Today is your birthday.
Social media is paradise on earth. A garden of delights. Where else can we peek into the lives of our favorite professional surfers and see what they ate for dinner last night, which conspiracy theories are extra-hot, Joel Tudor?
It is heaven, all we really need, impossible to improve upon.
Except.
Things just got twice as good!
Before we could only really peek, comment and maybe get a poetic textual slap from Joel Tudor. Now we can pay our favorite professional surfers to speak directly to us. To congratulate us for this or that, to tell us they care.
Unbelievable?
Enter Cameo, the new app where celebrities talk back! The service is described as…
...the Mad Max: Fury Road of celebrity interaction services. In an ideal world, this would be an app which enabled you to pay Cardi B to sing happy birthday to you. In reality, it’s a place where you pay Riff Raff fifty bucks to get your name wrong and slur at you incoherently from a treadmill.
Riff Raff or:
Pete Mel $30
Monyca Eleogram $20
Sebastian Zietz $65
Koa Smith $22
Nic von Rupp $30
Phil Rajzman(?) $15
Brett Barley $10
Marco Mignot $15
Miguel Tudela $20
or Mason Ho $110
Will someone please do this? I would but am currently suffering from a migraine and can’t figure out how to plug my details in. The damn things affect me like a stroke.
Please?
The only problem is who to pick!
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IT IS CURRENTLY EN VOGUE TO SEND WARSHIPS TO BOMBARD HAPPY BRAZILIAN MYTHS.
Why not just hit up Naked Martin for the real deal: https://www.nakedmartin.co….
Do you think KK would sing happy birthday to Derek?
I think she’d pay him
Could we be seeing the beginnings of a new era in surf where one can simply buy the friendship of top pros and industry bros? How much would you pay for a surf and Acai bowl with Mason? Or for Pyzel to pop round with a fresh stick? Backflip lessons with Italo?
The internet is still a baby
I’m pretty sure the wealthy do that all the time anyway. They basically hire the top pro/s of their liking to hang out and surf with them off their mega-yachts.
I honestly don’t think I’m imagining that.
Yes but do they have an app?!
My shithouse local nightclub got Johnny Sins to give them a shoutout the other week, man’s a god.
You couldn’t pay me to listen to any member of the WSL commentary team talk more than I already have to though, and that’s keeping in mind I have the webcast muted 80% of the time for the ~6 heats per contest I actually tune into.
Surfing has just gone to shit…. just like the Surf Splendor and The Grit podcast. David and Chas have got to step it up and stop adding beige guest on “ The Grit” and even more “who the fuck?!” Guest in David’s feed. I know you two may be busy but it is better to ignore than to create what is meaningless. Don’t get me started on swell with my soul.
To be fair, I am tired of seeing and hearing the same surf industry bros and spoiled pro surfing cunts. I kinda like hearing from “who the fuck?!” and “never heard of him”
I’m guessing they charge by the word, if Mason is worth $110.
Hahahahahar – found a drag queen for $10 !!!
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
As per internet
Its just gonna turn into
Sex cam action.
Maybe design a special wank chair?
Sounds like that is your path to millions rather than coming up with the latest app. The BV Wank Chair only 7k inc delivery to your home or office.
i wank to BG! damn internet
Probly just my posts
Well if that doesn’t become part of heh tv commercial soundtrack I’ll never support the laundry and taco stand, or whatever the diversification project was.
I am concerned for the laundry ? While Andy Irons , Wiggs is spending way too much time socializing in Beach Grits Tea Room ? Less talk , more work …….while Ben Folds Five to Wiggs one ! Channel you need to get to the bottom of this !
Famous Austrian incest rape torture dungeon-themed family Schnitzel restaurant.
Not very PC I suppose.
The schnitzel restaurant, of course, how could I forget. Considering one of my never really got started ups was a fish finger kiosk.
Re; advertising your schnitzel shack. How good would a drag queen’s recommendation be?
This video is for: Someone Else
To: Elo
From: PP
Instructions for Mason Ho: My buddy Elo just got interviewed by renowned Surf Journalist Chas Smith. Please send him a kind message congratulating him on his having “arrived” as such. Our favourite saying is “the best surfer is the guy having the most fun” and “I wear my wetty like a suit of armour”. Please wish him a great time and throw him a double shaka.
Delivery info:…..
I read this six times
I still dont know what it means
For this I am blessed
Is this a real thing? Saddest way to make a buck I’ve ever seen..
It’s a brave new world. Those who do not embrace it will soon be left behind!
Imagine Mason giggling as he pumps out 10 of these a day! I’m so far back in the dust you can no longer see my silhouette.
How is $30 profitable for anyone involved?
Quantity Black
Quality Ricmatic
Money for nothing and the clicks for free
Another golden app I shoulda thought of.
FUK!
Bugger ! Bex you let me down again . You could have bought a small island in the Pacific like , North Stradbroke and ruled it with an iron fist ( and let me surf at point lookout and cylinders with King Bex privilege ) …..
Still time
Wank chair?
What about the WANK BANK ? The perfect choice for those who choose to spill seed outdoors and not alone . A must for leafy home pools and gardens …?
I’ll (Moi! The WSL 5th place in CT) shout you guys out from my ethereal platform here on BG.
Tell me the name and what message you want, and I’ll cunt-n-paste it back below in a new comment under my avatar.
All for the measly price of one up-vote.
What a bargain!
Talk dirty to me Malia
TALK DIRTY TO BEXY, MALIA!
Say something about Chas’ wife and daughter so he flips out again.
SOMETHING ABOUT CHAS’ WIFE AND DAUGHTER SO HE FLIPS OUT AGAIN.
Ooooooooh I dare you.
Uh uh. You didn’t say ‘Simon sez.’
Did you know that Jimmy Slade has not won Bells since 2010 when he let other people ring the bell and gave his trophy to the Wathaurong people who reside near the Hungry Jacks of North Geelong. These are strange parts of the world. It is deeply spiritual. I think you need to investigate this further.
well fuck me. I have graced that hungry jacks on several occasions and no idea I was so close to such history.
Cazza Marks has a head like a dropped pie
GONAD MAN IS QUITE ATTRACTED TO CAZZA MARKS’ HEAD WHICH HE LIKENS TO A DROPPED PIE.
Hey, a fussy man is a lonely man
A hungry man is an angry man; don’t waste that pie. 10 second rule.
I’d mung that cabbage patch doll’s hair pie
Good man. Eat your vegetables!
dear cb, pls ask editor why the question mark after ’14 runner-up, ’16 wsl longboard tour champion phil raijzman*… usual lame coverage of job subject or just the regular ‘trendy’ prejudice towards brazzos?
*son of former world-class volleyball player, ’84 olympics silver medal bernard raijzman #12
EDITOR! why the question mark after ’14 runner-up, ’16 wsl longboard tour champion phil raijzman*… usual lame coverage of job subject or just the regular ‘trendy’ prejudice towards brazzos?
*son of former world-class volleyball player, ’84 olympics silver medal bernard raijzman #12
(Just warning you though TFTS, there is no editor here)
it lacks full caps, lazy cut&paste, correct acronym is 2f2s… no upvote for you…
(maybe i’ve had meant redactor… maybe you just not so good with words also…)
redactor noun – re·dac·tor | \ ri-ˈdak-tər
Definition of redactor: one who redacts a work
especially : EDITOR;
editor noun – ed·i·tor | \ ˈe-də-tər \
Definition of editor – 1 : someone who edits especially as an occupation
edit verb – ed·it | \ ˈe-dət \
edited; editing; edits
Definition of edit (transitive verb) – 1a : to prepare (something, such as literary material) for publication or public presentation
You think I’m gonna actually retype all that gibberish in CAPS on my phone?
No me no so good widda woids.
And no, I think it is traditional to just throw stuff at the article box without correction unless serious legal implications are invoked.
you manage to carefully lock caps on every other folk shoutouts truly impersonating a beautiful angry scream, then you even rearranged bgj request twisting its sense with mighty & clever wordplay… i had you in high account cb, now i feel utterly disregarded…
My apologies 2f2s.
Was attempting it in a queue in supermarket. + I’m exhausted from late night working / kids.
I’m only 5th place on the CT probably for good reason, and we all have bad heats.
I’m sorry you feel neglected.
This page is about to expire anyway. Let’s move on to greater (worse) jokes.
well i’ll regroup and make it simpler then, just tell joiny to fuck off… at stab
Easy pickins’!
You can get Pete Mel to yell at someone to get off the crack pipe? Gold.
Does it work the other way?
I’d pay $10 to yell at Pete Mel
This idea is amazing, delivering zingers to celebrities for ten bucks a throw!
I mean, people gofund style you per celebrity heckle, you could make a very big business. I’m keen.