Can you take us higher?
I sat across from David Lee Scales today inside the opulent conference room of the Surfing Heritage and Culture Center, perched high in San Clemente’s hills. Spring has sprung here in southern California bringing with it a super bloom. Flowers everywhere. Optimism reigning supreme.
Optimism super blooming in my heart. Oh David Lee couldn’t temper my joy even when he told me that Kelly Slater embarrassed himself in Duranbah’s mystical middle peak. That he was bested severely by no-name bottom dwelling surfers of indeterminate origin. That he was almost brought to tears afterward and that it is far far far past him to retire.
Of course it is, but I sensed a new and wonderful title looming on his horizon. A title even better than the 11 championships he has won. What if Kelly Slater charted an everyman course and attempted to reel off 11 straight year-end 22nd place finishes? Being the last one to make the cut until he is 57-years-old? Tell me that you wouldn’t, once again, adorn yourself in his visage. Tell me it wouldn’t give you a reason to cheer.
It would be phenomenal. A triumph for the downtrodden. For us.
We also spoke of Keala Kennelly’s deserving a big, fat contract. I’m tired of brands promising equality, crowing about equality, thinking about equality. How about paying one woman equally? Like, with money?
And then David Lee and I shifted over to gambling and tattoos for a moment before coming back to the best moments of the Quiksilver Pro, outside Kelly’s new mission. Namely, Steph Gilmore plying an underaged champ with booze and Mick Fanning singing karaoke. These two, alone, are wresting professional surfing back from the edge of corporate blandness. These two, alone, are showing the way toward a beautiful, tipsy, future.
At the end I sang my own karaoke, the hit Part of Your World from Disney’s Little Mermaid.
Our best show yet?
Without a doubt.
Captain Ben-Daily Cruises,
– … I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody…
Captain Ben,
you have what Allan Weisbecker call The HUYA! (Head Up Your Ass) Syndrome.
There’s a beautiful world out there!
PS – It took me 5 minutes to find my Surfer with the article, same time for Tracks,ASL and Waves.
Here in the jungle and the favelas we have magnificent libraries (Soros money!)with auto-google-translate for us savages.
Article were, as the author still is, one-eyed – incapable of empathy.
Now you must rest.
Surfing is taking too much…
My kids love yellow cars and yell out spotto when we see one but this one definitely eats the cake .
No silly , Seinfeld . What a great athlete Caitlyn was and I loved her cameo as Bruce ( ? ) in You Can’t stop the Music with the happy boys from the Village People . Thanks for the clip .
He has the same shoes and jeans on he wore in the show all those years ago . Cool . Have a nice day Ben .
Can we please get Maurice Cole on again, or like once a once just have him check in?
Not yet. He hasn’t lost it completely yet, and maybe he hasn’t lost much at all.
Maybe you should retire.
True.
Well not entirely true: pro golfers and pro surfers both tend to be pretty talented, but that doesn’t mean people should obsess over it – as they do on this website.
You probably thought Tiger was washed up too, didn’t you?
Tiger hadn’t won a Major since 2008.
He hung in there through a lot of pain and trouble and strife and won another, 11 years later.
Tiger and Kelly are one and the same.
They won’t quit until they’re pushing up daisies.
Your prophecies are as premature as your ejaculations, mate. He looked okay at Duranbah in crap wait until life gets serious. Get him interested and you’ll see. If someone presents you with shit or shinola and asks you to choose – be careful.
It would be time for you to call it quits, except you never started.
Why is Eugene in a heli with Britney Spears?
BeachGrit: Kelly crucified in public at Quik pro
Also BeachGrit: Kelly should have retired along time ago
Elon Musk takes the same kind of heat for flying around the world in private jets. Like Elon Musk, Kelly Slater has places to go and minds to blow how else is he supposed to get there efficiently?
What should he do, just stay home?
The wave pool is a miracle of Engineering and Technology. They finally got right what everyone else got wrong. It’s a beautiful thing. It doesnt qualify as shit.
Yes of course there are younger guys surfing better than him.
They’re half his age. The fact that he’s still competitive at 47 is also a miracle.
And I seriously doubt anyone is holding back in competition with him. He would not encourage that.
Narcassitic?
Narcissistic.
Not saying he should stay home he should just shut the fuck up about environmental concerns. Imagine for a second how fucked the world would be if every human had kelly’s carbon footprint. I find the most narcissistic things kelly has done have to do with his personal life. Let’s just say Joel Parkinson packed up the family and brought them on tour. It was a sacrifice for everyone involved. Kelly was an absentee father to his daughter for like 18 years while he chased more titles. That was a sacrifice his daughter had to make without any choice in the matter. Nobody is holding back on account of competing with kelly if you read the comment it said kelly is holding back younger surfers from making the tour. An example would be Caio this year who should have been awarded the injury wildcard.
You could argue that Kelly has done a lot for the environment by not having a bunch of children.
And the one daughter he did have was a mistake.
Well not a mistake but not intentional.
And that’s just awkward. Why bring awkward on tour with you?
Kelly has earned that injury wild card many many times over.
Does the world tune In when Caio Belli is having a heat?
He will have his chance in the future.
Kelly is keeping the world focused on a tour that is dominated by Brazilians.
Which is probably not good for WSL ratings – outside of Brazil.
Every human does have Kelly’s carbon footprint.
Could be worse.
He could fly private everywhere
He could have bought a mansion in Mokuleia or up in Pupukea Heights and had to drive to Pipeline every day.
No he lives on the beach so he walks to the surf.
I connected Kelly with the Fisker people when they came out with the Fisker Surf.
I told them Kelly and his surfing represent everything you want in a luxury car: cleanliness, speed, style, thoroughly modern.
They were going to let him drive one but then Fisker went out of business because of Hurricane Sandy.
Surfboards are toxic and there doesn’t seem to any way around that.
He’s just a human being doing the best he can.
A man who has flown the amount of miles kelly has, been involved in surfboard construction in Asia, and owns as many houses as he does should shut the fuck up when it comes to environmental degradation. Oh look I made a toxic paving stone out of toxic waste material, consider the environment saved. Time to hop on the jet and fly to Fiji. Hipocracy
I’ll listen to it later.
America isn’t about money necessarily it’s about innovation.
America leads. The rest of the world bitches and moans and eventually follows.
Apparently spellcheckers are an Innovation that haven’t made it to your part of Australia yet.
How is Kelly hypocritical narcissistic or self-indulgent?
He’s a very decent guy who came from nothing, overcame a lot.
And has accomplished great things: for himself and others.
People who achieve always take a lot of heat from people who don’t.
Elon Musk is another example.
Australians have a tendency to cut tall poppies which is maybe why Australians have to come to America to make it big: Naomi Watts, Rupert Murdoch, etc.
far far far past him to retire = far far far past time to retire?
Do you like your automobiles? Airplanes? Computers? Radios? Refrigerators? Air conditioning? Surfboards? Wetsuits?
If it wasn’t for American innovation, Australians would be running around naked eating goanna.
If it wasn’t for the American military you’d be speaking Japanese.
California alone has twice to GDP of all of Australia. Just California.
Maybe if you spent a little less time masturbating and more time thinking and working you’d have something to be proud of.
damn you white elitists are fun , well the Merrycan ones anyhow , so now the world owes the USA because …..it saved us all , improved our lives , and now MAGA is in full swing , oh to be a proud Merrican , just like your leader the Don !
Well Australia certainly owes America a debt for saving you from the Yellow Peril in WW II.
And introducing surfing to you – through Duke – and introducing the modern surfboard – through Peter Lawford and then Noll/Munoz.
And other stuff: Cars, airplanes, trains, etc.
Yes, indeed, indebtedness.
Why are Australian so obsessed with masturbation? It’s all you ever talk about.