee.

But is it wrong for me to dream of a day when surf journalists cuddle on that supple brown leather couch? Nick Carroll’s legs kicked up on the soft arm, his head cradled in my own lap?

Is it wrong for me to hope that Mr. President might just might fill the WSL-sized hole in all our hearts?

Stay tuned!