There is a vulnerable adult learner explosion!
Do you remember when one-time World Surf League CEO Herr Paul Speaker looked the world in the eye and proclaimed that the potential market for live professional surfing dwarfed basically everything? That there were billions upon billions of people just waiting to watch the pipelines. That, “We are going to turn the stop signs into welcome mats.”
Oh how we laughed, or least I laughed. Surfing isn’t a sport, for starters, and when shoehorned into a sporting paradigm with judges, priority, Gabriel Medina etc. will only ever be enjoyed and/or tolerated by the 428 people worldwide who surf at least once a week. Also, participation in surfing had been declining due its difficulty and byzantine social structure.
Very much mocking but wait… what’s this story that I see on Maui Now? Shall we read together?
The Maui Surf School ranked second on TripAdvisorʻs list of the Top 10 Most-Booked Classes and Workshops in the World in their 2019 Experiences Trends Report. The list includes a wide range of classes around the world, including the Roman Gladiator School and the Venice Carnival Mask-Making Class in Italy. Catamaranʻs Turtle Canyon Snorkel Cruise on Oʻahu earned the second spot on the reportʻs Top 10 Most-Booked Water Sports list.
A surf school ranked second in the entire world for bookings? It’s a vulnerable adult learner explosion!
Of course ex-CEO Herr Speaker saw it coming. Of course he knew the VALs are here, there, everywhere hiding in plain view. Of course he knew once those stop signs got hammered into welcome mats, the scary and very grumpy local removed from the equation, that the tender masses would embrace the “Pastime of Kings.”
Who’s eating crow now?
Us.
Or at least me.
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I’m going to start a surf-adjacent school for ‘water-boarding.’
See how much cash I can make from that.
“Wetsuit? Sure, you can wear a wetsuit if you want!
But don’t worry about the cable-ties. I’ve got plenty of them!”
Could “off my wave VAL” actually replace “off my wave Kook”?
As concerned as I am by an explosion of VALs, I have faith that the ocean will come to the rescue and beat their wills down to a point where they retreat back to the hills and their mountain bikes, golf clubs, or whatever else is in vogue with the vulnerable upper/middle sections of societies that can afford liesure time. Certainly, the last couple of decent swells to lick these fair lands did wonders in that sense, and if it doesn’t persist in putting them off, I’ll just go cripple myself surfing slabs in relative solitude.
Take the ALS (adult learner syndrome ) Challenge ! When you see a dad practice paddling on the dry sand, dump a bucket of ice on their head. I pledge $10 for every ALS ice bucket dump
E-Lo is stoked!:
“Passetyme (surf) with good companye
I love, and shall until I dye;
Grugge who wyll, but none deny,
So God be pleeyd, this lyfe wyll I:
For my pastaunce,
Surf, gram, and vybe,
My hert ys sett;
All godely sport,
To my comfort,
Who shall me lett?
Kookes wyll have nedes dalyaunce,
Of good or yll some pastaunce,
Companye me thynketh them best,
All thouts and fantasyes to dygest.
For grumpiness,
Ys chef mastres
Of injustice all:
Than who can say,
But tolrynce and waves
Ys best of all.
Company with honeste,
Ys vertu and vyce to flee;
Company ys gode or yll,
But ev’ry man hath hys frewylle;
The best I sew,
The worst eschew,
My mynd shall be:
Vertue to use,
Vyce to refuse,
I shall use me.”
Whan that ELO, with his paddles kooked
The droghte of ElNino hath perced to the roote
And bathed every adult learner in swich licour,
Of which gnar engendred is for fucks sake what the hell is happening
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you’re a savage goddamn genius, KVF.
Thanks, man. I appreciate it. I think that might be a little strong, though… I just have way too much time on my hands and no other real outlet.
ô féconde paresse ! Baudelaire’s fertile laziness …..
Didn’t read this on account of the whole adult learner thing not being of much interest personally. But I have been at war w Surfline over their Patagonia advert in light of some objections raised and my ensuing comments about said objections. Surf-lie immediately closed the comments to the original thread and then when I reposted the original thread in comments of another article, they promptly closed those too. But not before some other people began to object over the Lie’s blatant surf industry interest cowering. Not sure why this is surprising or why I’d be so naive to think the Lie would actually have any sort
of balls about their comments but still I’m very very lonely I mean angry and I’m not going to take it anymore!! Here’s comment:
This from Eesha Williams re: the Patagonia advertorial that Surflie quickly closed comments on after she posted this:
“Advertorial is the perfect word for this. According to a 2011 NY Times article, the group that Patagonia uses to certify that its factory workers in poor nations are treated decently, Fair Trade USA, is basically a corporate sell-out. The article headlined “A Question of Fairness” was written by William Neuman. It’s available via a Google search.“ *
How do you live with yourselves Surfline being such corpo shills? Esp when you are promoting a purportedly “environmentally friendly/ socially conscious” company who so hypocritically and egregiously violate the “values” they attach to their brand!
And then you immediately close the comments as soon as someone raises a very valid and concerning objection against the brand you are paid to promote! You are willingly admitting that you care more about your own interests than about real truth and how it relates to the interests of others, esp the marginalized whom companies like Patagonia and so many others flagrantly exploit! You by association and unwillingness to at least publish comments calling the unethical practices of the companies you promote into question are 100% as guilty and part of the problem as the hypocrites at Patagonia.
You are bland, corpo brand spiel parroting automatons with no character of your own, no original thought, your only emotion being fear of upsetting the status quo apple cart of corpo dollars continuing to flow into your heartless tin man coffer.
Like I said, you are nothing more than run of the mill surf industry bro brahs. The lamest, most soulless thing about surfing by far.
*Note that I did not look into the allegations against Patagonia and may be way off base here. Journalistic integrity be damned. The point remains!
Take comfort in your own stainless rectitude.
stainless rectumtube doesn’t sound to comfortable. but on closer inspection I should wear my glasses more often.
I’m Teflon son
so a company that has lowered its quality standards, sends out dozens of catalogs a year and promotes buying a new coat every season, every year and whose founder doesn’t want you surfing anywhere near where he lives is full of shit when it comes to their fair trade standards and environmental standards? hhhmmm? And a company that sells out our waves, even when the locals ask for them to take the camera down on super secret points and take off waves that no one knows about and they still leave it all present and accounted for is what?
I think that Maurice said it best that the best environmental board is the one that doesn’t break. well the best clothing is the same.. bought a puffy shirt, i mean jacket years back, for 60$ at an outdoor store, it was their brand. It won’t die, the nylon won’t rip and no feathers leave the nest. Have a patagonia vest that my mom dropped in my stocking, it has feathers coming out and if I touch up against a rough wall or unpainted fence, it rips and I have to duct tape it.
The double standard is always in effect…. it’s call Public Relations!
Western Society is built on debt….you must consume, this is the platform.
Maurice won’t say anything bad about Patagonia because yvon let’s him hang out together. If anyone has read yvons book “let my people go surfing” they will find it among the most hypocritical and self serving crap ever written.
If he had any integrity he’d close the company down. But it’s ok because they make stickers that say “big oil don’t surf” even though they ship their product half way around the world on vehicles running on oil and made using petrochemicals.
But hey that’s ok because manufacturing fashion garments (they are no longer a ‘technical’ company) overseas means more money for yvon and he can reconcile it all by allowing his staff to bring pet falcons into the head office and have a creche for all the single mums working for him.
Let’s ignore flying Dave Rastovich all over the world on planes that belch oil (and 100+ surfboards a year) because the marketing guys say it positions Patagonia for a particular demographic that doesn’t wear quiksilver anymore.
The only difference between Patagonia and any other surf brand is the marketing.
the biggest truth is it is a fashion company that sponsors some core movies and such, but lets not differentiate Patagonia from Prana, same shit, same customer base. There stuff is not good anymore. My last big purchase was a pair of backcountry skiing bibs.. my ass got wet every single fucking time I sat down for lunch or what ever. I couldn’t fucking believe it because for years their stuff was bomber.. i am sure that the 500$ bibs are good (no i’m not) but I can’t believe it.. their wetsuits are like bomber jackets and about as flexible as boat rope. their mitts wick water into them rather than keep it out.. the fleece inside wicks the water up and in, so by the middle of your session you are carrying a five pound weight on your hands. Bullshit
Lol you VAL. Who gives a shit if Patagonia uses cheap labour to produce their goods. You entire affordbal modern existence is happily made by small Chinese hands. Bless their little fingers!
true, but some of our boards are made here at home!!!!
Gag me with a pitchfork you buuuuttttt. Lemme rail against the man and spare me the hypocrisy of my own existence
Why are you on surfline anyway, hang here on BG where the waters are pleasantly warm! Rail away!
I’m on Surfline bc although I live 1/4 mile from the beach, I still look at the cams. You know, (un) necessary evil. I’m also a firm believer in the do as I say not as I do philosophy of living. Just ask my kids. And I just moved to the outer banks a year ago after living in CA for 25 years so of course I have to torture myself looking at all my old spots when there’s no waves here for the same reason I listen to Morrisey when I’m sad. Hurts so good sort of thing. Surfline is like Wal Mart. I hate it and feel gross and guilty by association but still end up there far too often. But I do lurk here on BG pretty frequently, mainly bc comments…
yeah me too….CA is cold, muddy and windy…no worries. Thanx for expalining that Patagonia thing, I heard about it somewhere..here!!! I’ve just found BG. Like a breath of fresh…uhh.. haha
Ha my favorite winters in CA are the cold windy muddy dirty ones. I’d get that little funky sickness from surfing after the first rain but then I’d be immune the rest of the winter. I was always like a happy pig in slop when it was big cold and chunky. No crowds and plenty of power. And the clean up days after the low passes are always good everywhere so lots of spots to choose from. I really miss solid mid period WNW. But when waves get good here, it is full on world class, and I can actually afford to live and own a home here so ultimately no complaints. But yeah, the Patagonia thing isn’t that surprising in and of itself. They’re a for-profit company after all. I just really detest the whole surfline censor any sort of valid, objection-raising POV ethos that is and always has been so pervasive in the bro brah surf industry culture. It that same ethos that allowed AI’s glaringly obvious issues to be swept right under the everything is soooooo perfectly rad rug.
oh yeah!!! those days!!! I’m just getting ancient I guess. 60F is the new 40F. Getting in my 5/4/3 makes my fingers snap…haha (shit I am 64 figures) Well,at least the winds are howling offshore for a a week or so!! Nice you got it going on back there.
Agree with your Patagonia assessment….and at least the guy did buy up that huge acreage down south, try and save a bit of something…I like the warm stuff they make, Ive never bought.anything, but seem to own of lots of hats and jackets…. and BeachGrit.? these guys are great, even the Aussies!!!! Why doesnt Australia rule the surfing world anyways….jeeez, so many waves. Maybe its the history or something. Ok later.
If You Shop on Amazon, Walmart, Dollar Tree, Target, Dollar General, Walgreens, H&M, most clothing stores in the mall or the like you are a hypocrite for making such a big deal out of this and targeting Patagonia, considering many products from those stores are sourced in China and made by underpaid exploited workers in poor working conditions as well
I was actually targeting Surfline. Patagonia’s aiiight as far as rich barns go
Yeah, nah…..I think he was saying that there is an article that says that the Fair Trade ‘police’ are crooked, and that Patagonia’s accreditation as Fair traders is thus suspect. Which brings them back down to the Walmart etc level rather than the holier than thou level that their marketing uses to extract dollar from wallet.
Oh, and he hates the fuck out of Surfline, wants to murder them all and walk around in a cloak made of their skins.
It puts the lotion on the skin or else it gets the hose again