The greatest professional surfer alive confirms our worth! (for $120)
Just last week it was revealed here that professional surfers can be purchased as friends, ambassadors, or……. friends and how great is that? How wonderful the breakdown between The Powers and The People™? Finally, finally, finally, the democratization of surf. The absconding from calcified, lame, ugly, pointlessness. The future of fun without idiotic top down control.
Except it wasn’t.
We tried to employ every single professional surfer on the new social media platform Cameo, throwing real theoretical money into Pete Mel, Brett Barely and Sebastian Zietz’s real theoretical accounts yet were rebuffed by every one.
Refused by professional longboarders and professional Europeans alike.
Seb Zietz was first to say “no” apparently too busy with a robust Qualifying Series career to toss an extra-thumb shaka.
And then silence.
I wanted to pen a “Professional surfers are bad whores!” article but Derek Rielly pumped my breaks.
He’s almost always right and he was right here because just a few moments ago the greatest professional surfer alive came though. A professional surfer who realizes he’s living a dream and can laugh and can play while he’s living it.
Why do do we love Mason Ho?
Because he needs his BeachGrit and it only cost us $120 for that confirmation.
God bless Mason Ho.
And screw you Sebastian Zietz! May you World Qualifying Series forevermore.
Commented on Disqus? Log out, tap the Disqus button, and your old name and comments come back. The box is ours.
Your comments are still here. Every one of them.
Twelve years of BeachGrit comments came across from Disqus. Connect and we will show you how many are yours. We get your username, nothing else.
Connect Disqus to reveal.
I had no idea this was a Beach Grit plug – I saw it with no sound and was positive it was an endorsement for Cocaine + Surfing.
Wassup!
Tried.
Said he needs at least $150 for a Tae Bow starter pack.
Yeah it’s alright today mate. Not gonna get any better for next couple of days though.
everyone knows that hawaiians don’t reed too good no how.
You may be right about that dickie boy.
We are good at steaming
the flesh off your bones
cooked in our imu
for some ono pupu
Is this an anti-marijuana PSA?
How much Beach Grit will Mason be able to buy with that $120?
Mason raised his going rate on Cameo to $200. Ha. Wax ain’t cheap. Surf wax is pretty affordable though.
As long as that $120 is less than you pay longtom, it’s money well spent for such praise.
At least he’s only whoring himself to a website that generally lords everything he does, could be worse. Remember all the guys that spruiked power balance bracelets.
That was BAD. Wasn’t Brucy one of them?
Yeah bruce among many, I think even rasta was in on it
I’ll watch it later
I can’t wait to read about all this on Beach Grit Grit.
(EDIT: Pout, shall we put our pennies together and get Mason to give the same shout out to the BG² ?)
What u mean BG2?
Use Alt + 0178 to get the ‘ ² ‘ if you are using a keyboard.
Alt + 0179 gives you ‘³’ .
Beachgrit & ½
You’ve done a good job getting me out of my sulk CB. I’ve added a cheeky extra article at the end (already live in the link), and I’ll wait until the next vaguely-surf-related copy and paste news post to drop it.
Fucken amazing idea re the cameo shout-out! Mason is far to expensive for me given the exchange rate (even with shared costs), but as soon as I’ve finished this comment I’m going to recruit Brett Barley at a steal! The vid can drop at the same time.
We live in exciting times.
“ I’ll wait until the next vaguely-surf-related copy“
You’ll be waiting a long time round these parts.
If you pull off that shout out, we’ll shit the bed in ecstasy.
“Your card was declined.”
Cameo doesn’t like international transactions?
Typical Seppo parochial bullshit.
Unless of course your bank is thinking: “WTF is this shit? We ain’t letting Pout spend this money!”
True – but I’ve just had a brain
waveshart to get a MASSIVE star on board to endorse this thing. Watch this space!!You go girl!
Genius starts here.
Why isn’t Wiggs on this?
Probly munted with the Bells roadies
I’m hanging out at the pub waiting for Zietz so I can ask him why he thinks he’s too fucken good for us mate!? Good luck on the ‘Q’ey cunt. You can always fall back on being a PT, rubbing blokes calves and wiping down gym machines. You are the fucken loser mate.
Shit
I thought he was one of the good guys.
Never mind
I’m sure we’ll get Julia Wilson backing us
Next time I see him in the shops I’ll ask.
Ask him how much for full service
You stick with your brazzo stud Gabby, Mrs Vidina.
He’ll doink ya for nothing. But you already know that.
He’s fully serviced me twice!
By that do you mean on two separate occasions or in both lower orifices?
Poke the old fella thru a beer coaster and hit him with a frill necked lizard
Met Zietz a couple of years back in Margs. Showed me how I was apparently wearing my leggy the wrong way. I kid you not. Weirdest surf of my life
Was the leggy attached to your wrist?
Or massive schlong?
I can see why that might’ve been an awkward encounter.
Maybe he wanted me to attach it to his schlong as a sort of rudimentary penis extender?
Apparently the leggy was in the incorrect position on my ankle
Please explain further. I’m mystified.
Like temporarily rotated (calm down Chris) to the front or something?
Temporarily rotated. Got it in one. Hadn’t had a chance to twist it back yet. I didn’t realise who it was at first, just thought it was some seppo fuckwit
Can you offer him double and have him tell Scott Bass that this oolong tea thing is a fucking wank?
Did you specifically ask him to aggressively shaka at us 3 times or is that just Mason being Mason?
That’s the team up and burn people signal I think.
Yeh screw off Sebastian Zeitz!
Heading out in the am Pete, you?
On a mal with a bald head, a red and blue pinstripe, going to be small.
Cya out there?
Swell should be pushing through at least a bit for you there. I’ll be on the next coast over.
Enjoy
Smart move of a few levels.
You now know who is with the BG and who is not.
Don’t want to go as far as saying if you aren’t with us, your against us but….
#mason4eva ❤️
Are there any fun-dumb CA surfers to enjoy these days? I just listened to far too much Ain’t That Swell live shows, and now here I see HI funboy Mason, and I’m thinking, the fuck? CA surf culture is in the doldrums. We’ve got heaps of jocks, genuinely dumb guys, some boring fakes–you apply surfer name to description!–and I’m missing some personality. Any mysto weirdos, feral cunts, aggro dudes, druggies, anything??? Come on surf industry/journalists/ELO: sell me something I want to buy.
Haha I just listened to ATS Newcastle and I was wondering if any American’s listening would be able to understand a word Hoyo was saying. Up the fucken swellians!!!!
I had a very enjoyable listen and I got about 1/3 of them without having to use the “rewind 15 seconds” button…. And this is after listening to many, many Ain’t That Swell Podcasts and have picked up quite the understanding of Aussie slang – the best ever BTW. I do not use any of it in my daily SoCal routine as I do not approve of cultural appropriation. Although I do surf, So I guess is stole that from Hawaiians or ancient Peruvians CLICK Here to Buy –> https://www.amazon.com/Coca…
It’s the bleaching effect of the left.
They are actually the new conservatives
Jack Freestone didn’t come across well at all, did he? He sounded stupid and hostile!
I know a guy who sold drugs from the cartel and would surf everyday owning the lineups of an affluent beachside community and did it for five years without never getting caught
“6000 years of human history”…I see you workin
But how much did it cost Visser to get Dorian to say he taught him everything he knows? Thems deep coffers!