And a miracle! Kelly Slater back in favour with
judges.
One of the chief characteristics of our post modern age
is a kind of wilful denial of reality. Or the creation of
your own wholly separate one.
Once you are in the bubble, getting pissed on by your own people in your
own tent as Derek Hynd put it to me, all that matters
is the judgement of fellow travellers.
Example from the booth on a crazy today in Keramas perfection
was Luke Egan telling us how there was no difference between
freesurf Jack Freestone and contest Jack Freestone.
You kidding me, Luke?
Jack served up more soft turns and safety surfing and even a
tried to sell judges a cold fish in a wet sock as a winning score
against a rampaging Jeremy Flores. That was one heat that judges,
thank Allah, got right.
Judges doubled down on crazy. Top seeds choked, one after the
other.
It was like LBJ’s nightmare
domino effect except instead of South-East Asian
countries falling to communism it was world title contenders
failing to execute.
The first to fall was Gabriel Medina.
One giant huck, a big athletic man sent into space ended in a
fall out the back. He tried to claw back against Leonardo
Fioravanti with chunky power hacks which left judges unmoved. A
pair of fives in perfect Keramas had Joey and Pottz flummoxed in
the booth. Set waves went unridden or unmade by poor positioning.
It came to one set wave which Leo attacked. Gabe hucked again and
fell and out.
The next heats were painful to watch. It turned your mind, as
Strider astutely noticed, to “scrambled eggs.” Tubes not made by
Mikey Wright. Two wobbly backhand hits from Ace given a 6.93. About
the only fiction that wasn’t repeated was the one Luke Egan had
been cherishing. That the standard of performance this year was a
big improvement on last year.
Highlights shown from last year and 2013 made a mockery of that
call.
Over the years I’ve been a huge critic of Jordy Smith, on the
grounds of safety surfing and choking, now a huge fan. As much for
the homespun wisdom and very cleverly disguised pass-agg jibes at
the WSL as the power and repertoire.
Jordy looked magisterial. It had to be a Jordy/Filipe final. The
perfect face-off between speed and power. The best turn of the day
came from Jordan’s hand, or feet. Judges barely moved. It was
judged less than a five.
Surely the big man would put this lineup into his loving arms
and squeeze the life out of it. Like a first time Australian
adventurer does when he discovers the world of gender fluidity down
a Kuta back alley. If you get my drift.
And no, it was never proven.
Jordy looked magisterial. It had to be a Jordy/Filipe final. The
perfect face-off between speed and power. The best turn of the day
came from Jordan’s hand, or feet. Judges barely moved. It was
judged less than a five.
Luke was shocked.
Then Jesse neatly threaded a “backpacker” barrel to take the
lead. It was weird. It was wrong. Speed, power and flow.
Innovation. Committment. Combination of major manoeuvres. Sensing a
riot Strider told the booth to get back in their wheelhouse. Still
doesn’t make it right.
Jordy was cooked.
You a fan of folk electronic glitch dude James Blake?
If you cut Julian
Wilson’s heat to his glitch classic Wilhelm Scream the lyric would
transpose perfectly.
I don’t know about my dreams
I don’t know about my dreamin’ anymore.
All that I know is
I’m falling, falling, falling, falling.
Might as well fall in.
He fell and fell.
And that was it.
Game over, year over, for Jules.
Heat two in the Round of 16, the sixth heat of the day. Three
hours into perfect waves before two pro surfers finally came to
grips with it. I haven’t been able to develop any fond feelings for
Wade Carmichael but it’s time to call him for what he is: the
premier power surfer on tour.
Judges undercooked his opener, which was as good or better than
his second scoring wave. Power and edge work with turns of
differing length. A long arc back into the bowl and a short sharp
punch to the lip. Johnny Duru., can we claim him for Australia?,
would have won many other heats but not against the Avoca Jesus
today.
“I’ve seen a lot of people struggle,” said Luke Egan.
I like Luke. There are two versions of him. A sort of
artificially revved up version which appears to be the result of
some kind of media coaching and then the monotone drone guy where
he forgets he in the booth and just wanders all over the place.
I prefer the latter and find it intensely relaxing. I would have
called the performances gobsmackingly inept.
But that was all forgotten when Filipe Toledo paddled out
against Ryan Callinan.
My theory about the judging panel is based on the biological
science of Predation. Predators develop a search image and when
they see prey that matches the image they attack. Judges develop a
mental image of good surfing and scale according to how closely it
matches.
Filipe was cruelled by Rhino at France last year in softly lit
beachbreaks. That was a comp where he could have sewn up a title
winning lead before Pipe. Little cats paws danced across the water
at Keramas as the faintest zephyr of onshore wind blew across the
lineup and FT started with a little soft shoe shuffle disco
floater. An unmade air followed. Ryan looked solid, but
unspectacular next to FT.
More Ace than Gabe, as Derek Rielly pointed out.
My theory about the judging panel is based on the biological
science of Predation. Predators develop a search image and when
they see prey that matches the image they attack. Judges develop a
mental image of good surfing and scale according to how closely it
matches.
Historically, the greats bend the scale to their will. The last
to do so being Dane Reynolds. Filipe was accorded the template of
good surfing for Keramas. Thus, according to the theory, he would
receive the heretofore unawarded excellent scores.
So it came to pass.
A deep speed slice into the wave, so fast and rotated that the
breaking lip covered him as he changed rails followed by aerials
and lip punches smashed through the excellent ceiling.
Can he be beat? Not in this mood, not with this repertoire.
Kelly, kelly kelly. Halfway through the heat he looked like a
bug smashed against the windscreen of a B-double rumbling across
the Nullabor
Plain.
That B-double was Michel Bourez’s power attack. And it was
relentless. He was smashing Kelly.
Kelly rode a set wave like it was 1998. A weird opening turn,
half lip hit, half floater before a smooth roundhouse cutback.
Judges were not amused. No way judges will pay weird turns in 2019,
Kelly, I said to the screen.
Am I the only one that talks to the screen? I only started after
reading those essays from Norman Mailer where he said he spoke to
the TV, and believed it made a difference.
Six minutes to go. If you lined up every heat end to end where
Kelly has taken a heat in the last six minutes you could fly to the
moon on it. Kelly needs a 7.23.
No chance I thought. Not a chance in hell. Not on this scale.
Kelly hasn’t got over a seven since they juiced him at Surf Ranch
last year. He stole under Michel with priority and threaded a neat
little tube and then threw that weird flat layback snap right into
the pocket. A move the judges rejected at D-Bah.
The mood amongst the commentariat was grim. Not enough, they
cried. A surge of adrenalin thickened in my throat. My god, they
are going to give it to him! 7.53. More than enough.
A miracle! Kelly is back in favour.
Did you comment live here today?
Did it feel somehow, like we had taken something back. Something
that by osmosis, by weight of history had been taken from us by
sharks and carpet-baggers and, let us be honest, very likeable
people.
I did.
And now we have Kelly vs Filipe to look forwards too.
Oh God, what if Kelly wins.
Corona Bali Protected Remaining Men’s Round 3 (Round of
32) Results:
Heat 13: Leonardo Fioravanti (ITA) 12.73 DEF. Gabriel Medina (BRA)
11.00
Heat 14: Adrian Buchan (AUS) 8.73 DEF. Mikey Wright (AUS) 6.50
Heat 15: Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) 13.90 DEF. Peterson Crisanto (BRA)
7.60
Heat 16: Jesse Mendes (BRA) 11.20 DEF. Jordy Smith (ZAF) 10.33
Corona Bali Protected Men’s Round 4 (Round of 16)
Results:
Heat 1: Michael Rodrigues (BRA) 13.67 DEF. Julian Wilson (AUS)
6.77
Heat 2: Wade Carmichael (AUS) 15.50 DEF. Joan Duru (FRA) 13.87
Heat 3: Jeremy Flores (FRA) 14.17 DEF. Jack Freestone (AUS)
13.00
Heat 4: Kolohe Andino (USA) 11.16 DEF. Conner Coffin (USA) 9.67
Heat 5: Filipe Toledo (BRA) 15.93 DEF. Ryan Callinan (AUS)
13.47
Heat 6: Kelly Slater (USA) 14.46 DEF. Michel Bourez (FRA) 14.27
Heat 7: Adrian Buchan (AUS) 11.23 DEF. Leonardo Fioravanti (ITA)
10.80
Heat 8: Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) 15.66 DEF. Jesse Mendes (BRA) 5.86
Corona Bali Protected Men’s Quarterfinal
Matchups:
Heat 1: Michael Rodrigues (BRA) vs. Wade Carmichael (AUS)
Heat 2: Jeremy Flores (FRA) vs. Kolohe Andino (USA)
Heat 3: Filipe Toledo (BRA) vs. Kelly Slater (USA)
Heat 4: Adrian Buchan (AUS) vs. Kanoa Igarashi (JPN)